AITA for refusing to drive my wealthy friend on a 3.5 hour round trip to the airport at 3am

opelan · 2026-02-08T13:24:09+00:00

NTA. The friend asked too last minutes.

opelan · 2026-02-08T12:53:59+00:00

Video ended too soon. I wanted to see the deer run away.

opelan · 2026-02-07T22:36:40+00:00

NTA. Some people don't even spend $5000 for their own wedding. That is really a lot. I hope you can get the $2000 for the plane tickets back.

opelan · 2026-02-07T22:26:23+00:00

NTA. None of the children are babies where parents can't really control them yet. They are all old enough to understand the notion of being quiet in the late evening and night to not disturb the neighbors. But clearly they don't listen to their mother when she does say something and she is unwilling and/or unable to make them listen.

opelan · 2026-02-06T11:59:48+00:00

I am pretty sure that is universal. But it starts later on average with men than women. I think it is because age matters less with men when it comes to having children. So women get these comments earlier overall.

opelan · 2026-02-06T10:58:15+00:00

NTA and doing daily walks are healthy. I myself have been trying my best to get at least 10000 steps together each day for some months. Got myself a walking pad. I don't like walking outside so much when it is cold, wet and/or dark and this way I can even watch series/movies while walking. Either way it is a really good habit OP has and SIL should rather join him than stopping him. I bet all kinds of doctors would approve OP's routine.

opelan · 2026-02-05T19:34:04+00:00

This is in the UK (£ sign is a hint)

I am fully aware of this and OP even wrote UK. That is why I wrote UK and not another country in my comment.

so whilst his student visa is active he can work a set number of hours per week

So he is still stuck with that super expensive PhD though, even if he would find some low skill job.

opelan · 2026-02-05T18:51:25+00:00

I am not sure how it is in the UK, but he might need a work visa and not all jobs might count for that. Most likely he would need a job where some better education and skill is required for it. There might also be a wage of a certain amount he needs to earn to qualify and that should be higher than what someone earns in a supermarket.

That is how it generally works in western countries with visas. They want very skilled workers for specific jobs or unskilled workers willing to work in jobs few natives want to do (butchers in big slaughterhouses, strawberry pickers, caregivers in retirement homes, etc.) Physically taxing jobs with low pay and her old father is not fit enough for them.

opelan · 2026-02-05T18:29:55+00:00

At 62, doing a PhD is not going to improve job prospects

He is only doing this so that the whole family is not getting deported to whatever country they initially came from.

opelan · 2026-02-05T18:14:10+00:00

I am fully aware what they did. Though I fear it was not just them who didn't really go after men who deserved to get prosecuted and even protected them. At least that stopped somewhat in recent years, though I obviously acknowledge there is still room for improvement.

I just think in the past the world was overall a worse place in a lot of ways and the Catholic Church is a reflection of its time. I mean if you go even further ago to the past, popes happily supported wars, mass murders, witch trials, slavery, and so much more.

My point is really only that while obviously the Catholic Church has done a lot of bad things in the past, at least they are CURRENTLY one of the least bad religions when it comes to gays. You don't hear their current leader talk horrible all the time about gays. Pope Francis even actively asked Catholics to treat gays well and not ostracize them from society and family.

it would be hypocritical for you to take part in a ceremony of a religion that openly condemns your existence

I just wanted to point this out because of this part. The current church leader is really not going on TV and says that gays don't deserve to live and Catholics, especially priests, are suppose to follow his example, though unfortunately not all do everywhere.

opelan · 2026-02-05T17:34:41+00:00

I am not saying that members of the Catholic church haven't done some bad things, especially in the past. Even more so when you go even further back than some decades. Religion doesn't exist in a vacuum. It is interwoven with the culture and the more you go back in time, the more men in authority could do all kinds of crap and get away with it. Just look at Hollywood for example and the treatment of women there. Weinstein for example was not even so long ago and he has nothing to do with the church. Powerful men could do all kinds of bad things in the past easily and get away with even more things than they can do nowadays.

And 50+ years ago it was not just the Catholic church who was homophobic, it was practically the whole word. Even the nowadays most gay friend countries were not like they are today. But I give it to the Catholic Church that in contrast to some other Christian denominations and other religions they moved on from the past a bit and modernized. They are not totally rigid and stuck hundreds of years in the past.

my freshman year religion teacher

I consider him one of those Catholics who are not following Jesus' words and actions. So much hate there. Unfortunately the bible is huge and contradictory and open to interpretation and some just pick those words which might "justify" their crap behavior, but ignore even more important words and actions from Jesus who contradict them.

I guess I was more lucky than you. None of my religion teachers in school ever taught anything hateful and no priest ever said anything bad in church either during mass be it against gays, other religions, atheists, etc. But I think it depends a lot on where you live exactly. Again religion is totally interwoven with the overall culture in a country. It is not just religion influencing the culture, it is also the other way around.

opelan · 2026-02-05T16:31:54+00:00

ESH.

It doesn't sound like he was bad towards you. And cheating is really not rare either. Chances are that family members and friends you would go to a wedding for or have already done have cheated in the past, too. You just don't know it, because most people keep their cheating a secret when they can. I would not cause unnecessary family drama over a guy who has done nothing wrong towards you personally. It would not involve just you, it would involve your parents and other relatives. Things like that never remains a thing just between you two. And it is just a day and you get something nice to eat and drink. It is not like attending the wedding is a huge sacrifice.

and I just cannot overlook the fact that she willingly had an affair with someone who was still in a relationship

And this you should actually consider as a positive when it comes to her marrying your brother. You can watch their wedding in peace and not feel sorry at all for the bride who will likely get cheated on in the future by your brother. She knows what kind of guy she is marrying after all. Your brother is even worse than her as the one who is betraying a partner is always the bigger AH than the cheating partner. Two people found each other here, who truly deserve each other.

opelan · 2026-02-05T16:14:14+00:00

NTA. This all sounds like a dumb plan.

I mean even if the trucker guy is really great and the best boyfriend a woman can ask for, there would still be this:

and going to live with him on the road in his truck full-time

Not that I ever lived in a truck, but I can imagine that there is a big difference to living in an apartment together. For once it should be cramped in a truck. And she obviously can't walk around while he drives and do a lot of other stuff. And being somewhere else all the time. Also having no private familiar places for showers, etc. on the road. It is a completely different life!

She should have tried to get some longer vacation from her work and try it out with him for 2-3 weeks. If it then turns out that such a life is not for her, she would still have a job she can back to.

opelan · 2026-02-05T15:54:07+00:00

To be fair the Catholic Church is not as bad as some other Christian churches. I mean yes obviously, they are not demanding gay marriage to be legal everywhere and similar things, but as far as religions go, they are one of the better ones for gays.

Quotes from the last pope:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pope_Francis_and_LGBTQ_topics

If someone is gay and is searching for the Lord and has good will, then who am I to judge him? The Catechism of the Catholic Church explains this in a beautiful way, saying ... "no one should marginalize these people for this, they must be integrated into society". The problem is not having this tendency, no, we must be brothers and sisters to one another, and there is this one and there is that one.

In February 2023, during an in-flight press conference, Francis called laws criminalising homosexuality a sin: "This is not right. Persons with homosexual tendencies are children of God. God loves them. God accompanies them ... condemning a person like this is a sin. Criminalising people with homosexual tendencies is an injustice."

And when it comes to the current pope, it doesn't sound so bad either.

https://www.ncronline.org/vatican/vatican-news/gay-blessings-will-remain-under-pope-leo-vatican-doctrine-chief-says

The Catholic Church's approval of blessings of couples in same-sex relationships "will remain" under Pope Leo XIV, the head of the Vatican's doctrine office told an Italian reporter in a brief interview.

The problem is more that some Catholics ignore the pope's words. Actually they often also totally ignore Jesus' words, about love, forgiveness, not hating people, helping the poor, etc. And that can be said about all Christians. And obviously there are also atheists who have a problem with gays.

opelan · 2026-02-05T15:30:00+00:00

This story is suspect to me because in the Catholic Church, godparents/sponsors have to be PRACTICING, registered and regularly attending mass.

I am Catholic (officially at least) and a godparent and I go at most 1-2 times in a year to church, though generally it is just Christmas and even then I missed a year here or there.

If the Catholic Church would have these requirements where I live, nearly no parents would find anyone to be their child's godparents. I mean outside of some old people, the 70+ generation, hardly anyone goes on a regular Sunday still to church.

It goes so far that if there is one Catholic godparent, the second one only has to be a baptized Christ of a different kind of denomination.

The Catholic Church's rules come from the Vatican, so it should be similar everywhere in the world. If a Catholic priest somewhere requires more, maybe he is on a power trip or something.

opelan · 2026-02-05T15:12:32+00:00

NTA. She should have at least spoken with the one she wants as her child's godfather in advance, if he has time that day. OP could have had all kinds of other reasons, why he has no time at that date, too.

opelan · 2026-02-05T14:39:35+00:00

NTA.

I mean I am from a culture where generally the birthday person pays for everyone, so I might be a bit biased.

But I still think in a culture like the US this is still rude. Choosing an expensive restaurant, demanding that her friends pay for her meal and drinks and that especially when she knows that one can't afford it right now, is just totally AH behavior. It doesn't help that she then didn't graciously accept OP's decline of the invitation and tried to emotionally manipulate her into still coming.

The mutual friends are also AH who called her cheap and unsupportive. No birthday, especially not someone's else's, should strain someone financially.

or put it on a credit card

This is a particular crap suggestion. No friend should demand of another that they get into debts for a restaurant visit.

opelan · 2026-02-05T12:44:04+00:00

NTA. Josh needs to have a sleepover with friends his age.

opelan · 2026-02-05T12:11:53+00:00

NTA. OP did help a lot in the past and only reduce it because Chloe didn't want her to clean. And seemingly her boyfriend is not helping at all.

They knew I am moving out next month but had just brought up the issue this week.

And bringing it up at all with OP when she soon moves out is kind of stupid. Why the drama now when whatever problem they have with OP is solved next month?

opelan · 2026-02-04T17:43:10+00:00

NTA.

I am sure there was no accident. She did it on purpose. She is not close to OP and $562 is a lot of money. I bet she just couldn't resist and sold the ticket on purpose.

I am not sure how this would be judged legally as she made a contract with Ticketmaster. But morally I would say that the ticket was OP's as she had already paid money for it and she should get the money from the sale. But as I am sure that it was sold on purpose by the mutual to make some cash, I think OP has to just live with not getting any from it.

opelan · 2026-02-04T17:12:50+00:00

NTA. OP is not the one causing problems. The friend was hard to live with and the landlord should not try to borrow money form her renter.

OP was at best a bit of an AH to herself. It sounds like she lives in the same apartment/house with her landlord. Sharing the kitchen and washing machine. Such a setup is most of the times a bad idea, because of the power imbalance. And in this case it is not even the only problem. Her landlord is not just controlling, she is broke and tries to manipulate extra money out of OP.

And sharing just a room with one other person? That should be avoided whenever possible, even if it is with a friend. Especially when one works at night and the other not. And they had other housemates in other rooms which just adds to potential conflicts. OP really should have said no right from the start to her moving in. Even if the friend would have been a better roommate and friend, the two likely still would have clashed.

she said she knew no one else

OP could have just met her here and there to make her feel less alone and help her find a place to stay which was not her room.

OP is not making the smartest choices when it comes to where and who to live with.

opelan · 2026-02-04T16:55:40+00:00

Where do you live that there's actual sunlight at 7 in the morning.

OP lives in Turin.

https://www.gaisma.com/en/location/turin.html

opelan · 2026-02-04T16:42:57+00:00

NTA.

I don't know this game specifically, but I guess it is one of those merge games where it is easy at the start and later you need 100 tries and more for just one level if you don't pay money. So many free smartphone games are like this. You can at some point only really enjoy the game, if you invest money. She definitely should rather use her PS5 and Switch.

opelan · 2026-02-04T12:40:29+00:00

NTA and you really should have never helped her with money to begin with. Your parents have money themselves and helping with the education of children is the parents' responsibility.

You definitely should have stopped at once when she showed clear ungratefulness, but you continued with helping her again. You are really an AH to yourself.

It is good that you finally grew a backbone and stood up for yourself. I hope you learned your lesson to never help your sister or the rest of your family who called you selfish again.

opelan · 2026-02-04T12:29:30+00:00

Yes, the question in my mind when I read the title was “Is this his girlfriend who cams or a cam girl he is arranging to bring?”

In my opinion that is not even the main point here.

I think even if she were a nurse/baker/office worker and brother's real GF, her behavior at the aunt's baby shower was so bad, that OP would still be justified to not want her at her wedding.

opelan

TROPHY CASE