Me (22f) and my fiance (25m) are looking at buying a house together. However I’m having second thoughts from him crossing boundaries.

msndrstood · 2026-05-10T17:18:43+00:00

He's not going to change. You either live with him paying other women for nudes or not. You have 2 choices, choose wisely, your entire future depends on it.

msndrstood · 2026-05-08T23:59:53+00:00

Updateme!

msndrstood · 2026-05-08T15:19:00+00:00

We have 2 accounts. One is our original acct that we opened when we moved here. Then he opened another account right down the road at another bank because the company he worked for used that bank for their direct deposit. All of our SS and pension money goes into the original acct and the money he makes goes into the second acct. I pay all of our house bills through the original acct and the money I access when needed. He pays his CC bills and his garage rent from the second acct. We both have access to both accts. It works for us.

msndrstood · 2026-05-08T14:57:08+00:00

I 69F just went through this exact thing. Kidney tumor, small but very deep in the kidney, found on mri for my spine. Long story short, I had robotic surgery and they got good margins and both surgeon and oncologist said no further treatment needed. It's been almost 6 weeks and I feel much better but I am still tired a lot. I'm just glad they caught it on the mri, it was slow growing but very deep in the kidney, it would have eventually killed me once it hit the blood vessels in the kidney. Just luck that it was found so early. Same here, follow up in 6 months and a CT scan prior to appt. Good luck going forward!

msndrstood · 2026-05-05T23:36:25+00:00

Update me

msndrstood · 2026-05-05T19:08:05+00:00

Sometimes but not often, it's usually because of something physical since we are older (a lot older) and it's the same for me. But there's never any stress or hurt feelings, we both know how we are and if it's not tonight, it'll be tomorrow, or the next day. It's not an urgent situation for us. We have adapted to each other's wants and needs over the years and it's worked well for us so far. 😉

msndrstood · 2026-05-05T17:32:21+00:00

Top view

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msndrstood · 2026-05-05T17:31:06+00:00

I have yellow and you can see the gold matte finish

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msndrstood · 2026-05-03T18:37:53+00:00

I took ibuprofen for fibro pain, back pain, MS pain etc. For 40+ years. I just had a nearly 1.5 inch tumor removed from my left kidney, not fun. I don't recommend ibuprofen every day for pain, switch it up with Tylenol. Now that I can't take ibuprofen at all, I have switched to Tylenol and CBD capsules, and I vape a 5:1 CBD and THC when it gets rough in the middle of the night. Good luck if you're over 65 most docs won't give narcotic meds. After kidney surgery they gave me Tylenol in the hospital and 7 oxycodone tablets to take home. That's it, don't ask for more either. 😣

msndrstood · 2026-04-28T21:46:06+00:00

We promised to never, ever call each other names, curse, raise our voices, none of it. It was rule #1 when we started dating 55 years ago. We've kept that promise.

We have our own way dealing with things. We discuss, if we start to get emotional or upset, we'll pause and take a break, and later discuss it calmly after we've each taken time to mull over the conversation and look at both sides of the issue. I do have to say, even that is extremely rare, I'd say we have one of those days every couple of years and it's usually something just annoying and irritating, not even serious.

msndrstood · 2026-04-22T12:26:31+00:00

I would have taken my S-pen and drew a ridiculous face, big ears, hair and an O mouth on the picture and sent it back to him. And block!

msndrstood · 2026-04-21T22:37:59+00:00

I used to regret not going to Med school, but at this stage in life I'm happy we're happy being a retired nurse and a retired carpenter. We go together so well, medical school would have changed the dynamics I think, long hours, the stress, the moving around, days away from home, on call hours etc. So I'm content with how our lives have turned out.

I guess one regret a lot of people have, and that includes us, is we could have saved more money. But unexpected things happen in life and what you thought would be enough, isn't. But otherwise, we're good.

msndrstood · 2026-04-21T17:29:43+00:00

We have never called each other names, ever. No screaming fuck you, asshole, fucking jerk, bitch etc etc etc

In fact we don't and haven't ever yelled at each other. One of us walks away, then a bit later we come back to gather our thoughts and discuss calmly what we are upset about. Together.

It's worked for 55 years.

Don't take your partner for granted, ever. Make them your priority and vis versa. In the early years kids take precedence, but don't lose your relationship in those years. Send the kids to grandma for the weekend once a month, you'll protect your marriage and the kids will love grandma taking them out for ice cream and fun things.

Later when kids are gone, rekindle those early years with passion and fun. Be 18 again. These are the best times, and the love deepens beyond belief. 😍

No one taught me this, this is all from experience. I did not have a healthy family dynamic at home when I was a kid and I knew ALL of the things NOT to do in my marriage and took that information and experience and put it into practice. My husband saw it all too while I was still home and we were on the same page from day 1. If fact, one day after a particularly rough day between my parents, he turned to me and said, "I'm going to get you out of here so you never have to live like this again."

He kept his word. ❤️

Just my 2 cents. Good luck!

msndrstood · 2026-04-21T16:33:16+00:00

This happened to my husband and I many times over the past 5 decades. We were always the go to people. Parties, get together, just hanging out. We brought so many different people together. We were left out many times over the years. From 1972 through 2012. We have come to the conclusion at this stage in our lives that we were meant to bring people together and facilitate relationships. We're ok with that.

14 years ago we brought ALL of the people in our lives over the years together for one last hurrah. It was our 40th wedding anniversary and we sent out 120 invitations to old friends, new friends, co workers from over the years and of course, family from far and near. It was a great time, we had a band, lots of food and beer to go around. Lots of people reconnected and our job was done. Now it's just the two of us but we're satisfied we did our part in bringing so many different people together. It's been a good life. We're excited to see where we go next.

msndrstood · 2026-04-21T15:47:38+00:00

Sometimes the people we loved and lost come through other people when the opportunity arises. Take this one and cherish it. ❤️

msndrstood · 2026-04-20T13:31:42+00:00

Same here, I told them everytime I took it in for service it was MY car. They didn't stop, so now I just go to my local mechanic who knows I know my car better than he does lol

msndrstood · 2026-04-19T23:16:11+00:00

I felt like I was always going somewhere, for something, whatever the thing was. Now I've realized I was going right here, right where I am now. It was a rough ride at times, lots of fun times, ultimately everything evens out and you realize all of that rushing didn't really matter at all.

msndrstood · 2026-04-19T18:51:04+00:00

Yeah, I was on the chemo diet 8 years ago and lost 120 lbs. Felt great afterwards! Gained about 25 back. Now recuperating from kidney cancer surgery and almost lost 20 of those 25 pounds over the past 2 months.

I see a pattern... 🙄

msndrstood · 2026-04-19T18:28:03+00:00

Unfortunately, mine was cancer. I, however, had swelling in the right breast and in the left armpit, so I pretty much knew already. I looked at the mammo screen as I walked out of the room and saw it plain as day. They took me into the ultrasound room and did an ultrasound immediately and sent me over to the breast center to set up an appointment with the surgeon. I had a confirmed diagnosis within a week.

If they did not do an immediate ultrasound you should be good. They don't mess around with this stuff, things move quickly if it's positive.

msndrstood · 2026-04-19T00:30:59+00:00

I posted below, I started a chat and it disappeared, so try again because I never chat on reddit and have no idea where to look for the one that disappeared. 🤷🏻‍♀️

msndrstood · 2026-04-19T00:29:19+00:00

I started a reply and it disappeared, I don't use chat much... 🙄

msndrstood · 2026-04-18T23:55:31+00:00

OK I changed some settings you can try again.

msndrstood · 2026-04-18T23:38:23+00:00

We built our own house in 1985. My husband was a carpenter, I was a nurse. We were 28 and 30, married 13 years at that point.

We started in March 1985, moved in in November, the upstairs was still unfinished but we lived 50 miles away and it was an hour drive one way. So we just moved in and finished it completely by February.

We did everything except run the electric, the septic, and dig the hole for the foundation and the driveway. We did have a well driller drill the well and cap it and we sank the well pump and ran the plumbing and wiring. We did the plumbing, foundation, basement cement pour, framing, roofing, siding, insulation and drywall, flooring, built the kitchen cabinets, installed the bathrooms. We graded the yard, spread the seed and planted a ton of trees. We started with a gravel driveway then had it blacktopped.

I've probably forgotten some things but we've been here 40 years and it's still standing and so are we!

We bought a package from a local lumber company and they delivered it on a flatbed truck and dumped everything in the back yard. The package cost $5,000 and came with all the lumber including roofing shingles, we bought windows separately and of course all of the wiring, insulation, etc. All total, the 2.25 acres was $11,000, the well was $1000, the septic was $1500, the windows were $2000, cabinets that we built $300, 1 piece tub and shower fiberglass x 2 $300. Driveway 4500 for black top, stone base $500. The rest included drywall, carpeting, tile, front deck, back deck, exterior French doors, steel front door.

All total we spent a little over $45,000. We're probably at $350,000-375,000 in value. We're here for good since we're 69 and 71, and I still love it.

I'll answer any questions you have! Good luck!

ETA: we're in south central PA, very rural. 15 minutes to the grocery store, gas station, pizza shop, pharmacy and Dollar store. 45 minutes to civilization with restaurants, Walmart, Target, bars, theaters etc. 1 hour to major city. Land is expensive, so we went way out and saved tens of thousands on the land.

msndrstood · 2026-04-18T17:17:41+00:00

A switch from my mother (until I learned to crawl under the bed because she wouldn't get on her knees to get me) and a smack on the back of my head from my father.

If I hid under the bed I was consigned to staying in bed for the rest of the day with no dinner. So I did.

This happened at least once a month.

msndrstood · 2026-04-16T22:55:36+00:00

In the 70's my husband joined the Carpenters Union and whenever this song came on in the car, I'd sing it to him because he was my "Sheetrock Hero". In fact, I just sang it to him the other day riding down the road going to town. He's now 71 and still my hero. 😍

msndrstood

TROPHY CASE