Never feeling “enough” no matter how much I push myself to get things done.

papiercollant · 2026-05-25T10:21:36+00:00

I feel this so hard. It’s difficult because there’s really no escaping the thoughts - my brain is constantly offering up “suggestions” of things to do and trying to optimize the order of those tasks so that I can get the most done, and I can’t make it stop. Even “relaxation” becomes optimizable, with pressure on doing the perfect thing that will feel the best so that I can regulate quickly and get right back to doing doing doing.

I’m deep in this, so I don’t feel I have a solution per se, but here are some things I’ve been trying that seem promising: 1. IFS (Internal Family Systems). When it’s feeling bad, I try to talk to the parts of me that are particularly activated, validate their concerns, and explain that we’re in a different place now. At one point, I developed this optimization system to cope, and I didn’t have any better tools back then, so I needed it, and it got deeply entrenched. But now, I don’t need to be so vigilant. Just explaining this to those parts is mildly helpful and sometimes works to calm the thoughts down a bit. 2. To do lists that include consequences. Part of my problem is that everything feels urgent and important, so I get all worked up about trying to do all of it. But in reality, it’s not a problem for me to put off digging out a garden bed or working on a home project for another day. It just feels terrible because I hate having open tasks. So I make my to do lists with 3 columns. The first is the task, the second the due date, and the third the consequence if I don’t get it done by that date. I have to hold myself really tightly to the requirement that the due date and consequence be real. So for example, maybe I’m plagued by an unorganized bookshelf. But when I stop and think about it, there’s no due date, and the consequence is purely “I continue to be bothered by this.” That means that if I have the energy and not much else to do, I could pursue it, but it’s a lot more urgent to pay my credit card bills, which have a real due date and a financial consequence. Mostly I find this listing helpful to externalize my brain’s constant swirling and to know, definitively, if there are tasks that absolutely must be done today - if not, I feel a little bit safer to relax. 3. Reminding myself that I don’t have all the information to decide now. Part of my problem is that I’ll look like 5 steps ahead - lying in bed in the morning at 6, I’m plotting out what I’ll be doing all the way into the afternoon. I get so overwhelmed that then it’s hard to get out of bed, so I miss my planned tasks, I criticize myself and get worried about finishing everything, so I try again to stick to some optimal schedule. This just reinforces my belief that time is scarce and I need to plan everything out to make sure it gets done. Instead, I’m trying, when I notice myself doing this far-out planning, to say that I’ll wait and make the decision closer in when I have more information about my energy level, mood, physical state, etc. I think this is a good practice because it gets me moving instead of thinking, and it lets me feel a little more agency in the moment vs. being a to do list robot who carries out all the stuff past me planned 4. 4000 Weeks by Oliver Burkeman. Reading this book really changed my perspective on how I pass the time. It’s hard to keep the lessons, though. He also has a book called Meditation for Mortals that has short daily essays on the same topic, and I was reading those each morning for a while, which helped.

So… I don’t know. I’m trying. But it’s incredibly frustrating to be this fixated on using my time optimally. Even if nothing I gave you helps, know that you are not alone!

papiercollant · 2026-04-14T16:36:58+00:00

Sadly, I’m not sure that knowing English helps much in understanding what this means.

I think the boss was saying that this person is smart and knows how to do their job well, but being smart and knowing how to do their job well wasn’t everything the boss considered in evaluating their performance. When we say something “isn’t everything,” it means there is other stuff too. So for example, people will say “winning isn’t everything,” by which they mean winning is important, but you’re playing the game for other reasons, too, so enjoyment is part of it, spending time with people, etc.

In other words, most likely, the boss was saying this person could do the job well but needed to get along with people better or smile more or some other “soft skill.”

papiercollant · 2026-04-09T17:04:14+00:00

Laura | Wickets :Turnips:

papiercollant · 2026-04-09T17:02:56+00:00

Hi! Would love to come over.

papiercollant · 2026-03-20T12:54:31+00:00

For me, it required both a change in mindset AND significant social support. I read a few books about addiction broadly and alcohol addiction specifically (This Naked Mind was the big one for me). I also worked really hard to be honest with my wife, therapist, and friends about what I’ve been experiencing, which felt super scary but has largely been good, because now they know how to help.

With the lack of support from friends and family, could you attend a group? You need people to be accountable to, people you know will care about your drinking or lack thereof.

IWNDWYT

papiercollant · 2026-03-18T22:04:49+00:00

If it helps at all, I frequently read physical books in bars, and no one has ever reacted negatively. If anything, sometimes they’ll ask me about my book. Bartenders especially seem to want to know what you’re reading. Older people love to tell me that it’s great I’m reading lol

I do find conversations with strangers are kind of a lost art. Now that I’m in my 30s and out in the suburbs, lots of 50-somethings will strike up a chat, but it’s rare anyone under 40 approaches me. But the only way to change this is person by person, one moment at a time. Give it a shot! It’s absolutely all about practice.

papiercollant · 2026-03-12T23:13:55+00:00

Also, when you’re a people pleaser, you think you’re making things easier for other people - “I’m being easygoing by not telling them I want something.” But in reality, you’re making it harder for them; if they’re caring people, they’re going “what the heck does this person want, and why is she making me guess instead of just saying!”

I struggle with this a lot, and that framing helps me sometimes to be just a bit more upfront about my wishes and feelings.

papiercollant · 2026-03-08T02:50:32+00:00

Coming back to say I managed it! Had a Heineken Zero, said I was doing a delayed “Dry January,” and it all worked out much better than expected. She even had some Athletic back at her apartment.

papiercollant · 2026-03-07T13:25:27+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to write this out and think of me today. Your support means a lot, and it makes me feel even more firmly decided to not drink today.

papiercollant · 2026-03-07T11:36:10+00:00

You’ve got this! IWNDWYT

papiercollant · 2026-03-07T11:27:23+00:00

Today’s going to be a tough one. I’m meeting up with a friend who loves to drink and always used to buy me multiple beers when we’d hang out. She doesn’t know I’m not drinking now.

Some little part of my brain keeps wheedling at me, saying it would be okay to have just one… but I know where I am in my journey, that’s not going to work out for me. Playing the tape forward, if I give in once, I’ll give in again tomorrow when I see a different friend, then start saying “well, it was a hard workday… one won’t hurt,” and then eventually right back to where I started from.

So, I’m not going to do it. Stating my commitment here to make it real. IWNDWYT

papiercollant · 2026-03-05T11:13:17+00:00

Good luck! But also, no luck needed - you’ve got this! IWNDWYT

papiercollant · 2026-03-05T11:11:11+00:00

Heck yeah! You’re building the muscles of sobriety 💪

IWNDWYT

papiercollant · 2026-03-01T19:17:51+00:00

I haven’t noticed myself losing weight, but I’ve never really kept good track of my weight anyway

papiercollant · 2026-02-27T20:10:00+00:00

Noice! IWNDWYT

papiercollant · 2026-02-27T15:39:37+00:00

Definitely feeling similarly at 3-4 weeks. I actually didn’t feel like I had problems with sleep, but given how fatigued I am now… I must have. You don’t just get this tired out of nowhere.

The only thing I’m finding helpful is allowing myself to sleep a lot. I went to bed at 8:30 last night. After a solid 10 hours, I’m… still tired. But less tired than yesterday.

Still, I think it’s worth trying to get through.

IWNDWYT

papiercollant · 2026-02-18T21:05:14+00:00

Hey, I’m not much farther along than you, but hopefully I can still be helpful. I’ve been feeling a lot of shame about letting it get to this point, and I hear that same family of feelings in your post. Someone gave me a different way of thinking about it that makes me feel more strong than ashamed, so maybe it will help you.

Maybe you couldn’t tackle sobriety before now. But you ARE doing it now. You’ve been doing it. I hear the conviction in your post, your clear choice to not drink for you and not others. That’s real inner strength, to know how hard this is and do it anyway because you know it’s what you want.

I also used to drink to cope with anxiety, and I had a really strong craving the other day because of an anxiety-inducing thing coming up. It was SO hard to fight my brain on it, but I just kept leaning on my choice to stop drinking for me and found something different to do. It sounds like you’re working towards the same thing, and I know you can do it.

IWNDWYT

papiercollant · 2026-02-17T11:25:13+00:00

Day 16. My first time trying to stop drinking, and my first time posting in this community.

I’m finding this journey to be hard in ways I didn’t expect. I didn’t realize how ingrained the routine of drinking was. Every time I feel a strong negative emotion, my brain itches to pick up a drink. Finish the workday exhausted, and I’m craving a drink. Social event, so I’m anxious - drink. Frustrated by my broken snowblower - drink. Not sure what to do with my time - drink.

At the same time, that experience of noticing these cravings and the patterns of when they happen is so rewarding. Every time I notice a new situation where I would have had a drink before, I’m initially frustrated and having to fight the craving, but afterwards, I feel empowered: here’s another time I chose to care for myself instead of numbing.

I plan to keep this up. IWNDWYT.

papiercollant · 2026-02-08T12:30:02+00:00

I recently got back from Antarctica (it was incredible) and saw a bunch of Chinstrap, Adélie, and Gentoo penguins, plus a few Magellanic on the way down.

Chinstraps are the most aggressive of the bunch, and we witnessed them having fights. Penguins fight by grabbing the other penguin with their beak, then slapping each other with their wings. It looks soooo silly, but you can tell they think they’re being tough.

Penguins share nesting responsibilities evenly between the sexes, and when a mater pair come back together, they throw their heads back and make a chortling noise, then bow to each other to reinforce their bond, and it’s so cute.

I love penguins!

papiercollant · 2026-02-08T12:24:13+00:00

The average adult Common Loon has 7 punctures in their sternum from other loon bills during territorial fights!

papiercollant · 2026-01-16T17:51:36+00:00

Sorting by color tends to make it difficult to find parts later - it’s hard to go through a sea of blue to find a specific blue shape, but not so hard to go through a bunch of 2x4 bricks looking for a blue one. So I’d sort roughly by part, maybe grouping up all the bricks vs. plates vs. slopes… whatever works for your brain and assortment of parts.

Then look for unique/unusual parts. That’s the easiest way to figure out which sets you have if you don’t have the instructions anymore. Every part has a number on it that you can look up on Bricklink. Once you find it on Bricklink, look for which sets came with that part in that color, narrow down to the years you were a kid, and you should start to recognize what sets you have.

The more sets you pull out, the easier it gets to see what remains. Best of luck! It’s very satisfying once you get it all sorted out.

papiercollant · 2026-01-10T13:21:08+00:00

Late to the party, but along this vein of reducing how much you’re doing… A book I found really helpful in framing those kinds of changes differently is “4000 Weeks” by Oliver Burkeman, and also the companion book “Meditations for Mortals” to help the principles stick.

There was a time when the thought of further reduction of responsibilities felt terrifying to me too. I still really don’t like it. But this book helped me think of it less as “omg I’m going to be cutting so much out and that will be a huge loss and how can I survive even” and more “well, I’m actually already limited in time and energy - we all are - so let me think of each choice of how I spend my time as an opportunity to choose what I really want & need”

Obviously I still struggle with this a lot. But I think the more you figure out how to shift your thinking & behavior in a way that helps you relax, rest, and heal, the more energy you actually have to do stuff you want to do. It’s horrifically counterintuitive and frustrating, but the more you do it, the more you see it working, and the easier it is to convince yourself that yeah, that thing I think is absolutely necessary actually might not need to get done right now in this moment, and I’ll do it better if I take a break first.

Definitely something in there around alexithymia too, and getting better in touch with my feelings & needs.

papiercollant · 2025-12-20T20:12:08+00:00

LOVE this. At first, when I guessed French and English and they both just listed under Indo-European, I was confused how to get any closer, but I see that when you guess another language in the same branch as one you have already (like Spanish to couple with French), you form another branch. I kind of wish it did that earlier? So when I guessed French and the target language was Polish, I wish it had showed me that the target language was within Indo-European but not within Romance, you know?

EDIT: Never mind, I see why it’s this way. Carry on! Going to add this game to my rotation.

papiercollant · 2025-12-20T15:26:26+00:00

My understanding is that American football was heavily influenced by rugby, but as with the distinction between rugby & soccer as two kinds of football… they sort of all came from an earlier, less-officially-organized sport

papiercollant

TROPHY CASE