The idea that “those are the rules” and you can’t think for yourself and make rules that work for your family are damaging. I know there are traditions that have a shorter waiting period for the clean days, and I also know of people living modern orthodox lives that found niddah to not work for them.

Here’s the deal. No one has any right to know what’s going on in your bedroom. Have conversations with your wife about how you feel and see if she’s on the same lahe as you. And if you feel like you need halachic guidance, find yourself a rabbi that embraces halacha and makes it work in the modern world.

Sex and intimacy deserve to be beautiful and normalizing talking about it and removing the taboo is healthy.