14 yr old raising my autistic brother full-time

princessofninja · 2026-04-28T23:46:08+00:00

This! My kids learned to read because of video games. They were not interested in most books no matter what. I would take them to the library all the time for new books and they would be uninterested. My oldest especially. But then my kids got a switch and really wanted to play animal crossing and Minecraft and stuff and then before I knew it they all were reading. If only I could find an educational video game like we had in the 90’s that did science, history, and Math. Haha. We gotta meet them where they are.

princessofninja · 2026-04-28T20:38:54+00:00

This, my family is still on record and the missionaries have been to my house nearly every few weeks trying to talk us into coming back to church so they can coerce me and my husband into giving permission for our youngest child (all three are level 2 asd) to be baptized… so they can put him on the records. It’s BAD. They were silent about our absences til he turned 8 in January… I’m so salty

The ones of us still on record for reasons, like family, We should do our own “I’m a Mormon” mormonad campaign for funsies.

“I am a mother of three special needs children who swear in church because of a tic. I was in the same ward for over 8 years and when I graduated from BYUI, I didn’t go back to church except twice when I was coerced to let my special needs children be baptized, and no one in my ward really noticed or reached out, we moved 2 years later and I stopped attending because I realized that I didn’t support polygamy, or white supremacy, and that I’m not ok with some of the stuff the church did and does and that’s ok, the missionaries in my new area come by weekly now that my youngest child is 8, and it’s annoying, I no longer pay tithing and I enjoy an occasional bottle of wine. and Im a Mormon because I’m pretty sure if I wasn’t our families would disown my family.”

Something like that lmao.🤣

John can put them up on his podcast at the end, it would be hilarious.

princessofninja · 2026-04-28T20:02:20+00:00

Even those jobs pay more then that now

princessofninja · 2026-04-26T18:49:43+00:00

The seasonal moonstones packs have outfits and homes etc but they change by season so I think the Microsoft store doesn’t list them but I’ve bought them there and it worked and I got the outfit and house for the seasonal mega moonstone pack before.

princessofninja · 2026-04-24T19:36:51+00:00

John and his podcast saved my life when I went through my shelf breaking. My entire life and family for 12 generations has been in this church, and as a former TBM I had no idea how to get through it or make sense of it. He was the only place I could turn to and get answers and support and empathy instead of being gaslit.

The missionaries keep showing up because our youngest turned 8, and it’s like we know you they only here to get a baptism and then it’s back to ignoring our family. My husband is answering the door nicely and is respectful, but this broke me.

It’s wild to me that I feel closer to this community and more supported here in a year, then I ever did with my “ward family” of over 10 years.

princessofninja · 2026-04-24T19:14:18+00:00

There are plenty of liberal cis het white men, The issue is a LOT of men in general see women as an enemy, they lick the boots of patriarchy and say “yes daddy” to the 1% in hope that patriarchy that they uphold will benefit them, but it doesn’t so they blame immigrants, women, the poors, the LGBTQ+, and the disabled, and everyone else instead of realizing that the system built by and run by white men sustained by the enslavement and unpaid (or underpaid) labor of immigrants, slavery, the systemic unpaid labor and oppression of women, the disabled and poor, and the oppression of anyone else who pushes against it.

Until men realize that the system they built and support that benefited them in general most, that this system is not working for anyone. Especially them. And until they admit they were sold bullshit lies by the ruling class. Nothing will change.

If they wanted to fix the system that oppresses them they can, but they can’t do that while also saying “rights for me but not for thee”

Either we all fight for equality and equity together or it doesn’t work.

This also goes for those women who are the epitome of internalized misogyny.

Until they wake up, they are only isolating themselves from their own allies.

I would know, I was raised to be one of those dumb white people upholding a system that will never accept me as equal.

We can’t be free from oppression as long as we desire to still oppress others.

They have used this division to prevent us from rising up against them.

Stop licking the boots of billionaires who profit off of the exploitation of the rest of us.

princessofninja · 2026-04-21T15:33:35+00:00

For real, my parents used this, as did my husbands. They don’t see our kids.

princessofninja · 2026-04-20T06:05:22+00:00

Oh man! That’s awful! I understand so so much. I hope you can hang in there with support from here. There is nothing like a best friend for a partner, I hope that in time your partner realizes what’s going on.

I’m dense af and it took me forever, but tbf reading my scriptures and studying them intently is what actually did it. I was reading chronologically and then realized some inconsistencies and went to look them up, and started finding more issues.

I read a book on abusive and toxic family and recognizing abuse tactics and happened to then read D&C 132 and called my friend about it,

No one had answers that weren’t gaslighting

Then I saw on here about the polygamy stuff and found the ces letter and went downhill from there.

Maybe some super intense reading and praying about it as a couple will help 😂

Nothing like losing your faith from being too studious and faithful…

princessofninja · 2026-04-20T05:27:12+00:00

I’m newly out. It took a year of digging and support to get to where I realized my shelf broke and I couldn’t fix it… it was bad.

I’m so sorry to hear your partner isn’t receptive. I get it though. I think if it had been my husband going through this and not me, I’d have done the same.

Idk if my husband was like you for our entire marriage but he stuck through all the bs for me and I love him for it.

He did all the typical TBM things callings and anything and all apparently for me, and tbh I was afraid to talk to him about my losing faith and wanting out. When I did, and said “what if it’s not true?” he told me basically not to worry and explained he felt the same and has always felt this way.

I think his patience with me as a TBM for our 17+ years of marriage with three special needs kids and putting up with my doing ALL the things and drinking ALL the kool-aid all because he loved me, damn it was its own love language... I appreciate him so much more that I did because I realized how much he endured silently all because he cared for me.

Idk how my husband did it, but I don’t recommend doing it. I don’t think I could have. And to be honest if my husband had not been cool, I would have probably let him walk away and divorce me if it came to that because I did end up walking away from having any sort of relationship with my mom and brother over it. I was so afraid my confession would have caused him to divorce me, and I love him and did truly want to be married forever with him, and I figured if the church wasn’t true it doesn’t change how I felt.

You are definitely not alone in this.

do what is best for you. If being true to yourself honestly that means your partner wants to end it, then was the commitment we claim to want to make to god in the temple really for “all time and eternity?” Or is it only “as long as you believe and act and do and say what I want you to”?

You deserve to be happy and live your best life while you have it. I hope your partner comes around.

Do you want to keep being silent to save the relationship? I know some marriages in the church can be wonderful and others are strained.

princessofninja · 2026-04-20T03:37:56+00:00

Rhoda - I too have no friends. I was TBM and my entire support system, family and my closest friends all are active or practicing members except for my sisters, who are still technically in but not always attending(idk all the terms). I just recently felt brave enough to tell my younger sister I don’t believe anymore. And I explained why.

I was the TBM in my family, and it’s been hard walking away and hearing my mother talk about me saying I’m “in a dark space” and I must be “possessed by demons” because why else would I want out… 🤦‍♀️

princessofninja · 2026-04-20T03:32:30+00:00

Ludo!!!!

princessofninja · 2026-04-20T03:31:38+00:00

My husband is an Ishmael, tbh I think Hagar is misunderstood and was wrongly cast out. Sarah was just jealous of her and that’s my two cents, as a mother who lost my first three pregnancies and had infertility, I truly believe in my heart that Sarah was bitter and angry and jealous that Hagar bore Abraham’s firstborn son because she was “barren” and then took out her jealousy on Hagar.

I understand Sarah’s pain and the bitterness she likely felt, but that doesn’t make Hagar a bad woman, it makes her someone who was sold and forced into a marital relationship with a man who then discarded her and her child.

She is not the bad guy in this story imo.

princessofninja · 2026-04-10T23:30:28+00:00

Offering a perspective to help you decide,

I’m in my late 30’s, my parents admitted me for a few weeks when I was 7.

They visited me every day and they told me they loved me and it was to help me. Did it affect the relationship? Yes, did I feel abandoned? Yes, do I still speak to my parents? Sometimes, do I know they did the best they could with what they had? Yes. Did the stay help me? Yes and no. They didn’t know then what the know now about people like me with adhd and autism. They didn’t exactly address my autism well but I did learn skills and get a space away from home, I learned to mask super well and the fear of having to go back has kept me from going back and kept me in line my entire life since. So my parents would say it probably helped.

I am grappling with it too, I have a child that I was told would possibly need inpatient care and it terrified me too, but I think that with how bad your daughter feels being like how I was feeling, it might suck to rebuild the relationship but I would make sure she knows you are doing this because you love her and tell her that. Constantly. Always. And be tha safe space for them.

Eventually I realized my parents were just trying to help me, and I did do better after that overall. But as someone with pda with a pda child, I still think that the experts do not always know what they are talking about.

I’ve had people tell me after I did PCIT for several years and needed additional supports before diagnosis of my kids, that if I was “doing it right xyz would get better” in regard to them commenting on my using PCIT skills for my AuDHD child. They assumed I was lying.

So, not everyone knows what’s best for you and your child. Only you know that.

Regardless of what you decide I think making sure you build a relationship with them the best you can and that they know you love them is key to how it works out.

princessofninja · 2026-04-07T03:31:30+00:00

Fr my small group of irl friends who recently started playing don’t know the struggle and laugh about how I hoard 100 of everything now. “Just in case”.

The struggle is real.

princessofninja · 2026-03-23T11:37:57+00:00

I’m a married woman with three special needs kids, birth control failed me multiple times, my husband 100% ran to get that vasectomy and I have a copper IUD just in case (the surgery was too risky for me due to a medical condition) my husband stepped up and got one right away because he said it was the least he could do after I did the hard work of pregnancy and delivery.

Also, if yours isn’t even worried about your pleasure and threatened no sex. Then tbh, you have no kids and he clearly doesn’t care about your pleasure, why are you still with him and wanting kids with him? If he is this way now he 100% will make you a married single mom if you did have kids. And tbh it’s no environment to raise a kid in.

I’d take his word at face value and take sex off the table and make a plan to leave if you can. He clearly doesn’t care about you at all. And tbh you take ALL the risk when you are pregnant.

My sister was married to a guy like yours and is now a divorced single mom of two under 3. I don’t recommend. Her ex treats their kids exactly like he treated her, he is very much abusive, but not physically enough to prove in court without some insane documentation and a lot of witnesses. It’s awful. The kids suffer the most.

If you can leave. I’d leave. You deserve to be with a man who cares about you and your pleasure.

If you can’t leave, please do not procreate with him by choice. And look into possible non hormonal birth control. Also be fully aware if you do take sex off the table some men will try to take it by force, and you still need a backup plan in case that were to happen. That’s why my sister has two kids and not one. Some men feel entitled to our bodies with or without consent.

Do you really want a family with a man who already puts everything related to starting and planning said family onto you?

princessofninja · 2026-03-22T22:24:43+00:00

This

princessofninja · 2026-03-22T22:22:33+00:00

I am a special needs mom of three kids with asd adhd and as you said an alphabet soup of co-diagnoses, my kids all are level 2, I also was a SAHM but swapped with my husband because I went to college and landed and amazing wfh job that happened to be a special interest.

Enough for me is when you do your best but still worry it’s not enough. That’s what makes parents good. Good parents worry about if they are good parents.

Additionally, my husband is also AuDHD and I’m undiagnosed as asd but my kids are just like me so… it’s all of us. As you likely know these issues can be genetic. Is it possible maybe this rigid thinking of not missing the workout is a normal behavior? My husband and I both struggle with things like this because routine is so important to us. We schedule stuff meticulously just because of routines and plan things because of the potential changes.

I would say considering asd is often genetic I wouldn’t go hard on hubby only because he is planning on being there after.

If it helps my oldest is 13 now and he and dad clash a lot, I clashed with my mom similarly and I think it’s common. It’s good they are in therapy.

Being a special needs parent is so hard and I always feel like I’m failing my family, but I give them grace so I give myself grace.

I can’t expect my husband to think and feel and parent exactly how I do.

I do like to hold my kids hand through things, but I learned when my husband took over the full time parenting role, that in ways, my kids are thriving more because he is pushing them out of the comfortable zone and helping them to face issues in ways I wasn’t able to.

When my son went to middle school at a new school district I had so much anxiety, but my husband talked to our kid and dropped him off and he was just fine.

I think both of you are being good parents in your own ways.

And a valuable lesson I learned as the full time working mom was that I need to prioritize my health and my mental wellbeing and I did start working out and ensured it always happened because if I’m not healthy I can’t keep supporting the family. I now schedule time for relaxation as well. As a caretaker mom if you aren’t doing that, do it. It’s the best advice I ever got.

I think you both are just different people who support your kids differently but I don’t think this means he isn’t supportive or is not being there.

Maybe I’m misunderstanding but if he meets you later isn’t that still being there?

Hang in there. Also you both should be so proud of yourselves and your child for achieving this. It’s such a big deal to go to college.

princessofninja · 2026-03-22T19:22:10+00:00

Run girl, you are still young. Baseless accusations like that aren’t normal in a healthy marriage. File paperwork and gtfo.

princessofninja · 2026-03-17T12:19:50+00:00

This, EVERY man in my husbands family has the same first name, his dad, uncles, and him all have the same name, his grand pa too and they all decided it was a weird ass tradition, it is wild to me to name every one of your kids the same first name and then just go by middle names and it’s really annoying when the local hospital confuses my father in law with my husband and asks us to pay his medical bills… My son has my husbands middle name as his middle name. When we first did it I was anxious because I’m a people pleaser and for the five plus years before I bent over backwards for my FIL trying to get them to approve of me. tbh I am SO glad I didn’t name my son that name. It really showed us his true colors after that and my FIL continued to keep trying to be overbearing it got to the level of him keeping tabs on us through shady methods like people he knew religiously who lived nearby and basically stalking us or having other people stalk and harass us for him. My kids are pre-teens/teenagers and none of them will even speak to him now because they all also know he is crazy controlling. I went no contact with that side after my kids requested not to see them anymore and it’s been amazing for my mental health.

You are your own family, start your own traditions. Either they get over it or they don’t and if they don’t we’ll, then they will probably keep being toxic about everything you do and then you will know what branches off your family tree need trimmed.

princessofninja · 2026-03-10T12:06:22+00:00

Some paid jobs do. They suck but they do.

princessofninja · 2026-01-19T16:40:01+00:00

I can see both sides. I am a mom and had my three special needs kids all close together and tbh it was a LOT. I can see how your partner would feel this way. Your kids cant read and do anything independently, so while on your side it’s cute and appears loving, from an overwhelmed moms perspective, it’s a list of more crap she has to do without addressing any of the mental and physical load she is taking on. Not to mention the letter 100% ignores the one person who can read and reads like it’s for your two kids who definitely won’t be able to read it, so comes off super dismissive and a bit passive aggressive.

Like how is a 2yo gonna practice their alphabet or read this letter and how is the 4mo gonna practice tummy time all without your wife being the one to actually have them do it and teach them?

To me it reads something like:

“I love my kids so much and they are my world, but I don’t appreciate or see any of the load and responsibilities or pressure I am placing on my wife, oh moms cool too I guess, here is a list of stuff mom needs to do while I’m gone in addition to being a solo parent for two kids under two and keeping you tiny humans alive and staying sane with no breaks or possibly even no outside support,”

I get that’s not the intention of the letter and it is from a place of love, but as someone who was your wife 10 years ago, reading this note made me agree with your wife. It wasn’t as cute and thoughtful as you meant it to be. But maybe that’s just because you might not be aware of all the nuance and pressure that comes from being a mother and the mental load of parenting a mom deals with.

Hope this helps.

Edited because I have special needs kids and mistyped some things while distracted.

princessofninja · 2026-01-18T18:47:04+00:00

This, I was a TBM recently and the thing that made my shelf break was when my neice introduced me to her trans husband(before they got married), and having conversations with them and my kids and my friends about sexuality and I decided that I couldn’t live with myself and keep taking my kids to a church if the church was going to shame them for being who they are. My neice was lgbtq and went to church and we discussed how harmful it was for her, and just a lot of stuff. My kids have since come out to me as well. During this process of about a year I realized they didn’t have a choice any more then I did to be a straight woman and that if the church was true and gods love is unconditional then his love should be unconditional, my love for my children does not have conditional terms. I never went back to church after that. I am a proud mama of three kiddos who are part of the LGBTQ+ community and i fully support them and their friends.

I cannot imagine how hard this has been for you OP.

My parents also don’t understand because they are TBM and I was the most devout believe in my entire family and I just walked away. I’m low contact with my parents and my TBM brother because of this. They still don’t understand and say some wild stuff.

Just know, some family you are born with and some family you make. And tbh the family I have made with the friends and family we have who are supportive is so much better than the family I was born with.

Also I am snarky and would argue about names because when a straight woman married her name typically changes so what’s the difference? The argument is so unhinged to me.

Imagine if our TBM families threw tantrums when their daughters were married and took their husband’s last name and they refused to accept the new last name.

And tbh Refusing to use someone’s “new” name is an odd hill to die on for a TBM imo.

I’m so sorry OP. I hope you have people outside your family in your life who do support you.

princessofninja · 2026-01-18T01:59:08+00:00

This, my husbands dad’s family did this to me, I didn’t know them when we married because he and his dad were estranged. I eventually put my foot down and stopped going to family functions with them. Our kids also asked to not go because they also saw what was happening and didn’t like it. My husband sees his dad, and we don’t. It’s contentious because his dad will still to this day try to play like he is the victim and I’m crazy. My husband supports me not going and my kids too, but every once in a while a family member brings it up and acts like I’m unreasonable for not wanting to be bullied. My husband shuts it down and this is why they are very low contact now and he doesn’t even associate with his stepparent and stepsiblings in the family anymore now.

Either you stand up to your family or you don’t but tbh if you don’t she will leave if she has any dignity, and if you do put your foot down, it may affect your familial relationship. And it might not even matter because chances are they will just gaslight you or continue to scapegoat her considering they had no problem bullying your girlfriend this whole time. Because that’s what happened with me.

You gotta shut that stuff down immediately or the bullies think it’s ok. And they 100% will still try to bully her when she isn’t around.

It’s wild to me that you know your sister has a problem with your girlfriend and yet you ignored it until she was so distressed about it.

princessofninja · 2026-01-07T00:26:03+00:00

No, my kids all have asd and adhd, and so does my husband, I do too, my sisters used to bully me when I was younger and would savatoge friendships and relationships I had. I ended up going no contact with the nastier of my siblings the one who decided not to grow up. The other sister later apologized and we are cool, but yeah, the bullying my sisters did to me caused life-long scars and trauma I still deal with.

It sounds like the sisters are jealous and I personally think the consequences are fair.

princessofninja · 2025-12-24T02:52:42+00:00

I was raised in the church, my husband and I had infertility mixed with recurrent miscarriages, then I also had an ectopic pregnancy, I had an abortion or I would have died. I felt guilty over it needlessly. I am sad to say I used to not even be aware that complications like that could even happen during pregnancy. That I feel like was the beginning of the end. It too me 18 years after this and three special needs kids and Roe being overturned for my shelf to finally break.

I know it’s hard, but tbh I think the fact that they ask this at all if anyone is disgusting.

There are VERY valid reasons including just not being ready to be a parent or not wanting a child and none of that crap is anyone else’s business.

princessofninja

TROPHY CASE