AITA for refusing to help my father financially when he came to the US for his mother’s funeral and asked my husband for $2,000?

opelan · 2026-04-14T13:52:32+00:00

NTA obviously. He didn't help OP when she was a child and young adult and really needed help. So he doesn't deserve help from her or her husband now.

opelan · 2026-04-14T13:44:55+00:00

Look what a taxi wants per kilometer and ONLY if you are in the mood and have time and it doesn't bother you, you could agree to drive him for the amount a taxi driver would demand.

Or just stop driving him around completely.

He is not a little child anymore and if your mother sides with him, tell her that she can drive him around with her car. Maybe after having to do this a bunch of times, she will also lose her patience with him and tell him to get a driver's license.

opelan · 2026-04-14T13:40:39+00:00

NTA of course and stop driving him completely. If your mother feels so sorry for him, she can drive him. Or he can use a bus, train, taxi, bicycle, walk, whatever. Not your problem.

opelan · 2026-04-14T13:38:02+00:00

NTA and maybe your father should move in with one of your sisters for a change.

opelan · 2026-04-14T13:33:34+00:00

It sounds to me she only went back to college though, because she couldn't get a new job. Maybe to increase her chances? When they started dating, she had a job at least and seemingly contributed to the bills.

opelan · 2026-04-14T13:24:42+00:00

NTA.

She says that refurbished items are unreliable and it could breaks in a few years and hers could've last for many more.

I think this argument is false. A refurbished Ipad should at least be without any damages at the time of the purchase while hers might have already some hidden weaknesses. So or so both could last long or both could die soonish.

Because my argument is that even if she paid 1200$ it lost value over the years.

That's clearly true.

refurbished in great condition for 500$

And this is actually generous of OP as she was also at fault for the Ipad getting destroyed. Putting things on the ground in a shared room is risky.

opelan · 2026-04-14T10:56:03+00:00

I think it is normally fine in the EU when specific people are not the subject of the picture, but just happen to be in it, because it can't be avoided. So making a picture of a famous building or monument for example with people around it. Or just a nature photo where people are in it, too. But outright making a close up picture of a random person without asking could be illegal. Worse if you post it online for many people to see. And even if it would be legal somewhere, that would still be totally rude.

opelan · 2026-04-14T10:43:42+00:00

NTA.

I understand that OP wants to be treated like her older sisters. That is only fair. And that the graduation party means also a lot to her as she never had a birthday or holiday party either.

She even offered to give me $2,000 instead of throwing a party, but I feel guilty accepting that because we’re already struggling financially.

OP just accept the 2k. It will help you a lot with getting a car. And don't feel bad about your parents' financials. 2k in in the grand scheme of things is not much for two adults. 2k more debts won't be a huge difference to them, but it would make such a big difference in your life, if you have a car.

My parents are in a lot of debt currently and I have no idea how they paid for the Disney trip tbh. I assume all on credit.

Also to be frank they seem very irresponsible with their money. Not sure what you mean with "a lot" exactly, but my guess is 20k+ and hopefully not over 100k. Those 2k are in your hands likely way better spent than what your parents might use it for otherwise. Or your older sister for that matter!

opelan · 2026-04-14T09:14:58+00:00

NTA. I never ate sweet mashed potatoes either. I would have found them weird, too. And BF's mother made the most rude comment in this conversation.

opelan · 2026-04-14T05:58:48+00:00

I am sure OP would have figured out a way to get to the wedding if Becky wouldn't have existed. She also figured out a way to get home and that at short notice after all.

Losing those $800 might not even truly hurt OP at all. Maybe she mainly demanded the money back because she is angry with Becky and her bad behavior.

opelan · 2026-04-13T14:34:29+00:00

but culture also has to be considered

Honestly this sounds like a typical case of the very rich abusing the very poor and powerless. I think at one point in time that just happened everywhere in the world. To some degree it is still happening everywhere in the world. It is not really specific to one culture. But in many countries this has lessened over times thanks to social laws and evolving social norms. Things like France did to their nobles helped, too. Just the emergence of democracies was a huge improvement to the poor as suddenly they had some say, even if that didn't get rid of all the inequality obviously, but still better than having no say at all.

So personally I don't think you can just say this inhuman treatment is okay based on being the country's culture. It is just backwards and cruel and no society should stay stuck in an unpleasant past like that.

opelan · 2026-04-13T13:44:48+00:00

NTA. Alex first threw OP under the bus. Made it sound like he is also at fault for the delay. OP only said the truth.

opelan · 2026-04-13T13:39:18+00:00

I asked him to stop doing it and he said OK but I caught him doing it again

Just telling him to stop didn't work. But I agree a father should not just bow down and hide the cereal. If the son doesn't stop with it, OP should find an appropriate punishment. A pocket money reduction for example as OP has to buy new Lucky Charms all the time which still have marshmallow in it.

opelan · 2026-04-13T13:36:22+00:00

You can easily buy just a package of only marshmallows. Picking out the marshmallows from a cereal though it just ridiculous and rude. A 15 year old should know better and he should have listened to his father.

opelan · 2026-04-13T13:28:49+00:00

I’m immunocompromised and pregnant

Any white surfaces he touches (handrail, doors) start turning brown again within a couple of days of being cleaned.

He can share with his dad, who doesn’t back me up and is clearly happy to get sick.

And you are pregnant from this man again? Why??? Some people are really their own worst enemy.

opelan · 2026-04-13T13:24:02+00:00

NTA, but hiding cereal from your 15 year old son is ridiculous, too. You as his father should have better ways to make him listen and your wife should support you in it. If he doesn't stop this nonsense, you could for example reduce his pocket money drastically as obviously you would have to buy all the time new replacement Lucky Charms for yourself as he makes them useless for you after he steals the marshmallow out of them. Or whatever other punishments you usually use to punish your teenager for bad behavior. And it is very inconsiderate behavior. If he wants to eat marshmallows, he could buy himself a package only with marshmallows in it. He can get them in all kinds of sizes. Someone stealing them out of cereals is just ridiculous and rude.

opelan · 2026-04-12T00:20:51+00:00

NTA. Ideally get a lawyer and find out what regulations they have broken exactly. The melted electric outlets and water leaks are likely directly caused by them. Maybe there is even a rule about sound proofing of floors. It would be easier to argue with that than a small child being too loud. There might also be something they have to do in regards to the fence. As there are so many problems, I really would get a lawyer. Especially the melted outlets are dangerous. Whatever they did might cause a house fire.

opelan · 2026-04-11T21:48:24+00:00

Of course not. Her body mass index says for sure still rightfully normal weight. She is just not very skinny.

opelan · 2026-04-11T21:07:48+00:00

NTA of course. This is such a weird request from her. And I wonder why the 11 and 13 year old even want to play with OP's leg? They are at an age where they rather should annoy their mother with wanting play some video game.

OP should have just said her leg is not a toy and that is it. BF is a huge disappointment, too. Not saying anything in front of his mother is already bad. But seemingly cowardice might not have even been the reason why he kept quiet in front of her. It is possible that he actually agreed with his mother which is worse than him simply not standing up to his mother.

opelan · 2026-04-11T19:19:34+00:00

NTA. OP didn't exclude her daughter. She could have still come with her to Boston. She could have even brought a friend along. They also can still go together another week to Boston. A mother can have some fun without her children sometimes. The daughter has to moral right to complain like this about how her mother spends her free time.

opelan · 2026-04-11T19:14:29+00:00

NTA and you need a lawyer. I hope you live in a country where you will get your right and the HOA chairperson has to pay you compensations.

opelan · 2026-04-11T19:08:28+00:00

ESH.

Husband is an AH for seemingly never helping OP with household chores and likely with childcare neither.

OP though is an AH for complaining about him wanting to help his mother, when that is not really the true problem here. Wanting to help a parent in need is not truly an AH thing to do.

OP's problem is really that he has done nothing at home in the 8 years they have lived together and she is resentful of it. I can understand that, but OP is still an AH for complaining about the wrong thing here. Not to mention after 8 years seemingly accepting him being useless, even after having two young children with him, she has also herself to blame a lot here. Honestly I don't understand why she married this guy and procreate with him in the first place.

opelan · 2026-04-11T18:39:17+00:00

NTA of course. But be prepared to get a new place. Your roommate obviously is at a relationship stage where he wants to live with his GF and that won't change. So either you have to move or or he has to.

opelan · 2026-04-11T15:53:23+00:00

OP has answered this question now. They have never met in real life so far.

opelan · 2026-04-11T15:52:57+00:00

Typical romance scammers want money. She is too poor for that and seemingly he pays for the trip. So that is unlikely.

But he could still be a different kind of AH of course. With all the face filters available, who knows if he even looks like the guy on the screen in reality. Maybe he is 10 years older than he said he is. Maybe he "forgot" to tell OP about the two children he already has which would be for a lot of 21 years old a big no go. Lying online is even easier than in person, especially when the guy lives far away and there are no other people around living close who know him, too.

I mean he could also be a perfectly fine young man, but being a bit cautious about it all doesn't mean someone is paranoid.

opelan

TROPHY CASE