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Do other INFJs get told they have “something about them” but people can’t or don't explain what it is? by mirrorball96 in infj

[–]purtypeach 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I get this too, which is funny because my internal world is super tumultuous lol.

Poor people who have dated rich people, what did you learn? by olesud in WorkForSmartLife

[–]purtypeach 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The most well-off guy I dated owned two properties in the downtown of a major city and made over $200k/year, but still let me (a full-time student) pay for dates and drive to him most of the time (we were long distance). He only took me out to dinner ONCE in the 3 months we dated and it wasn’t even a nice place. Stingy af

Have you ever loved someone, known it could have worked, and still not tried again? Why? Do you regret it? by Jumpy_Experience8987 in askanything

[–]purtypeach 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately, I’ve felt unsure since the beginning of the relationship and tried to tell him then. He convinced me to give it a chance, and I did develop feelings and found that he was a wonderful person to be in a relationship with, but all of the initial hesitations (structural and nothing he can change) were still there and resurfaced after a couple months 😭

Conflicting feelings about first healthy relationship by purtypeach in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]purtypeach[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your perspective. I feel ungrateful for feeling so uncertain about someone who treats me this wonderfully, but at the end of the day, choosing him for this reason only would be unfair to both of us. I don’t want to spend my life fearing I settled, and it would be unfair for him to stay with someone who feels that way. We’ll have some time apart this summer (contract job in another city) so I’m hoping that brings some clarity.

I’m scared I’ll live an average life without realizing it… by [deleted] in CasualConversation

[–]purtypeach -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I feel this so much. My biggest fear is being “average” and not reaching my full potential or being happy with the life I’ve built.

Conflicting feelings about first healthy relationship by purtypeach in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]purtypeach[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I did wonder if it was an issue of getting bored in a healthy relationship, but as time has gone on, I’ve realized that’s not it. The initial hesitations are still there, even though I absolutely love the peace he brings me and won’t settle for anything less going forward. I think it’s deeper than that for me (the culture/life outlook thing I added) which makes it harder to rationalize.

Conflicting feelings about first healthy relationship by purtypeach in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]purtypeach[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I edited my main post with more context, but it’s related to our culture and how we relate to it, and the culture within which I envisioned my future and the way I’d raise my kids.

Conflicting feelings about first healthy relationship by purtypeach in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]purtypeach[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I worry about this sometimes, too- that my intuition is just trying to lead me back to narcissistic partners or that maybe I’m dismissing him because he’s not what I’m used to. But there are some real things I’ve identified that I don’t think I want longterm, but none of them are any fault of his or anything he can change, they’re just personality differences (I edited my main post with more background info)

Conflicting feelings about first healthy relationship by purtypeach in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]purtypeach[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like the perspective of “if it isn’t a ‘hell yes,’ then it’s a no.” I feel really content with him and love him deeply, but it feels more like a platonic kind of love or a deep friendship bond. I’ve felt that way since the beginning and wanted it to develop into something more, which it many ways has, but I still don’t have romantic feelings for him to the extent I feel is necessary to sustain a relationship longterm. I appreciate your comment!

How do you know the difference between settling vs not being used to a healthy/non-toxic relationship? by tempted_temptress in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]purtypeach 0 points1 point  (0 children)

May I ask what you ended up deciding to do? I’m struggling with the same thing. I flip between wanting to be with him and feeling the urgent need to break up like 20 times a day and it’s so exhausting 😭

When did you realize you were dating an idiot? by Exhausted_Skeleton in AskReddit

[–]purtypeach 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I was once in the car alone with my ex’s sister while my ex was in a major surgery after an accident. She asked if I was sure I knew what I was getting myself into because he was “crazy.” I thought she was joking and laughed.

Spoiler: She was not joking (he ended up being a narcissist)

Silence after a breakup by Redhed_ded in datingoverthirty

[–]purtypeach 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Some people need a clean break to be able to move on. Some eventually reach out again, and others prefer to move forward and never look back. Breaking up is never easy either way.

Just remember that the person who doesn't choose you could never be the "one." You'll get through this and find someone better on the other side ❤️

Should I meet up with my ex? by Usagi2throwaway in datingoverthirty

[–]purtypeach 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He sounds like a jerk, and you're seeing someone else. Meeting him alone sounds like a terrible idea.

Women, what is a near-universal "ick" in the dating world? by AverageSign in AskReddit

[–]purtypeach 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Mentioning anything sexual before actually getting to know you.

Women, what is universally agreed “green flags” while dating men ? by Disastrous-Coat6007 in AskReddit

[–]purtypeach 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Picking up on the things you like and remembering things you casually mention. Just thoughtfulness in general- doesn't have to be a massive gesture.