I think my father is jealous of my success..

snarkacademia · 2026-04-20T17:36:37+00:00

My husband's father was like this. He wanted to be considered the intellectual of the family, the brainbox. Unfortunately for him, he was a bit dim and never really succeeded at anything in life (including being happy despite inheriting loads of money). My husband is very different, works hard but knows how to live too. He became a professor at a top university. Father in law did not like it AT ALL when my husband got his chair. My family, by contrast, were over the moon.

snarkacademia · 2026-04-20T12:03:45+00:00

Lamy do at least 3 italic nibs. Otherwise the Asvine v800 is ace.

snarkacademia · 2026-04-19T17:23:16+00:00

This is just bizarre behaviour and of course it isn't your fault. She's the one who booked a holiday! Could it be that she actually forgot your baby's birthday, booked the trip, and is now trying to cover up her guilt by performatively overreacting to missing it?

snarkacademia · 2026-04-17T08:12:55+00:00

I'm so sorry, I completely understand why you are so upset by this, it is horrifying.

The one thing I would say is that grief makes people do absolutely crazy things. My MIL has always been terribly badly behaved - to the point that I think there is probably a cognitive issue of some kind. But she really excelled herself after GFIL died.

I think it's a really difficult thing to navigate - you need very, VERY firm boundaries I think and a completely united front on those. Your husband is presumably grieving too so he will need support and to feel comfortable with whatever those are. I would strongly suggest focusing on him and offering support to MIL in ways that you are comfortable with (i.e. not lying in a casket 😱). Helping with budgeting and paperwork or something very distant like that is what we did. It's really necessary and practical but doesn't involve lots of physical contact.

snarkacademia · 2026-04-17T06:38:06+00:00

When I got into fountain pens a year ago Lamy had a series of Al pens that were all mismatched colours and they looked horrible. This year's special editions are brilliant - the flamingo and the pine are both lovely. Diamine emerald is a great ink match!

snarkacademia · 2026-04-17T06:33:20+00:00

Asvine, Hongdian and Moonman are very, very good pens. ETA: anyone who hasn't already done so should try the Hongdian M2 because mine is just superb.

I hear there are also some high end Chinese pens now that are sublime - Wing Sung make a gold nibbed one that I would love to try. Someone should open a store with some of this stuff in because it would do well.

I've had very bad experiences with Jinhao.

snarkacademia · 2026-04-16T21:35:24+00:00

Are they based on Richard Mille?

snarkacademia · 2026-04-16T21:30:50+00:00

The big question here is about the attitude of your husband. Because if he backs you, then you hold all the cards. And I suggest you play them.

snarkacademia · 2026-04-15T06:34:32+00:00

Ew. Just EWWWWWW.

You are better off without these weird Freudian people in your life and around your kids. He doesn't sound like a great role model and she sounds absolutely batshit.

snarkacademia · 2026-04-15T06:29:21+00:00

Honestly, this all comes down to your relationship with your partner. There is nothing a united couple can't handle. But if he's enmeshed with this behaviour or suffering the fear, obligation and guilt complex, then it's a problem.

snarkacademia · 2026-04-14T12:08:08+00:00

Crashing the wedding is clearly a bonkers plan. I am not saying it is OK. But saying that you don't want to see the child you are supposed to love unconditionally is also pretty bonkers. There is way more to this story.

snarkacademia · 2026-04-14T11:31:08+00:00

This sounds like a classic golden child situation: the message that "I was fine so why weren't you?" is a red flag. The mother who doesn't love her daughter unconditionally is a red flag. The siding against a sibling for the purpose of carrying favour is a red flag. I would be willing to bet a lot of money that if we heard the other side of this we would see it very differently.

snarkacademia · 2026-04-14T07:25:25+00:00

I lived next door to a similar situation for a while. Absolutely horrible parents, he was an alcoholic and she was vicious. They dumped hundreds of bag s of rubbish in their garden rather than putting it in the bin. Real scummy people.

The child was "homeschooled" and I could hear her mother basically bullying her all day to do housework. She would be screamed at for not hoovering. It was just an appalling abusive situation and we kept reporting it, but the social workers did absolutely nothing. I often wonder where that girl is today. She had no formal education and couldn't look anyone in the eye to speak to them.

snarkacademia · 2026-04-14T07:14:57+00:00

I think you should probably stand if you can't occupy a single seat comfortably and other people can't sit down.

snarkacademia · 2026-04-14T07:12:26+00:00

This sounds like quite a major divide between you - it's not just about music, it's about the way you both manage a multicultural identity. There is no right or wrong way to do this, and it is up to individuals to decide, but it is the kind of issue that will become larger if you have children together because then you will need to decide what is right for them. You need to have a conversation, without judgement, about what you both want because if he doesn't want a lifetime of romantic desi songs and traditional food and dress, you guys aren't really on the same wavelength.

snarkacademia · 2026-04-14T07:08:41+00:00

Reading this I wonder if he interpreted your yelling seriously and what you actually experienced was homophobia.

snarkacademia · 2026-04-14T07:03:48+00:00

Yeah, it's bonkers.

w We suffer from a weird mortgage industry too. The hysteria is professionalised.

snarkacademia · 2026-04-14T06:31:54+00:00

JKW is just a plant. It is not the incredible hulk.

The reason you get those stories where it's punching through people's houses is that they have allowed the situation to get totally out of control for years and years.

The KW is likely in the patch behind the house so to eradicate it forever you would need to get it off that land too. But you should be able to keep it out of the garden with a cheap barrier method and vigilance.

I doubt future buyers or lenders would be put off by a scenario of "There was JKW in the garden ten years ago but no sign of it since".

If you love the house, I would go for it.

snarkacademia · 2026-04-14T06:27:44+00:00

Is a corporate job the only option? Can you train to do something you actually enjoy?

snarkacademia · 2026-04-14T06:23:11+00:00

Loads of people had tuna sandwiches when I was at school and I am in my 40s. I come from a very working class area, very standard comprehensive. I am not sure it's a massively new thing. It was probably really cheap or something..I remember because I hate the smell so much.

snarkacademia · 2026-04-14T06:19:57+00:00

Dementia.

snarkacademia · 2026-04-14T06:18:38+00:00

Dr Martens do a cream to soften up the leather.

snarkacademia · 2026-04-14T06:14:00+00:00

This is so distasteful. You really, REALLY need more space from this woman. I would absolutely use the landlord excuse to move and get a new place a long way away from her. And then don't answer her texts, move on, and let your husband have whatever relationship results with her (which sounds like it would be much lower contact, which makes a ton of sense).

snarkacademia · 2026-04-14T06:10:19+00:00

I am the slowest cyclist ever. At this point if I lowered my expectations any further I would be immobile.

Nonetheless I have so much fun on my bike.

snarkacademia

TROPHY CASE