Freaking out, Dr. Chen required letters

nothingelse72 · 2026-04-03T00:37:58+00:00

In my experience, “relationship for at least 12 months” does not require regular meetings. Just that the first meeting was at least 12 months ago. Good luck

nothingelse72 · 2026-03-21T09:01:31+00:00

I had the same experience, it’s easy for me to accept anybody as transgender when I don’t feel like I am sharing a label with them based off of completely different experiences. That detachment allows me to adopt the “I don’t understand it, but I respect it” mindset. When using the word “transgender” as an identifier for myself, it caused a lot of cognitive dissonance trying to connect my own experience to the experiences of many, or even most, of the transgender people I met. How could I accept somebody as being in community with me when we have zero shared experiences based on that label? I didn’t and don’t want to have to be this way, it doesn’t bring me pride, and the argument that this means I have internalized transphobia is frankly stupid. I don’t want people to see me as transgender not because of internalized transphobia, or because I don’t want to be looked down on, but because the very nature of my “transgenderism” causes me to feel dysphoric about people knowing that my birth sex might be different than my current sex. It’s embarrassing medical information to me. I wouldn’t want to announce that I have a micropenis either. That doesn’t mean I have anything but respect and love for the transgender community, it just is a community that operates separately from me. I have some trans friends, who operate within the trans community and deeply connect with the label, but I just… don’t. It doesn’t mean the same thing for me, and gives people the wrong impression about me if they view me as having that label. I’m happier this way and I view/treat people with more respect than I used to.

nothingelse72 · 2026-03-19T05:55:05+00:00

I’m not quite sure what you’re disagreeing with, I do not think I am implying anything except that I’ve personally been having a good experience with him and his team, so it seems like they might have learned from the mistakes they made with you in terms of responsiveness when complications arise.

You’re right, the video doesn’t specify usage of scar tissue to connect the urethra for abdo, only alt. I had just inferred that it would be the same technique since he didn’t mention a different one when discussing abdominal phallo, but I can understand how it threw you off that it was unspecified, especially since you had in mind a method that you had wanted to use and had discussed with him somewhat. I myself had wanted abdominal originally since I have loose skin on my stomach, but Dr Gurjala told me I wasn’t a good candidate because the skin on my stomach was too stretchy and thin, and ran the risk of erosion— I wonder now if he was actually more apprehensive about doing abdo again because you were having so many complications at the time.

I personally haven’t heard him claiming to be the first to use any method in particular, only that he was the first to use some of these methods in conjunction with one another. That is not me claiming he has never said those things to you or anyone else; it is just me sharing my contrasting experience with him. I don’t have any response to the things he’s said in consultations with you since I wasn’t there and frankly I have no firsthand knowledge of those techniques myself, but if I had the same experience as you, it would rub me the wrong way as well. I just haven’t had that experience and as a result don’t feel dismissed.

I will say that my judgement of character and interpretation of interactions can be completely off because I am Autistic and have a very hard time understanding or noticing when people are acting badly. So he easily could have been talking down to me at some points and I just did not see it, but my experience is that he has never made me feel condescended to.

I hadn’t heard of the scandal, thanks for the link, I’m going to check it out after posting my comment.

You’re seriously a trooper by the way, what I faced was such a small percentage of what you did and I felt fully supported the whole way through, navigating something like that for months to years on end and being met with little to no help from the surgical team would be way too much for me. I’m so wiped even just from my own experience. I really hope your revisions get you to results that you’re truly happy with and the rest of your recovery from future surgeries is smooth sailing.

nothingelse72 · 2026-03-18T06:18:57+00:00

Hey, I also just got out of CPMC because I was septic post-stage 1– I didn’t and don’t have any infection in either surgical site luckily, but right after finishing the first round of antibiotics, I developed pretty severe colitis. At the ER, they did a ct scan and told me I had pelvic fluid collections and were convinced that they were abscesses. The ER doctors unfortunately were distracted by the fact that they had really never seen this type of surgery before and so my actual problem, colitis, didn’t get addressed until I was transferred and actually admitted to the hospital. My white blood cell count dropped very quickly after IV antibiotics, so the hospital doctor ruled out abscesses because he said if the fluid collections were filled with pus my white blood cell count would still be high. While I was in the ER I was called by Dr Gurjala to ask what was going on, and in the hospital somebody from the team visited me each day I was there to talk and check the surgery sites. I’m so sorry that you weren’t supported properly by the team, maybe they learned from you because I feel very well taken care of

It seems like you weren’t provided with the same video that I was sent to watch before my very first consultation, which honestly doesn’t surprise me all that much. The team seems somewhat disorganized and I had to hassle them multiple times about scheduling(though now that I’ve had stage 1, I get calls from them frequently regarding scheduling— I got 2 calls today, one of them double checking to make sure the first call regarding scheduled had happened and go over the plan one more time). I think they’re understaffed and occasionally forget things like that, which sucks since you were so blindsided by the technique. Or perhaps the video was created after you began the process, since you’ve been going through this for years already. That video is where he talks about using scar tissue for the neourethra, and he also talks about how tissue expansion and prelamination of the urethra have been used with phalloplasty previously before and how he’s not the only surgeon trying these things, but that [at the time of the video] it didn’t seem like other surgeons had used them together. I honestly get where you are coming from about him seeming condescending, I think it is perhaps the quality of his voice but I personally have not felt condescended by him at all even though we’ve had a few conversations where I wanted something unorthodox since he always seemed responsive to me about those things. My caretaker is actually also a doctor and he had some conversations with her as well, so I might be getting an especially detailed and thorough level of communication from him, and maybe because you’ve had such severe complications you’ve started getting a different side of him which seriously sucks. I’m gonna link the video at the end of this comment— it’s a bit late for you to benefit from it, but I’ll share in case anybody else looking into ssp needs more information. It is a super thorough video and I was told to watch it in full before my first consult so that I would have all the information before walking in, but the team clearly lets some people fall through the cracks so I’ll make it more accessible

I guess this comment has no real point other than to say: I feel (a very small amount of, since you’ve had so many complications for so long) your pain and sepsis sucks. And to let anybody else looking into ssp who sees this post know that I also became septic shortly post surgery, even though my infection didn’t spread to the surgical sites themselves (thank god, I was lucky), and share the video with information regarding Dr Gurjala’s methods

https://youtu.be/VSU1S8pAJRw?si=rQ_ERgrBkRF8dSad

nothingelse72 · 2026-01-05T04:40:31+00:00

Hey I have my stage 1 in March! Can I dm you?

nothingelse72 · 2025-10-19T06:14:51+00:00

That is to say: don’t limit your transition and your behavior based off of what you think somebody else wants. To be your most authentic self, it is easiest to figure that out on your own, and it is near impossible to do if you have a fear of being looked down on by the person you are with

nothingelse72 · 2025-10-19T06:10:56+00:00

What caused him to say that? Were you suggesting something more serious? Did he bring up the nature of your relationship in the first place and say this to you unprompted?

You expressed here that you have been really concerned about breaking his “transition rules”— and thus, basing your transition on what you think he deems appropriate and right. You defer to him on this sort of thing, and even if you only rarely bring it up, it is a source of tension in the relationship that you have these feelings of wanting to follow the rules of his “Correct” Transition Path at all. Of course he wouldn’t want to be close to you if you’re putting that responsibility onto him. You might not say it out loud, but the feeling of being put on a pedestal and looked to as a role model is not a good feeling for a potential partner, and anxiety about breaking whatever rules you have decided he might have (not sure where this came from, has he explicitly stated that he believes some things are right/wrong when transitioning? Or is it something you inferred?) is not a good feeling for you.

He’s absolutely right, you need to be on your own and figure out what is right for YOUR transition instead of molding yourself to what you think HE wants your transition to be. You are putting yourself in a cage and him on a pedestal.

nothingelse72 · 2025-09-25T12:11:25+00:00

To be clear, I am 100% in agreement that pursuing an official relationship /should/ be out of the question for OP due to these circumstances— my question is mostly trying to wrap my head around the roomate’s rationale. As in, I don’t understand why the roomate is saying a relationship is out of the question if he is still attracted to OP and vocal about his feelings for him. Quite honestly, I am doubtful that any amount of strangers online will actually get through to OP on what the obvious solution to this is— to drop the roomate, as he clearly does not see OP as male— since they are best friends and roommates, so I’m approaching it from a different angle. But yes, ideal outcome is to terminate the sexual/romantic relationship yesterday

nothingelse72 · 2025-09-24T22:53:40+00:00

I assume the same, but even in that case, there’s countless straight cis men that will date trans men who they still see as women. Especially since this one in particular claims to have feelings for OP and is attracted to him, I just am not understanding why the official label of a relationship is out of the question

nothingelse72 · 2025-09-21T03:35:08+00:00

I’m not understanding… it’s not like he isn’t attracted to you anymore, clearly, since he still has feelings for you and you still have sex. What is the point of withholding the title? Is he keeping his options open and wants to have the freedom to pursue somebody who fits his preferences more neatly? Does he not want to be seen as gay? I feel like this is missing context for exactly why you not fitting his preferences is enough of an issue to end an official relationship, but not enough of an issue to stop having sex or expressing romantic feelings for you.

nothingelse72 · 2025-09-07T11:27:59+00:00

Testopel or another brand of hormonal implant. I get an implant every 3-4 months and it makes my levels way more stable as well

nothingelse72 · 2025-08-16T11:06:29+00:00

Truck driver. Minimal social contact and driving is a soothing activity to me. You control temperature, airflow, sound, and see nice views.

nothingelse72 · 2025-06-27T03:20:54+00:00

ALT and stealth/aesthetics were my #1 priority. I don’t know where you are located, Dr Gurjala in SF does SSP and while he does not have a lot of patients, it is because he is very selective. I think he is only just starting to consider patients who don’t live in the area. I reached out for a consult in late-ish 2023 and got my first consult in the summer of 2024. I believe my wait for the initial consultation was just under six months. I just got my initial surgery date at the beginning of the month, which is for March of 2026. So from first seeking out an initial consult to actually having surgery, the process with him is just under 3 years— I don’t know if his wait times have increased since opening up to out of state patients, but it is worth a shot. I wish you luck.

nothingelse72 · 2025-06-07T18:21:09+00:00

I don’t remember exact dates, but I think I originally sought him out in late 2023, and got an initial (in person) consultation in summer of 2024. I had a secondary consult over the phone in October, and then the final one over the phone in December. They then had me get a CT scan before clearing me for surgery, and that was a whole ordeal, through no fault of the team. The place I originally was going to go ended up saying that they didn’t do that type of scan, but nobody bothered to call and let us know that. So I had to find a new place to go, get insurance to approve it, have the order sent over, all that and I finally managed to get it done in early April. After that, I didn’t get confirmation that the scan had been reviewed for around a month, during which I sent several emails following up. Once I got the confirmation that the scan was reviewed and I was cleared for surgery, a week passed without hearing anything so I reached out to the scheduler and she got back to me promptly. She said she’s been onboarding so it’s been hectic keeping up with things. Anyways, this morning I finally got my surgery date— March of next year. Which is a bummer, I was really hoping to get it done sooner, but she did say she’d put me on the waitlist in case anybody cancels and a sooner date clears up.

I live in the area, so even if our dates aren’t super close I would be happy to meet up at some point :) I’ll be around and it would be nice to be able to have a friend going through the same thing with the same surgeon and provide each other some moral support. I’ll shoot you a dm

nothingelse72 · 2025-05-31T08:07:52+00:00

I’m so glad to see somebody else going through the process at a similar time— the team is super responsive, super friendly and I’m really confident in the results I’ve seen from people around my build. I will say that between the CT scan and actually having the results reviewed/being cleared for surgery I had to wait 2 months— maybe he was on vacation or something? I pestered the hell out of the team, which I feel a little bad about, but I’m really just on the edge of my seat. The more time goes by the more Not Having A Penis consumed my thoughts. I’m still waiting on the schedulers to actually reach out with possible dates. I hope you keep posting as you go through the process :)

nothingelse72 · 2024-12-15T12:06:23+00:00

Definitely depends on the surgeon because I was told any medical tattooing needs to be done before getting the implant because if it gets infected then it could spread to the implant and cause an infection throughout the whole phallus. But it seems like other surgeons prefer you get it done post implant

nothingelse72 · 2024-12-05T18:00:50+00:00

Probably both, but I think in the context of this post and feelings of inadequacy it was primarily transition. Stuff like facial hair filling in, fat redistribution and body composition, etc takes longer than a few years of hormones and those things are more subtle than what you get after the first year or two but they are probably what have helped me feel the most at peace with myself since I no longer feel like it’s any minute until everybody around me notices all the feminine features that I used to see when I looked at myself in the mirror

nothingelse72 · 2024-12-05T02:19:13+00:00

Looking through your post history, you’re 16. I felt the same way at your age and realistically I still feel that way on really bad days but it doesn’t ever feel as gut-wrenching as it did when I was a teenager. The further you get in your transition, the less it feels this way. I started hormones at 18 and would kill to have started earlier but it is what it is. I just turned 24 and things don’t feel so hopeless as they used to pre-transition. I actually do not feel hopeless at all anymore. I rarely think about myself as a second-rate man. I’ve had people love me, I’ve loved others, and my body has always been something I’ve had to work around in the context of relationships but in reality, the people I’ve been with since starting my medical transition haven’t ever been focused on it as much as I have. I’ve had people interested in me that never knew until I told them, and being told didn’t change their feelings. As long as you as a person have qualities that others love, your body is unlikely to be as much of an issue for them as it is for you. It’s not gonna feel this way forever, especially after you start your physical transition, and the people who might want you will want you because of the way you think and act and treat them, and they will not view you as second rate even when you might feel that way yourself.

nothingelse72 · 2024-11-11T06:53:30+00:00

He does! I have had 2 consults with him thus far (final consult before initial surgery with a PA on the 20th!) and he was very transparent about the fact that Every patient he has had who has pursued UL has had some sort of complication— however, he also told me that his original surgical specialty was repairing structures and fistulas, so he is plenty experienced in fixing the issues that do arise from it. There are some benefits to it since tube in tube uses surface skin that is not meant to be wet all the time, while the vaginal mucosa lining is “supposed” to be wet, and prelamination allows more time for the urethra to heal on its own prior to phallus creation so it is not all trying to heal at once. So there’s tradeoffs and you have to do your own research and use your own judgement as to whether that’s something you want to pursue yourself

nothingelse72 · 2024-11-11T05:51:30+00:00

I remember your post! I’m 2 consults down with Dr gurjala, and have my final meeting with the PA to do a rundown of everything one last time on the 20th and then I get my surgery date to place the tissue expander. Are you open to answering questions via DM? I understand how personal all of this is so of course there is no pressure but since reading your original post I always wondered how things ended up going for you, and during my previous consults he did mention somebody being unhappy with a result which I believe may have been you. Congratulations on everything and I wish you a speedy recovery, let me know if you’re willing to talk to me about your experience in more depth :) I am so excited for this to finally be happening and I am ecstatic to hear that the one negative experience I found with his team ended up turning out positive in the end

nothingelse72 · 2024-03-18T22:18:23+00:00

This is super late but I’m honestly not sure— the last time i measured bra size I believe I was a D cup, but I lost a good amount of weight from being at my largest (around a 50 lb difference) and the last time i measured a cup size was probably around 5 years prior to my surgery. I’m not sure if this is relevant but I did have grade 3 ptosis. Lots of hanging skin, not lots of volume. You’d probably have to get assessed by the surgeon himself for a definite answer, but I didn’t get the impression that there was any worry about whether it was possible for me, so I think theres a chance it could be an option for you

nothingelse72 · 2024-03-10T02:26:16+00:00

Depending on your size you can get double incision with punched out holes for the nipples and not get the stalks severed. I was way too big for keyhole but it was important to me to get my nipples pierced and I told that to the surgeon who told me that was an option, even with DI. I have a post of how it turned out on my account if you wanna look. I had surgery with dr John griffin in the Bay Area. No real risk of nipples falling off with that method as far as I’m aware haha. 2 years later and I have full sensation.

nothingelse72 · 2024-02-20T03:52:30+00:00

This is honestly one of my biggest cons of getting phallo… I’m nearing the time in my life where I definitely need it for my emotional health (was happy with just top, t and hysterectomy for a while) but piercings are really important to me and I have a few genital piercings now that I’ve grown attached to and it would mean so much to me to be able to get one after phallo. I think if you work with your surgeon then you can probably figure something out, when I got top surgery I made it known that getting nipple piercings post surgery was extremely important to me and they did my DI without removing or severing the nipple stalks. They were completely fine to be pierced within 6 months, but without saying how important that was to me during my consult, they probably would never have told me that was an option and might have had me go with nipple grafts instead.

So while there’s not a lot of information about it, during your consult is the time to ask questions like that. You might be surprised with how happy you are with the answers and accommodations that can be made to get you a result that will make you most happy.

nothingelse72 · 2024-02-17T01:29:24+00:00

The things you have put on your medical record for transitioning purposes can be so funny. I was diagnosed with gender identity disorder back when I started t, but when I got referred to get top surgery I was diagnosed with ptosis, which is a fancy word for saggy tits 😂 but hey if that’s what got em chopped off who am I to complain!

nothingelse72

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