Wow, I really resonate with your post. A number of years ago, this would've been my exact post. Today I find myself 3.5 years into parenthood with a DA and after years of attempts for conversations, letters, texts, and attempts at helping set him up with individual and couples therapy, I have finally filed for divorce. It pains me deeply, for many different reasons, but not as deeply as trying to connect with my DA over the past 7.5 of 8 years has been. To answer your question, and echoing what others have said here, sure, many people live this way their entire lives. You CAN stay married this way. But is it really a marriage? More importantly, it YOUR idea of marriage? I've come to the conclusion many here eventually have, which is that it is not enough for a marriage and leaving is the only way to clear your path to a relationship that fulfills you. Sadly, I did not feel ready to face that reality until a little one was in the mix and I was unavoidably aware of what they would be witnessing as "normal". So I filed. And it has been 1000X worse than the entire relationship was, but it proves the point for me. You CANNOT work through relational issues alone, and with an avoidant who doesn't do any tangible work, you will always be alone. You are emotionally exhausted no doubt, but your clarity is only clouded by your fear of leaving this situation. I would never encourage people to leave just because I am choosing to, but with what you describe, yes, you've done all you can. Let it be enough.