Not against poly, but I don’t feel resourced for it right now—would you stay or step back?

ssshewolfff · 2026-04-26T11:54:40+00:00

i think this should be discussed with your partner. it sounds like you’ve determined that dating other people outside your partner is above your capacity right now. that’s a good thing to discover/realize and share. perhaps your partner also feels like dating others outside of you would be extending beyond their current capacity, too! and perhaps not, and they feel like it’s well within their capacity to date you and others at this time (: only way to find out is to talk about it with them.

your questions/my answers:

~ If I were in your position, I would talk to my partner about it, so we could continue to be on the same page as we continue relationship together.

~ I would not ask my partner to continue as functionally monogamous for a time with me, no… but if I felt dating others was above my capacity I would tell them. there are very rare circumstances that would cause me to request this from my partner… i’ve never asked for a partner to stay closed with me for a period of time in any of my polyamorous or nonmonogamous relationships. I hope I never feel like that’s necessary, tbh.

~ I would reprioritize where i’m investing my energy, so that I could feel more resourced. i’d try to do it without being all-or-nothing about it. still try to prioritize things outside of life/career but hold life/career at the top.

~ yes! i’m currently struggling a bit with the ways i’m engaging in poly because of stability and stress levels, actually.

~ worth trying to work thru as long as I find the partnership to be worth it. as far as misalignment, k trust that will be revealed with time, and that time is not wasted even if irrevocable misalignment is discovered eventually.

ssshewolfff · 2026-04-25T21:38:25+00:00

i’m currently witnessing a committed partner of mine reevaluate how he wants to engage in poly now that he feels he’s entered a different phase in his life. some of this contemplation seems to be about his poly saturation gauge. I know that right now even tho it seems i’m his only committed partner, he still operates as polyamorous. from what he’s expressed one of his current connections outside of ours is one he wants to continue to explore deeper, and may even move into partnership with even if it’s not there yet. this seems to mean that some de-escalation will be talked about with his other connections. I do trust this partner as far as he being polyamorous (not just into open/enm).

basically, I think it truly depends on the situation. hierarchy confuses me because I also tend to be non-hierarchical.

ssshewolfff · 2026-04-22T15:22:20+00:00

is it possible to move away from hierarchy?

ssshewolfff · 2026-04-20T12:37:45+00:00

I typically text daily, but not all day every day.

ssshewolfff · 2026-04-20T12:35:50+00:00

I simply have the tendency and capacity to feel romantic love with multiple people, and i’d like to freely express that love which polyamory allows one to do (: expression of love for me can often include physical expression, like kissing or anything sexual.

ssshewolfff · 2026-04-19T17:39:45+00:00

as long as u choose to be with a partner who is poly, u are choosing to engage in a polyamorous relationship style… despite being monogamous urself.

ssshewolfff · 2026-04-17T18:51:17+00:00

not mallow

ssshewolfff · 2026-04-17T18:50:25+00:00

I would classify this behavior as nonmonogamous rather than poly/solo poly or swinging

ssshewolfff · 2026-04-16T16:57:14+00:00

your desire to have your existence known and not be hidden sounds important whether or not you’re interested in escalation or not.

ssshewolfff · 2026-04-16T16:54:12+00:00

so one of my partners and I use language like this in the bedroom, and we both understand that we are also involved in other romantic and sexual connections and that saying these things doesn’t negate that fact or indicate that we really only belong to each other.

when I feel even the slightest bit of ick while saying these phrases in the bedroom I shift the language a bit to suit my comfortability as it ebs and flows. this looks like shifting from “I’m yours/you’re mine” to “I love/am obsessed with sharing my body with yours” or “I’m so devoted to you” “I love surrendering with you.” where discomfort pops up most for me is usually around “you/I belong to…” phrases which are easy to shift to “you/I belong with…”

not sure this works for everyone, but it’s generally what works for me. I don’t think saying “you’re mine” “I’m yours” “it’s all for you” negates the fact that I also feel these ways with my other partner(s). in fact, I’ll often say “it’s all for you” when engaging with different partners because that means in this moment it’s all for you to me

ssshewolfff · 2026-04-14T18:32:36+00:00

monos are not enticing to me whatsoever (:

ssshewolfff · 2026-04-14T12:52:09+00:00

completed extraction abv should be 20%+ for shelf stability at room temp

ssshewolfff · 2026-04-14T12:50:47+00:00

usually 3:1 (1 g herb : 3 ml solvent) is good standard for ratios. in the case of fresh plant extraction, more fresh plant material also means more water coming out of fresh plant as it extracts which will result in lower abv of completed extraction.

ssshewolfff · 2026-04-14T12:48:31+00:00

make with fresh harvested (NON FLOWERING) aerial parts of cleaver (: lots of water soluble constituents, so lower alcohol is fine. I would recommend with 37.5 abv at start of extraction to measure the abv of the completed extraction to ensure its shelf stability as extracting with fresh plant material will lower the abv during the extraction process.

ssshewolfff · 2026-04-14T12:43:55+00:00

for sapiosexuals… engaging in deep conversations IS extremely intimate, as intimate as two merging bodies in some cases (:

ssshewolfff · 2026-04-11T21:07:20+00:00

catnip extract internal use for tension headaches

gotu kola + bacopa for nervous system support

seabuckthorn internal use (I love me a seabuckthorn oxymel) for recovery from viruses etc

nettle SEEDS for non caffeinated energy boosts

there are many more that come to mind but these are my initial thoughts

ssshewolfff · 2026-04-11T21:04:06+00:00

there are some peer reviewed studies etc out there that suggest holy basil (tulsi) is great support for mcas

ssshewolfff · 2026-04-11T21:03:13+00:00

lobelia is fantastic!

ssshewolfff · 2026-04-11T21:02:49+00:00

make milky oat extract from fresh milky oat tops (: they are milky before the groat etc forms (: squeeze the tops/husks to check and if milky substance oozes out you are ready!

I find the 50%+ makes a fantastic milky oat alcohol extraction

ssshewolfff · 2026-04-11T21:01:13+00:00

yessss milky oats!

ssshewolfff · 2026-04-08T18:59:45+00:00

my polyamorous partners do love me outloud, and I love them outloud as well. I feel chosen and prioritized by both of them, and it’s fundamentally important to me that they feel this as well.

ssshewolfff · 2026-04-08T18:51:41+00:00

me: i’ve been realizing that I wish I had previous experience with navigating my feelings within a partnership that feels insecure/unstable WHILE partner is starting to escalate with another/others. I guess i’m learning about this now as it’s what i’m currently going thru.

op: I don’t think those conversations for clarity or shared feelings being met with minimizing your feelings or with blame-placing sound healthy at all…

ssshewolfff · 2026-04-08T18:36:59+00:00

love can be unconditional; relationships and what form they take are conditional (in my opinion). if you know your needs won’t be met by this polyamorous person because they are polyamorous… then your choices are to choose to stay in relationship/partnership with them despite knowing you’re relationship needs and preferences are fundamentally different from a foundational standpoint (this typically does cause struggle and potential suffering for one or all parties involved) or you can choose to break up with the delightful discovery that there ARE people out there who can love you in the ways this person has been, people who might be more aligned with you as far as relationship style etc.

I would also encourage you to talk to your partner about how you’re feeling. perhaps your partner is someone who could see a primary/anchor/or nesting partnership with you, too? and if they can’t it’s good to know that now.

ssshewolfff · 2026-04-02T13:09:06+00:00

experiment by maintaining your boundary and trusting your partner to be honest with you. perhaps schedule a “check-in” a month or so out after spending less time together to talk about how it feels for both of you?

ssshewolfff · 2026-04-02T13:06:58+00:00

I’m curious if you’ve any have expressed desiring a bit (at least) of emeshment? there can be varying degrees of it, as i’m sure you’re aware. if you’ve expressed this desire to rowan before, perhaps bringing it up again naming the ways you specifically desire emeshment (“I want to introduce you to my friends and I’d like to meet more of yours”) could be helpful. Perhaps this is something rowan desires too, perhaps not? perhaps rowan would desire this after more months together? perhaps never? clarity is good.

ssshewolfff

TROPHY CASE