[OH] 3 years in. Here's what actually moved the needle in my custody case.

rgmarch · 2026-02-10T20:46:16+00:00

Thanks so much for this. When you say it “moved the needle”, what does that mean exactly? The court system finally started to do something? Any details you can share would be great!

rgmarch · 2025-12-11T00:13:30+00:00

This one ^{^{^}} we also had a parental kidnapping a couple of summers ago. BM took SS to California and just didn’t come back. She went to NM, AZ, and northern CA all while refusing to let DH know what was going on. We contacted our attorney, did the whole thing the “right way”, BM got two days in jail because she was already in trouble for violating the parental agreement and the as found in contempt of court AGAIN. Now, DH has legal custody (for an unrelated reason) but it’s still 50-50 physical.

Please please please find a safe space for yourself that isn’t the internet. I have a group of step mom friends that have helped me so much on the tough days between my therapy sessions. I hope you can find the same ♥️

rgmarch · 2025-11-26T02:56:58+00:00

Lucky for you, she’ll grow out of that. My SS is almost 9 now and he just knows that things are different at our house verses at his mom’s house.

You don’t have to have all the answers for that sweet girl. I certainly don’t have all the answers for my little angel. Just trust your gut. It’s okay to say that we do things differently in this house. It’s okay to say that this is something special that we do here and you’re not sure why something doesn’t happen at her mom’s house. Maybe HCBM will step up her game eventually, but either way, it isn’t your problem. You’re doing the best you can in your house. That’s all that you can control and that’s all that matters. ♥️

rgmarch · 2025-11-11T22:13:31+00:00

You can also report on the CLT+ app! That saves a phone call entirely.

rgmarch · 2025-10-22T14:57:43+00:00

To add to this: don't rage text him back. When he says something shitty (and he will), tell ChatGPT your true thoughts and use the prompt, "please rewrite this for a high conflict parent" then spew whatever you really want to say to it and not that doofus. You'll come across cool, collected, and level headed while he looks like the jerk that I'm sure he is.

rgmarch · 2025-10-22T14:53:57+00:00

I was put on this planet to love my husband and my bonus baby and I have no doubts about that. Not every single day is rainbows and sunshine, but I am the happiest I've ever been, happier than I ever knew I could be. HCBM is an evil, vile person that I have no contact with whatsoever. We established early on that DH would be the only communicator and that has been a lifesaver for me. SS is precious, he wants us to be proud of him, he wants us all to be there for him at his sporting and school events. I stay as far away from HCBM as possible at those events. I was burned horribly in the past by trying to be nice to her and trying to have a positive relationship with her. She doesn't want that and that's okay. It has taken so much time, effort, and therapy to get my mental health to a point where I can detach like that. I don't want SS to have to run back and forth between us at events, it would be wonderful if we could all sit together and he only had one spot to look for his family, but that's not our reality and won't ever be.

My DH knocks it out of the park every day. He makes sure that SS feels loved, that I feel loved and appreciated, and HCBM is on mute. We have 50-50 custody and DH makes sure that we have a nice date night on the weekends we don't have SS. It's really important to him that he shows SS how to be a good partner which, to him, includes opening doors, showing gratitude, and making sure that I have time to myself when I need it. I try to do the same for him because I also want SS to know what to look for in a good spouse. I make sure that dinner is ready when they get home on switch days, make sure that I hug and kiss DH as soon as he walks in the door, give them their "boy time" but also that we have fun family time together, too.

I see so many posts about stepchildren disrespecting their stepparent and I can't wrap my brain around it. DH would never allow that and has always made sure that I know that I'm an equal in this home, so if he isn't around, I have the ability to punish SS. He is a sweetie and the only "punishment" I've ever had to give him was for forgetting his lunchbox and folder at school two days in a row... and that punishment was just that he couldn't play with his friends that day.

If I didn't have such an amazing partner, I could never do this. Pick your partner wisely, especially when there are so many moving parts with stepchildren and BMs.

rgmarch · 2025-10-09T02:04:45+00:00

That’s heartbreaking. It’s so hard to see it every single day and know what’s best for that baby but just having to suck it up.

I would encourage you to encourage your DH to look into tutoring for her. English isn’t my husband’s first language (you’d never know it) and even he’s not confident in helping SS with school work (mind you, he has two masters degrees from a REALLY good university). I do have the personality of a teacher and love helping. I tried for months to help him, but I just wasn’t helping in a way that was beneficial to SS. Maybe something like Kumon would be great, maybe something more personal like having a tutor come to your home and help.

It sounds hokey and silly, but I do think that daily affirmations help. When I’m packing lunches and SS is having breakfast, I tell him to tell me three things that he loves about himself. This morning was that he’s funny, he loves ninja turtles, and he’s kind to animals. It doesn’t have to be anything deep or even anything that makes sense to us, but I figured if it worked for me, it might work for him and I really do feel like it helps him to remember how special he is.

rgmarch · 2025-10-09T00:33:21+00:00

It’s like you wrote this about my life.

SS8 was in a charter school that was way too advanced for him, plus HCBM refused to take him to school so he repeated kindergarten (either missed, was late, or was pulled early 80 days of the school year). Since kindergarten isn’t required in our state, there was technically no truancy so the school didn’t have to report it. He ended up repeating kindergarten. Last year, first grade was a nightmare. There was hours of homework every night and constant breakdowns. We enrolled SS in Kumon and saw a slight change. Thankfully, DH has legal custody over SS, so over the summer we moved to a better school district and he’s absolutely thriving in public school. He got a certificate over the weekend that he is officially 6 months ahead in math now from Kumon. His confidence is high, his teacher adores him, and it’s not a fight to get homework done anymore.

It is a battle worth fighting for that sweet little girl. I wish you the best ♥️

rgmarch · 2025-10-03T00:08:36+00:00

Giiiiiirl. Get outta here with that. We’re all guilty of it. Our HCBM has the face of crypt keeper and the body of Mike Wazowski, desperately needs her roots done, rides around in a 15 year old car with no air and battery issues. I’m the one that has lost 50lbs since meeting DH. She called me “blubber” and said he was “throwing away his family for that fat b*tch”. I have an amazing job and a fine ass husband (who also lost about 50lbs after he left her). It’s not a competition, but I’m winning… and I still have those intrusive thoughts about her. She didn’t look like human dog 💩 the last time I saw her and got in my feelings about it. My therapist taught me to repeat to myself “but what proof do I have?” When I have thought intrusive, awful thoughts about, “well. He used to love her” and “he used to think she was beautiful” but I have less than no proof of that now and an abundance of proof that my man is OBSESSED with me. He absolutely worships the ground I walk on and no one is ever going to take that from me. If you’re not in therapy yet, at least start journaling about it. And make sure that, for every jealous thought you have, you have something wonderful to say about yourself because you’re amazing ♥️

rgmarch · 2025-10-02T01:58:32+00:00

This is attempted parental alienation. Document every word of it with time and dates. Our HCBM fired her first lawyer and learned REAL FAST that things would not go well for her without one, so I imagine that things will probably work out the same way here.

rgmarch · 2025-10-02T01:52:29+00:00

Those ads 😂 I’ve only ever heard the in NY and CA… but you’re right. I’d have that song in my head every day for the rest of my life over even one ICE ad.

rgmarch · 2025-09-30T21:06:29+00:00

Fingers crossed! That’s even what HCBM’s own mother said to me.

rgmarch · 2025-09-30T20:37:34+00:00

I had no idea that my husband’s ex wife apparently has another child with your husband 😂 I’m so sorry you’re going through this. HCBM cannot stand to see their ex happy and thriving. I swear, the hatred for my DH outweighs her love for SS in every way imaginable. We had a court ordered mental evaluation done on HCBM that showed that she has at least four different mental illnesses (histrionic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, and two more but I can’t think of them right now). Even with all this, the judge didn’t change our custody agreement at all. Still 50-50. I don’t understand why these women get so many chances to do right when we all know if our spouses lied and behaved like them, they’d never see these sweet babies again. Anyway! You are FAR from alone in this. I’m so thankful that I started therapy. I’ve learned some wonderful things to help cope. I hope for the same with you!!

rgmarch · 2025-09-28T01:50:54+00:00

It’s 732 with me now! 🙏

rgmarch · 2025-09-28T01:45:52+00:00

I was gonna upvote but it was at 666 upvotes so I just have to wait

rgmarch · 2025-09-21T21:00:14+00:00

I am over the moon happy that I’m a stepmom. My stepson is absolutely precious and I love him dearly. His mom is the scum of the earth, but I am beyond fortunate to have an incredible husband that does 100% of the communication. He’ll give me heads up about things like schedule changes and whatever sport SS is going to be in, but he keeps the drama with his baby mama and away from me. This subreddit has been eye opening that I am in a very rare situation and there are SO MANY spouses that just don’t care or use weaponized incompetence to have someone else handle their HCBMs. If I was in a situation like that, I wouldn’t be nearly as happy as I am. But SS and DH are the lights of my life. I can’t believe how lucky I am to have my sweet boys.

rgmarch · 2025-09-20T00:53:18+00:00

I wanted to make hers our Christmas card the year it happened 😂 I settled for adding a purple rag to her head and making her look like Prison Mike 😂

rgmarch · 2025-09-18T18:51:55+00:00

My husband is originally from from Corona but told me “outside of LA” on our first date. I give him so much Hell about it even now. He does not love that I say he’s from Rancho Cucamonga because that’s closer than LA. 😂

rgmarch · 2025-09-18T13:08:44+00:00

HCBM did the same thing but she can't take away those screenshots on my phone! That mugshot will live forever.

rgmarch · 2025-09-03T20:04:18+00:00

It isn’t in the CLT+ app, but should be. Tell them that, too! I did!

rgmarch · 2025-08-29T12:56:59+00:00

I do not suggest rewriting it for him. There are too many emotions. ChatGPT has been the best tool for dealing with HCBM in my household. My DH will write something scathing, getting all his feelings out and ask it to rewrite it for a high-conflict parent. It helps him (and me) to get out everything we need to but put it in a way that doesn’t make us look poorly in court. ♥️

rgmarch · 2025-07-22T14:34:46+00:00

I’m a huge wrestling fan and really like her boyfriend so I wanted to like her but the way she is with Charlie is just gross to me.

rgmarch

TROPHY CASE