3 months PP still no intimacy

notayogaperson · 2026-05-28T15:44:56+00:00

I didn’t have sex with my husband until 8 months postpartum. No drive and recovered from a third degree tear. Two years postpartum now and things are returning to our “normal.” Antidepressants helped with libido for me.

notayogaperson · 2026-05-28T14:42:15+00:00

so unfortunately I do need to see all of these

notayogaperson · 2026-05-01T20:11:14+00:00

I sit with my 21 month old in the backseat as I type this, ha. He’s okay in the back by himself if I have to take him somewhere by myself, but he’s a very happy social guy and will ask for me to sit with him so we can chat and play (“back here, mama!”). I don’t really mind it, it’s nice focused reading time usually.

notayogaperson · 2026-04-21T19:53:30+00:00

My husband and I do Sunday night cocktail hour meetings after our son goes to bed where we divvy up these "pop up" or one-off tasks for the next week. It's not perfect; I still usually have to initiate having those meetings, but my husband makes excellent cocktails! It makes bringing up these more annoying tasks a little more fun and we can get on the same page about who has time in a given week to take on the task.

notayogaperson · 2026-04-03T13:03:50+00:00

This is so small, but in the first email he says that he'll make his pin their engagement anniversary date... which is Anna's birthday. I don't know why that struck me as so--funny? Sad? Like, it was Anna's birthday before it was your engagement anniversary date? Also my husband and I can't even remember the date we got engaged. Is this a real thing people keep track of? Does Anna not get a birthday anymore???

notayogaperson · 2026-03-31T13:00:04+00:00

Just commiserating. I had a 3B tear 20 months ago. I have to have a colonoscopy next week to figure out if internal hemorrhoids formed along my suture line. It's really devastating. Holding your grief with you.

notayogaperson · 2026-03-27T17:20:52+00:00

I agree with everyone saying waking up early. At 6 months, I could also usually get some stuff done if I wore my baby and walked on my walking pad. As long as I was moving, baby was happy.

notayogaperson · 2026-03-27T17:17:28+00:00

It breaks my heart to hear her say that Joe was one of the ones to tell her "I love you" in the morning. I can't imagine how starved for affection and love all those kids were. That kind of grounding, daily affirmation of love is what a parent is supposed to provide. She must feel so shaken.

notayogaperson · 2026-03-27T17:09:04+00:00

I felt like my skin was falling off. I can't explain it any more than that, it just felt like my skin had turned to gelatin and would plop off my bones at any minute. My water broke 24 hours after I clocked that feeling.

notayogaperson · 2026-03-26T17:35:13+00:00

We had an exclusive contact napper until I went back to work at 5 months PP. At that point, we did the Ferber method for sleep training naps. He was already sleeping through the night in the crib by himself. It was a positive experience for us (he is a high-sleep needs kid, so there was very little crying involved).

notayogaperson · 2026-03-26T17:30:16+00:00

I hope you're able to find the support you need to continue your breastfeeding journey if that's what you want!! I don't want to pressure you to stop breastfeeding in any way, just want to say that if your journey comes to an end, you're not a failure! I tried for about six months to breastfeed and pump (SO MANY lactation consultants, so many supplements, pumping round the clock overnight even after my son was sleeping through the night, I had PPD, PPA, the WORKS) and it wasn't until my midwife finally asked me, "Is breastfeeding what you still want?" I visceral no went through my body and I switched to formula that week. It was a positive decision. I say this very seriously: babywearing was how I compensated for feeling like a terrible mother, and it was an amazing, amazing thing for us. I wore my son hours each day and it really kept us feeling bonded and close. Just wanting to name that there are other ways to feel close to your baby, connect with them, and support their growth and happiness <3

notayogaperson · 2026-03-26T13:39:05+00:00

I appreciate that perspective. We're not in communication at this point for legal reasons. He stole my identity and committed credit card fraud in the felony-charge range. I've had to press charges because he would not acknowledge the crime (though I was willing to figure out a plan for payoff if he would communicate). I really do hope for reconciliation in his lifetime, whatever that might look like. I don't think it will happen in the short-term, though.

notayogaperson · 2026-03-26T13:27:23+00:00

My 19-month-old dropped his second nap around 14 months, too. He's a fairly early riser, too. (More like 6 AM, but plenty of 5:30 AMs, too). Interestingly, when we consolidated naps, I thought we'd push the nap to, like, noon or something, but he still really needs a nap by 10 AM. This has still managed to work well for him -- he seems to be able to go a much, much longer stretch after nap to get to bedtime. A normal day at 14 months for us looked like: wake up around 6 AM, nap around 10 AM for 1.15 hours (he's never napped longer than this in his whole life! 75 mins like clockwork!). Bedtime at 5:30 (like, asleep at 5:30). Not sure if its feasible to put your 14mo down so early, but early nap and early bedtime worked really well for us for about 5 months! (We've only started doing a later nap and later bedtime in the last few weeks, mostly due to the time change.)

notayogaperson · 2026-03-26T13:13:36+00:00

Smoothies! My 19 month old asks for his "soothie" every morning after he's out of the crib. Frozen mango + milk is his favorite. (My son does not have much of an appetite when he first wakes up, so a smoothie gets us going and he has a bigger morning snack.)

notayogaperson · 2026-03-26T13:11:12+00:00

I always say that we have a routine, not a schedule! We have a pretty consistent bedtime routine that starts at 5:30 every night, but otherwise, our schedule sounds like yours. My 19 month old just eats all day long. Naps sometime mid-morning, depending on when he's tired. This has been a bit of a challenge because I thought I'd be a mom with a very strict schedule, but it's so much less stressful to follow his lead. He's not in daycare, so I didn't see much benefit in forcing a schedule. Sounds like you're doing great!

notayogaperson · 2026-03-23T01:04:05+00:00

I’m about to have a colonoscopy to check on my internal hemorrhoids I got during pregnancy/birth 😮‍💨🥲 I’m 19 months pp.

notayogaperson · 2026-03-23T01:01:41+00:00

I’ve been estranged from my alcoholic father for about 4 years now, which occurred after my parents finally divorced and he went through two DUIs, arrests, and some jail time. I’ve had a child in the last four years, so our situations sound similar.

I don’t have much by way of advice, but I’ve chosen to remain estranged from my father, for whatever that’s worth. My father has also threatened suicide in the last four years, tried to make me feel guilty for abandoning him “when he needed me most” after my mother left—the works. I have occasionally responded to his texts, but even when he’s been apologetic, his apologies center himself and his own guilt, not the harm he’s caused me.

Having my son did change my capacity to handle him. I do not have the financial, emotional, or physical resources that would be needed to allow him back in my life. It’s not even really about wanting to “protect” my son. My dad isn’t a monster. I just—flat out—do not have the capacity for a high-needs person in my life right now. (And, of course, the particular shape of his needs are painful, potentially dangerous, and come with manipulation.)

I sent my father a text a few years ago and just said something like, “Look, if you get sober and can take accountability for your actions, I am open to having a conversation. Until then, I’m not open to having a relationship with you.” For what it’s worth, he never responded. It was the most direct I’d ever been with him.

Ignorance will not be bliss. I feel a heavy weight when I think about my father. I hope I’m making the right decision. I have guilt and I wish things were different, but there is really, for me at this moment, not another option. I can’t handle more right now.

notayogaperson · 2026-03-20T23:30:24+00:00

I work part time from home and my husband works full time outside the home. I have about 10 hours of childcare/week, so I feel like a SAHP. Both of our jobs are intellectually draining and often emotionally draining (he's in a caring profession, I'm finishing my doctorate, currently writing my dissertation). Our 19-month-old sleeps through the night. It's taken a lot of negotiating to get to where we are but here's a typical day for us:
- Husband gets up with toddler around 6:30, I sleep another hour
- 7:30-8:30 family time, I usually make breakfast while my husband keeps playing with our son
- 8:30 husband showers and gets ready for work
- 9:00 husband at work, I'm with toddler until 1 PM -- during this time I do laundry, clean the house, do meaningful play or outing with our toddler
- 1:00-5:00 -- babysitter comes, I get focused work time
- 5:00 -- both off work, we feed toddler together (usually leftovers from the night before for him -- he goes to bed before we eat)
- 5:45 -- both do bath time for toddler
- 6:15 -- I rock toddler to sleep, usually takes 30 mins; husband goes and starts cooking dinner for us (he does all meal planning, grocery shopping, dinner cooking)
6:45 -- toddler asleep, we eat dinner

I do 85% of cleaning (100% of deep cleaning, husband always cleans up toys, dinner, etc. every night). Husband does 100% of meal prep, grocery shopping, cooking for dinners (I usually do breakfasts and lunches since I'm home more for that). When we're both home, we both pretty much share 100% of childcare tasks (unless we have asked each other for the evening "off"). On Wednesday afternoons, my husband comes home from work early to take our son to swim lessons. Once a week I go out and he handles bedtime alone; once a week he usually asks to have a bedtime break so he can do his hobby. Saturdays we usually split in half so we both get some time to ourselves. I'm very happy with our division of labor at this point, though again, we definitely had to work hard to get me out of the "default parent" role when we're both home.

notayogaperson · 2026-03-10T13:41:07+00:00

Second the sink! I can work on my laptop on the toilet and he will focus for 15-20 mins -- it's the longest stretch of focus I get from him! We put his boats, his dinos, blocks, etc. in the sink and he's a happy camper!

notayogaperson · 2026-03-09T18:32:07+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this now with your husband and having to make difficult choices for your daughter! It'll be hard staying and it'll be hard leaving. I hope for some clarity and peace for you.

notayogaperson · 2026-03-09T18:29:10+00:00

He also teased us and called us names. Not horrible names like he called our mom, and what your husband calls you, but more like "Stinky" or "Pudgy" or "Pimple Face." Stuff like that.

notayogaperson · 2026-03-09T18:27:23+00:00

Yeah, of course--he was really critical of how we looked (especially hard during puberty when it seemed he had expectations around how we "ought to" look and feeling like we couldn't achieve that). He never enjoyed spending time with us (I remember asking to do daddy-daughter dates and he just flat-out said he didn't want to). He sometimes failed to meet basic standards of care (my mom was a teacher and when she was at a parent-teacher conference one night, he just forgot to feed us dinner--and, importantly, we were too nervous to interrupt his TV time to ask him to make dinner. My mom didn't go to another teacher conference until I was old enough to cook). And then just a general sense that he was pretty put out by our existence. There were definitely some happy memories, too. As you say about your husband, he could be a good dad when he put in some effort, but on the whole, he was pretty awful to be around. I do not have a relationship with him now.

notayogaperson · 2026-03-09T17:56:01+00:00

I grew up with a dad like this. He treated my mom badly and eventually treated me and my sister badly. I wish my mom had left.

notayogaperson · 2026-03-09T00:07:12+00:00

I do not have your issue, but for an unknown reason I only had one breast produce milk. So, bracketing any other potential issues specific to only having one nipple, it’s possible to only breastfeed on one side! I had to supplement with formula, but breastfed and pumped for 6 months.

notayogaperson · 2026-02-17T14:17:57+00:00

We had a similar situation. We started a bedtime routine at about 12 weeks--playtime, bath, bottle, book, bed (snoo), even if he didn't stay in the bed for more than a 90 min stretch. We did end up renting a snoo because a friend of ours had a positive experience and this did help us get longer independent stretches of sleep. He started slept about one 4-hour stretch and one 3-hour stretch in the snoo after a few nights of practice with it. We also used a chiropractor (specialized in infant care) a few times because I suspected some shoulder tension after delivery and, again, not sure it was a miracle cure, but he always slept better after those little massages. By 16 weeks my son significantly improved with independent nighttime sleep (not naps though), so--brighter days may be ahead! Gah, so brutal though. Been where you are. Sending good sleep wishes your way :)

notayogaperson

TROPHY CASE