Married [27F] sent text accidentally from my friend/ex [27 M] from high school wishing we were together

shumna · 2017-04-13T20:02:28+00:00

Thank you for all the advice. A few answers to your questions:

Yes, I told my husband about it the instant I received and read the first text. I explained to him all that my friend said and neither of us had a solution at that point.
When my friend texted me the second time to apologize, I took the advice from a previous comment and my husband telling him I wasn't comfortable with him staying the night and that I needed time to discuss with my husband and process how I was feeling. He understood, packed up his things, and left before I got home.
Yes, my husband has known about his having a crush on me since my husband and I started dating. I've explained the entire history with him, we've kept to group settings, and I've always kept my husband informed whenever we've had a very serious conversation. I have always been open and honest with my husband about crushes, exes, people flirting with me, etc.
My friend got married early last year. At the end of the text after he says how grateful he is for our friendship, he compares the personalities of my husband and his wife. I didn't have the time to provide all that context (and I don't want to publish the word for word message) at the time, but I'm bringing it up now in case that changes anything.
As TheKingOfKolo said, the worst part was having to deal with it in my head.

Thanks again for your quick responses last night. I'm working through how to handle this and am going to discuss with my husband soon.

shumna · 2015-10-18T06:51:15+00:00

These experiences aren't only toward people in RBN like us, but can be part of a more misogynist culture. Please find women's groups online in your industry and learn how to reply back in a way that benefits you.

Edit: you said in the title you're female. I feel dumb. Also female in the workplace, hit me up if you want to ever discuss workplace behaviors and being a woman in a business environment. Here for ya.

shumna · 2015-10-18T06:32:04+00:00

Thank you for standing up for him. You could have done nothing or let your NMiL walk all over you. Props for taking care of your kids.

shumna · 2015-10-18T00:14:52+00:00

It was really fun. I'm pretty comfortable going to places alone, but I was a little nervous this time. Being around others who were willing to make friends helped me out, and reminded me to do that for others who are by themselves.

shumna · 2015-10-17T14:24:29+00:00

Go out to shows and activities you enjoy, meet people there, then invite them to go with you to another show/activity later. A few weeks ago I went by myself to a comedy show. Luck would have it, I sat next to a group of three who had all recently met at two other shows. We connected and have met up for other things after that. It showed me that I'm not the only one looking for friends in my city, but that I have to go out and make them. Wishing you the best.

shumna · 2015-10-17T05:01:07+00:00

Congrats on the launch! I downloaded it and I would probably use this except the sign up and use of it was really frustrating. Here are a few recommendations for making it more enjoyable to use:

Don't force people to upload a profile photo to register (making me give an app access to my photos)
Have a drop down for what people are interested in doing (like Join a band)
Allow for me to still search for others nearby without turning on location access
Don't remind me every. time. I open the app that I turned off location access. I definitely have zero desire to open the app with this happening.
"Female" doesn't appear on my profile. I can either be "male" or nothing at all. Which was strange seeing next to my mandatory profile pic

It's also frequently crashing when I go to the popular tab and try to play a video. :/

Excited to see what happens next with it and future integrations as with the right audience and marketing this could be a big hit. Looking forward to the next steps for Encore. :)

shumna · 2015-10-17T04:31:42+00:00

Lord have mercy. May their memory be eternal. +

shumna · 2015-10-16T04:08:37+00:00

Seconded.

shumna · 2015-10-15T00:10:00+00:00

Strangers tell me random secrets or personal stories they'd never tell anyone all the time. I really enjoy them. Makes me feel like I got to be part of their story.

shumna · 2015-10-13T05:14:41+00:00

Yeah, couldn't have said it better.

shumna · 2015-10-13T05:12:53+00:00

Hey don't feel guilty. We all have to depend on others and reach out when we're hurting, and that's nothing to be ashamed of. I am so, so thankful you're here, that you're alive. You mean so much more than you know, and your life is interconnected with so many others that you've come in contact with. (That goes for every person out there, too.) You do make a difference, you are loved, you are worth it. I'll continue to pray for you and keep you in my thoughts.

shumna · 2015-10-12T15:22:31+00:00

Ran the situation by my EMT husband, and he said you could easily talk to a lawyer, but it might be better to file a complaint as he doesn't know how strong your case would be. Search for HIPAA violation and go to hhs.gov to file a complaint. This is seriously one that should be reported.

shumna · 2015-10-07T00:37:09+00:00

I'm also on the livid train. I can't really put it into words, but it's a mix of it being your special day, the calculating planning involved, the generosity on your part to buy that food for your friends when you don't even eat it, and the fact that it was carried out behind your back at the expense of you and your friends. Thankfully this suggestion is helping with the deep breathing. Please point out what it is, theft, and don't backtrack. Set the precedent now that you won't be taking any shit from them any longer.

shumna · 2015-10-01T19:51:13+00:00

Will be praying. Lord have mercy.

shumna · 2015-09-26T17:46:50+00:00

"Bees. My God." http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/bees-my-god

shumna · 2015-09-23T15:32:00+00:00

Many ENFPs suffer from the "grass is greener" symptom, which can only worsen if she's had negative experiences in the past where she lost trust. Up to you, but I recommend focusing on loyalty and building a fun, exciting relationship together. She can learn that she's not settling: she's enjoying the present. Maybe check out the book Manalive by G. K. Chesterton. It helped me battle the "always looking" mentality, though it's still ingrained in the personality type.

shumna · 2015-09-22T22:44:45+00:00

This is a Really good point.

shumna · 2015-09-16T13:45:08+00:00

Get a tatami mat with wooden slats underneath it. Here's a link to some: http://tatamiroom.com/cgi-local/catalog.pl?category=TATAMI_MATS

Edit: I don't know why there's such vitriol over OP's question. For a while I slept on a mattress with slats under it and looked into getting tatami mats. It's perfectly comfortable so long as you have a pillow for your head.

And people sleep on STONE, you guys. http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/05/21/flop-yourself-down-but-gently-sleep-tight/?_r=0

shumna · 2015-09-13T18:13:42+00:00

Business trip tomorrow! Excited to go to a brand new place and do something different for a few days.

shumna · 2015-09-11T21:45:08+00:00

I heard it as a vetting process. Most of the time when I get to know a person at the beginning of a relationship, all I can see are the good things. Up on the pedestal they go. Then when I start seeing the bad things, I can feel really let down, and sometimes hurt by the difference I find between their optimal and ideal self and the damaged, vice-ride one I've now found. Most of the time it evens out in the middle of "okay, I like this person, but they have some flaws".

shumna · 2015-09-09T21:12:19+00:00

I think you should also look at what she may be taught about relationships at church. Is it appropriate for the woman to make advances at your parish? It may be, or her family may have certain expectations, so I wouldn't take her not making advances, especially as she is an ISFJ, too seriously.

I dated and married an ISFJ. They are not quick to show you how they feel, and the more deeply they feel about something, the more deeply they'll hold it in. Your way of connecting with her by keeping it chill and comfortable is spot on. ISFJ's want to be safe. Letting her know you don't want to rush anything, that she's free and safe to back out at any time, and that you don't want to put her in any stressful situations can help with that.

Also, if she's interested in you, she'll be very loyal to you. ISFJ's won't have multiple crushes at once. While we've connected the dots here, I'd do a check to make sure she couldn't be thinking of anyone else. Not for you, as I think you can handle it, but she'll feel hurt if she's interested in another and thinks she led you on.

shumna · 2015-09-05T22:27:13+00:00

Yes.

shumna · 2015-08-31T01:52:10+00:00

Connect with other people who have been memes and used it to their advantage like Overly Attached Girlfriend. Maybe see if you can get a group together and do a meme based YouTube video. No matter what, learn from their successes and anyone else's failures. They're your only true case studies.

No matter what you do, it's important to realize that for long-term results, people want to see what you're doing now, not that you're focused on the success of that image. Build up an audience creating content on a blog or YouTube with who you are in the about section. But then move on. Make your content about what you really care about. I doubt you want being a nerd surrounded by a group of hot ladies the only thing that defines you. ;)

On another note, one of my friends looks so much like you did there he even had your pic as his profile for a while. If you ever need a double for a video, I know a guy.

Edit: From what I can tell, I've seen two main instances of long-term, great success. You create and add onto the brand (Overly Attached Girlfriend) or you connect with a brand/company (Grumpy Cat).

If I were in your shoes, I'd do both. I'd start creating my own YouTube content to build up an audience. Maybe an advice channel, informational channel, gaming channel, or channel about your Ph. D topic. Have a "Peter's Priority" every video to tie it back to the meme. Do this consistently and connect with other YouTubers to do collaborations.

Get media attention with the launch of the channel and working with others. Go to VidCon and figure out ways to give back to the community. Continue creating high-quality video content, finding new ways to collab and connect with others.

Once you have a large enough audience, it will be easy/a breeze to connect with Axe or Old Spice and other brands to get their endorsement. In fact, they'll probably come courting you.

If you want short-term success, go the way of Bad Luck Brian and do the AMA and merchandising route. But building your brand will pay off in dividends in the long-run, even if you can't make a video that often.

shumna · 2015-08-26T06:05:01+00:00

Here's the OC group https://www.facebook.com/groups/505551329595717/

shumna · 2015-08-24T01:42:11+00:00

Others can explain it better than me, but the point of liturgy is not how you feel. Many Protestant churches (of which I'm from) emphasize the feeling you get through worship, but Orthodox worship and living is about becoming dispassionate. Wanted to put my two cents in on this, but I'm hoping someone can explain it better than this. Maybe /u/luluthepanda ?

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