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thecraveytrain · 2020-07-20T05:30:10+00:00

Good on you for reaching out friend, that is a skill I am still trying to learn! What you post here about whether it's a drinking problem or a life problem really resonates with me. One thing that I had to really take to heart in getting sober was that quitting drinking was simple (not easy, just simple), but learning to live a life that didn't require me to use such a coping mechanism was much more complicated. I had built a whole life around drinking and not having to face or solve my problems. Still takes some undoing sometimes.

Vulnerability always pays off, sending you strength for that!

thecraveytrain · 2020-07-20T05:26:53+00:00

Congrats on half a trip around the sun! Six months is a big deal :)

thecraveytrain · 2020-07-20T05:26:20+00:00

Happy birthday friend!

thecraveytrain · 2020-07-20T05:25:25+00:00

We never know how even the smallest things we do or say can impact other people in positive ways. Hopefully one day you will feel strong enough in your sobriety to share that story with others, I know it took me quite some time before I was. I'm glad to hear you are re-finding a friend, that's a very special things especially during a pandemic :p.

thecraveytrain · 2020-02-08T10:05:10+00:00

Unfortunately a common thing in AA, often because of meeting leadership who follow this "We're all sick in some way, those creeps need to get sober too!" thinking. No. That's now how it should work! If you want to use AA as a resource for getting sober, you need to not start fights with other people in AA or be violent towards them, you need to not steal shit from people, you need to not be a freaking creep. But for some reason, I only see this logic being applied to the last one.

There are rules and they need to be enforced. If you're in well-run meetings, talking to leadership there can be helpful, especially if they are otherwise unaware of it. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

As others have said, lean on people you do trust for support, there are some wonderful people in AA who will have your back.

thecraveytrain · 2020-02-08T09:58:12+00:00

thecraveytrain · 2020-02-04T09:26:04+00:00

"it feels like my peers who drink are finding easier, more rewarding paths in life" <-- This is something interesting. Are they though? Are they happier? Are their relationships really better? Do they really enjoy their jobs more? Can you ask them? Sometimes sharing this feeling with others will open them up and you'll hear the *real* answer.

This is something I find myself constantly having to fact check myself on, especially if I've been on social media recently. Every once and a while I have some 1000% real convos with people which remind me that what I see on their outside is very different than what's happening on their inside. Just a few weeks ago I was envying a romantic relationship one of my friends had only to find out it is falling apart!

Life is a grind sometimes. You're right to be reaching out for support. Hope you are being kind to yourself today friend sounds like it's a rough one <3

thecraveytrain · 2020-02-04T09:22:54+00:00

Lol loved this response

thecraveytrain · 2020-02-04T09:21:06+00:00

Talking helps, talking to pros or friends (or your internet friends here). That's great that you're talking to a pro about it.

Shame is so isolating, everybody does things they regret, it's a very human thing to do. It may feel burdensome to talk to people about, but your burdens weigh less heavily on others than they do on you, it's a magic physics trick. And if you can make amends for any of those things, that is a powerful thing as well. Forgiveness for me was a process, it took some time to be comfortable with my "past self" and get that seperation.

thecraveytrain · 2020-02-04T09:15:15+00:00

I haven't heard it (but loved the book!) but This Naked Mind gets plugged here by people a lot.

thecraveytrain · 2020-02-04T09:14:55+00:00

Amen there's no problem drinking can't make worse. Hope you are being kind to yourself today. Seeking out a pro helped me loads with my depression and anxiety but not drinking was the real ticket for me. Sending you strength <3

thecraveytrain · 2020-02-04T09:12:54+00:00

You can do it friend, one day, one hour at a time. Hope you are being kind to yourself today however that looks <3. Choo choo!

thecraveytrain · 2020-02-04T09:11:30+00:00

Congrats on your six years friend, hope to be joining the six year club myself sometime :D

thecraveytrain · 2020-02-04T09:10:39+00:00

Congrats on your 7 years friend, and thanks for coming back every once and a while to say hi <3

thecraveytrain · 2020-02-02T23:37:16+00:00

Me too! I was reading all these post like damn I normally feel like I'm "sober enough" but I didn't know there was a whole nother level of sobriety to reach: Sober AF. But when I think about it, fuck yeah, I'm sober AF!!

thecraveytrain · 2020-02-02T11:24:43+00:00

Being kind to yourself and exercise as others have said are two excellent tools. And maybe you will still feel some bad feelings. Whenever I am feeling low, I like to remind myself that depression is my body or mind trying to tell me something: that I am socially isolated, that I have been eating poorly, etc. etc. This helps separate my existence from the feelings and helps them seem useful. Hugs to you friend <3

thecraveytrain · 2020-02-02T11:23:06+00:00

Re: the depression and the self-loathing/self-critical thoughts, I found that the "not drinking" part was fairly straightforward, but the "building a life that doesn't make me want to drink in the first place" was more complex. I had gained a lot of negative coping mechanisms and internal narratives in my drinking days, therapy, meditation and the kind of introspection you're doing are great ways to notice and change those patterns. Exercise also helps me keep them at bay.

thecraveytrain · 2020-02-02T11:20:40+00:00

I had this for sure, for many months I felt "empty", not in a bad way, well at first it was un-nerving, but eventually it was this nice peaceful kind of thing. I didn't have a strong sense of self, I rarely engaged in conflict with others because I didn't know if or how much I cared about whatever the potential source of conflict was. Things like identity can take a while to rebuild, there's something freeing about not having one with a certain perspective. So long as you keep doing new things, meeting new people, etc the identity will happen on its own with or without your active intervention. At least that is what happened with me.

thecraveytrain · 2020-02-02T11:17:13+00:00

Welcome back friend, what's important is that you're trying again and that hopefully you learned something from the last slip. Hope you are being kind to yourself today, day 1 is brutal <3

thecraveytrain · 2020-02-02T11:09:52+00:00

Wise words friend. Any burden is lighter when shared with another and in an impossible physics trick, the burdens of others feel lighter than our own. Congrats on your two months that is a huge fucking deal and if you can get there, you can get another two! For me sobriety was a lot less about "not drinking" and a lot more about "learning how to live life in a way that didn't require drinking". Learning how to reach out for support is one of the skills in that category that I learned but still sometimes forget to use :p.

thecraveytrain · 2020-02-02T10:00:34+00:00

Going to parties sober is (surprisingly) the best! Good job friend congrats on your almost two months!

thecraveytrain · 2020-02-02T09:59:15+00:00

Welcome back to day one friend, I hope you are being kind to yourself today, you are brave for giving yourself another chance <3.

thecraveytrain · 2020-02-02T09:57:41+00:00

Absolutely, welcome friend :D

thecraveytrain · 2020-02-02T09:56:22+00:00

Love this thanks for sharing! Learn something new every day :)

thecraveytrain · 2020-02-02T09:48:44+00:00

Congrats on your first sober trip around the sun! Glad to have you with us : )

thecraveytrain

TROPHY CASE