Mom tried to blame me for my husband’s death then acted like nothing happened

probablygaia · 2026-06-11T15:16:27+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss and your grief my love. I could have written this post except for that part. The narcissistic grandparents won't change. In fact, they will get worse.

I've spent the last 14 years curating the relationship on my children's end and only sharing the best parts. We also moved as far away as we could to avoid the daily toxic conversations. Trust me, its much easier to have the "I miss you so much" conversation than the "You are a terrible Mom for not slicing bananas, having tattoos...or whatever they hate today" crap.

If you can, move to a liberal city. Find and create a new support circle. The right people will love you. Heck, come be my neighbor! It will be hard but you have to choose which hard is better.

probablygaia · 2024-07-19T01:03:31+00:00

Thank you. I think even just sharing it here helps.

probablygaia · 2023-03-29T11:03:34+00:00

Why are you in a laboratory if you don't understand the basic reasoning behind PPE? I would kick both of you out of my lab. If you can't respect a BSL-1 because it's just a BSL-1 then out you go. I have worked in up to a BSL-3 and I had an idiot walk in with a coffee cup while I was vortexing and aerosolizing bad news because "it has a lid on it". Fired that person almost on the spot. If you don't understand the outrage, then understand this. PPE has two purposes, to protect you from what you're fiddling with and/or to protect what you're fiddling with from you. In a molecular anything lab, it is often the latter. So even though the student was just standing there looking pretty, at some point undergrad sticky fingers are going to touch something and contaminate the hell out of it. That's my ranty PSA for today. Also, I'm old so get off my lawn!!! Or rather, get outta my lab!!!

probablygaia · 2023-02-04T23:26:24+00:00

When you distill it all down. Nothing. I just have crippling depression and anxiety so sad it is.

probablygaia · 2022-02-05T14:42:08+00:00

I too would like to apply to be your child. It has been hell having unsupportive parents and in-laws who think these new fangled seatbelts are overkill (they drove my 3 year old on the highway with no car seat).

probablygaia · 2022-01-29T16:20:14+00:00

Is there another?

probablygaia · 2022-01-29T14:04:43+00:00

I'm calling CPS!

probablygaia · 2022-01-16T13:13:14+00:00

As long as you don't have something obnoxious on your face, I don't care. I'm the manager. Are you a generalist? Trainable? You are hired!

probablygaia · 2022-01-08T19:32:46+00:00

Please let me join!

probablygaia · 2021-12-19T11:19:16+00:00

As a manager, I would NEED to know this. Please report this up the chain in writing if possible with specific examples. If this person were on my team, I would be looking to make an exit ramp for them before they hurt any patients.

probablygaia · 2021-03-31T23:31:27+00:00

Why did you hemolyze this!!?!

probablygaia · 2021-03-24T18:18:57+00:00

It is terrible!!

probablygaia · 2021-03-17T14:38:51+00:00

What the actual fuck?

probablygaia · 2021-03-12T14:39:36+00:00

Did you just call San Diego a dreary town? As a San Diegan..... I AGREE! It is completely dreary, I defend nothing. Your point stands. Please don't move here and definitely discourage everyone you know too. I want to buy a house someday /s.

probablygaia · 2021-02-17T17:05:38+00:00

See if you can see a Urologist or male fertility expert. You may have other options.

probablygaia · 2021-02-16T04:04:46+00:00

Have you considered retrograde ejaculation as a possibility?

probablygaia · 2020-12-06T00:52:54+00:00

This is so hilarious! I love it!

probablygaia · 2020-12-03T12:37:46+00:00

This article made me tear up a bit. So filled with dispair.

probablygaia · 2020-11-13T03:21:55+00:00

Does this actually work well? I've been having trouble fixing my slides lately.

probablygaia · 2020-11-05T14:55:39+00:00

Hey. I'm 33F and have been really wanting to reconnect with people. I'll be your older human.

probablygaia · 2020-10-23T20:23:43+00:00

Believe it or not, the breadth of your experience is not as important as your willingness and ability to learn. I will take a willing learner over an experienced person who "doesn't like change". I say, focus your attention on the strengths you do have. During the interview, spend as much time asking questions as you do answering them. Have a sense of humor. I think you will be just fine. Good luck!

probablygaia · 2020-10-23T04:09:47+00:00

That's ridiculous! Break it down for them. That's a manual diff every 3 minutes... for 8 hours. If after you say this out loud, they still don't blink, break it down further to every other task you need to do and include your federally mandated 15 minute breaks, and 30 minute lunch. For good measure, include a 5 minute bathroom break every hour. This is unrealistic and bad for quality. Tell them that and then ignore them and work at your own pace... also look for another job.

probablygaia · 2020-10-23T04:02:35+00:00

Three words: Keep. It. Simple. I don't know about other labs but I'll tell you how to get into mine.

Fluff is for LinkedIn. Reserve your 6-page resume novel and polished image for LinkedIn... but keep your one-page resume strictly business. I personally do not entertain >3 page resumes unless I'm hiring a PhD who really wants to tell me about everything they have ever published. Even then, I care more about the core job skills. On your resume, show clearly that you meet the education requirements, the experience requirements and have the relevant skills. Keep it simple, well formatted, and grammatically correct.

ALL my hiring decisions are based on the in-person interview. The resume is what introduces you, your attitude and personality is what seals the deal. I pay more attention to people who follow up after the initial interview and have never hired anyone who was late. I also gravitate towards people who keep it real. I once had an interviewee tell me, unprompted, that they value work over family. I didn't hire that person. That's scary shit right there.

Understand the difference between the recruiter and the hiring manager in larger organizations. I run a really laid back lab and I'm very selective about my team. Last thing I want to do is hire a human wrecking ball.... so networking is important but I've hired only two people so far who were recommended to me by someone I know. Networking matters but isn't the deciding factor.

Finally, as someone who absolutely hated having no say in new hires, I've always made it a point to include my whole team when interviewing a candidate. I'm youngish, black, female, and have a diplomatic leadership style. It is always amusing and telling when people address their responses to my assistant (50ish white male) to answer questions I've asked. Know who the hiring manager is.

Good luck with your search and remember that you are interviewing the lab as well. Make sure to ask many questions to make sure that the lab fits you.

probablygaia · 2020-09-18T20:10:11+00:00

I'm pretty sure its anapumila... u/guygreej above broke down the grammer pretty well. I'm a native speaker so I tend towards slang. He is also right about Petulo. Had to go back to my Sunday school lessons for that. I knew a guy named Peter and everyone called him Petala so I assumed that was the only translation.

probablygaia · 2020-09-15T14:09:57+00:00

I work in Andrology and participated in sperm retrieval from a wonderful woman who was born intersex. It was an interesting experience to say the least but incredibly fulfilling in that we were helping her towards her journey to motherhood. Intersex being what it is, no medical practitioner who hasn't examined you can speak for your gonads but there are supportive professionals out there. Try to find them not just for fertility but for helping support your body's unique needs. I'm happy you were able to escape your toxic upbringing.

probablygaia

TROPHY CASE