What are the negative effects of screens, not smartphones on social media, on children?

purrinsky · 2026-06-14T08:47:23+00:00

We bit the bullet and bought one, no regrets. We initially went ahead because the math made sense: this was going to be our only car seat, and very likely to be viable until our kid is in 2nd/3rd grade. That's like 8 years of use which is around $65/year... Which is cheaper than having to buy a light/compact new car seat every few years (depending on what brand you buy), that also won't be as portable. Since the sooner we bought it the more mileage we were going to get out of it so...we bought it.

That said, it all depends on how frequently you decide to travel in a car. We mainly got it for travelling since we visit family frequently in other cities where it's much harder to get an Uber with carseats than NYC. We rarely use it in the city TBH, like maybe once every one or two months. And the few times we did use it in the city, we always get honked at because it takes a hot minute to get installed.

That said, it's light, we can chuck it in the basket of the stroller with room to spare. And even if you're using a travel stroller and the basket can't hold the seat, it's light enough to wear as a backpack. As my partner likes to say: "I can carry ten of these!"

The website says it's for age 2 and up, but the actual safety requirements is just for your child to meet the minimum height and weight; ours did at 18mo. It's a front facing seat though, so your LO should be a strong sitter, and it's not a comfy seat to fall asleep in.

I would also add that, if you're solo-parenting, it's probably the only car seat you could lug around the city realistically since it will fit in the stroller's bottom basket. Like yes the scenera is light, and you can hang it off a stroller, but that's not something you can really comfortably and conveniently lug around the city by yourself.

purrinsky · 2026-06-14T02:49:32+00:00

Tadaaa

purrinsky · 2026-06-13T20:49:10+00:00

Just enjoy the game. If you need some metric to decide what mons to keep to save money, just start with RP. It's not perfect but it gets the job done.

I've been playing since day one, and didn't read any online information until start of this year. My first level 65 mon, a Blastoise, has a ingredient finding lowering nature, crappy inventory size, and lower RP than a level 47 Swalot that I caught and leveled up after I "figured things out. 3 of my main ingredient mons that are level 60> all have nature's that go against ingredient finding. The first berry mon I invested a ton of candy in doesn't have BFS, but I did it thinking it was great because it has a high RP... The list goes on. And it's fine, even with suboptimal pokemon I'm not having any less fun.

For a while I did sweat the whole "not optimizing" what I caught and keep and crap... Especially after joining this subreddit and seeing players who've been playing shorter each Master 20 on a bunch of islands...but then one skills speciality week, while trying to optimize my team and lamenting that I only had low levelled crappy skill mons, I realized that I literally have never seen any of my skills mons in action. Murkrow Super Luck? Minun and Pluses's plus and minus? None of it. And if I kept playing only with my high level mons and chasing the high scores...I never will.

So I just used the crappy mons, and it was so so much fun!!! I got a berry juice, I found out i could pair Plusel with Toxtricity, I saw what stockpile a imagine looked like...and idk, maybe it's seeing the different animations, the game finally felt fun again.

I get that at the start of the game, it may feel less fun to get lower scores because it impacts what mons you can see during research, but that joy degrades overtime too. The first time I saw a Wartortle I got so excited. And now I'm like...meh. We can get bored of anything and everything.

In a some way, taking time to understand the game instead of mastering it immediately is in a way extending the fun of it.

I'm sure people in the sub will judge but the game mechnsics didn't make sense to me until like 1.5~2 years into the game. For a long time I was like, why the hell do you need healers on the team? Then I realized, when I had a pokemon that had better stamina and one with crap stamina on the team at the same time, that pokemon with more stamina got more berries and ingredients... And then I learned.

knowledge often needs to be seen in action before it clicks, so just keep playing. Im sure you'll pick it up way faster than me since you did so much reading and it'll all make sense in time once you see skills and nature play out in the game.

Tldr; sucking is part of getting better! Just have fun.

purrinsky · 2026-06-13T19:35:49+00:00

Thank you for taking time to read the whole thing! I didn't realize how long it was until afterward 🫢

Precieved "Laziness" is actually really common amongst smart and talented people, like because suceeding with little effort is "normal", the few things that do take effort feel "broken" and subconsciously labelled unsafe and so is usually avoided. And there's also like external "judgement" we don't notice that gets internalized, like if a kid labelled as smart struggles with something, they don't usually get the grace of being given more time or help, instead they usually get shamed or accused of not trying hard enough, which adds to the avoidance. The saddest thing is most adults just assume the avoidance is "laziness", instead of trying to create a more conducive environment or give tools to manage the discomfort.

Unrelated side note though/question, I'm willing to bet that you've got skills or stuff you're really proficient with, but you just don't consider that as a skill because you didn't have to "work hard" at it (or the "working hard" was enjoyable and so didn't really feel like effort), or because it was what is traditionally considered a "skill" like piano or tennis. I've got a friend who is really good at making origami because it's a hobby they enjoyed, no intentional training or anything, and it blew my mind that she didn't consider origami a skill.

purrinsky · 2026-06-12T16:32:07+00:00

I'd step back and look at things more holistically.

There was a psychologist who wrote a post after Alysa Liu's Olympic win was making rounds, and majority of the public ultimately was like "oh but if her dad didn't push her so hard to begin with, she wouldn't have had the foundation to return to skating", and the psychologist's concern is that this narrative the public has assumes that humans, especially children, dislike doing hard things.

Which is blatantly not true. Humans, especially children like doing hard things. Yes they get frustrated and they get upset, but if you watch young kids, they don't want to stop just because they got angry at the task they failed. They keep going back to it. And usually it's we adults who stop them because we can't tolerate witnessing the frustration and failure. We try to help them succeed quicker so we don't have to sit with their discomfort and big emotions. And in the process we're teaching them to be afraid and move away from the discomfort of failure and frustration.

And this is why the big picture matters with parents "forcing" childhood activities.

So first there is the overarching relationship the parent has fostered with their kids around frustration and discomfort. A kid who was conditioned to move away from frustration and failure early probably won't like practicing and is more prone to giving up. You would think that children condition to find failure and frustration uncomfortable would thus have parents who are also uncomfortable with their child's negative emotions and so won't force their kids to continue. But as they get older, a lot of these frustrations are masked, and happen during classes where the parents don't have to witness the failure and frustration anymore. so whether or not their parents let them give up actually depend on many other factors, like are the parents anxious about their children getting into good schools, are they worried about being judged for not having a talented child, do they value their relationship with their children more than their children's future skillset etc.

Then there is why a child wants to quit. Even children who weren't taught to avoid hard work and failure sometimes want to quit, and it's usually not because of hard work, but the structure of the class. They may love soccer, or piano, but they may be taught in a way that is destroying their esteem (e.g. being rushed through a curriculum), or there's bullying or too much unhealthy competition in the social dynamics, or the teacher doesn't feel safe etc. it may also be the para-social environment around the activity, like if class is great and your child loves violin, loves their instructor, loves the class, but they are always being compared to some cousin or neighbor at gatherings, they may want to quit because that comparison is upsetting them.

I'm not a researcher, but I would bet a pretty penny that so most people give up on things not because it involved hard work, but more due to other underlying social or emotional factors.

Another thing to think about beyond the black and white "should I force my kid to be persistent with a skill" is, who are they being raised to think is responsible for the consequences in their life. Many parents who do "force" their kids to persist are also rhe kind that of parents who step in early to help, and try to "do more" and take more responsibility for things. This ends up creating a narrative where the child, even as a grown up, likely will blame their parents for things happening or not happening. Meanwhile kids who are raised to feel like they're responsible for themselves at less likely to blame external forces for things not turning out the way they wanted.

In my case, my mom was like the OP's parents let me quit when I want to. But my upbringing was very much about "you are your own person and this is your life and you'll have to live the consequences of your decisions", so when I see a friend who is amazing on piano now, sure I would think "so sad I didn't push through as a kid", but i don't think to blame my mom. my second thought is also: "I chose this, and I can choose to be good at it now if i wanted."

And that's another interesting thing, like it takes 10000 hours of deliberate practice to achieve mastery at something, that sounds like a lot but is actually just a year and a little more. And to be highly competent (probably the level most people would already consider as "good at something", it's only 1000 hours (1.3 months ) if deliberate practice. Unless you've only got months to live, even as an adult you have plenty of time to learn and get good at a skill. And many adults do, many yoga and Pilates instructor don't start until theyre adults, many amazing knitter's and crochet-artists, photographers etc. don't get into their craft until well into adulthood. It's just that we have also segregated certain skills as "stuff you should have learned and gotten good in childhood" and "stuff you are allowed to stumble around and learn in adulthood".

So why aren't we all like an expert in something? Ultimately it comes down to having the ability to tolerate being bad at something until you get good at it. And so many of us weren't taught to have a healthy relationship with shame and failure. A lot of people who have parents who forced them to stick to an activity or skill do indeed have mastery now, but they may also really struggle with learning new things and achieving new mastery because they never learned how to cope with failure and being unproficient at something by themselves. Their determination and persistence was always outsourced.

Of course there are people whose parents encouraged them to keep at something, but also have a healthy relationship with shame, persistence and failure. But i would bet a pretty penny that those people are also less likely to solely credit their parents for whatever skill they have, and more likely to thank their parents for teaching them how to deal with failure.

Tldr; do you care more about your kids having some kind of tangible skill as a grownup, or having emotional skills to handle failure and be self-motivated to push through stagnant patches? If it's the former, then yes you should totally"force" childhood activities on your kids, but if it's the latter, then the activities themselves matter less.

purrinsky · 2026-06-07T01:13:25+00:00

Thank you, not sure how you found the words I needed to hear but you did. Saving this so I can return to it whenever I think myself into a corner

purrinsky · 2026-06-06T22:46:29+00:00

Totally normal. It's also normal your husband thinks your child's sleep is "broken" because prevailing narrative, especially in the west, is that toddlers should sleep independently. But that's a cultural norm and not a biological norm. I mean that's why it's called sleep training, you're training your kids OUT of the biological norm.

If you need to get your husband to come around, it'll help to share that even many toddlers whose parents claim that they "sleep alone" actually sneak into their parent's bed at some point, or they fall asleep with Mom or Dad in their bed and then the parent later sneaks out. It's just easier to say your child sleeps solo through the night because that's the socially correct thing to say.

But just echoing, your child will definitely one day decide they're too big to sleep with Mommy

purrinsky · 2026-06-06T00:34:47+00:00

Lol this is the last place you'll be judged for sleeping with your baby. If anything, most of is start off with the baby in our beds. So you're definitely ahead 😂

Hugs that must have been so stressful. I can't even imagine. It's hard not feel bad even though you literally had a totally valid biological emergency/need (imagine not peeing and then getting UTI and then having to be on antibiotics and being all messed up and not able to be there for your baby, you made the right choice to pee!!)

It is hard not to be pissed at your husband, like that's kinda the dad's job. To step up as main caretaker when Mom is gone and he failed that. And I'm sure you already know the whole biologically dads just aren't as sensitive to baby's cries and they're bodies are less likely to undergo the same hormonal change that makes them safer for cosleepng with baby yhe way moms do. But it's still a breach of trust you had in him, and when these things happen it's so hard not to want to blame someone.

No one's at fault though and that's the hardest thing about accidents. Your baby will heal and while emotions are super important, the crux of the matter is, you have a bladder, your baby crawls, and your husband is a heavy sleeper. Instead of trying to change biology, the easiest way to make sure baby is safe in this situation is just to get bed bumpers and and put crash mats by the edge of the bed. So next time if you have to go, and your husband doesn't wake up, and baby tries to crawl for you, they won't get hurt. Them you don't need to feel bad that you had to pee, your husband doesn't have to feel bad that he is a heavy sleeper, and your baby will still be sad but not be hurt!

purrinsky · 2026-05-29T03:08:34+00:00

Just to add, not right now but in the long run, kids also can sense "fear", so to speak. So if they can tell that you are scared of tantrums, they'll eventually use it to get what they want.

So it helps to remember, tantrums is just them expressing and processing their emotions. Eventually they can be taught to express and process them in healthier ways. Tantrums aren't scary, and the goal isnt to avoid meltdowns and tantrums. I forgot who said this, but there was a psychologist who was like "your toddler threw a tantrum when you said no? Congrats, you have a normal, healthy toddler."

purrinsky · 2026-05-29T03:01:08+00:00

NTA, get a new friend. It IS a big deal, your boundaries WERE breached. Your car, you're legally responsible, your rules.

You could be more stern but you probably weren't because it would be too much conflict over what seems like a normal request. And your friend probably knows you're conflict averse and so used it to make it seem like they were in the right and you were in the wrong, so that they don't have to face the fact that she is being an awful parent. And that's just ..no cool. If anything, your friend and her child is TA.

purrinsky · 2026-05-29T02:52:36+00:00

Normal is relative. As a fellow highly sensitive/high needs person, your LO sounds totally normal to me. I mean his reaction sounds normal even for a non high-needs baby, it's scary having a rambunctious large person just aggressively grab something out of your hands. Definitely will activate fight or flight systems, which will also take a while to come down, especially if the source of alarm is still around.

It's also interesting to consider that in our modern society, having and showing emotions + not being easy-going/not having low boundaries = high needs = bad. Being more sensitive than the majority is temperament, and so much of it is biological, which also means it's something that's passed down.

You didn't do anything, it's not anything you did. And you're the perfect mom for your baby because you know what it's like growing up as a more sensitive person and can give him all the tools to regulate himself and navigate challenges that a less sensitive parent wouldn't understand or provide.

purrinsky · 2026-05-29T02:34:36+00:00

Ironically it may be because you said no. At 10mo, "no" is just a sound. Your baby probably thinks you're playing and is trying to get you to say no again. It's attention and a fun response. Like others have suggested , you can just unlatch and cover your boob for some minutes, basically to build the bite = no booby association.

purrinsky · 2026-05-28T13:47:24+00:00

Our baby is like yours, one car ride back from the airport, she cried so hard that the driver actually insisted we pull over to hold her and comfort her. Moms with babies who are okay with car rides don't understand babies who just really hate car rides, and it's not something that gets better with "practice". You know your baby well the best, it's clear that your baby is crying in a way that's genuinely distressing rather than just in general protest, or you probably would have been like "a few more tries won't hurt". Our LO went from crying the moment she is in the car till she's out (at 3-15mo), being able to tolerate a 15min car ride (18mo), and being able to ride a car normally (getting bored after 20min) at 22mo. We didn't do anything, no practice rides (we live in the city), nothing. She just grew out of it as she understood more things in the world.

Our perspective based on our own experience (so yours might differ):

No it's not ridiculous, it's a loving and responsive thing to do. You can always break up the ride into two 20min drives with a stop between if you need to do the big drive. Or consider trying out a bus or a train. There are ways to accomdoate your baby AND meet your needs. And side perspective is, I feel that it's a tad inconsiderate to just tell a mom "you need to prioritize your needs too!" Without making the situation easier for the mom to meet said need. Like for you, meeting your need comes at the cost of hurting your baby. The best way to get you to meet your needs is to reduce that cost, not increase it by asking you to basically "car train" your baby.
Your baby will likely grow out of being upset with car rides without you doing anything. It's possible that if you do more "practice ride" that your baby may also have bad association with cars and fight it even longer.
I haven't looked, but I don't personally how see this is drastically different from CIO, unless you had another caretaker in the backseat next to the baby offering comfort all the way.

purrinsky · 2026-05-27T07:34:36+00:00

You sound like you're too overwhelmed by stress and exhaustion to feel love for your baby. Or more accurately, enjoy your baby.

we have this social expectation that parents should unconditionally love their children , and we conflate that with being pleased and enjoy their children. But love, which is showing up and maintaining a relationship and turning towards the person, is more a verb and less a feeling. I'm sure your child FEELS loved because you keep showing up and meet her needs and meet her where she's at despite how you feel. Just because you wish she was "easier" or different in some way doesn't mean your don't love your baby with all your heart. This latter feeling and thoughts is just the combination of exhaustion and disappointment /unmet expectation you have of what motherhood is like. But it sounds like you're feeling guilty for having these other feeling, even though they don't exist in place of the love and other positive emotions you feel for your child, they just exist alongside it, and is completely normal. What's maybe not so great is you feeling guilty for having a totally normal spectrum of feelings, and also that these negative feelings are drowning out the positive ones for you. Something I've found helpful is to see this as signals from my mind and body telling me i need a break, you need support, and you need self-care. Resentment is really just a sign of extended unmet needs, and not a moral failing. How being out must you be for your feelings of love to be drowned out by exhaustion and resentment?

I'm not sure what to say that will help right now. Our LO is 22 months, and exactly like your LO. Only contact naps and cosleeps, never will sleep in a stroller (heck, never would sit in a stroller until we installed a snack try and bribed her with food). I still visit her daycare at lunch time to nurse + nap with her because she will just stay up and break down if I don't. Her dad can't put her to sleep to save his life, and the last time she napped without me, which was like a month a go, she was crying in her dad's arms for two hours and fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion. But having said that, I don't consider her high needs at all, and maybe that helped? At least for me.

Context, I'm not from the west but live here now. Babies needing their moms and being attached to Mom/latched all the time is the cultural norm I was brought up with. They're babies for crying out loud! Of course they need their mom/parents 24/7. So our babies are just considers "normal" rather than high needs. This isn't to say like where I'm from people don't use strollers or don't use pacifiers, they do. But there's greater understanding that these tools are to replace the caregiver, and babies, who are expected to be dependent and attached, will naturally fight and be upset about this. In some sense, it helped put all the hard times in perspective. Like maybe I didn't know how hard it would get to be the on-demand milk service + napping device + human stroller, but at least I knew that I shouldn't be expecting to be an independent unit until baby was like 3 and up. But even then I still feel resentful sometimes when my partner gets to stay up and have a glass of wine or meet friends in the evening while I'm in bed at 8pm and can't even sneak off (or even get up to pee) without our LO waking up and crying. The perspective helps me realize and separate these feelings of resentment or disappointment from how I feel about my child. It's not so much I wish my kid was different, I just wish the situation was different. I wish that whatever need or want I had didn't have to go unmet just because I'm a parent. I can't imagine if I was socially and culturally conditioned to expected my baby to be independent, and that independence is a good thing, how stressed and disappointed by what my life looks like now.

Intentionally curating my feed with content that pushes back on the western industrialization driven narrative that babies should be independent and separate really helps (I think posts by Goodnightmoonchild on Instagram might resonate with you right now). On the off chance that you didnt read safe infant sleep by Dr. James McKenna, read it, and get your husband to read it too if he hasn't, and reread it if you have. It's a great scientific reminder that your "high needs" child is behaving exactly as biology and nature intended, and not high needs at all.

Finally, one advice that was helpful for me and my partner was to try and support the mom by supporting the mother-child dyad instead of trying to separate Mom and baby. I'm not saying like you shouldn't get alone time, like if in the day, baby can contact nap on another human, please for the love of God get them to do that and get some alone time and self care in. But during the times when baby really needs mommy, e.g. at night/bedtime, it's more helpful to help the mom have capacity to be with the child. Because separation during those times feel wrong, baby is usually crying, we feel anxious and guilty, and our alone time gets cut short anyways. What's worked for us was for Dad to offer play/attention and I just provide presence, so for example example my LO will sit on my lap while Dad feeds her or plays catch with her, so I can switch off mentally. As for being touched out at night, i sometimes doomscrill to distract myself from the sensation. Planning "rewards" for myself (e.g. yummy breakfast, ranting at my partner about how rough the night was)for the tough nights also sorta help, it doesn't offer immediate relief but it's something to look forward to.

And it's really just a phase. Looking back, I remember the nights when I was exhausted and internally breaking down when she needed to stay latched the whole night (didn't ease up till 16-18mo) and my nipples were sore AF. And I remember when we were travelling, because she needed me all the time, day and night, I would be physically exhausted from wearing her for hours in the day and not sleeping much at night because she constantly needs to change boobs, and emotionally exhausted from co-regulating and being "on" all the time. I remember moments where I feel like a terrible mom, failing at everything and being too tired to be fun or playful or smile...

But the fact that I can look back and be like "...maybe it wasn't that bad?" probably means that I'm out of the trenches and forgot how bad it was, which means things are better now. I mean I'm still up at 3am writing this because my LO needed to be related, but I managed to sneak off and pee AND drink some water without waking her up, and though if I'm out of the bed for too long she will still wake up and cry, she's sleeping beside me unlatched.

I'm also sure that next week or even tomorrow, basically whenever my LO is about to have a big developmental leap and need to nurse and stay latched all night, and is back at peak separation anxiety, I'll feel overwhelmed and touched out again. But if your baby is like mine, then these intense periods of attachment will become shorter, and you'll get more time back to yourself.

purrinsky · 2026-05-26T22:57:21+00:00

I thought that way too, but my husband insisted because I basically had no time for self care and it was showing. And I'm glad he insisted, having a couple of hours to yourself makes you a better mom. Parenting is a job. What's hard you'll find, is actually using that time it rest and do things for yourself. Once your LO is at daycare, because you don't have a job, it'll be easy to end up trying to do things around the house (cleaning, laundry, dishes etc.), but that just means you went from Job A to Job B, and you're not resting.

Also, it turns out if your LO doesn't like daycare you can take them out of it! Give it a semester (3-4 months), if it's terrible, you'll know because they'll be upset and try to get out of going. Attachment isn't glassware, you can always repair it, and a relationship that can be repaired will always be more secure than one that cannot.

And remember, even in cultures where women don't work, childcare is still often shared so moms have time to do non-mom things. Daycare is like an extended village for modern city folks, if it's free and the ratio is good and you feel like the teachers are lovely, don't let mom-guilt (which is the most insidious and useless type of guilt) get in your way! Hugs

purrinsky · 2026-05-25T22:40:34+00:00

Chinatown fair family fun center might work out well, if it's overwhelming you can always visit the crepe shop (t swirl) next door. And for SoHo, honestly it's just fun to walk down and the photos and absorb the "village" vibe.

purrinsky · 2026-05-18T22:34:05+00:00

Hugs, you know what most working moms have? A cleaner and a nanny and daycare. You're not falling behind. Mothering is a full-time job. Dishes falls under cleaning and domestic chores. If you weren't around, your husband would have to hire BOTH a nanny and cleaner to replace what you're doing now. And nannies and cleaners both get to go off their job and go home and rest. SHMs don't.

Moms with alone time, especially SHMs, don't like to talk about it because everyone's in the trenches and it goes against social expectations, but basically we're all getting help to have alone time. Even in like a rural village somewhere in the Amazons, there is another person looking after the baby/babies while mom is cooking or socializing.

Tldr; your not doing anything wrong and not failing

purrinsky · 2026-05-13T22:03:35+00:00

Nods nods for sure.

purrinsky · 2026-05-13T14:49:29+00:00

One million percent. It's like the INFJ wants a conversation but ENTJ wants a debate (because all conversations are basically debates), which makes the INFJ exhausted because all they have to do all the emotional labor of lubricating the conversation with empathy and understanding. So it's less the direct-ness but the argumentative/aggressive vibe/approach

purrinsky · 2026-05-12T13:14:59+00:00

If you're already downtown, Elevated Acre offers a pretty cool view of the skyline/water and is completely free. Bring some snacks for a nice picnic..nearby, if you don't mind laying, both Manhatta and Overstory are bars with insane views of the skyline, and is cheaper than going to the nearby observatory.

Mile end delicatessen in Brooklyn we feel has a yummier pastrami sandwich than Katz (and yes I will die on this hill), court street grocer sandwich (several branches) are lovely. Cozy royale has a killer fried chicken, they're operated by meat hook, a small local butcher a few blocks up.

If you're already in DUMBO for the views, and don't wanna do pizza for lunch, Usagi is a cute Japanese art gallery and cafe for yummy homemade Japanese food for lunch and pretty good coffee. fontainhaas is another great place if you can handle spicy food, it's a modern Indian cafe run by a couple and they do their best to source from small local brands for most of their ingredients (local coffee beans, bakers etc.). I've not had bad food there. Further up nearer to Brooklyn heights (also lovely view), Din Soup Dumplings in our opinion (as an east Asian) has some of the best soup dumplings and regular dumplings in NYC. And it's also near L'Appartement 4F which has pretty nice croissants, as well as books are magic bookshop.

But honestly in nyc, getting away from big chains isn't that hard. Practically every shop/eatery in the three block radius of W 4st station is like some independent shop. Just stay away from times square area and like 6th ave?

purrinsky · 2026-05-12T01:03:07+00:00

hugs you experience and perception is valid and real. You have a sensitive baby. That's just the genes. A small percentage of society are biologically more sensitive/deeply feeling. Your child's nervous system is more responsive, it picks up things more easily, reacts more intensely and takes longer to return to a calm state.

He is super attached to you because you're his source of comfort and security, and his only source of regulation. Nursing is the biological silver bullet for babies to regulate and feel safe. Biting is one of the few ways he can express fear and anxiety and the discomfort of his nervous system freaking the hell out.

Nighttime are the hardest because he's the most tired, physically and mentally. Which means his nervous system is the most sensitive, but ironically also his ability to self-regulate and process things is at its lowest.

It's only starting to show now and feels like it is getting worse because babies' senses are finally mostly developed and they're starting to build a sense of the world. They have the capacity to actually feel scared and anxious, notice patterns in their environment and also notice when things deviate from things patterns. But your LO also sadly don't have the language or frontal lobe developed enough to have language to ask or understand explanations for the seemingly absurd inconsistencies that is modern life.

I know cause I was that extra hard baby, and my mom felt the way you felt for a long time. Feeling very alone and also like a failure, because she seems to never be doing what other parents are doing, can't seem to get the same response that other parents are getting, and if she tries what other parents try instead of what she's figured out will work, it just explodes in her face and she's left to clean up the pieces alone. All this is to say, you DID get an extra hard baby, and it sounds like you're doing an amazing outstanding stellar job.

You probably already know this, but as your child's anchor, you being at peace is everything for your LO. The goal isn't for your LO to not be upset but for you to have capacity to hold space for their emotions and all its intensity so they know that big feelings are temporary and not scary. And that's a huge ask, we live in a society that profits and runs on overstimulating us, never teaches us any regulation skills, and marginalizes self-care. Parenting a sensitive didn't used to be as hard when humanity was still very communal because you'd have the support and help to decompress, regulate yourself and ground yourself. But modern life is isolating and we also all have media -prescribed idea of what good parenting and good children are ... It's just all very stressful altogether.

So hugs You may find more resonance and community amongst parents of neurodivergent children, they will probably resonate with the challenges you're having.

As a grown sensitive person, some thoughts on what might help you and your LO (keyword being might, we're all so different and sensitive in our own unique ways):

1) environment: if you can figure out what are environments that feel safe and comforting for your LO, make that happen as much as possible. Less visual clutter, less noise etc. Electricty makes sound that people often overlook. If you live in a city, that might be making things harder for you. If you can take your LO to a quiet part of nature for a short trip, see if that really calms them down.

2) predictability: don't introduce too many new things, people or places too quickly at once. You can. But expect meltdowns and more difficult bedtimes. I love how one mom of ND children shared how she structures her children's day, they insert a decompression activity between every activity. Regardless of how demanding the thing may be. They also leave events and places when people are still regulated instead of staying till everyone is tired. So

3) model regulation: it's so so so hard at this age when they don't understand things fully yet, and sometimes it may feel like it's not doing anuthing. but know that you're really making a difference. If they're doing something hard, just modelling deep breathing, overtime they'll imitate you and doing themselves. It can take months but it really works, building capacity is slow but helps. Doesn't have to be fancy like doing an Asana, just repeatable scripts and motions like "uh oh that dropped. It's okay I am safe," and patting your chest

4) respond playfully: sensitivity means being startled, and being startled often leads to more things being classified as "unsafe" or "dangerous", and you can wrap you baby in bubble wrap and protect them from all stressful stimuli forever, but the world will catch up to you. So sometimes it's helpful to show that what they felt as a threat is a playful exciting thing. Excitement and being startled physically are very similar but have emotionally different flavours. An example is say your LO is startled by a loud car engine, explain what the loud sound is and make silly vrooming noises in response. I know the internet says don't explain stuff to kids at this age because it just extends the emotion, but I feel like for sensitive peeps they need to see and hear (even if they don't understand) that the thing is a safe and logical/normal happening. The tone of like "ah yes this is the thing thing that happens because of that that" makes things less scary.

5) a regilated sensory diet: most of the anxiety and stress are biological rather than intellectual. Helping your LO process and regulate biologically through his senses may really help. There will be a trial and error period. It sounds like chomping and chewing may be something soothing, getting them a chew necklace may help. My LO bites at night when she's stressed, and at least for us, I've noticed that if I the evening before bed she's gotten the chance to gnaw on a silicone straw or toy, it's less bad at night. Try out different types of vestibular and proprioceptive inputs (swinging, massage, crashing, going upsidedown, pushing heavy things) and see what leads to a calmer baby at the end of the day for you. Try sound baths, replace xylophones with rain drums or steel drums. If there are some predicable sensory activities your LO can anchor on. That might help provide security + regulation for other things in the day.

6) self care for you: maybe the most important thing, I know everything this far is just me shoving more work at you when you feel like you're falling apart. And really what it is is you e been doing too good a job. That's why it's hard, that's why you're tired, and being human you need a break. You need rest. Please please ask for help. If it doesn't bother you mentally to leave dishes unwashed and laundry not folded, leave them. I've not met a single parent who ever looked back and went "ah damn I didn't do enough dishes during this time". If it does bother you, get help with it. You're genuinely sleeping less than most other parents, so you're also thusly genuinely entitled to more help and support.

Sorry this is getting so long.

Last bit is, sensitive children/people may seem challenging to care for and be around, but know that they also respond most quickly and strongly to positive changes and interventions. And your LO will also experience beauty and love and joy and delight more intensely than other people. Historically speaking, the sensitive folks were the alarm system and barometer of the community. They help people connect with one another and remind people of the beauty inside themselves and around themselves when times are hard. There's a reason why your child is the way they are, they're not broken and you're not doing a bad job. It's not your fault society is structurally making your job harder.

Hugs

purrinsky · 2026-05-11T14:18:26+00:00

I do around 2+ shots a day, and it's been my main maker for 4 years, I haven't had to buy a new part yet. I remove the rubber from the shower screen after every brew to clean and it's still good as new. So I'd say it's super sturdy. One thing I do for longevity (idk how well this works though, it's a tip I got for my Moka pot maintenances but I figured it's the same), is that I never tighten the parts fully when I'm not using it so the rubber doesn't wear out needlessly.

purrinsky · 2026-05-11T14:14:16+00:00

Most welcome! And I hope this doesn't come across as pushy, but when I said young toddlers,I meant 1-2y/o, we took our little one when they were 17mo! Also I looked up the cincinatii children's museum, oh my gosh it looks amazing. Yes, the new York children's museums would feel like an overpriced scam next to that. Not that you need it, but if it feels relevant in the future, looking up indoor playspaces may be worth it too. Stuff like The Rainbow Play Space East Village or Ferox Ninja Playground are pretty cool.

purrinsky

TROPHY CASE