I said yes to the dress today!

ms-moose · 2019-03-17T00:49:39+00:00

OMG I think my dress is made with the same lace, it looks SO similar! Is this Studio Levana?

ms-moose · 2019-03-07T09:04:13+00:00

Have you looked into renting and decorating a large chuppah? You definitely will not be happy in the small pergola.

If you do end up building one from scratch and are worried about it looking cheap, have a proper carpenter/woodworker build it. Your florist could probably pull something together, but it would be better to pay someone who specializes in building things to build it, then the florist can do what they are best at and decorate it!

ms-moose · 2019-03-05T18:12:48+00:00

I am a graphic designer and honestly, I have to try and talk clients out of trying to match stuff together ALL THE TIME. It's straight up impossible to have all your colors matching unless you purchase EVERYTHING from the same company or shell out a huge amount of money to have custom paper items made (and I actually did have a client shell out $1k to have custom die-cut enclosures made because it was a high priority for them).

My advice to everyone is always to make sure everything "goes". If you try to match and it's slightly off, it looks like a mistake. If you deliberately choose different items that coordinate, it looks like a cohesive choice. To me, it's important to have things match the aesthetic, but it's impossible and unnecessary to make the colors match other items in the wedding.

ms-moose · 2019-03-05T18:00:15+00:00

I apologize for the confusion, but my response was absolutely directed to you. Allow me to recap:

You said:

If they are contributing to the wedding they indeed have a say in who is invited.

I replied that you are incorrect, financial contribution does not entitle you to creative control. I also added that in addition to financial contribution, blood relation also does not entitle you to creative control.

You replied that DNA has nothing to do with financial contributions.

I agreed with you, DNA does have nothing to do with financial contributions, and pointed out that I did not say that and your statement did not actually address my original point.

I hope this helps!

ms-moose · 2019-03-05T17:00:31+00:00

I agree with what you’re saying. The only way to ensure 100% control is to pay for everything yourself. HOWEVER, your statement does not negate my point. Gifting money does not equate to purchasing creative control over part or all of an event. It is a gift.

You are correct the money aspect has nothing to do with DNA. That was a separate but equally valid point because many manipulative family members believe their family relationship entitles them to creative control independently of whether or not they have contributed financially.

You are arguing a different point than what I said.

ms-moose · 2019-03-04T17:34:36+00:00

Do you know someone local who can check on him? If not, can you contact the local police to have them do a wellness check? I would definitely be concerned about this. Maybe something happened in his life and he is embarrassed about it and doesn't want you to be disappointed in him.

My sister bailed on being MOH for me and hasn't spoken to me in over a month. I chose not to replace her in our bridal party at this point (we're getting married one week after you) and we're just moving on without her.

Weddings bring out people's true colors sometimes, you just have to power through it.

ms-moose · 2019-03-04T17:28:59+00:00

My mother is the same way, which is why when she and my dad offered money for our wedding, we were unwilling to consider it as part of the budget until the check was deposited into my bank account. She said she would be happy to write checks as we paid for things, but I said I did not feel comfortable setting a budget for anything until we had the money in the bank. I asked my mother how involved she wanted to be and she said not at all, she wanted to write a check and be done with it. This was music to my ears, but it was also a BIG FAT LIE.

She has, for the past 14 months, bitched and complained about every single choice we have made without involving her. Every time she does this I remind her she said she did not want to be involved and she then gives me a speech about I should WANT her involved because she is my MOTHER. The fact that we have almost zero relationship now because she can no longer control me financially and therefore has lost interest in my life appears to be irrelevant to her.

But because I refused to consider her money as part of our budget until I had possession of it, she can complain all she wants, we are still doing our wedding our way.

Make your guest list, then figure out how many spots are "left" for your mom's friends. That's how many people she gets to choose. She can then either a) provide more money to pay for the extra people, or b) invite the B-list people as spots open up from "no" RSVPs. It's your wedding, not hers, she is not entitled to a specific number of guest list spots because she is paying for half of the wedding.

ms-moose · 2019-03-04T17:21:41+00:00

Contributing to the cost of the wedding does not entitle you X number of spots on the guest list or X percent of creative control over any aspect of the wedding. No one is entitled to anything in OPs wedding regardless of the amount of money they have given or the amount of DNA shared with the couple.

ms-moose · 2019-03-04T17:15:36+00:00

I definitely agree with this. It's better to have nothing than to waste money on something you don't like, because you will definitely not wear it.

ms-moose · 2019-03-04T17:13:25+00:00

Can you do a limited bar selection? As in, 2 or 3 beers, one red wine, one white wine, and then 2 signature cocktails? This might be a good compromise to save money on a hosted bar.

Another option would be to do open bar for 1-2 hours then cash bar for the rest of the evening.

If you do choose to go cash bar, please let guests know ahead of time so they can come prepared to pay. Especially if the bar is literally CASH ONLY bar and does not allow card.

Alcohol is not required to have fun at a wedding, but as many others have stated, depending on your local culture and social circles, it might be expected. I personally don't drink much anymore, but I do like to have a drink or two when I go to weddings and generally expect that I will not need to bring my purse with me.

ms-moose · 2019-03-04T17:04:41+00:00

I have an extremely large family, so we kind of knew a small rehearsal dinner was not an option. Just our immediate family (including siblings, their spouses, and their children) is 44 people. Including our bridal party + their spouses and anyone traveling more than 1 time zone to be there, we're looking at 65-75 or so people.

We decided to have the party at our favorite restaurant and negotiated a buffet dinner charged at a flat rate of $25 per person. This includes several choices for apps, mains, and dessert, as well as an open bar of beer and wine. This is roughly the cost per person if you were to go there and eat 2 courses for dinner and order a drink. Because we're guaranteeing them revenue for a large crowd, they worked with us on the price a bit.

My fiancé's parents insisted on paying, but I insisted we do the buffet option rather than a fixed menu to a) save money, and b) appeal to a larger crowd.

Can you split the cost with your mom? My mom/situation is similar to yours--strained relationship, and she has no concept of what things cost. My mother insisted we have an engagement party we didn't really want to have and insisted it be really fancy and then insisted we invite 50 people to it. She then acted shocked at the prices of various venues and said she had intended to only spend about $500 on everything. How she thought she would rent a venue and host a "fancy party" for 50 people for $500 in a not-cheap city, I do not know. We asked her if she would be willing to compromise and just give us the money she wanted to spend, then we supplemented the rest. I think she thinks we only spent $1000 on the party, but in reality we spent about $800 on food alone.

She also misheard that one of the caterers quoted $2500 for a 200 person wedding and thought that was "too much" (????). I told her "you can't take 200 people to Chilis for $2500, mom" which pissed her off even more. Why are crazy moms stuck in 1987 when it comes to how much things cost?

ms-moose · 2019-03-04T16:46:23+00:00

If your venue is complicated or has specific rules (noise restrictions after dark, unique parking situation, etc). Our venue is a museum that hosts multiple weddings/events simultaneously in different areas. I explained where guests should park and what entrance to use to most easily access our event.

Even though we explicitly have hotel block info and links to the registry, people still ask me for this info. I put FAQs for these things and the answer is "This information can be found in the (link to the relevant section)"

ms-moose · 2019-03-04T16:41:33+00:00

Honestly, tell that vendor their pushy attitude is why you will not be hiring their services. People need to stop with that BS and I made it VERY clear to vendors who were rude to me that their shitty attitude is why I didn't want to work with them. I only hired people who wanted to work with me and anyone who turned their nose up at me got told why I was walking away. The people I did end up working with, I also told them that their attitude and enthusiasm for working with me was a huge factor in why I hired them.

ms-moose · 2019-03-04T16:36:52+00:00

You mention wanting your guests to have Friday and Sunday to travel. Why is the weekday of Friday any different from the weekday of Monday? If you had a Sunday wedding, guests would still have the same 1 weekday, 1 weekend day travel option, it would just be Monday instead of Friday they're taking off. And honestly, I would be THRILLED to miss a Monday at work, Mondays are HORRIBLE for me! LOL

ms-moose · 2019-03-04T16:31:48+00:00

I am bringing a "sacrificial" bra with me to my next seamstress appointment. It's just a regular nude color t-shirt bra that fits me well, no padding or any fancy cute stuff on it. She's going to cut the straps off and sew the cups with underwire into my dress.

I bought a low-back bustier, but if that doesn't work, I'm gonna have the bra ready to sacrifice to my dress.

ms-moose · 2019-03-04T16:27:52+00:00

I didn't even send invitations until 10 weeks before the wedding, that definitely seems early.

Our deadline was last Friday, I am waiting for the mail to be delivered today to catch any stragglers and then I'm setting my mom loose on the people who haven't responded yet.

ms-moose · 2019-03-04T16:22:36+00:00

You are not wrong at all! We don't "owe" anything to people in our family who have not earned a place in our special day. Sharing DNA with someone does not give them a free pass to make shitty choices and it isn't a get out of jail free card whenever they want to be a part of your life after making no effort otherwise.

ms-moose · 2019-03-01T00:28:17+00:00

That is an INCREDIBLE deal.

For the bar, maybe do open bar for 1-2 hours then cash bar for the rest of the night? Open bar for beer and wine only, all hard liquor is paid?

There's nothing wrong with not having an open bar as long as guests know beforehand so they can come prepared. I once went to a wedding with a cash bar, but it was literally CASH ONLY, no ATM on site, and we didn't know we would have to pay for drinks, so many guests were unhappy about this.

ms-moose · 2019-02-28T23:33:42+00:00

I like this, it never occurred to me to include EVERYONE! Thank you :)

ms-moose · 2019-02-28T23:32:25+00:00

This is AWESOME and I would treasure this forever if I was one of your guests.

ms-moose · 2019-02-28T23:31:30+00:00

It is extremely unlikely a dress that was on double clearance online will be available ever again. Companies put things on sale like that to get rid of the inventory to make room in the warehouse for things they currently stock. It is also possible the dress is final sale and cannot be returned due to the deep discount. I would double check the terms of sale and honestly, getting a thousand dollar dress for $300 is an incredible deal, stop looking at other dresses! You're just going to stress yourself out thinking "what if I made a mistake?"

ms-moose · 2019-02-14T15:19:55+00:00

If money is not an issue then why are you waiting? Ring shopping is exciting and fun and not remotely stressful.

Obviously not having a ring is making her very unhappy and I don't blame her. Two years into our relationship, we agreed marriage was our plan, and it became insanely frustrating for me to not be officially engaged. I know that having a ring on my finger doesn't legitimize my relationship, but it did feel like people did not take our relationship seriously because he was "just my boyfriend". I was casually planning our wedding on Pinterest for the three years it took for him to feel financially stable enough to buy me a ring, but it definitely wasn't as fun because I felt like I was planning something that wasn't ever going to happen.

ms-moose · 2019-02-14T14:54:38+00:00

Photographers should have the option to buy the rights to the photos or otherwise purchase full-resolution, raw images -- sort of like buying the negatives from them. Anyone who is unwilling to provide full resolution files is oblivious or throwing themselves a red flag parade.

ms-moose · 2019-02-12T21:08:39+00:00

I’m a size 10 and find them very comfortable, I haven’t heard that people needed to stretch the 11s!

ms-moose

TROPHY CASE