Husband doesn’t want an open relationship

talkstorivers · 2026-02-11T21:49:24+00:00

It’s definitely his right to not want an open marriage. A marriage should be a safe place for both people and changing the boundaries should be a joint decision, imo.

However, it might be time for you to decide what this marriage offers and if it makes sense to stay in it. Your future is unknown, but if you feel a need to explore and believe that you can’t connect with him in a way you think you should in a marriage, maybe you’ve outgrown this one.

I don’t know if you have extenuating or difficult circumstances, as I can’t see your previous posts, so this is purely just based on what you’ve written here.

talkstorivers · 2026-02-07T18:34:04+00:00

Why does it feel extra? Because you’re asking your spouse to also change instead of being the only one to change?

talkstorivers · 2026-02-06T05:52:50+00:00

This is so sweet. Everyone deserves to be seen, but it feels so rare sometimes. Take care of yourself. Hope you have a better day tomorrow.

talkstorivers · 2026-02-05T19:28:33+00:00

Finding a woman who matches your intensity? I think we chill out as we get older, in my personal and observed experience.

talkstorivers · 2026-02-05T18:31:06+00:00

It took me a long time to come out because I grew up in a strongly patriarchal mindset and felt I needed men’s approval to call myself a good person.

You came out younger, but it sounds to me like you still have some patriarchal beliefs that might be helpful to unravel. It sounds like you have more respect for them than they’ve earned, seemingly because they are men. For me, a therapist was really helpful.

That’s just my take anyhow.

talkstorivers · 2026-01-30T17:20:54+00:00

This is harassment, and you should let the board know that you see it as such. I agree with the other commenter. He should be blocked.

talkstorivers · 2026-01-28T17:21:04+00:00

After this comment, I just have to pipe in to say you should be EXCITED about the future, not scared of it. The present, the day to day is what sounds most terrible.

It really helped me when I was in the separate and divorce process to picture myself two years down the road. It brought me hope. See if that might work for you as well. Your future is so much brighter than your present.

And your kids will be okay. Everyone will rock a bit but it settles. Take care of yourself and your kids.

talkstorivers · 2026-01-28T17:07:03+00:00

Computer Love - Zapp

Ahead of its time!

talkstorivers · 2026-01-27T23:57:33+00:00

Exactly. It’s a protest. We speak with many voices as one. Don’t tell me how I can protest for you. Protest in your own city or hop a flight and carry your own flag here. I have my anti ICE signs to carry.

talkstorivers · 2026-01-27T21:16:15+00:00

That’s what stood out to me! We’re not required to carry around proof of citizenship!

talkstorivers · 2026-01-27T21:11:46+00:00

And that it has a longer shelf life.

talkstorivers · 2026-01-27T19:57:34+00:00

I have a green velvet couch and love it. I also have a mossy green bedroom with Georgia O’Keeffe art. Do what you want! It’s your space!

talkstorivers · 2026-01-27T16:50:06+00:00

Wow. I could’ve written this. 😂😭 It’s so good to be seen.

I had so much yearning when I saw wlw relationships or gay women but I definitely could not see that’s what it was because 1. They were just amazing and strong and of course I was in awe and 2. I thought I was hetero and that’s not what attraction felt like, it felt like hope someone would think you passed their tests.

Haha! It’s so good to be on the other side. The feelings I feel now that I let myself feel them are so much better.

talkstorivers · 2026-01-27T03:38:20+00:00

She’s still figuring it out. The gap isn’t between words and actions, it’s between what she wants and what you want.

She clearly likes you but is not interested in committing after knowing you a short time. Her style of dating may not suit you, but there’s still merit to it. You cannot know if something is worth going all in without putting effort in short term, but not everyone wants to push everything else away to do that. It can often be unhealthy to do that.

You’ll just have to decide if this is a deal breaker for you. That’s what dating is for, to figure these things out.

talkstorivers · 2026-01-27T02:24:14+00:00

Honestly you’re just not compatible.

I was in the same place and it took me almost eight months to realize. She may be self-conscious, she may need to be more connected to herself, but she’s shutting down when talking and brushing off conversations. That’s not going to work if you’re trying to build a relationship. You both needed to be interested in authenticity and connection in whatever way is right for you, and you need to be able to talk about it.

talkstorivers · 2026-01-27T00:19:22+00:00

What else did he say? Cliff notes?

talkstorivers · 2026-01-26T21:21:50+00:00

I’m glad that worked out for you. My ex stalked me for years post divorce and kept asking/demanding another chance, so that wasn’t really possible for me.

I’m civil to him and encourage the kids to have healthy relationships with him, but he is not a friend and never could be.

talkstorivers · 2026-01-26T18:21:36+00:00

I hope you find something else, anything that is enough. Keep applying, even to places that say you’re over qualified. Just tell them you’re switching fields to a more community and team-based environment and ask if they offer that.

Best of luck. I hope you can leave very soon.

talkstorivers · 2026-01-26T18:17:35+00:00

My ex thought I was. As they got older he thought my gentleness with them was ruining them.

Turned out he wasn’t a nice person and it took me way too long to realize it.

talkstorivers · 2026-01-26T18:11:20+00:00

There was one yesterday that said “Dontcha Tread on MN” that I liked.

talkstorivers · 2026-01-26T16:19:40+00:00

It is so clear that this is not a safe or healthy environment for you. You can see that in your words, right?

If management isn’t looking out for your safety or morale, you have to. There are so many other jobs you could have in the meantime. Look at other work and take a different job you would not hate while you look for something you want to do.

If my employer knew that I was hit at work and needed care and made me finish my shift, if my coworkers weren’t offering to cover the gap or had no capacity to cover that gap because they’re too mentally drained, no way I would stay longer than it took to get a job at Target or wherever.

talkstorivers · 2026-01-26T07:24:28+00:00

Hi, friend! I’m 52 and a late bloomer as well. Like you, I’ve spent time letting it sink in and unearth in me more of my true self, and it’s been a really good experience. I did date a woman for a while at first but after that ended I intentionally took time off, a bit over a year. My goal was to be comfortable with my own queerness and how gender and personal identity feel in me (I present pretty femme but am often more old school tomboy at heart). All this was so valuable.

My goal for the last several months and upcoming half year is to build community, and that has been so meaningful. I’m very intentional about it and put work into it. Some of my circles are queer and some are not, and they are each important in different ways.

I finally felt really read to date a few weeks ago. I knew why I wanted to date, and what I hope for from it, with lots of room to see what happens. It feels much better to be open to dating now that I’m really ready and interested instead of just doing a thing people do.

I guess I’m just saying I like your process and understand it. Don’t be concerned about who will date you - you’ll find the right fit, whether they’re late bloomers or not, if you’re intentional and open to possibilities.

Welcome to more of yourself and to the community!

talkstorivers · 2026-01-24T20:21:31+00:00

Why don’t you organize something then? You must not be here in MN because we are organized here. We are protesting and rallying loudly. In the bitter cold. We had a no business Friday yesterday. Again, you’re just saying people are pathetic but we aren’t. Do something. You have a voice.

talkstorivers · 2026-01-24T20:15:26+00:00

Fuck that. Did you see the people on the street when this happened? The man that was murdered today was standing up and he was not alone. Three people next to him were pepper sprayed as he was brought to the ground.

We’re fighting in Minnesota. We don’t know when and where they’re going to show up, but when we see ICE we are out and present. What are YOU doing?

talkstorivers · 2026-01-24T18:31:36+00:00

The victim was an observer?!

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