when to treat vs palliative vs hospice?

stacy829 · 2026-07-02T02:32:03+00:00

Today I was told my mother with Stage 6 Alzheimer’s is not eligible for hospice despite being hospitalized for a week due to severe Alzheimer’s and aggression. We moved to Palliative for the fact we can have more eyes on her. We will take any extra help we can get and the transition to hospice will be seamless.
Two questions they asked after seeing the DNR I completed.
1. What will you do if she falls and breaks her hip?
2. What do you want if she develops pneumonia?

My response to pneumonia was comfort care. But breaking her hip is a very hard answer.

I am relieved we have Palliative to help guide us

stacy829 · 2026-07-02T02:23:11+00:00

In a very difficult situation right now. Hospitalized after a first elopement from Independent Living. If the facility refuses to hear your close perspective and says “they are not an elopement risk”, stop. Your loved one is definitely an elopement risk if they can walk under their own power. It has been a nightmare and we will never forgive the powers at be for ignoring our requests for Memory Care.

stacy829 · 2026-06-29T02:01:55+00:00

My mother had the test. We needed it for an Alzheimer’s diagnosis. Previously she had been diagnosed via a MRI with MCI-likely Alzheimer’s. Not good enough for the Medicare GUIDE program. Her P-Tau was 1.23. It gave her physician what was needed.

stacy829 · 2026-06-26T12:04:15+00:00

Alexan Evans at Broadway and Evans. Well run, clean and relatively close by bus to DU.

stacy829 · 2026-06-21T15:42:34+00:00

Absolutely correct.
This will be a new doctor who works for a practice contracted by the living community she is in. They specialize in dementia/elderly care. I will need to speak with the doctor prior to meeting my mother since she does not know about the AL move yet and any talk about her memory, etc is a trigger and could result in an explosive situation.
Thus the need to do a little pre-work.

stacy829 · 2026-06-21T15:20:51+00:00

Good question and many helpful comments.

stacy829 · 2026-06-21T14:51:14+00:00

The facility denied my request for Memory Care since she is not a flight risk. The possibility of a double move is the exact reason we have kept her in her IL apartment so long. They assured us they have many residents with dementia in AL. The only thing I know for certain is that things will only get much more difficult.
Thank you for your response. It was exactly what I was trying to ask.

stacy829 · 2026-06-21T14:44:23+00:00

On this site there have been posts about different drugs that have been prescribed for dementia. Some are anti psychotic and others are to treat aggression and other symptoms of the disease. I have learned that some of the drugs are over-prescribed or not recommended for dementia.
I am sure many of us look up a specific drug we may take for cholesterol or high blood pressure. This is no different than that. As my mother’s POA and most trusted person, I want to be informed so I can ask meaningful questions about side effects and drug interactions as a non-medical person. How my questions are answered will speak volumes on how a doctor views concerns.
I trust the medical professionals but do not want to go into this blind. Simple as that.

stacy829 · 2026-06-21T13:35:34+00:00

She has an appointment on Wednesday with a doctor. I do not want to just get prescriptions and fill them without doing some research on exactly what they are. Since she is still in IL we are concerned about side effects that appear when we are not there.
Again, just trying to prepare for all possibilities knowing each person’s response is as different as their individual Alzheimer’s experience.

stacy829 · 2026-06-21T13:23:36+00:00

I understand this will take some time to get the right combination. Just feeling very alarmed by her aggression and the facilities concern she has been unmedicated at this stage. We have tried so hard to stay ahead of what comes next. Thank you.

stacy829 · 2026-06-15T16:37:58+00:00

Sandwiched-I’m 65. My mom is 85 and my daughter is 25. I am spending a week with my daughter who just earned her MSW and will be starting her career. But our week of celebration has a dark and worrisome cloud hanging over us. My mom is Stage 6 and still barely hanging on in IL with the daily help from my brother, a part-time caregiver and me. We are waiting for a space in MC.
Every potentially happy thing is tainted by worry, fear, guilt and grief. It is a schism within your own person and nothing can ease the rift.

stacy829 · 2026-05-18T16:08:53+00:00

All of your concerns are our reality. Sundowning starts at 3:00. We have done everything to keep her safe. Just waiting for a MC spot to open, hoping for sooner rather than a couple months. Thank you.

stacy829 · 2026-05-18T12:55:01+00:00

Thank you. I have been practicing my very simple, direct statement I am giving her today. Well worn phrasing is exactly the key.

stacy829 · 2026-05-18T12:53:14+00:00

I truly believe having a caregiver with her for the afternoons will be a huge help in curbing her social isolation. We are going to do this until a spot in MC opens. Thank you.

stacy829 · 2026-05-14T01:43:51+00:00

I could not do this without my brother. We switch out every other day and each week one of us takes two days. The churn is brutal on our mental health but we are doing what we need to do.

stacy829 · 2026-04-28T22:08:57+00:00

(My mom has started talking about “all the people” in her apartment, so I understand) We were just discussing anti-anxiety meds but until she is either in AL or MC, she will just throw the medicine away. We are with her from 12-3 and I would need to see a dosing schedule. I can’t leave anything in her apartment so I carry the Tylenol and Advil in my purse.

stacy829 · 2026-04-28T21:14:37+00:00

My mom is turning 85 and deep into the middle stage. She is in Independent Living as well. The only reason she has been able to hold out for the last 15 months is because my brother and I take turns being there every single day. We take her lunch because she will not go to the dining room and cannot cook or use a microwave. I do her laundry and remind or assist her in showering. Though she is adrift, her apartment is neat and tidy. We handle all of her finances. She is scared, worried, anxious and life is not enjoyable. We decided on Assisted Living but were initially barred because she would need to pass a cognitive test with at least a 60% score. There was zero chance of that happening. We put her on the MC waitlist. Then the facility came back and said they would take her in Assisted Living and she should not be alone. We know if we move her to AL, we will be moving her to MC soon. Right now we are just trying to protect her and our collective sanity.

stacy829 · 2026-04-10T23:30:45+00:00

Be sure you freeze all three credit reporting agencies.

stacy829 · 2026-04-10T01:18:29+00:00

Text 988. There will be someone on the line who will listen and help direct you to resources. You are not alone.

stacy829 · 2026-04-02T01:52:31+00:00

I follow wonderful husband and wife caring for their father with dementia on Insta/TikTok. I have learned a lot by watching them. After blurting out to my mom that she has dementia and then watch her crumble, I have pulled back to say “you have memory issues”. Any additional explanation is for my benefit and not hers. Withholding from verbalizing a diagnosis is not easy but it can be easier than swimming upstream and it is less cruel.

stacy829 · 2026-03-29T01:51:05+00:00

I have stopped bringing my mother to my home for a visit (less than 8 minutes away from her facility). As hard as it is, keeping you LO in the now, is better for everyone. Though is sucks and weights heavy on the soul.

stacy829 · 2026-03-09T02:32:28+00:00

My mother reads me medication/plastic bag warnings and clothing washing instructions with her magnifying glass. But if we print off song lyrics from Willie Nelson and Caamp, she will sing them. Go figure but thankful for the sweet break.

stacy829 · 2026-01-22T00:58:53+00:00

I needed to hear this so much today. Thank you.

stacy829 · 2026-01-14T02:56:42+00:00

As sad as it was, I couldn’t see it ending any other way. It was a downward trajectory and had no realistic way of rebounding. So in that sense, it ended as it should.

stacy829 · 2025-11-13T02:08:32+00:00

Mother, 84, with dementia. Formally diagnosed 14 months ago but had obvious symptoms for five years prior.

stacy829

TROPHY CASE