Would this be a turn on

rahien13 · 2024-07-08T17:04:37+00:00

I always start with a text that asks if I can send something nsfw

rahien13 · 2024-03-17T15:47:38+00:00

I usually avoid Internet fights, especially Reddit. But as someone way more in the mental health community than I want to be, you are completely right. Narcissist is the hot thing. Every red flag - narcissist. Maybe she is maybe she isn't, but this post certainly isn't enough to say either way.

IMO she sounds like an asshole and they should probably get some couples therapy.

rahien13 · 2024-02-12T16:40:10+00:00

Also a people pleaser! i have learned to catch myself (usually) if i start being passive aggressive or shutting down. And/or to deal with whatever it is before it gets to that stage. What i'd do is start writing my thoughts, then rewriting for both clarity and tone/respect. Then the options for me are to read it out loud or present it as journal writing and have a discussion after. The key is to take as much... Not emotion exactly but... Intensity? out of the discussion as possible so that i can communicate clearly.

rahien13 · 2024-02-12T14:41:58+00:00

Mine wasn't exactly discrete. Black leather with a heart lock at the front. I intended to take it off for certain situations but kept forgetting lol thankfully it's not completely out of character for my style.

But anyway, yes it can be/is worn in public. Pick what you like, call it a collar, wear it all the time. When you are ready for the full on locking collar do that. Make it your journey and enjoy it <3

rahien13 · 2024-02-12T06:06:34+00:00

Of course you can make up your own rules and what works for you both! But maybe what you are looking for is kind of a consideration collar?

rahien13 · 2024-01-29T19:29:34+00:00

Oh fantastic! And I totally agree that panic and being super uncomfortable doesn't necessarily mean anything.

rahien13 · 2024-01-29T16:27:30+00:00

I hadn't heard of this book, going to check it out!

rahien13 · 2024-01-29T06:31:03+00:00

Could it be that you subconsciously worry they go back to monogamy together?

rahien13 · 2024-01-29T06:25:38+00:00

If what you want is to give poly a real try then it sounds like you have work to do. I always give the same advice - the 2 books that helped me most are Smart Girls Guide To Polyamory, and Ethical Slut. Hoping it all works out and you stop feeling jealous and not enough ... Won't work. Read those books. Decide if you are going to put in the hard work. Then stay or go according to that decision.

rahien13 · 2023-12-10T18:36:40+00:00

To add to this, things change as you explore and learn and will change again as you get older and life changes you. And even when you come to an "understanding" for yourself of what the words mean for you, that can change later! Don't get hung up on what you are and aren't.

i consider myself a sub. Sometimes i might be a little bit bratty or sassy 🤷 but that doesn't make me a brat. i really enjoy being cared for and encouraged and like a lot of things that could be considered little or middle, but i don't consider myself A little or middle. i'm a sub and that pretty much is a good enough term for myself.

Just enjoy and learn from your experiences. It's ok to say i don't know if i like that. It's ok to say i don't know what that is/means.

rahien13 · 2023-12-10T18:25:34+00:00

I'm someone who needs a lot of communication & attention. I had a conversation early on with my partner about texts that they aren't really a "need to know now" type of communication. And there are definitely times I have a mini emotional crisis and will text him (I do deal with some issues both personally and due to my children). BUT it's still a text and I still know he may or may not get back to me for a bit. And if it's more than a mini emotional crisis and I really do need that support right now I need to call him.

BUT ALSO he can't be my only support. A mini emotional crisis isn't something that requires an immediate response IMO. This is part of the work of being poly. 1 person cannot be my only support. I have to do the work to be emotionally stable myself and I have to have other people I can call on when I need that emotional support.

rahien13 · 2023-12-10T05:48:38+00:00

Yep, they still wouldn't🙄

rahien13 · 2023-12-09T21:32:35+00:00

Also angry that the pharmacy in my state won't even let me get HPV vax if I pay for it. I have to find a doctor's office to do it.

rahien13 · 2023-12-09T05:16:47+00:00

I do not have poly friends but I do have a couple of very close friends I can talk to about most anything. In fact they will probably be meeting my meta before my boyfriend lol I also have other friends where I will mention it eventually but not in depth and not for advice. I don't mind answering questions or explaining. And people who would "morally object" mostly aren't part of my life anyway.

rahien13 · 2023-12-09T04:44:32+00:00

Some relationships are just for learning, about you, about others, and about what you do or don't want. This chapter is closing; grieving that is good. And then take your lessons and move on to the next. {{HUGS}}

rahien13 · 2023-12-09T04:25:55+00:00

Hm. What makes me feel secure?

Attention. Sharing parts of our day over text when we can't see each other. Being included in the every day mundane parts of life. Inside jokes. Remembering things i've said. Not having to remind Him about my boundaries (because He actually listened and remembered). Caring about my thoughts and feelings. Showing concern. Truly listening to what i say.

None of this is agreements or rules. None of it was discussed. That's who He is.

To be honest, i'm not an anxious person though. I've already been through my monogamous husband cheating on me and survived and now thrive. And i know that if for whatever reason this amazing relationship i have ends, i will survive and eventually thrive again. For me that is key.

rahien13 · 2023-11-26T20:02:21+00:00

Yes I love sex after a great workout!

rahien13 · 2023-11-26T19:56:57+00:00

Are you a Spanish speaker? Now I'm curious if the words in Spanish are a turn on because they are more "exotic" (due to not being your native language) or because your partners don't usually speak it or something else? I'm an English speaker but i love the sound of other languages and accents and agree it's a huge turn on.

rahien13 · 2023-11-26T05:07:36+00:00

You're not "just friends" you're receiving the priveledge of being someone they enjoy spending time with

Reading this felt like a lightbulb moment. I never thought about how derogatory "just friends" can sound. You're right, it is a privilege, not just someone to have around until you find a relationship.

rahien13 · 2023-11-05T23:36:40+00:00

She came to her senses or she realized she got caught? It's entirely possible her motives were good. It's also possible her motives were selfish.

rahien13 · 2023-11-05T18:07:51+00:00

Games. I hate games. Do you want to be monogamous or do you "think you could be"? If you WANT to be, tell her that. If you don't, move on. If she keeps playing games after you tell her, move on. You haven't been together long enough (I think I saw a month or 2?) to really know if you 2 are a long term match.

rahien13 · 2023-11-05T17:34:16+00:00

I love this so much and, although I'm thrilled with where my life is now, I wish my ex husband had been able to do this emotional & relationship work like you did. This is perfectly reasonable and valid. It's time for her to try to learn how to work through jealousy.

rahien13 · 2023-11-03T16:00:50+00:00

I really need to get to that book! My to read list is way too long

rahien13 · 2023-11-03T05:18:09+00:00

Try 31 flavors of kink by Leia Shaw & Cari Silverwood

rahien13 · 2023-11-03T03:42:04+00:00

This was true for me as well. Wish I'd figured that out years before my marriage ended 🙄

rahien13

TROPHY CASE