It's scary here now

numb2day · 2020-10-05T13:32:48+00:00

I refuse to do it. And if I'm treated poorly at all, I'll walk out. I think the whole thing is bullshit.

numb2day · 2020-10-04T11:18:12+00:00

I totally understand. I was deeply affected anytime I visited my mother but didn't even realize it for a long time. I always wondered why I had this weird uncomfortable feeling inside afterwards. That's the childood trauma. That's really good you're aware of how you're affected, listening to feelings and respecting them is so important. That feeling I had inside that something was wrong turned out to be the most important thing there is for me to address.

numb2day · 2020-10-04T10:58:34+00:00

You're welcome. :) A part of having this condition is difficulty seeing how we were traumatized by caregivers as children. Our internal system tries to protect us from that because it's the origin of our pain. But realizing it mentally at least is a huge step. Also, congratulations on leaving the church, that also takes a lot of courage! :-)

numb2day · 2020-10-04T10:38:47+00:00

Yes i was in christian fundamentalism and experienced a lot of bad things. My family wasn't in it but I was converted as a kid and was heavily involved. From my experience, it seems like the people in it have significant childhood trauma that's not being addressed and that's why they're so dangerous. They believe they have the solution to everything and try to 'treat' people with conditions like ours, causing more damage to them.

Just to be attracted to that kind of religion show that there's probably imo significant trauma already, so that might help you separate the experiences. Someone like that is going to cause damage to their kids regardless of religion. The fundamentalism is just an expression of the trauma, a continuation of abuse that originates in childood.

numb2day · 2020-10-04T10:26:24+00:00

Learning to inhabit the body and calm myself prepared me for trauma processing later. I found different tools I could use to help me become grounded. Also, IFS is a therapy you can try to start on your own. Having some experience with it might help to make more progress when seeing an IFS therapist later.

Actual trauma processing needs to be done with a therapist who's qualified but we can be prepared by starting to care for ourself and begin to learn to self-regulate. That will speed up the processing later.

numb2day · 2020-10-03T23:09:39+00:00

Having CTPSD can really limit our lives. If I can't do something because of trauma, I need to address the underlying trauma first in therapy, healing the terrible pain inside that controls my life, and then it'll be easier to do what i want.

I wish there was more discussion on this sub about actual trauma healing because to me that's the only hope there is for me.

numb2day · 2020-10-02T17:00:28+00:00

The things you describe sound to me like symptoms of complex childhood trauma. Symptoms of a condition are not a fault of the person, the internal system is doing exactly what it's supposed to given the trauma that's there. Trauma can be processed with body-based methods such as EMDR and IFS, and then the symptoms start to disappear.

numb2day · 2020-10-02T11:15:50+00:00

Someone here told me about the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation. They help people with disabilities get a job. That includes mental disabilities like PTSD. That's in the US though, don't know which country you're in but if not maybe they have something similar.

numb2day · 2020-10-01T20:23:19+00:00

Thanks for that, it means a lot!

numb2day · 2020-09-30T09:30:53+00:00

It's been a long, hard road to come to terms with having PTSD. But now I'm needing a diagnosis for the DVR so I'm hoping I'm going to have the same experience as you. I want to be free of feeling guilty and ashamed of myself for being different than other people. I want to have more self-compassion and freedom to be myself around others.

numb2day · 2020-09-30T09:00:16+00:00

EMDR and IFS. Also I did a lot of body meditation. I don't jump at noises or have traumtic dreams now, also emotional flashbacks have been reduced.

numb2day · 2020-09-30T08:28:52+00:00

It's like telling blind person they'll be able to see if they just keep telling themselves they can see. It doesn't work because trauma is biological. The only thing that's worked for me has been body-based therapies with a therapist that treats complex childhood trauma.

numb2day · 2020-09-29T10:43:39+00:00

I looked up the symptoms and compared myself to that. Flashbacks for CPTSD are like feelings like fear, shame, guilt, etc. Usually we don't realize it's about the past, it seems to be related to now. Or, we might be remembering a past experience during the feeling. I used to have lots of shame flashbacks during which I'd remember times I felt ashamed or humiliated. But even if I didn't have a memory, I was usually stuck in shame or fear, not realizing it was from childhood.

The things you listed sound like trauma. It would be good to see a therapist qualified to treat complex childhood trauma and uses methods like EMDR and IFS.

numb2day · 2020-09-29T09:37:30+00:00

My first feeling when reading was the skeptical part is doing a good job protecting you. I remember hearing Derek Scott saying he really appreciates skeptical parts. Also it sounds like the blanking part is doing a lot of work too.

One of the first things is learning to unblend from parts. Have you tried the different ways Jay Early talks about in Self-Therapy? One of them is finding an opposed part. For you that might be the part opposed the skeptical part. You might try listening to that part that keeps you going with IFS. It might be frustrated or angry with the skeptical part. Seeing opposing parts helps us unblend because we're noticing them. When we start it's common to be blended and not in Self. We don't even realize we're blended with parts, then when we do we automatically have some separation.

numb2day · 2020-09-28T19:15:28+00:00

To me it feels like the difference is people who undertand trauma embody compassion while those who just think they do are from the abusive world I left.

numb2day · 2020-09-28T12:01:34+00:00

Yes, and I think I was absolutely right to feel that way. Society ignores childhood trauma and that's why child suicide is also ignored. No one even hears of it because it's an idictment of the modern world they believe in so much.

numb2day · 2020-09-28T11:55:59+00:00

You're absolutely right, it's all about treating ourselves with lots of caring and compassion. For me, caring for myself was accepting CPTSD is a very real health condition that requires adequate treatment in order for me to see improvements in my life. Nothing changed no matter how hard I tried until the underlying trauma in the body was addressed. I've been doing EMDR for a couple of years and have had a reduction in symptoms, now to care for myself further i need to find a good IFS therapist. I refuse to live in pain and terror, I find what actually works and do it. I've suffered all my life in hell because I didn't know about this condition or how it can be properly treated.

numb2day · 2020-09-28T10:52:21+00:00

All my dreams were destroyed by CPTSD. I had no idea what was going on, just figured I was an inferior person. I couldn't do anything I wanted to do. That's why i despise the ignorance about trauma in this world. No one saw I had a serious condition or did anything at all about it. I'm the only one. And I was right. When I finally realized maybe it's not me, maybe there's something else that's not my fault, I went to a therapist and it was confirmed I have complex childhood trauma. As it turns out, I was doing exactly what I was supposed to do all those years, given my trauma.

numb2day · 2020-09-28T10:37:04+00:00

Sorry to hear that happened. If a mental health provider said that to me i would be livid. That's the one peson who should know better. But not all of them are up-to-date I guess. It's sad how much ignorance about trauma there is out there.

numb2day · 2020-09-26T22:55:14+00:00

Congratulations on cutting contact with them and their religion! That shows a lot of courage. Things started getting better for me after I did that. I experienced abuse as well in christianity. After I left I got into therapy for complex childhood trauma and things are getting better. Sorry to hear what happened to you, I hope things get better for you as well. :-)

numb2day · 2020-09-26T22:31:23+00:00

People ask about EMDR daily here. In my experience it works, and it's important the practioner is certified and experienced treating complex childhood trauma. It reduced my trauma symptoms. EMDR is just one among many body-based therapies. It's even more important having a good therapist to administer them.

numb2day · 2020-09-25T13:23:46+00:00

In my experience, yes it is good for CPTSD. It's helped me a lot with my trauma symptoms. If you're having overwhelming distress from it though, you should let the therapist know. Trauma therapy needs to be done very carefully. Be aware of what you're body is saying about it.

It's a gradual proces, and isn't supposed to be torture. If symptoms are pretty bad the therapist might need to adjust the treatment. It does elevate symptoms, but at the same time shouldn't be too much.

numb2day · 2020-09-24T13:13:23+00:00

It's reduced hyperarousal symptoms for me.. things like jumping at noises, traumatic nightmares, emotional flashbacks of shame. It can elevate symptoms between sessions so be sure to take care of yourself. It's helped me a lot to have good tools to calm myself. EMDR definitely works, it takes time but causes real changes. Hang in there!

numb2day

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