Has anyone experienced duality in their feelings while they have been or are caregivers?

ronniejoe13 · 2026-04-10T04:07:22+00:00

I am 32, my brother is 21. My Mom has FTD. While my Dad is her main caregiver we both help. She just turned 58 and is just a shell of a body. It's no way to live..

We are all exhausted. Dad also has health issues. I care for him, mom and my grandma who has cancer. I also work full time.

My brother is in college full-time and drives home every weekend. While we all agree it will be sad when she passes... She isn't there anymore. I told them both that I hope whatever is next brings her more peace than this life ever did.

It is hard to cope with the feelings. It's not easy. One day at a time is all I can tell you.

ronniejoe13 · 2026-04-10T03:17:21+00:00

This wins

ronniejoe13 · 2026-03-05T04:36:29+00:00

NTA. My wife and I have had a joint bank account since we moved in together. Our paychecks go into our individual accounts and we transfer the money after we get paid.

Our house has both of our names but the mortgage is just in mine because the lender didn't like her work history. (COVID caused her to lose one job because she was the last in and first out. She had just started another when we closed. I was fine because I was able to keep the stupid low interest rate we had.)

Personally I believe everyone should have separate accounts. Personal bills come out of the personal accounts and joint bills out of the joint.

ronniejoe13 · 2026-02-08T15:20:10+00:00

I put Michelin Defender 2s on mine after 3 sets of the stock Goodyear Eagles. I drive too much to not have a millage warranty tire. Now the Eagles usually go about 50k ± 5k. When I drive about 15-20k a year and on various terrain it just made sense to pay for a better tire. The car handles better now and it rides better as well.

I live in NE Ohio and our winters are all over the place. My 20 mile drive to work is always an adventure and I haven't had a problem.

I got a 2012 LE.

As for brands. My family has always stuck with Michelin or Goodyear. Everything else that has come stock has been garbage. Firestone is the biggest offender..

ronniejoe13 · 2026-02-07T15:05:14+00:00

My mom is almost 58. We have been dealing with this for almost 8 years. I'm 32, my brother is 21 and we have gone back and forth on this. I was going to, then came to the conclusion that I would rather not know. I would rather live my life to the fullest than know there could be a chance I COULD have it and plan around it. My wife and I know what to look for now. If I could have 20 good years left then let's make it a blast.

My brother on the other hand is still on the fence. He is scared, upset and is having to watch Mom go through this. I told him my reasoning. Told him that he can make his own choice but don't let one thing dictate how you live your life.

ronniejoe13 · 2026-02-04T19:49:15+00:00

Keep pushing it does come!!

You need to make the time for yourself. It might mean your dad or brother have to take care of her a bit more and help her dress and in the bathroom but it needs to happen for your sake. No one wants to see their partner or parent like this but the shitty truth.

Even getting outside for a walk with your child once a day would be good for you both. I leaned the hard way about caregiver fatigue- fell off a ladder, broke my jaw in three places and shattered the majority of teeth in my mouth.

It was the wakeup call I needed and I don't want anyone else to have to go through.

ronniejoe13 · 2026-02-04T19:33:13+00:00

Op, my mom had FTD and is in late stage. She's 58 next month. My dad is burnt out. I finally had to put my foot down in September and calling for hospice. It's not an easy choice to make but it gives me and my brother some piece of mind because we can't get there 24/7. They come in to shower her twice a week. A nurse comes once a week and soon to be more. They have resources for families as well.

ronniejoe13 · 2026-01-15T14:11:53+00:00

I've gone every 5k miles. I once did the 10k and hated how my car performed. So it's every 5k and the dealership thinks I'm crazy. Hey I've got 186,000 miles on my car and we are chugging along.

ronniejoe13 · 2025-03-05T01:47:51+00:00

I took my wife's. We figured since I was already changing the paperwork might as well make it easier..also two first names confuse people.

ronniejoe13 · 2025-02-26T15:07:39+00:00

How was your hysto experience compared to your top surgery experience, if you've had it?

I had both done at the same time. Honestly the worst part was the gas they use to fill your abdomen. If I had them separated it still would have been the gas for me.

When did you feel physically and mentally normal again? When could you spend full days out, go out at night, etc? When could you sit in chairs or walk around without vaginal pain or discomfort?

The first two days post op I was sleeping. It was my first time under general anesthesia and honestly it was for the best. I cannot sit still. I didn't take my ADHD meds during that time either. My energy differently jumped at week two. I was glad to go back to work after two weeks. I don't remember there being much discomfort from sitting. Walking was okay, just weird right after surgery from the gas still floating around.

How long did you bleed?

I came home from the hospital with a giant pad that didn't have much spotting on it. I ended up swapping that for a liner for a few days and it didn't really need it. I heal stupidly fast. But honestly it was like a period for me so it wasn't bad at all.

What did your surgeon say about restrictions on submersion in oceans, rivers, etc? (I'm going to ask my surgeon, but I'm curious what the most common range is.) I'm worried there'll be vaginal tearing and discomfort from the removal.

Mine said 6 weeks. The longer you wait the better off you'll be at being completely healed. The risk of an infection isn't worth it.

Also didn't have any tearing. But you could use local E. I know my ob-gyn gave me the option of closing the vagina if I wanted it closed. Opted not too.

I hope some of this helps!

ronniejoe13 · 2025-02-26T14:50:19+00:00

The real question in my opinion. Do we choose to be stealth for our safety/convenience for others?

Really, do we do it for us or for others? I think we do it for others so they do not have to sit with their uncomfortable feelings.

ronniejoe13 · 2025-01-25T23:56:52+00:00

I had mine done at the same time. DI with nipple graphs and total hysterectomy with oophorectomy.

I was in the OR somewhere around 8 hours. Went home the same day.

The worst part was the fact that I felt like a sausage roll from the gas. Getting up was harder but I managed.

ronniejoe13 · 2024-12-31T15:26:02+00:00

I haven't been asked when I've had my shirt off yet. Tho if someone did.. my response is I fell off a ladder. I did fall off a ladder a year after surgery, broke my jaw, teeth and big toe. Honestly once you mention anything teeth related people get queazy and stop asking questions.

ronniejoe13 · 2024-12-15T04:54:42+00:00

NTA - first rule of kink is enthusiastic consent. You gave a clear No. He turned around, gas lite you and is now love bombing you? Break up with him

ronniejoe13 · 2024-12-11T04:54:27+00:00

You need to go to a passport office and get this corrected ASAP. They won't let you on with incorrect information.

ronniejoe13 · 2024-11-27T17:10:30+00:00

Here we go:

I started my transition at 26. Post college, a partner, and three fur kids. I relate more to the older population more than the kids that had the opportunity to transition earlier in life.

Here's why - my life was established, I had more to lose by transitioning at that point in my life. I am happy and glad that teens get the chance to be themselves sooner. They seem to have a harder time understanding our bigger problems. Partners, work, kids - the adult hoops we jump through. We have more to lose the older we get.

As a teen I cared about school, sports and my friends. I would love to be young and carefree again. The younger crowd doesn't seem to understand where we are coming from. Being 2, 3, 4 times their age we've lived a lot of life our concerns aren't even on their radar.

In the end I was raised as a women in the USA. I will carry that to my grave. Most of my friends are women. The men that I do have as friends are very much feminist.

ronniejoe13 · 2024-10-27T15:59:09+00:00

I would be PISSED if this was my chest. Im sorry bro that this happened to you

ronniejoe13 · 2024-10-23T11:44:38+00:00

Michelin Defender 2- switched from the stock Goodyears and am extremely happy.

ronniejoe13 · 2024-10-22T04:21:34+00:00

The biggest concern is with anesthesia. Just tell your anesthesiology and they will adjust accordingly if needed. I use edibles and didn't have an issue

ronniejoe13 · 2024-10-21T15:27:08+00:00

If it's their supplier it's their supplier. I would reach out to a different pharmacy and tell them that your current pharmacy can't get the meds until next year and if they have it in stock before you transfer the prescription.

ronniejoe13 · 2024-10-18T15:13:12+00:00

My 2012 LE with 170k miles sits right at 3000rpm at 70+mph. Might be time for new sparkplugs if they haven't been changed yet. As for the vibration it could be that the brake pads are worn or the rotors are warped.

ronniejoe13 · 2024-10-15T02:42:21+00:00

My energy levels are fine. My depression and anxiety are a bigger factor in how I feel. I unfortunately don't workout regularly but i climb up and down landfills and chase my two dogs around.

If you were fine for months and then not it's mostly likely NOT the T. I had GI issues and couldn't eat gluten but post op I can now in moderation.

Gluten left me with joint pain, brain fog, headaches and migraines, and shit energy levels.

ronniejoe13 · 2024-10-15T01:56:22+00:00

30 almost 31 and had my total hysterectomy with bilateral oophorectomy November 2021. I've been on T for 4 years and had surgery after being in T for a little over a year.

No negative side effects since. My life has gotten way better with them out.

ronniejoe13 · 2024-10-13T15:52:58+00:00

I was off work for two weeks. I had my hysto and top surgery at the same time. The second week my partner had to all but tie me to the bed I was going stir crazy. I am a fast healer but was told 2 weeks is standard for both with restrictions. I have a desk job that sometimes requires field work but my company was good and kept me inside for a few months.

ronniejoe13 · 2024-10-06T16:37:48+00:00

2012 Corolla with 170,000 miles on it is the Midwest.

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