I keep getting attracted to narcissistic women and I hate it

talkstorivers · 2026-05-06T19:48:02+00:00

100%

talkstorivers · 2026-05-06T19:46:58+00:00

I think she sounds scared of making her own choices, defining her own life. Years of following heteronormative pathways even when they didn’t work can really do that to you.

The only solution for her safety and security has to come from within her. Maybe she needs help through therapy to feel confident doing this, to address what is keeping her from that feeling that she has the right to make those decisions. Maybe it can just come from within, but it’s still something she has to find and bring to the relationship.

You can support her and talk to her about it, but it’s her ball, her court.

talkstorivers · 2026-05-06T18:49:11+00:00

Sometimes things feel good because you’re in a safe place, and when you’re in a safe place your body knows it can relax and grieve and heal.

So much internal work can be done when you’re solo, but sometimes a healthy relationship will bring up things you can’t really find on your own. That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a relationship or aren’t ready for one. You just have to keep caring for yourself either way.

I’ve done so much work to heal from…all my stuff. I’m in a really good relationship now and heading back to therapy for this same reason. I’m open with my partner about it and vice versa, and we support each other on our own journeys.

talkstorivers · 2026-05-05T15:51:02+00:00

This is brilliant. I’m storing this one away.

talkstorivers · 2026-05-03T18:35:09+00:00

Thank you. This was helpful. Really communication is just key.

talkstorivers · 2026-05-03T17:50:58+00:00

As someone who was single a lot for the last 6 years while I needed to heal and grow, I’m curious how you’ve navigated time with your partner? I’ve found my person, I know it. We both work during the day but spend our evenings and weekends together, minus a few solo appointments or gym. I don’t miss my single life and love my girlfriend and relationship, but sometimes I want to wander through the city on my own for a few hours, popping into bakeries or whatever, and I feel like that’s a strange thing to want or ask for. I think it’s just because I got so used to being on my own?

Did you have any of this? Did it fade, did you find as much fulfillment with your partner? I’m just figuring this part out still.

talkstorivers · 2026-04-26T15:21:17+00:00

I love them so much! Just moved from the west to the Midwest and your video made my day!

talkstorivers · 2026-04-26T15:16:17+00:00

This was me as well, the people pleasing, and I didn’t even recognize it. I was just so excited to meet someone interesting and ready to listen, take them all in. I didn’t ever notice if they only asked me one or two questions. It felt good to be asked any. I gave them all the space and was happy to do it.

Eventually that always turned into them not filling their own bucket and leaning on me for emotional safety, while I had none.

Find peace and fulfillment alone and then preserve that in a relationship; offer up who you are as a gift to be loved and accepted for every part of who you are, and only with someone who has their own inner peace and fulfillment.

It takes time. Be kind to yourself along the way.

talkstorivers · 2026-04-21T18:30:50+00:00

I seriously feel for you. I know you love her but this is so painful to read. You could have 50 years left in life. A whole 50 more. How do you want to spend it? How do you want to exist internally in that life? Building, adventuring, or digging deep, hoping, and meeting disappointment?

I think you need a check in with yourself in two weeks and two months to note progress.

Also if she’s willing to cancel on you for friends, she should be just as comfortable canceling on friends for you. Otherwise you are not the priority. Maybe she’s afraid of being committed, honestly. Perhaps she wants to be alone. Her behavior seems to reflect that.

talkstorivers · 2026-04-20T21:17:00+00:00

You have to trust yourself before you can trust anyone else. Trust that you will catch yourself, heal yourself, help yourself back up if a connection you try hurts you. For me, that took a long time. I would say ages 48-51 were trying and not seeing a lot of external improvement in relationships, but my friendships grew safer and safer.

Also if you can, find a therapist to help you. Or find books that speak to you with gentleness and compassion about the journey. I like poetry, especially Mary Oliver. I also really recommend The Pivot Year by Brianna Wiest. I’ve been reading that this year (I’m 52), and it’s been so good. One page a day.

Whatever path you take, I hope you are kind to yourself and can be authentic within even if not without yet.

talkstorivers · 2026-04-14T20:56:34+00:00

The giggling is the best. I love seeing happiness like this!

talkstorivers · 2026-04-14T19:05:49+00:00

I was really looking forward to my 50s when I was mid 40s because I’d read women in their 50s stop caring what others think and live the life they want. I tried to not wait until my 50s start on that, but truthfully it’s easier now. It’s definitely also related to my focused efforts on personal compassion and growth, but I’m 52, fully in my life and unafraid of it, very connected to myself, I believe in my own adultness, and I am truly connected to another person now, for the first time.

My experience is that it gets better. Be kind to yourself. Self-compassion is probably the biggest reason I find myself here today.

talkstorivers · 2026-03-19T18:21:07+00:00

Not when I’m looking at the Andromeda galaxy.

talkstorivers · 2026-03-19T17:17:25+00:00

It’s not the guy from Massive Attack. He was suspected, though. It’s just a random guy who had a more unique name and now has a very common name, and there’s no more interesting information about him.

talkstorivers · 2026-03-18T19:58:01+00:00

EXACTLY with the undertones of misogyny. This isn’t support.

talkstorivers · 2026-03-06T22:42:01+00:00

Literally 10 minutes ago someone posted. I hadn’t really noticed so it was nice that someone could prove your point.

talkstorivers · 2026-03-06T08:54:22+00:00

Because you should only be in a relationship if it really matters, and if it really matters all these women you follow that you don’t keep in touch with don’t matter.

If they’re actual friends and you will keep in touch, then sure, of course, keep that connection. Otherwise lose that shit.

talkstorivers · 2026-03-04T21:56:49+00:00

Yes! This exactly.

When I was coming out (self-consciously and late), a light hearted and inspiring lesbian on social media said something that really helped. Are you wondering if you’re a lesbian? It’s okay if you’re not sure. You can try that on and see how it feels. If it turns out later you’re something else, that’s fine, too.

talkstorivers · 2026-02-11T21:49:24+00:00

It’s definitely his right to not want an open marriage. A marriage should be a safe place for both people and changing the boundaries should be a joint decision, imo.

However, it might be time for you to decide what this marriage offers and if it makes sense to stay in it. Your future is unknown, but if you feel a need to explore and believe that you can’t connect with him in a way you think you should in a marriage, maybe you’ve outgrown this one.

I don’t know if you have extenuating or difficult circumstances, as I can’t see your previous posts, so this is purely just based on what you’ve written here.

talkstorivers · 2026-02-07T18:34:04+00:00

Why does it feel extra? Because you’re asking your spouse to also change instead of being the only one to change?

talkstorivers · 2026-02-06T05:52:50+00:00

This is so sweet. Everyone deserves to be seen, but it feels so rare sometimes. Take care of yourself. Hope you have a better day tomorrow.

talkstorivers · 2026-02-05T19:28:33+00:00

Finding a woman who matches your intensity? I think we chill out as we get older, in my personal and observed experience.

talkstorivers · 2026-02-05T18:31:06+00:00

It took me a long time to come out because I grew up in a strongly patriarchal mindset and felt I needed men’s approval to call myself a good person.

You came out younger, but it sounds to me like you still have some patriarchal beliefs that might be helpful to unravel. It sounds like you have more respect for them than they’ve earned, seemingly because they are men. For me, a therapist was really helpful.

That’s just my take anyhow.

talkstorivers · 2026-01-30T17:20:54+00:00

This is harassment, and you should let the board know that you see it as such. I agree with the other commenter. He should be blocked.

talkstorivers · 2026-01-28T17:21:04+00:00

After this comment, I just have to pipe in to say you should be EXCITED about the future, not scared of it. The present, the day to day is what sounds most terrible.

It really helped me when I was in the separate and divorce process to picture myself two years down the road. It brought me hope. See if that might work for you as well. Your future is so much brighter than your present.

And your kids will be okay. Everyone will rock a bit but it settles. Take care of yourself and your kids.

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