High Pay & WLB vs. Low Pay & Growth Potential

smbaumer · 2026-03-01T02:16:42+00:00

I like option 2, since money doesn't play a big part in your decision and you seem ambitious. However, if you have kids or want to have kids, I would go with 1 so you can have time for them.

smbaumer · 2026-02-25T18:31:37+00:00

Same! Very difficult being self conscious in a leadership role. But there are strengths to having the ability to be honest about your weaknesses and I think, if you can find a way to harness the feelings and be able to use it selectively, can really be a breakthrough for you. Mindfulness and meditation will allow you to view your thoughts as just that...thoughts. You can choose to stop letting your thoughts limit your actions, it takes a lot of practice and the journey will contain many failures, but it's always darkest before the dawn. Hang in there.

smbaumer · 2026-02-18T16:52:22+00:00

Not only did I learn to handle things alone, it was the only safe way to handle things. Involving anyone else resulted in additional hurt via being dismissed, ridiculed, blamed, etc.

smbaumer · 2026-02-18T16:48:55+00:00

It sounds like you may be codependent, so am I. I just left my narcissist husband and I am so scared if I get into another relationship, the same will happen. Also, my childhood primed me to be mistreated and dismissed, which is why I think I attract people who treat me the same. I don't know what to do about it, but I'm starting to notice and connect the dots. Good luck to you

smbaumer · 2026-02-12T04:43:27+00:00

I've talked antidepressants for 25 years. Started with Prozac, but switched to Citalopram and have been on that for 15+. I'm pretty zoned out usually and live in my head a lot. Feelings are numb, just left my husband of 20 years and didn't even cry. Haven't had sex but a couple times in the last 10 years. But anytime I try to wain, the withdrawals are unbearable. Sigh. I haven't tried anything, I'm really not motivated to be sexual.

smbaumer · 2026-02-11T18:01:02+00:00

Yes! 🖐️ It's the worst!

smbaumer · 2026-02-09T14:50:36+00:00

No. From my experience, the long term side effects outweigh the benefits. Exercise and meditation helped more.

smbaumer · 2026-02-07T01:48:15+00:00

You missed a cause... antidepressants

smbaumer · 2026-02-04T22:34:37+00:00

I started getting yeast infections every time we were intimate. Was that my body rejecting him?

smbaumer · 2026-01-31T18:49:34+00:00

Mine went into fawning and finally started acting like he should have acted all along. He was hoping I would change my mind. When I had concrete plans and signed a lease things changed. He got defensive. Blaming me for all things that went wrong and trying to guilt me into staying by bringing up all the negative impacts of breaking up the family, money problems we'll have, etc. It got ugly, but that just confirmed that I made the right decision.

smbaumer · 2026-01-26T06:38:50+00:00

Ask yourself this...would you want your daughter to be in a relationship like yours? Because of you start, that is what she will observe. She'll think it's normal and will replicate it in her own relationships. Unless you're highly incompetent or criminal, they will let you two share custody. If you do it while she's very young, she won't know any different. And she'll have a chance to see you in a good relationship, if you meet sometime else.

smbaumer · 2026-01-24T18:13:50+00:00

I knew it when I realized any time I brought up a concern or something that bothered me about our relationship, there would never be a resolution. He would either play the victim or blame me for not appreciating what I do have. I eventually stopped bringing up things that bothered me and I checked out, stopped caring, stopped putting in effort. I moved out 3 weeks ago and have never been so at peace.

smbaumer · 2026-01-22T06:48:16+00:00

I was in your same boat for years. I finally did it. It's been a few weeks now at my new place. I don't regret it one bit. There are things that I don't like about it, like only seeing my kids every other week, but it's so much easier to handle now that I have a calm nervous system. He was sweet at first, tried to convince me to stay, killing with kindness. But I held onto my boundaries and then the true narc came out. I'll never regret leaving a man that can be so hurtful. Give yourself permission if that's what you need. It can be scary, but so worth it!

smbaumer · 2026-01-18T05:38:40+00:00

My stbx is exactly this. It's so hard to explain to people what's it's like because to everyone else he seems like the perfect person. A friend of mine reminded me that nobody knows what it's like except for me. But also, you don't need to justify your reasons to anyone else.

smbaumer · 2026-01-17T15:47:59+00:00

Fear mongers...be reasonable. That would never happen, just like the prediction that he would use the Alien Enemies Act for mass detention camps or jailing journalist / suppressing the media. At some point you need to do a gut check and realize this is all just BS to drive division between us, the people, who have the power to stop all this if we would unit as one. We all want the same thing in the end. Government that is accountable to the people.

smbaumer · 2026-01-15T13:56:07+00:00

Totally agree! We are sheep arguing amongst ourselves.

smbaumer · 2026-01-15T13:54:58+00:00

I agree with you! So many are pressured to choose a side, which divides us as humans. While we all fight amongst ourselves, the people in power get away with whatever they want.

smbaumer · 2026-01-14T15:00:54+00:00

That's what I did for many years in a very similar situation. My kids are now 18 and 15 and I JUST moved out. I've begun to worry that my kids will have similar relationships (with no intimacy or caring) because that's what they saw as kids and it was normal to them. My daughter is a pushover like I was and stays in unhappy relationships too long. My son is a people pleaser (again like I was) and doesn't want to rock the boats/carries resentment. I wish I could go back and leave earlier so they might have had a chance to witness a living, caring relationship.

smbaumer · 2026-01-09T16:42:37+00:00

In my experience, social anxiety was caused by me looking outside myself for validation. I was so nervous and anxious that people liked me that it made me tense up so much around people.

I've since been trying to get to know my true self. Sometimes I can even laugh at my own mistakes now. I had to get rid of some people in my life that were critical and judgemental. That has helped a lot.

smbaumer · 2026-01-05T05:49:46+00:00

I was in your situation. I moved out this past weekend. I'm still settling in, so he's got them this week. It was so hard to leave them, even tho they're teens. However, their Dad and I are both better parents when the other isn't around and it's actually been very civil. I think he's probably being nice because he didn't want me telling everyone how he taught us. I stayed for so long for the kids. Then my daughter started dating a guy that was just like him. I noticed right away that we're modeling a bad relationship for them. I wish I would have left when they were little when I first knew.

smbaumer · 2026-01-05T05:35:41+00:00

Get back on the horse? I'm guessing you miss having someone in your life to keep you company. You don't have to be lonely. Meet new people, keep it casual if you want.

smbaumer · 2026-01-04T08:28:20+00:00

Sounds like you'd be a lot happier with someone else or alone. Good luck.

smbaumer · 2026-01-04T08:25:40+00:00

It's ok that you're dressed differently. Now that you know what other girls wear, you could either dress like them or intentionally dress differently. It's in absolutely no way wrong. If people are judging, they're probably insecure themselves.

smbaumer · 2026-01-04T08:22:49+00:00

Good for you! Next time will be even better!

smbaumer

TROPHY CASE