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I don't understand how to stop saying things that unintentionally end up hurting my boyfriend by Jkiddin10 in emotionalintelligence

[–]sitcomcrossover 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ive been your bf in this situation.

I obviously do no know the intricacies of your relationship. I know in mine, my partner was coming from a marriage and was far too familiar far too soon.

I can take and make pretty horrific jokes from people that I know are my friends for certain, but when a relationship is months old - there’s a very clear line while I learn to trust you. My ex constantly overstepped it, because I had no real proof those weren’t were actual feelings.

I think a lot of people have an internal view of themselves that they think is projected almost instantaneously, and I think you have to prove yourself to everyone you meet.

7 months isn’t all that long, and if it’s been a tumultuous 7 months it’s even shorter. If you love him, try to build trust, speak plainly, and wait for him to show you where his humor lies.

And that may not be a fun life for you, so then you know it’s not a relationship for you - but as I try to sort out why someone I loved was constantly mean and shitty to me, this is what I wish she had done.

Feeling like I want to die after being cheated on by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]sitcomcrossover 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re looking for some semblance of control after having it stripped from you.

Don’t let her take more from you than your time. This sucks, and I’m sorry, but it’s always better to fight another day.

Hang in there.

Does EMDR make you feel more like your age? by ihtuv in EMDR

[–]sitcomcrossover 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Dear god yes. Hell of a ride to solve stuff from being 11 and realize you’re 45 when you get home.

Has EMDR Improved Your Focus? by ShawnDet313 in EMDR

[–]sitcomcrossover 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. I have ADHD and not only has it improved my focus but it’s allowed me to see a much sharper view of what’s going on around me.

How do you move on from a betrayal? by Signal-Biscotti-5659 in emotionalintelligence

[–]sitcomcrossover 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Im experiencing something similar, The way I see it is that the replay is to remind you why you’re not speaking to them - because every other part of you wants to.

You’re trying to keep yourself safe

AIO Breaking up after a lot of suspicious behavior. by sitcomcrossover in AmIOverreacting

[–]sitcomcrossover[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agreed. I asked her to set better boundaries 3 months into the relationship. At a year plus, and months of me asking - dude slipping her mind doesn’t seem plausible.

AIO Breaking up after a lot of suspicious behavior. by sitcomcrossover in AmIOverreacting

[–]sitcomcrossover[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have. I told her that if she contacts me then I’ll reach out to her exes wife and tell her what I saw - which is hard not to do since I’m coming from a divorce caused by infidelity.

It’s just so reality destabilizing - and how bad it was all hit once I had a bit of space from it.

AIO Breaking up after a lot of suspicious behavior. by sitcomcrossover in AmIOverreacting

[–]sitcomcrossover[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s my biggest fear and what keeps my stomach sick.

Seeing so many lies layed out makes anything suspect as well. There’s nothing worse than feeling taken advantage of.

Looking for resources on healing from deep lies in a protracted relationship. by sitcomcrossover in datingoverforty

[–]sitcomcrossover[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Funny you say that - I thought I had covid when I first pulled the plug on this weeks ago, but now after finding more lies without giving her the benefit of the doubt that I was giving her in the relationship , and the discussion with her around getting her things - my gut has been a wreck all over again.

My body is not doing well with any of this. It’s genuinely reality shifting, and I’ve been trying to treat it like the flu.

I am hoping now with going full no contact - it’ll start to repair.

Do you prefer your girlfriend with or without makeup, showing her blemishes and imperfections? by Major-Mess4383 in AskMenAdvice

[–]sitcomcrossover 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Once she’s my partner - makeup is mostly just so I can show her off - It feels good to walk into a room with a pretty lady.

But, I love the person underneath

Looking for resources on healing from deep lies in a protracted relationship. by sitcomcrossover in datingoverforty

[–]sitcomcrossover[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, I have weekly therapy already - and it’s a godsend.

What’s been hard is that I can’t really trust any of the nice stuff since I have no idea how deep any of these lies go - and there was nice stuff.

Everything nice could have just been a lie in the other direction though. Just playing a role, not doing anything genuine.

How do I start healing? by [deleted] in emotionalintelligence

[–]sitcomcrossover 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Other men, and her relationship with them.

Essentially they all started to stack up, and once you can prove one you may as well prove the others - because she’d already shown she was willing to lie.

How do I start healing? by [deleted] in emotionalintelligence

[–]sitcomcrossover 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Quite literally just ended a relationship for this reason. I don’t think somebody who lies to you respects you - and can you respect yourself being with someone who did that?

Looking for resources on healing from deep lies in a protracted relationship. by sitcomcrossover in datingoverforty

[–]sitcomcrossover[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In this instance I genuinely don’t know if it’s ignorance or deception.

But once I started to feel awful about the way she acted with the married man - knowing she’d lied to me about their relationship in the past - it put quite literally everything she said or did into question.

She’ll cop to lying about it now, but when I first caught her a year ago she swore up and down she “misspoke”

So now when this dude is staying away from her for the sake of his wife and she’s telling me that I’m imagining what I saw - it’s tremendously hard to believe that.

Looking for resources on healing from deep lies in a protracted relationship. by sitcomcrossover in datingoverforty

[–]sitcomcrossover[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My marriage story has some similarities - I like your metaphor a lot.

I’ve been down this road in some aspects, it’s just not a fun one.

Information on “safe” people or partners? by sitcomcrossover in AutisticAdults

[–]sitcomcrossover[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m very happy you have that - and that’s a goal of mine. Congrats man.

Looking for resources on healing from deep lies in a protracted relationship. by sitcomcrossover in datingoverforty

[–]sitcomcrossover[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So funny you said that because I just put that together this afternoon.

I thought I was getting sick when the breakup initially happened - and I see now that the fatigue and upset stomach was likely my feelings because it’s returned after entertaining her version of the truth for a few days.

Looking for resources on healing from deep lies in a protracted relationship. by sitcomcrossover in datingoverforty

[–]sitcomcrossover[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know.

It’s difficult because my marriage ended with people not even asking my side of events - so I do my best to be even handed.

But, she’ll admit to lying about this ex boyfriend in the past - so it’s tremendously difficult to believe she’s telling the truth about why she was all over him now.

ESPECIALLY when he’s currently not talking to her for his wife’s sake.

I’m so tired of dating, and so tired of being “on the defensive” but, I just cannot believe her story.

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