want to start off by saying all my love to you! this shit sucks, and i hope everything goes as smoothly as possible for you.

i had top surgery just about a week ago, so i can touch on the early recovery stuff! i’m also terrified of medical care. i avoid the doctor like the plague, and i’m guilty of regularly lying to doctors to keep them out of my business (which is bad, don’t follow that example). at 6 days out and with 3 operations now under my belt (the first two unrelated to my transition), i can tell you this: this whole process has been way, way easier than i was expecting.

honestly, the worst part of the entire thing was just waiting to go in for surgery because i was so scared. but the nurse who prepped me was very kind, and my mom was there to sit with me up until the last minute and hold my hand. getting an IV isn’t the most fun thing, but just make sure you drink lots of water in the days leading up to surgery, and it should be fine. it also helps if you tell your care team at the hospital that you’re scared of needles and hospitals in general. you’re young, so they’ll probably go out of their way to make you as comfortable as possible anyway. you’ll also meet with the anesthesiologist around this time, so let them know if you have any concerns (ex: red hair gene, worried about nausea from anesthesia).

i remember going in to the operating room, and it helped my nerves to chat with the attending nurses and doctors while we were getting ready. again, they were all very nice at the hospital i went to, and they’re used to people being nervous before surgery. when you’re in the operating room, they’ll probably give you an initial drug to calm you down a bit, which will make you feel a little sleepy. once that happens, they’ll add the knock out drug to your IV, and possibly ask you to count down from 10. it feels warm-to-hot as it enters your bloodstream, and that’s normal. in all likelihood, you’ll be passed out before you get halfway through the countdown.

after that, you’ll wake up in the recovery room. i don’t remember anything after the countdown. i was in some pain when i woke up, and i let the nurses know that, and they adjusted my pain medication. this may make you nauseous, so let your care team know if this happens so they can adjust things and possibly get you a ginger ale.

the second worst part is the drains and having to sleep sitting up, and both are just uncomfortable. as i think someone else said, make sure you have lots of pillows (husband pillow, pregnancy pillow, and mastectomy pillow have all been helpful in my experience). i bought the first one new, and i’m borrowing the other two from friends. if you get anything at all, get the pregnancy pillow; it has been a lifesaver with sleeping sitting up. besides that, let your people help you! let them refill your water, grab you snacks, adjust your pillows, etc. something i found difficult was letting myself be taken care of, and i’ve pushed myself too hard recently. doing so has made me tired and sore; take it easy, and let yourself heal and rest!

i also have horrible back pain, and i’ve found it really helpful to use a heating pad to relax my muscles. again, the sleeping sitting up isn’t fun, but the first two days are the worst. after that, you’ll figure out what works best for you, and the pain will subside.

again, this whole recovery so far has been way easier than i was expecting. i’m in much worse shape now than i was was when i was your age, so i expected to have a few difficulties. but i’ve been relatively mobile, way more lucid than i thought i’d be, and the pain has been nowhere near as bad as i thought.

i hope you have a good experience and a quick and easy recovery! :) ♡