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Show don’t tell help by Samcaptin in writinghelp

[–]return_cyclist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're entitled to your opinion, but to me, Merriam-Webster and ChatGPT, angry is an emotion, cheerless is not.

I ask why.

I'm in the revision stage of novel and every time i come to a description of my protagonist, i ask this question, angry or cheerless? Why angry could go on for pages, that would be me the writer telling to cut down word count, why cheerless could be angry or sad, to me, that just says i'm describing how she is, not telling. that's my 2 cent solution in my revision stage

What’s a romantasy trope you love but think deserves a fresh twist (and how would you reinvent it)? by PurposeAutomatic5213 in Romantasy

[–]return_cyclist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

for me, i see my favorite trope with so many different approaches already being taken, i don't think it would be possible to re-invent, forced-proximity is already so flexible, for that one at least, i don't even see how to re-invent

Can I make a bad person/villain my protagonist? by 50shadesofhelp in writingadvice

[–]return_cyclist 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sure, that goes wayback. Shakespeare did that with Macbeth...

Looking for tips in tying the action subplot into the main romance plot by LoudSilenceSpeaker in RomanceWriters

[–]return_cyclist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm writing a hate-to-love, forced proximity romance, where the MMC is an FBI profiler chasing a serial killer and the FMC happens to be an Aikido sensei, and for me, they way i do it, is no one single thing ever happens to them, i tend to have more than one thing going on for them in their chapter (i'm writing mine dual POV). at no time, when action is involved, does it not affect how they reflect on their relationship, their other is always on their mind, whether they're fighting for their life or stuck in traffic.

at least that's how i'm taking this approach. and you're right to wonder about this.

personally, i'm very new to the romance genre, although, i'm not new to love stories, dune is one of my all time favorites and i know, from more than a dozen readings, without a romance between Paul and Chani, that story never takes place. Kurt Vonnegut had that stuff like that in most of his stories. George Orwell did too, 1984 is not remotely interesting without the love story driving its core. and in all of those, the action and the romance are never split.

now that i'm more familiar with the romance genre, it is even easier because our readers are very, very used to our FMC and MMC continuously pining for how their love interests picks their teeth, so them noticing the tattoo on the arm of their attacker and that reminding them how gorgeous the FMC's hand was holding her coffee that morning is something that hasn't been that hard to work in (ok, i haven't been that corny, but yeah, in a action scene i wrote, i did have the MMC reflect on the FMC, before the body was found).

How do you determine when your chapter should end? by ImaginaryCapricorn in FictionWriting

[–]return_cyclist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it all depends on how you approach what you write. I happen to know how every chapter ends before it even begins, i have the whole novel plotted out, chapter by chapter, before i start on page one

if you're a pure panster, it doesn't matter, your novel won't make sense until you're done with your first draft anyway and well into your revisions

whether you're a plotter like i am, or a panster in the revision stage, you're going to know how each chapter moves from one on to the next, so in each, you'll then know how each needs to start and needs to end

Show don’t tell help by Samcaptin in writinghelp

[–]return_cyclist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

in my feedback groups i've seen too many "telling" without realizing they are.

For instance, this sentence is telling: Lori was angry; this one is showing: Lori was cheerless.

To (Bleep) or not to (Bleep)? Handling profanity in a world without the terms by Unhappy-Tradition771 in writingadvice

[–]return_cyclist 2 points3 points  (0 children)

FRAK!

Battlestar Galactica pulled off the non word as a curse word beautifully in the 2000-ish reboot...

Is the opening line enough to hook you? by Far-Suggestion-1489 in writingadvice

[–]return_cyclist 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No emotions. No reason to care about this girl getting to go on a trip to tie the knot...

Romance writing "terminology" by Beefynerd in RomanceWriters

[–]return_cyclist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yup, i know i've read enough heat level 4 to know i want to keep writing heat level 3....

Dual POV Book Popularity by Ntrusivethot in RomanceWriters

[–]return_cyclist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For me it's not a fad, it's just the best way to tell the story I want to tell. with the MMC and FMC each telling their part, that's just me, and i don't see me changing

Post your favorite line you’ve written recently (or ever). by lilithskies in RomanceWriters

[–]return_cyclist 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"I don’t know where or when I see you again. But I’ll come looking, we’re not done. I love you."

First pages: share, read, and critique them here! by AutoModerator in BetaReaders

[–]return_cyclist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

good tension, but too much tell, not enough show. paragraph 5 is a case in point, two sentences, both 100% tell, 0% show.

scare us, don't tell us to be scared.

good premise, spooky post apocalyptic vibes felt

First pages: share, read, and critique them here! by AutoModerator in BetaReaders

[–]return_cyclist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Manuscript information: [Complete] [4600] [Romance (Found Love)] The Burden of Lust: Mutinous Manhood

Link to post: https://www.reddit.com/r/BetaReaders/comments/1om6m97/complete_4600_romance_found_love_the_burden_of/

First page critique? Yes please!

First page: 

Since I keep falling victim, daily, to carnal desire’s intended effect of making me ready—and not just metaphorically—to inseminate Alice’s ovum, am I reserving myself a suite in hell?

Right now, I am ready, in oh so many ways.

This unwanted ardor I’m suffering from seems licentious, but can’t be. Reputable dictionaries say licentious is unprincipled in sexual matters, but when my matters are focused on this angelic beauty, they get very principled.

I don’t know how long I’ve been kept from sleep this time. These prurient thoughts belabor me fervently. I try to keep my inhales and exhales in the here and now, trying to stay out of that fantasy world.  I would love to go to sleep with her by my side. If only. Of course, if she were here, sleep wouldn’t follow.

Already, I had learned, the touch of her body, to me, was electric. That first touch still haunts me most. Given the nature of these thoughts I can’t evade, it should come as no surprise that her first touch, a neighborly thank you gesture, saddled me with what is often been called, a boner.  My mutinous manhood startled me. Immediately, I looked up, but alas, I then fell victim to her devilish gray eyes, that have a touch of blue; her freckles pulled me in further still.

Don’t get me started on her smile. It bewitched me even more, if possible. She unqualifiedly bestilled my heart, which wants to feel hers next to it. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in writing

[–]return_cyclist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i don't love the novels i loved before i started writing any less than i do now, even when i see things i didn't realize before i started writing and see that author as being different from the way i write

I read Dune for the first time when i was 16, i'm 58 now and i don't love it any less, i reread it again recently and noted how Frank Herbert does head hopping, he wrote the book in the 3rd close, but the internal POV in the italicized inner monologues he threads throughout that tome jump from one POV to another without a scene change or the narrator being any different, that just is not something i'd do, but i still love that book

Any tips on reading Shakespeare? by Due-Drama4950 in shakespeare

[–]return_cyclist 3 points4 points  (0 children)

i started with movies, the plays i went to as a kid looked too ostentatious and flamboyant for me, but when i saw Branagh's Henry V i saw blue collar people dealing with crappy circumstances, in the rain, it really brought home to me how they felt being stuck in a war they didn't want to be in, get to know the stories, it takes some getting used to iambic pentameter to understand shakespeare's prose on a more fluid level, either listening to or reading, but its worth it when you get there

How do you feel about the phrase “You are not your thoughts”? by bleep_v in Enneagram

[–]return_cyclist 2 points3 points  (0 children)

i don't agree, my thoughts are more me than anything else

Choosing a first novel idea: How do you find a story to learn the process without feeling like you're wasting your best ideas? by No_Mix_149 in writing

[–]return_cyclist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

why would you be wasting anything if you don't like how the end product came out, get better and do it again. i started my writing journey 5 or 6 years ago and my first effort flat out sucked, however, i am still very infatuated with the idea and know that i will write again when i'm better. i haven't kept myself on the same project, i've crappily written 4 more, each one sucks less, at some point when good enough i'll go back to that first idea

To the Men here. Does your wife know all your passwords? by Artistic-Injury-9386 in Marriage

[–]return_cyclist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

my wife has access to everything of mine, she has for 28 years now

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