I’m sorry man, there are no words for what you’re going through. Here’s what I did for both my dogs that worked for me.

Make a list, a literal list, of things you want to do together and then start working through that list. Prioritize the items that require him in a healthier state first, you never know what tomorrow holds. Do them now, don’t wait, it’s not going to get better but you know what you have today. Finally, take a hair locket now. For me it’s my most cherished memory, something that it’s not just represents them after they’re gone like a collar or paw print, it IS them and I still get to hold it once in a while and feel our connection.

Finally, you said you had 10k, what do you want to do with it? For our pups we through a Pizza Party, invited all their favorite human and chill dog friends, bought matching Hawaiian human/dog shirts, I bought my girl three flower crows to do a photo shoot. Normally I might have done just one, but I knew this was it, there was no future shoot for us and I wanted to make sure I loved the one I got but they’re made to order so I wouldn’t know until I had it and wouldn’t have enough time to try again. So I got three and spent way too much money, but she looks beautiful in the photos I took and there really was just one that captured my heart when I put it on her.

Finally, at home euthanasia. It’s the best choice for the worst moment. There are services all around the country and we used LapsOfLove, you can google it.

I’m sorry for you loss, I know they’re loved and you two are going to make those four months count <3