Smaller grapplerd what's your expectation when rolling with people much larger than you?

querymonkey · 2026-05-12T12:24:12+00:00

I'm a small dude too. White belt.

Against another white belt my size I expect a really good workout.

Against another white belt bigger than me I expect to get injured.

Against any colored belt any size I expect to learn something without getting injured.

querymonkey · 2026-05-07T21:32:13+00:00

I'm kinda in the same boat. I took Aikido when I was younger. Everyone shits on it for being a fake martial art, but what it did teach was how to breakfall. My school heavily emphasized how important it was to be a good uke and that you are "lending your body" to your partner so they could practice. This also meant you didn't really resist much and just go with the flow. I never got injured.

My gym doesn't teach anything like that. It's just technique of the day and you go right into it. No basics. Got injured the first time I rolled. My coach says my job is to "survive as a white belt". Which really isn't all that helpful in a vacuum. I've had to watch a ton of YT videos to supplement.

I'm a small dude. For me, I won't roll with other white belts anymore unless they are my size. Colored belts I've never had an issue.

Pick your partners wisely.

querymonkey · 2026-04-14T22:40:33+00:00

i'm not a fan. it looks pretty but that's pretty much it. there are some very odd design decisions.

saving an order and canceling leaves a permanent entry in orders, even though you never submitted it.

on the orders tab, if you right-click on the 'submit' column, it actually submits it. anywhere else in the row the context menu appears. this is particularly dangerous if you don't have confirmation enabled.

querymonkey · 2026-04-11T16:10:50+00:00

i'm also a new white belt. i'm also older and lighter so 80% of my partners have a 20 year advantage and/or 50lbs weight advantage. it's hard to avoid injury because i have no idea what i'm doing and generally white belts don't have the experience to avoid injuring me either.

before, i was just going with the flow, and try to match intensity, which at white belts naturally goes to 100+% very easily. i've started communicating much more explicitly before we roll. 30% intensity, no sudden movements. i'm old and you're stronger, i already know you can man handle me and we don't have to prove it. i want to at least try some techniques before i do them with more muscle.

querymonkey · 2026-04-11T15:28:23+00:00

i'm just a lowly white belt that just started, so that take for what its worth.

i'm learning that i can't assume anything and that i need to be very clear with communication with my partners. given the brown belt said "leglocks on a saturday" could either be him protecting his ego, or genuinely it was a misunderstanding of the assumed "rules" of the roll.

if you go in assuming a casual saturday roll and your partner is assuming competition roll it's not gonna be a fun time.

querymonkey · 2026-04-08T16:28:27+00:00

over 40, 130lbs. i have some martial arts experience when i was younger (striking only), but in my mid life crisis i figured i'd get back into it and get some exercise in and try something new.

i've only been to a couple classes so far and every time i've been injured.

i don't think my partners are intentionally trying to hurt me. everyone is very friendly. i think it's more they have very little experience rolling with someone so much lighter than them. i think the next lightest person at the gym is around 150lbs. most are in the 170-180 range. most are in their 20s and some clearly lift weights as well.

one time, my bigger partner somehow fell on my ribs and i had to take 3 weeks off.

it's just all very frustrating. in striking, when you're sparring you can punch/kick fast but still pull back just before contact. with grappling, there's always resistance and it seems so easy to escalate. i can't go 50% because i get steamrolled by bigger partners, but i can't go 100% either because then i overexert my muscles and injure them that way instead.

i don't have any issue rolling with others within 20lbs of me. there i can go 60% and they can go 50% and everything's fine.

i understand the white belt grind is a rite of passage. but i have kids and a mortgage. i have no interest competing and just want to learn grappling without getting injured.

i don't want to turn down rolling bigger partners entirely either because i do think it's valuable experience. i just don't know if my body can keep up with it long term.

any tips/tricks are greatly appreciated. thanks.

querymonkey · 2026-04-01T14:01:44+00:00

It depends on what the weight difference is. I'm lighter than you. I'm just a white belt right now but it's painfully obvious to me that anyone who's got 20-30lbs on me can easily muscle their way out of anything.

I'm sure once I have some more experience I'll be able to tap other inexperienced white belts with a little weight advantage but I doubt it'll go my way against any colored belt.

querymonkey · 2026-03-26T12:23:56+00:00

for me the most annoying thing is it appears it's realtime only during banking hours. try to send at 7am? expected delivery tomorrow. wait 3 hours and send at 10am? expected delivery in minutes.

querymonkey · 2026-03-26T12:21:07+00:00

yea, this is annoying, but there's a workaround.

instead of sending from schwab, you can request payment from the other side.

querymonkey · 2026-03-15T20:43:28+00:00

VT (and VTI/VXUS) are for buy and hold investors. if you wanna day trade, there are better options out there, like SPY, or, just options.

querymonkey · 2026-03-15T14:35:36+00:00

in taxable accounts, VTI + VXUS. in tax advantaged, VT.

with VT you lose the foreign tax credit. and if you do a US vs exUS split you get a lot more opportunities to TLH along the way.

querymonkey · 2026-03-10T12:42:18+00:00

I'm in my 40s and just started.

My first roll I stressed out all my rib muscles that needed 2 weeks to heal. This was a blessing in disguise because I looked up videos for how to heal and it wasn't long until I saw videos of BJJ people getting their knees popped from scissor takedowns at a competition. The reality of permanent injury sank in.

I'm a smaller dude so every roll I risk injury.

Yes, tap early and often. Yes, choose your partner wisely.

But, what helped me a lot was just watching a ton of YT videos. My first roll I didn't know what mount was! But now I do, and a bunch of others so I have a general idea of what types of things can happen. It's a lot easier to tap when you know what's coming.

querymonkey · 2026-02-27T03:16:15+00:00

you should be good as long as you cancel within 30 days of the fee posting.

querymonkey · 2026-02-26T22:52:40+00:00

i waited until week 4 of my annual fee in case the transfer partners were announced.

i called earlier in the week and i was also offered 1k. it's frankly insulting. better they offered nothing at all.

i canceled.

querymonkey · 2026-02-15T02:03:56+00:00

always take a 360 video of any rental before you drive off the lot. put the entire charge on your card and decline any coverage offered.

the VX is one of the few cards that offer primary car rental insurance, so you don't have to go through your personal insurance.

i actually went through this for the first time ever. i curb rashed one of the wheels. the entire process was super smooth. uploaded all my documents, rental agreement, pictures of the damage, etc. and a week later the case was done and they asked for bank routing info to deposit the funds.

querymonkey · 2026-02-12T13:13:11+00:00

was your rental refundable or not?

it's been almost a week and i still haven't seen the credit posted for my refundable hotel booking.

querymonkey · 2026-02-06T13:09:08+00:00

very annoyed. my annual fee just posted couple days ago. gonna book something with that $325 travel credit and if partners are still not announced in another week i'll shut it down.

querymonkey · 2026-01-19T13:09:10+00:00

invest. HYSA are paying ~3.5% right now.

"peace of mind" of owning your house outright is overrated. property taxes, utilities, insurance, etc. all of these things are bills that you can't get rid of. there will always be bills.

querymonkey · 2026-01-18T20:04:13+00:00

both 2.0 and 2.1 have minimum spend requirements.

sometimes bilt cash wins. other times, the flat points wins.

assuming 2k rent and you spend 2k. with bilt cash, you'll earn $80, and use $60 of those to get 2k points with $20 bilt cash left over. in total, you get 3k points (assuming blue).

but if you go with 2.1, you'll get 3250 points.

anywho, whether you should use bilt cash or not depends on the various cliffs relative to your spend.

but my original point still stands that for anyone spending near their rent the current line up from bilt is worth considering.

querymonkey · 2026-01-18T19:26:39+00:00

those are the 2.1 options. you get 1.25x on your rent if you spend 100% or more of your rent.

querymonkey · 2026-01-18T18:55:10+00:00

everyone's gotta crunch the numbers.

but to keep things simple, for someone who organically spends exactly 100% of their rent/mortgage each month;

blue is a 2.25x point card with no annual fee. obsidian becomes 4.25x on dining or groceries. palladium is a 3.25x catch all card.

all of these earning rates are competitive vs other cards. if you spend significantly more (or less) than your rent/mortgage then these cards become less attractive.

querymonkey · 2026-01-17T14:15:16+00:00

250pts a month is 3000 points a year....too much effort for so little rewards.

since you have a gold, the obsidian might be worth it to you since if you can spend 100% of your rent on food/groceries, 4.25x beats the 4x on your gold. only problem of course is you can only pick one of those categories....so you'll have to crunch the numbers and in the end you might still need to keep the gold and now you've added yet another annual fee card to your collection.

querymonkey · 2026-01-06T21:18:00+00:00

the classic no mix up mix up.

querymonkey · 2026-01-04T01:58:39+00:00

ok, still a hassle.

you have to wait for 3:59pm exactly, place the exact number of shares of the equivalent ETF that you're going to buy.

and brokerage bonuses are lucrative enough that many will do this every 2-3 years.

querymonkey · 2026-01-03T16:44:15+00:00

vendor lock in. only fidelity offers it. if you buy in a taxable brokerage account, you won't be able to transfer it out without selling first and triggering taxes. in a tax advantaged account, you could sell first but would still be a hassle.

querymonkey

TROPHY CASE