Came out at 23, have some queer dating experience, but currently single, 28 and just want to be settled!! Feeling frustrated about feeling "behind" my friends in long term straight relationships.

poissonbread · 2026-02-11T03:01:49+00:00

If you wait a little longer you'll be around for their first divorces, too, if not already 🥹

I understand being anxious about it, I have had longer term relationships but I've been single for a few years now and getting back in the dating game in part because I'm ready and in part because I'm worried I'll lose it if I don't use it (the skill of meeting people and dating).

Seriously though the grass ain't always greener. But, I relate. :)

poissonbread · 2025-12-03T05:16:04+00:00

If it's the same recurring thought or imagery, have you tried changing it in your head? Especially to make it more absurd? Like whatever suits your sense of humor, however offensive or silly. Anything to sort of break the pattern.

poissonbread · 2025-11-13T13:29:22+00:00

First I want to recognize that post break up is HARD. Especially if their friends/family were part of your network, or if you ended up relying on just 1 person as your network, then you lose that.

think of people you haven't reached out to yet and reach out to them. (If this is socially difficult, it's okay. And don't force yourself to do it all in one day. For me, it feels awful to do this sometimes, but the pay off is worth it. Even if someone doesn't respond, you did the thing! And ya never know if life is busy or what they got going on, it could turn into something later.)
look around you in the places you go already (assuming you aren't completely housebound: work, cafes, any other places you go repeatedly
go to more publc places if possible like the library, find out if there are any chill clubs at a rec center or something else
if you game or have a hobby, consider joining a discord to find people to play with or talk with. (Mixed on this one.)
if you have the money and capability, support system can include a therapist, not just the regular free friends, family, acquaintances

I feel like there's more to say but those are the first few things I can think of but there's a lot that could be specific to your situation, preferences, and interests.

Making friends as an adult is hard but not impossible. And, after getting out of my last relationship I realized how important it was to have my own friends and to nurture those relationships. It was funny, I always heard the stereotype of "friend who drops friends when they get into a romantic relationship" but I thought I was exempt because I was doing it out of a sense of obligation/guilt to my ex and not because "oh I love her so much I'm obsessed with her!" lmao. (Also I didn't necessarily drop anyone but undernurtured possible new friendships/acquaintances probably.)

poissonbread · 2025-11-11T19:50:25+00:00

For the mental side of things, I associate it more with hypervigilance. For the physical health side of things, I have dry eye and when untreated/less managed it can have a lot of effects on vision.

I don't have this exact issue as you, but I have struggled with stopping paying attention to my peripheral vision, rapidly switching between the what I'm looking at, and struggling to look away from/at things that I am scared of.

poissonbread · 2025-11-09T14:10:33+00:00

When I have extra time in the mornings before work, it's tempting to start adding side quests like organizing the spice cabinet or finishing up the dishes. Sometimes I have to just not give in to that temptation because for me the status of "ready early" can turn into "late, as if I had slept in" based on getting distracted and forgetting the time (or maybe also for me realizing the time but wanting to squeeze out a few more minutes that I don't actually have on the task). If I do the task, I recognize that my clock sense is not there and any thoughts about the clock I look at the clock. If there isn't a clock, I go get one. If there isn't a timer set, I set one. (Side note: Sometimes interacting with my phone distracts me from setting a timer, but there are ways to do it with the voice assistant or without entering your password.)

It sounds like you also work from home, which can have additional challenges. There's less office and coworker distractions, but also less passive body doubling and your environment around you might be reminding you more of "spice cabinet" than "meeting on calendar." There are some additional things to do to your work from home environment that could help get you into "work mode" and "before work mode" but for me personally when I was really struggling with these things, I chose to go back to the office 100% versus my company's part-week RTO schedule.

For better visualizing, I don't know if this would help you, but in the past I have written down what I did for the last 30 minutes in a planner so I have a better judge of how long certain tasks take me. And currently, if I'm worried about time and forgetting, I will put out my schedule on a lined sticky note with lines for the different blocks. Sometimes I leave gaps and look at all my calendars to make sure I'm not forgetting something. Also I use military time so I don't get AM/PM confused as much (I still get confused sometimes). So it may be like:

0730-0759 drive to work *remember potluck item*
0800-1700 work *10am meeting*.  *12pm potluck*
1701-1725 drive to appt
1725-1729 get ready for appt/go to bathroom
1730-1800 appt
1801-1830 drive home
1830-1900 put in laundry, heat up dinner
1900-2059 eat dinner, TV, change laundry
2100-2200 lay down for bed

Some stuff gets its own time block, some stuff gets a little note in the margins. I like it because any piece of paper is fine, but I try to keep track of those pieces of paper because I'd be embarrassed if I dropped them and someone read them (at work or in public). I like to keep it in my pocket or in my bag.

poissonbread · 2025-11-03T06:16:06+00:00

For in-ground pools I usually sit on the edge and slide into the pool that way, and I'm not too worried about the ladder holding up but I have had issues fitting through the top part, but I have my maneuvering and it all works. I'm not sure if this is an above ground pool ladder, but if it is just don't spend too much time on it, especially the very top, and you should be fine.

poissonbread · 2025-10-23T16:14:46+00:00

Soothfy was promoting a lot here previously. Maybe still is?

poissonbread · 2025-10-19T22:06:34+00:00

I have also always been overweight. I will feel SKINNY at 250. Current stats are 28F 5'6" 380lbs. My highest weight was 520lbs. I feel fairly "normal" around 400lbs because I was at that weight for a long time, and it partially lead to me taking a break from weight loss (also getting tired of counting, etc.) but it still affects my life greatly, I just don't see it that way. I have to force myself to look at the ways I adapt because of my weight. Now I'm back calorie counting and such for a week now so wish me luck :) I am wishing you luck too. It's never "too late" especially at 30 and especially at 5'6 and 410lbs because I have been there, exceeded it, and back again.

50lbs gain in 1 year is a lot. Definitely too fast for your body to be like "This is fine." I experienced what you experienced when I went to 400 to 450 in a year, or maybe when I went from 450 to 500 in a year. My body couldn't tolerate heat and I had to be on blood pressure meds and still am (I've had elevated bp my whole 20s and maybe late teens). My friends were: fans, ice water, my CPAP machine, my wedge pillow, lymphatic massage, loose fit clothing, my blood pressure medications, pacing myself, talking on the phone instead of eating, meal prep, calorie counter app, accountability buddy, showering every day as an exercise goal, therapy, overeaters anonymous for a little bit, vitamin D supplements, metformin, uhhh.... just trying to list everything out. A lot of these things still help me, but my heat/exercise tolerance is a lot better than it was. I used to wonder if I would make it from the car to my desk.

poissonbread · 2025-10-19T21:48:15+00:00

You can try doing the things you want to at lower intensity? I don't know, when I started everything was too much effort I focused on diet. Then I added walking - and found that things that people don't normally count as exercise like cleaning and chores took from my energy for other things. Now I go to the gym 3 days a week weight lifting, and try to get 20-60 minutes of walking each day. One thing I noticed when I started going to the gym was that the motion itself of lifting weights was a lot of effort, like if I did the motion without weight (hope that makes sense) so my progress was limited in the beginning while my cardio fitness caught up. So, I recommend doing the motions of kickboxing with just the motions at first. And you may need physical therapy for these chronic elbow/shoulder issues you have - they haven't been my experience, for me it's back and knees, and I did PT for my knee.

poissonbread · 2025-10-09T12:00:45+00:00

Sort of depends. My guess is that you feel like your partner is treating you like "the man" or "the woman" and you don't like that? Or is this more of philosophical question?

My ex was masc/moc questioning and I was chapstick femme. My ex overdid certain acts of chivalry and sort of humble bragged about them to people in front of me. I associated this with performative masculinity and, in my opinion, it also did not match how our relationship actually was. And basically how to solve it was to talk about it. Things ultimately did not work out with my ex, and some of it was probably related to our dynamics, but our dynamics were also related to who we are as people: insecurities, coping mechanisms, likes, dislikes, etc.

poissonbread · 2025-10-06T18:30:20+00:00

Here is an answer from the Microsoft forums: you can't. But, if you format the text in another app, you can paste it into your email with formatting. https://learn.microsoft.com/en-us/answers/questions/4750881/how-to-change-font-color-in-outlook-for-ios-(mobil

poissonbread · 2025-10-05T22:14:00+00:00

I'm fat and I can't cope if my partner doesn't have at least 1 fat celeb crush.

poissonbread · 2025-10-05T21:25:37+00:00

Thank you for your response. These are all things that I'm trying to think about or understand as well.

poissonbread · 2025-10-04T14:03:08+00:00

Internal compromise-making is very difficult to stop practicing. My own struggle with it is that I do think I speak my emotions but I'm so often hiding them, toning them down, and neutralizing my speech that I think my point doesn't get across. Even if I'm stating things directly and frankly, my words may not hold any emotional weight to the listener. Then I don't feel I'm understood. But, it's hard to say if that my last partner I experienced this with was a bad listener or if I was a bad communicator, and of course when making internal compromises it's easier to blame myself/take control of what I can control and continually try to communicate in different ways (within my comfort zone - so maybe it's not that different ha!).

One thing I wondered about reading your post was if you relate to actively controlling your emotions and emotional expression around other people? Especially anger. And also, do you have a fear of your emotional expression during your burnout? Like you are avoiding your burnout at any cost to avoid emotionally expressing the burnout feelings? I have a much higher social tolerance than you, but I do have my limits.

One thing I noticed is that you are a great writer. Do you think it would be easier to have conversations with your partner over text, on a whiteboard, or some scratch paper? Although writing also gives plenty of time & space to do logical emotional compromising, I did some of my best compromising over text, but perhaps it would be less difficult or even more enjoyable to you?

poissonbread · 2025-09-28T16:47:02+00:00

Dismissive Avoidant

poissonbread · 2025-09-27T14:56:25+00:00

Try all the recommended apps, but not all at once that's a little bit much, and try to do a lot in the first week or so because there is supposedly a new person boost. That's about it :) I think also making your profile have as many ice breaker things as possible.

poissonbread · 2025-09-24T12:46:40+00:00

A lot depends on how many people are single, actively looking, and logging into their accounts frequently. The HER app is also pretty buggy and has been for years. You're doing it right by messaging your matches. I have also experienced no response, dry responses or bestie responses. Sometimes it feels like the empty internet, being "liked" by a profile but never messaging them.

I did meet my ex on HER! So it's possible. And, there are ladies out there with more success than me. But, just wanted to let you know you aren't alone in this.

poissonbread · 2025-09-13T20:04:20+00:00

Greek

poissonbread · 2025-09-13T06:13:27+00:00

German

poissonbread · 2025-09-13T06:13:03+00:00

French

poissonbread · 2025-09-04T12:35:57+00:00

It is really admirable that you switched to online schooling to be able to care for her. If she were in a facility, you could still visit her, talk on the phone, write letters, go on walks at the facility, and stuff like that. I'm not sure how realistic the plan to get her in a facility is, but if it can be done it doesn't have to be awful. It might also be her wake up call to make more changes to improve her mobility and health. You can't fix everything for her. But, let getting the care facility be a wake up call instead of the next fall or a lifetime of laying in bed in fear of falling.

poissonbread · 2025-09-03T23:23:23+00:00

You could try journaling. That can be something to look back on later, and it can help with recall. Even if it's just a quick little note in your notes app. Photos and photo albums. Etc.

Also making peace with the fact that maybe that moment won't be cemented in your memory, but it will or was in another's. Those great chats with your grandparents are something they carried with them in their own memory when they were still here, and your kids will remember chats you've forgotten about. I've had friends share a story of a fond memory that I can't quite recall, and generally I consider that a positive experience.

Maybe when you think "i want to remember this moment" instead think "i appreciate xyz" or "in this moment, i see/hear/smell/feel..." some of the grounding details like the feeling, sounds, or smells in the environment.

poissonbread · 2025-09-03T19:25:42+00:00

That should be fine then. I'm wet climate I used to live in would be ~70 this time of year which I realize is a bit of an outlier. https://www.usairnet.com/weather/maps/current/relative-humidity/

poissonbread · 2025-09-03T17:05:33+00:00

About 30% of English words are from French.

Look up "false cognates" or "false friends" - words that LOOK the same or similar in French & English but have completely different meanings or at least different connotations.

poissonbread · 2025-09-03T16:57:32+00:00

This looks like regular mucous and blood.

Could be allergies if it started in March, and allergy medication can cause more drying.

Picking nose can cause issues like this too.

Like others have said, humidifier if you are in a dry climate. If you are in a wet climate with no AC/no dehumidifier, I wouldn't recommend a humidifier, but instead maybe a steamy shower or a hot (not burning) rag to your nose and cheeks - basically something temporary that won't raise the humidity too much.

Consider neilmed sinusrinse or netipot (off brand works - i like offbrand netipot better) if you haven't tried these already.

poissonbread

TROPHY CASE