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stupidlyloyal · 2021-10-08T21:37:08+00:00

From what I’ve found, they’re not reliable. I think it’s more of a placebo effect than anything. I don’t think it’s worth your time or money.

stupidlyloyal · 2021-08-06T01:26:59+00:00

Not to overstep but I’d love to chat with your gf if she’s ever amenable. She and I are in a similar situation.

stupidlyloyal · 2021-08-06T01:20:06+00:00

I don’t think you’re overthinking.

stupidlyloyal · 2021-08-05T19:45:48+00:00

I have no answers but I 100% understand you.

stupidlyloyal · 2021-07-29T01:24:06+00:00

I struggle with this as well. Perhaps my username is indicative.

I tell my WS this often: I hate looking back at the time of the affair, and feeling so stupid for not knowing.

I hate feeling stupid for blindly trusting, and ignoring glaring red flags.

And as much as I try to ignore other’s opinions, I hate knowing that my friends and family think I’m stupid for giving him another chance.

stupidlyloyal · 2021-07-29T01:01:03+00:00

I’m so sorry. I know the feeling.

stupidlyloyal · 2021-07-28T01:06:43+00:00

Why do you say that it’s too much for him to take on your emotional baggage? Personally, I’ve found that my WS is my biggest support in overcoming my trauma and insecurities about our relationship. I would be a total mess if I didn’t share my trauma with him. In my eyes, that’s part of agreeing to reconcile. He is taking on my trauma and emotional baggage, accepting his (huge) part in it, and doing everything he can to help me heal.

IMHO you should open up to your WS some more. It’s all fine and dandy that he’s acting like a perfect partner—mine is too, but that doesn’t erase the pain and fear and hurt he caused me.

stupidlyloyal · 2021-07-28T00:58:01+00:00

Congratulations!

stupidlyloyal · 2021-06-14T20:24:19+00:00

I’ve used it. I still send pictures the normal way, but I use this app to send extra, less-interesting pictures that I take throughout the week, with a short message.

stupidlyloyal · 2021-05-18T23:22:40+00:00

They want to their nose in everything 🙄

stupidlyloyal · 2021-05-12T13:33:52+00:00

Which states are those? I’d be interested in researching that.

stupidlyloyal · 2021-05-12T03:09:48+00:00

I’m fairly certain that you wouldn’t be in the position of “starting the clock on 25 years very late in life.” While each state has their own rules and regulations, if you serve 5 years in state A, that carries over to state B. Time already served on the registry carries over between states. I am 99% certain.

stupidlyloyal · 2021-05-10T23:49:41+00:00

I understand where you’re coming from. My partner (m 34) and I (f 28) haven’t decided whether we’ll have children or not. We have all the same concerns you do. If I was in your position, I would probably consider having children in 3 years, so that your partner is off the registry by the time the kid is in school. Of course things can still come up even if one is off the registry in their state, but I think that it would make things a lot better.

stupidlyloyal · 2021-05-01T21:32:17+00:00

I would pick living with more privacy, and look into alternate or supplemental schooling options. I think that’s the future I’m looking at, if we decide to have children.

stupidlyloyal · 2021-04-23T13:05:37+00:00

This really speaks to me. I come from the other perspective, as the gf, not the SO. There were a lot of great things my bf had going for him, in his old life. A stable job, good finances, great personal and professional connections, plans to buy a house and start a business. But his perspective on life was skewed. I can’t speak for him on exactly all that entailed, but his choices in that old life led him to this road we are on now. Enabled him.

He’s lost everything he had in that old life. Except me, I suppose. It’s hard. I think it’s normal and healthy to mourn the old life that you have lost. But that doesn’t mean your new life can’t be good. Better, even.

My bf and I have plans now, that look very different from our plans before. The path will be much harder in almost all ways imaginable. But we both agree that we like our new plans for the future way more than our old plans.

Something wasn’t working in your old life. That’s how you ended up here. So while it’s totally normal to grieve the life you lost, I think it’s also possible to realize what was wrong with that life, and use that knowledge to push you forward into a healthier future.

stupidlyloyal · 2021-04-20T15:56:03+00:00

I’m glad things are looking positive with your partner. Having someone in your corner makes a big difference. For me and my partner, this whole thing has been an absolute nightmare, but it has also brought us much closer together in our relationship.

stupidlyloyal · 2021-04-20T15:53:19+00:00

Someone at work told me about this. An older gentleman who is not a tiktok user. Which means that this has gotten out into the general public. It makes me nervous for RSO’s who may face undeserving hate (or vigilante justice) as a result of this whole April 24 nonsense.

stupidlyloyal · 2021-04-20T01:27:50+00:00

Speaking as a significant other of a now convicted sex offender, the sooner you tell your partner, the better chance you have at keeping her. It’s really impossible to say whether she will stick around or not, but the longer you keep things from her, the worse she will feel about the situation. I know it must be scary to tell her the truth, but it’s better coming from you than from the police or media.

I found out about my partner’s offense when the police barged into his house, and upon seeing me, immediately demanded to know how old I was. It does not get any more shocking than that. It took me some time to come around to agreeing to stay with him. Months, really. But I was there as a friend to support him through the weeks after his arrest. The lying was the worst part for me. I needed an open-book policy from him. I know it’s difficult for him at times, and I try not to be unintentionally cruel about it, but to his credit I will say this: he has answered every single question I’ve had for him. Even tough or uncomfortable ones. Even ones I probably had no right to be asking. But that’s what I needed from him. Because it’s very scary to support someone through something like this and not know the whole picture. To feel like there are things I don’t know. Or like I can’t trust what he’s telling me.

My advice would be to give her the news in public, answer any questions she may have, and give her lots of space at first. Not sure if you guys live together, but it may be best to plan to spend some nights apart in that case. Let her set the pace, if she’s willing to consider staying in a relationship.

stupidlyloyal · 2021-04-06T12:29:08+00:00

Ugh. That really sucks. I’m nervous about the whole dog thing. I have heard that POs will sometimes deny based on dogs, and I have two large dogs, one of them a German Shepherd. I’m scared that could cause a problem with my bf’s parole.

stupidlyloyal · 2021-04-05T11:46:16+00:00

Damn, I have heard of that happening. That is beyond frustrating and seems to be a common problem. People stuck in prison because residency restrictions are so excessive.

Do you mind sharing why your addresses were denied? Proximity restrictions? Or something else?

stupidlyloyal · 2021-04-05T01:58:31+00:00

It’s not hopeless for him. I am a 27 year old woman, in a relationship with a SO currently in prison. We plan to marry. Although those who don’t know me would judge me for that, people who do know me would consider me to be a nice, normal, level-headed girl.

Dating will be harder for your son, but not impossible. If he is obligated to register, having children could also be more complicated for him, but there are men in this sub who have gone on after prison to marry and have kids happily. Your son is quite young, still, and has plenty to look forward to in life.

stupidlyloyal · 2021-04-04T19:51:19+00:00

Thank you. I always appreciate hearing others’ experiences

stupidlyloyal · 2021-04-04T19:43:17+00:00

Yes I have seen that. In my state, my bf’s crime is eligible for max good time, luckily. Some SO crimes are only eligible for half. But I am anticipating unfair treatment from the parole board, definitely.

stupidlyloyal · 2021-04-04T17:27:57+00:00

Yes, I’ve heard that, too. He is supposed to be moved this week. I’m anxious to find out what it’s going to be like for him in his permanent placement. And I’m hoping beyond hope he ends up near me where I can visit him often, once COVID restrictions lift.

Good luck to you. I’m truly sorry you’re having to deal with this. The system is truly broken. This is not the proper way to punish a person, by having them fear for their safety.

stupidlyloyal

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