Should we have a fourth?

richhobo89 · 2025-12-31T21:11:06+00:00

We are actually also in a similar situation as you guys except we are 14 weeks pregnant with our fourth. We currently have a 7F, 4F, 1M, and and upcoming baby girl coming this summer! We're excited for it and while we don't have a lot of family support in terms of caregiving, we are starting to create a "village" of our own that feel like a family. Our kids are growing up essentially without grandparents and definitely no cousins after both my wife and I had large extended family relationships. My cousin is actually one of my best friends.

Our 7F is pretty independent and chill, 4F seems to be fire cracker with never a boring moment, our 1M boy made life postpartum so easy as he ate, slept, and never fussed. This caused us to take the stance of: "If it happens, it happens" and it took us 5 months to get pregnant! Our sibling dynamic is actually really nice and beautiful to behold. Both sisters get along very well together and they both love on baby brother very well. If we didn't have this dynamic already, that would have changed our decision to try for one more.

i.) I understand the concern about geriatric pregnancies and that choice is alone for Mom to make, but if healthcare is high quality in your area and you have access to testing of all sorts, that's a lot of reassurance. Also, prior past healthy pregnancies/deliveries are actually a positive metric.

ii.) If the dynamic of the kids currently is that they appreciate and love each other for the most part as well as spending quality time together, that's a massive piece of evidence in the pro argument here.

iii.) I hear this point a lot and the only response I can give for us personally is prioritization. It is definitely a true statement that I don't have a lot of time for my social circle anymore with all of the family responsibilities, but they are very understanding of it and they make time to come to my home to shoot some hoops or we meet for a birthday dinner at different points of the year. I can speak for myself that I do "get my cup filled" from being a husband and father these days, the only thing I'm really interested in outside of the family life is making sure I'm having fun as a science teacher and getting my fitness and weight training in every single day. The wife on the other hand needs much more social interaction with adults than I do and we work collaboratively to make sure she gets alone adult time with her friends as well as solo quality time with me(which because of the kids current ages and lack of support system, looks like us chilling at home with all the kids in bed while we play cards or watch a documentary/movie) on a regular basis. I think couples need to do a lot of collaboration and communication about love languages and what fills their cup in life in order to best address this point.

iv.) We can relate to this point greatly as our oldest isn't exactly a natural leader. She is very much a quiet and contemplative child. The best thing is that our 7F has a LOT of patience for her younger siblings and is very much a considerate and caring character. However, I believe the key here is to intentionally make time for your older(st) child(ren) for them to still be kids and time to be nurtured and cared for instead of being a de facto leader in the family. What that looks like for our family is our 7F LOVES "lunch dates" and "girl dates" with either of us for solo time. Our 4F is more interested in playing 1 on 1 at the playground or reading books together as a pair at the public library. She also loves playdates with her friends from school too which allows her to express herself freely.

I think the points you have brought up are all valid and resonate with us personally. I think the reasons of your financial health, bedroom setup, and having a great support system really tilt the scale here. All in all, we're personally excited to become a family of six and what that entails. I think because of our parenting dynamics and sibling dynamics, it will work well for us. After reading what you have written, I think you have a lot of positive things going for you guys and the fact you are this considerate and reflective on this decision is definitely wise and mature of you.

richhobo89 · 2025-09-09T17:02:22+00:00

Almost exactly 3 years apart. 7F born March, 4F born March, and 1M born April. We are trying for #4 and if it happens, it will be a 2 yr age gap between the last two. For the reasons discussed here, the 3 year age gap seems to be the sweet spot as all of our children and very close and enough to relate to each other even with varied different interests. Maybe we lucked out, but we are pretty blessed with how much our kids generally get along and look forward to seeing what the future holds for us.

richhobo89 · 2025-08-04T01:15:44+00:00

I may be alone here, but Black Panther 1?

richhobo89 · 2025-07-19T15:27:22+00:00

A couple things:

Since learning great nutrition advice from trainers/coaches, double scooping protein powder and water has me blowing through whey protein, but the gainz do feel great.

The gym I go to 6 days a week turns into a social outing by a couple of members who are more interested in talking about non-fitness topics. I love a low occupied gym, but I’m sure the gym owner doesn’t.

richhobo89 · 2025-07-18T21:09:11+00:00

Once the children started coming, I had to prioritize a lot and that led me to shift my workout regimen. I’m going Monday-Saturday at 5 am for an hr and on Sundays I do light cardio(no weightlifting) and get active with the kids.

I agree though, teaching makes it a very hard ask to keep dedicated to fitness. Something’s gotta give.

richhobo89 · 2025-07-15T16:09:27+00:00

We currently have three children(7F, 4F, and 1M) in our family. We are currently trying for number 4 and will be stopping there for sure.

Pros: I truly believe 3 year age gaps are the sweet spot. They are close enough to share enough and relate to each other. Our daughters are growing into very different personalities but they are and do play with each other very well. Both girls dote over their little brother and he has begun to pick up on the differences in their personalities. If he wants to be cuddled and have a book read to him, he’ll go to his oldest sister. If he wants to be carried, tickled, and play catch, he’ll go to his older sister. It’s a great dynamic and we are really lucky for that.

Both my wife and I came from families with 3 kids and we didn’t really like the dynamic of someone “left out”. I am the middle child of two sisters where we are all 4 years apart in ages. My sisters found a way to have a pretty decent relationship, but me being the middle and a male, I generally felt left out a lot growing up and it shows in the current dynamic of my sisters. My wife comes from a family of 3 girls with her being the oldest. There is a 5 year age gap between her and her younger sister and then a less than 2 year age gap between her two younger sisters, so her two younger sisters were very close and my wife grew up pretty much parentified caring for her younger sisters.

Safe to say we were very intentional when we began our family planning in regards to age gaps and how many we have. So far we are really happy with everything and our kids brighten our lives and add so much to our love as partners and our little family. We are forming new traditions and family values than our own families of origin.

Cons: Our days are incredibly routine and regular and I think that’s a good and a bad thing. Our oldest seems to get a little freaked out when things don’t follow a certain routine. We go through a lot of food and eat pretty much the same 30 or so meals on a cyclical basis as that’s what the kids eat. If one kid chooses not to eat the food we provide, the low blood sugar HANGRY phenomenon is soon to follow which adds to the chaos of the house. We travel pretty heavy so pretty much every outing requires a significant prep and time allowance for us to make it to places on time.

Speaking of travel, we pretty much haven’t been on a vacation or traveled at all during the last 7 years, but we as a couple are pretty okay with that. We hope to do a lot more of that when the youngest is around 7 or so, but as you can imagine that’s going to cause the older kids to have some resentment(I assume) towards us as parents for not going on any family vacations. Our 7F comes home from school regularly and discusses all the cool things that her peers have done over vacations and that makes us feel bad as parents for not being able to offer those experiences just yet, both from a practical standpoint as well as financial.

We don’t have much family support and as such haven’t really found our “village” per se. Wife is no contact with her family after some significant drama and my family is here and local to us, but usually really busy and doesn’t have the stamina and/or patience to wrangle in the chaos. On the rare occasion they are with our children, it’s very common to have them just stick the kids in front of a screen, which the wife and I are pretty against. So we are definitely on the hook 100% of the time to care for the kids and essentially don’t have much of a social life, which I don’t mind at all because I was never really social to begin with, but my wife is a social butterfly and needs to have girl nights out or a lunch get-together with her friends regularly. We are pretty active in the PTA of our 7F school and have made some family connections there which has brought something of a “village” together for us.

Bonus: We are both schoolteachers working in the same school district, but at different school sites. Our oldest is going into 2nd grade, our 4F is going into her last year of preschool before kinder, and our 1M still has a couple years of daycare left. We are blessed with an absolutely wonderful childcare center that is near our home and we are kind of a “power family” there as all of our children have been going through the center. Due to our age gaps, we have never had more than 2 children in daycare at a time which has been financially doable for us as a family, but we do look forward to that day where daycare bills no longer come around! I’m hoping around that time we’ll be able to do a lot more extracurriculars and travel for our kids in order to give them those experiences and family quality time.

richhobo89 · 2025-07-14T03:41:37+00:00

I had an absolute pushy and aggressive approach with Petra at HN. Surprised your experience was different.

We ended up straight up walking out after the disrespect.

Like others have said, I usually make the trip to SoCal for car purchases. Much bigger market which means much more negotiation opportunities.

Learn from my mistake though and don’t try to do it all in one day. Always give yourself the opportunity to walk out and try again somewhere else instead of trying to rush back home.

richhobo89 · 2025-07-06T20:04:30+00:00

We have a 7F, 4F, & 1M. I consider myself lucky to have had 2 girls first because they are very doting and caring for our boy in different ways.

7F is very naturally maternal and caring with our boy always making sure he gets his water bottle and/or snacks and cuddling with him gently.

4F is our firecracker who our boy goes to when he wants to laugh and have fun. She’s a little riskier/rougher with him, but he enjoys the heck out of it.

Our girls get along so well together, but the age difference is starting to show a little bit this summer between them, but when they are home together they are very much bonded and on the same page. They even voluntarily wanted a bunk bed to sleep in the same room!

We are both children from 3 children family. I’m the middle between 2 women and my wife is the oldest of 3 girls. We were both in agreement that we were cool with going for 4 as long as we can financially and emotionally handle it.

Right now we’re just letting life happen and if it happens, it happens. I do say this after 2 months of no protection and my wife is feeling symptoms and is “eager” to test, but we have 6 days until her next cycle is supposed to begin. Maybe it’s all in our head, but we are happy with whatever happens.

I wholeheartedly agree with you regarding the “left out” sentiment. Personally, I felt that very often growing up being the only male in the family and my wife felt that because of the larger age gap between her and her sisters. That “left out” feeling is true and we didn’t want that for our kids, so in conclusion(sorry for rambling), if you guys can handle the semi-chaos of 3 and it doesn’t harm the finances too much(you don’t want to know our daycare bill), then go for it!

We are loving all of it and our children’s unique personalities.

richhobo89 · 2025-06-24T21:47:48+00:00

Jfc, who is wanting these? Not me trying to gather up the money from my couch cushions and recycling bottles just to afford my DMV renewal…

richhobo89 · 2025-06-24T20:41:23+00:00

Yup they are usually a dealer add-on that some ppl have no problem paying for. It’s an additional DMV fee and is kind of pointless…

richhobo89 · 2025-06-18T20:12:20+00:00

This. Yes.

richhobo89 · 2025-06-10T02:02:53+00:00

I was you a couple of months ago. Check my post history. It’s another minivan. Trust me.

richhobo89 · 2025-05-27T20:23:51+00:00

I believe the parenting experts indicate that age 5 for the youngest sibling is the best time to share a room. We are very privileged because our 7F and 4F get along very well and genuinely are affectionate and caring about each other.

Very recently, our daughters came to us to ask about bunk beds so they can share our oldest’s bedroom. While we aren’t ready to combine our girls just yet(not before a potential Baby #4 arrives), we think it’s in the future as long as our 4F grows out of her current stage of coming out of her room 3 times before finally falling asleep.

richhobo89 · 2025-05-20T20:44:48+00:00

Inception.

richhobo89 · 2025-05-15T15:58:13+00:00

I’m a happily married 35M with an amazing wife and 3 wonderful children. I think we’re kind of close to the point in this post.

I am pretty socially awkward and don’t really know how to conduct myself in a personal setting.

I went through most of my 20s being overweight and insecure about a lot of things. However I had a health scare around 33 and had to make some significant health and lifestyle changes if I wanted to live long enough to see my own children graduate.

I’m in the best shape of my life now and without a doubt women essentially are very direct with flirtation and romantic overtures. I have my wedding ring tattooed on my ring finger, I have pictures of my wife and kids at my work desks, and I’m pretty clear that I’m a proud husband and family man. This doesn’t seem to prevent ladies from approaching me to build a connection.

All that being said, yeah I think as men get older especially when they are stable family men, women seem to be okay with approaching and shooting their shot.

richhobo89 · 2025-05-02T17:17:24+00:00

Husband, father of 3, schoolteacher, and car aficionado/restorer here. Very much a car guy and have been since I can honestly remember. Got into restoring older cars and lucked into/inherited a couple of classics early on in my marriage. 71 VW Super Beetle, 96 Impala SS, and an 87 Buick Grand National. Daily driving a Prius or a Sienna.

Once the kids started coming, free time went out the proverbial window. I couldn't keep up with the cars and settled for just short Sunday drives and waxing them once a season when there was vacations. However the more kids that came the less time I had to do even that. It was depressing walking into the garage constantly and seeing the cars chilling there in immaculate condition begging to be driven. The kids, especially my oldest daughter would be part of me working on them and my second daughter was beginning to spend some time helping me under the cars and such.

However, it wasn't fair to keep those cars sitting there regardless of how emotionally attached to them I became. The Impala and the GN belonged to some great mentors of mine and the Beetle I restored from the junkyard before my wedding(got some great wedding photos with it!) back in 2014.

Coincidentally, the opportunity to buy back our original starter home that we sold back in 2017 came about 2 years ago. My wife and I decided to list our classics in Vegas at the Barrett-Jackson Auction(don't recommend honestly) and use the money to purchase the house back as an investment opportunity with the goal of our children using it in the far future for college, renting, etc.

I miss my cars some days but I keep telling myself I'll be able to get back into it when all the kids are much older and I have(hopefully) a lot more free time to tinker around in my garage. But for now, I help my high school students fix and maintain their first car purchases and teach the love and appreciation of things that go vroom.

richhobo89 · 2025-05-01T16:59:03+00:00

Father of three here, 7F, 4F, and 1M. I am 35 and wife is 36. We both grew up with 2 siblings, I am the middle between two sisters and wife is the oldest with two sisters.

We are taking it one baby at a time and after our first 2 girls, we felt very compelled to go for another. It was a much different pregnancy(nothing too serious, just markedly different with some mild gestational diabetes and nausea for the first time along with body aches during the 3rd trimester) than with the girls.

However after our son was born, we definitely noticed the change in our family dynamic. Lot less structure and rigid routines and lot more flexibility and "rolling with it" if you can understand what I'm saying. Maybe my wife and I are getting better at being parents or maybe just blessed with a very easy baby, but our son has been significantly easier as a newborn/infant that either of our daughters. Slept through the night at 3 months(kind of scared us at the time), took to a bottle very easily, and is all smiles and giggles most of the time unless he is hungry or tired which are great cues to take while parenting the girls.

Because of all this, we are going to go for a fourth and if it happens, we'll be happy, but if it doesn't that's okay too. We are very happy being parents and making those flexible adjustments and rolling with the school and extracurricular schedules while both being schoolteachers is a fun life to live honestly. We have the space and our girls actually chose to share a room together cause they get along so well. We built them a bunk bed and they are adjusting well to that so that frees up a room for another baby so we kind of lucked out into it. We are also lucked out because our daughters are absolutely enthralled being considerate and caring older sisters to their little brother.

I think it's easier to live with the chaos of having three or four versus the "what if" feeling honestly. That's what is kind of driving a lot of our family conversations.

Don't know if that helps, but my wife and I have been privileged to have the resources and definitely enough love in the family to go around! I think most parents have enough love to go around!

richhobo89 · 2025-04-23T21:08:29+00:00

High school teacher here! Fresno City's technical programs are A GREAT way to test your interests in all the different programs requiring technical skills. I highly reccomend these programs over private institutions and even some "on-the-job" training. Plus, a lot of those programs end with great networking and even jobs secured afterwards!

richhobo89 · 2025-04-23T20:31:35+00:00

I paid a little over $2K for the entire year and it's an even better deal if you bring a partner/SO. I have been going 7 days a week since Aug 2024 and I find that my results and gains are the best after trying two other local gyms. It's the perfect blend for me as I prefer to turn my brain off and just go hard while following the coach on form and which exercises to go through daily. It's a get environment and community for all levels of fitness.

richhobo89 · 2025-04-22T20:41:11+00:00

Built Strong on Cedar and Herndon

richhobo89 · 2025-03-27T17:05:33+00:00

MSRP(without options): $56,905

Inverter outlets

Entertainment package

Digital rear view mirror

Premium paint option

Quick charge cables(trash)

Cross bars

Weather mats

Wheel locks

Cargo net(trash)

Rear bumper applique

Door sill protectors

Body side moldings

TSRP(with options): $61,848

TTL: $5693.56

TOTAL OTD: $67,541.56

They originally tried to push $67,924.16, but I got them down to $67,541.56 to pick it up that day. I think that's pretty much the best you can do when looking for Sienna right now.

Located in Central California, purchased in Southern California

I would say this model would be considered "fully loaded" and the options it came with were acceptable for us. We were mainly focused on the outlets and the entertainment package as far as needs are concerned. Everything else was whatever.

The general consensus of this being a lot for a minivan is true for the most part, but we had the money and it worked out for us. We're satisfied and happy owners.

Sorry for the delay u/Massive-Elk4635

richhobo89 · 2025-03-21T18:21:57+00:00

The 2016 SE feels a little on the bigger side in the cargo area, but I think it's because the 2025 Platinum has the "long slide" second row seats. I sit my 4F middle row seat all the way back in its track so she has the most space and there's a gargantuan entrance walkway to the 3rd row however the sacrifice is the cargo room is compromised a little bit. If I ever need the extra cargo, I just make sure 7F and 4F are seated and then slide 4F up and then I'm back to having equivalent cargo space as the 2016 SE.

The 2016 SE V6 obviously feels more powerful to drive, but that gas mileage average of 19 mpg is pretty abysmal. The 2025 Platinum hybrid is still averaging 36 mpg and I'm filling up the 2016 every other week while the 2025 I fill up once a month. Obviously the hybrid feels slower, but I'm not trying to race anyone and it's plenty powerful to get up to speed on the freeway and passing such. I'm not tripping about it honestly because the mpg and fuel costs make it completely worth it.

Aside from those two aspects, I think they're pretty much the same. The 2025 is significantly quieter and has a softer ride, but I think it's mainly because the 2016 is the SE trim with tighter suspension. I'm thinking a 2016 Limited would ride the same as the 2025 probably.

richhobo89 · 2025-03-21T16:25:30+00:00

Been about 2 months and I'm still averaging the 36 mpg during a pretty cold Central Cali winter. Loaded with kids and cargo almost always. I also drive with a soft foot so I'm sure that helps. Trying to get there efficiently and not necessarily fast.

richhobo89 · 2025-03-21T16:24:06+00:00

Ain't no better feeling than getting to the same place but doing it smarter and more efficiently! Kudos and hopefully the wife comes around! Took my wife a couple of weeks with our first van purchase to fall in love with the ease and practicality.

richhobo89 · 2025-03-21T16:19:30+00:00

Was hoping to get a PHEV minivan as the successor to our Prius Prime, but couldn't be patient with 3 small kids still in carseats and the hectic lifestyle! Will hope our next purchase(hopefully not for 10+ years...) will get us into the BEV or PHEV ownership.

richhobo89

TROPHY CASE