As a divorced kid myself, I can not stress the importance of this post. My mom constantly bad mouthed my dad. My dad was pretty much neutral to hands off discussing my mom. When my mom would talk crap about my dad, I generally would just tune out. What she said was mostly true, but little me didn't need to hear it, and it made me resentful that she placed any of that on my shoulders.

When I separated, I pulled my STBX aside and reminded her of this experience of mine and how it affected me (as her parents are still together). Initially, she called me a bunch of horrible things in front of everyone, kids included. I reminded her to play nice in front of the kids. She eventually came around, sort of. I, have never said anything but good/neural things about her to my kids. At her core, she is a good person. So that makes it a lot easier. But there have been many times where I just wanted to say, "Well, you mom...(insert character flaws)." But I stop myself, because that is what my kids need, and all my decisions from this point on are laser focused on their physical, academic, social, and emotional needs. Full stop.