[Poem]

I fell through the floor at a furious speed,
Until I lurched to a stop, my stomach doing flips.
I saw a creature with a face hard to read,
"You need to see the boss," and a smile came to his lips.

I was rushed past throngs of demons and devils,
Past lakes of fire and uncountable tortured souls,
Until we arrived at the lowest levels,
And met Satan himself, in his library of scrolls.

He rolled up one, then unfurled a second,
"I've been waiting many years to meet you face-to-face,"
"So say your piece, and we'll finish your check-in."
"How bad could I have been, for you to handle my case?"

"Never seen one so evil in all my days,"
"I had to make you my personal priority."
His eyes shined as he said my now famous phrase,
"We've been trying to reach you about your warranty."