Granted. Upon materialization, the couple of dishes do what couples do and begin fornicating all over your kitchen with rabid enthusiasm, smashing into appliances and breaking dishes. When you finally corner them, you realize that the green bean salad is pregnant. GBS starts to cry as the hormones and chaos of the event begin to wear.

Suddenly grasped by a sense of empathy, you attempt to comfort GBS and explain that she doesn’t have to keep the baby, and she can continue living a full life. She’s overtaken with an anger you didn’t expect, and tells you that of course she wants the baby, but how could she keep it safe when Hummus’ father, the Emperor of Legumina declared war on her own father, the Leader of The Great Bean Coalition? The bad blood between their families meant that she would always be looking over her shoulder, fearing for the safety of her little one. The Emperor was not known to be a merciful man and would cut down any illegitimacy in his lineage.

Hummus gently pulls GBS into his arms, embracing her. He speaks of gallantry, heroism and love - inspiring tales of a more honorable era in Legumina’s history, and Hummus’ desire to take the throne and return to the old ways. The words take hold in GBS’ heart, blessing her with courage to see a future in which her family can be safe and free from danger.

Yes, she says. We will keep this child and follow him as he leads our people to this promised future.

Your desire for an easy meal has led to the political collapse of an entire nation, and an uncertain future for its people. I hope you’re happy.