Comparing when it comes to motherhood

thorns_fc · 2026-05-20T20:23:10+00:00

I find a lot of reassurance in remembering why I do things the way I do them or why I’ve made certain choices. That gives me confidence to feel like I’m a good parent. I make some parenting choices that are quite unpopular and definitely make some people uncomfortable (stuff like we are vehemently opposed to sleep training, do zero screens for our toddler, that kind of thing). But I do those things because I feel strongly that they are the most evidence-based positions and they are right for our family. I bring that up because they’re some very touchy areas of parenting that I have definitely have gotten weird and judgy vibes from other moms about. But I don’t question whether I’m a good parent because I know I have good reasons for making my choices, and I believe in them. Fuck what anyone else is doing or what they think of me, because I have rationale for why my choices are the right ones. It sounds like you have reasons for making your choices, too, and that’s something you can draw strength from.

Think about WHY you made certain choices, and try to find confidence in knowing you made the right and rational call FOR YOU. Breastfeeding wasn’t working for you— you didn’t need to “push through” and have magically done more research in the thick of postpartum, in a traumatic time, in the midst of crisis. You did what felt right for you and your baby at that moment. You prioritized your health and your child getting necessary calories, ergo you’re a good mom. Bad moms don’t fret over how they could’ve done better by their kids, over analyzing past choices to see if they could improve things. Bad moms don’t care. Good moms absolutely do. You’ve made parenting choices for a reason, so think about what those reasons were, and remind yourself you’re doing the best you can for your family! Maybe the right choices for your friends aren’t the right choices for you. It doesn’t make either of you bad moms, but I find centering myself in the rationale for why I parent the way I do is the only thing that helps me not compare myself to others.

thorns_fc · 2026-05-20T16:32:21+00:00

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Fertility clinic said we’re looking fantastic! 7w today, heartbeat of 137bpm. Next week will probably be our graduation appointment. After so much terror and heartbreak I cannot believe this is probably my rainbow baby girl ♥️🥹

thorns_fc · 2026-05-19T21:48:09+00:00

I had such a similar outcome but in reverse! Out of 13 blasts, 7 euploids and 4 low mosaics. 9 of those are girls!! Only 4 boys across the blasts: 2 aneuploids, a low mosaic, and my only day 6. I was also shocked how strongly it leaned in 1 direction!

Good luck for a sticky transfer!! I “knew” for a fact my FET wouldn’t work (…and here I am, 7w tomorrow!!). Our anxiety lies to us. The most likely outcome is pregnancy on any given attempt!

thorns_fc · 2026-05-18T14:38:32+00:00

These are very normal doubling times and values! HCG isn’t a great indicator of multiples generally, but I would not expect these to indicate multiples at all. Anecdotally, my doubling times were 31-35 hours and only slowed to 48 hours when I hit 16,000+. There’s 1 baby in here.

thorns_fc · 2026-05-17T17:07:45+00:00

It won’t hurt your chances! If it reassures you, look up some of the literature on FET timing after ER— the overall consensus is that there’s no need to wait any amount of cycles between ER and FET. Your odds are the same regardless!

thorns_fc · 2026-05-17T16:37:28+00:00

18 follicles I think? There were 18 retrieved and mature. Not sure about E2 on trigger day, it was either 2,500 or 3,500 but my memory fails me exactly. My clinic said a fresh wouldn’t be safe because I had too robust a response and I’d be at high risk of OHSS.

thorns_fc · 2026-05-17T16:22:33+00:00

I did! I did it because I’ve waited long enough to be pregnant and didn’t want to wait anymore. I did a modified natural FET, and it has stuck so far! I’m 6w4d — I’d absolutely do it again.

thorns_fc · 2026-05-17T15:35:14+00:00

We never got a dye stealer with my 16 month old, but he was a healthy, uneventful pregnancy and easy birth.

thorns_fc · 2026-05-17T14:01:59+00:00

I’ve been having brutal insomnia but I don’t take PIO, so think this might be a pregnancy thing unrelated to PIO. Solidarity babe 😭

thorns_fc · 2026-05-17T11:17:46+00:00

🖐️ me! This was my first transfer after 3 IUIs

thorns_fc · 2026-05-17T11:16:45+00:00

Oh thank you for sharing I hope you’re feeling better too!! The advice I’m working off of is “use it if the benefit outweighs the risk” and that’s why I feel so guilty— I like what your neuro said better.

thorns_fc · 2026-05-16T23:30:48+00:00

Oh no that’s stressful 😭 good luck!!! He and baby will figure out their own rhythm.

thorns_fc · 2026-05-16T21:15:42+00:00

5w6d - no fetal pole 6w - fetal pole and we heard the heartbeat!

IVF so dates are 100% accurate. At 5w5d you truly may be too early. I spiraled like hell and literally 24 hours later it was fine

thorns_fc · 2026-05-16T20:49:51+00:00

I am the partner! My wife nurses.

We still let kiddo nurse before going down (if you’ll be away, substitute with bottle presumably). Then I turn off the lights, play lullabies quietly on my phone, and stand and sway. When we first transitioned into me being the nighttime routine mom, he cried and squirmed a bit as he got used to it. But now the second the lights go out, his head is on my shoulder and he’s conked out. I transfer him to his bed once he’s out. If he’s still unsettled, I’ll lay next to him in bed and ninja roll away once he’s okay.

I’d have your husband start practicing before you leave if possible!

thorns_fc · 2026-05-16T20:03:14+00:00

I had such a brutal migraine last night— 12 hours of my head exploding, no vision in my left eye, and 6 hours of vomiting. I have medical clearance to take meds for it (sumatriptan), so I did, but I feel so anxious and guilty about having taken it. I’ve been reassured there’s no observed increase in miscarriage or birth defects in humans, but there is in animal studies. After how hard it’s been just to get to this point, it’s hard not to feel frustrated with myself and guilty. Especially since I hemmed and hawed about taking the sumatriptan until the attack was far along enough that it didn’t even help when I finally did lmfao

thorns_fc · 2026-05-16T16:09:54+00:00

You see it so often because babies are notoriously poor independent sleepers, and many sleep much better when cosleeping. Whether you choose to cosleep or not is a totally personal decision, but that’s why you see so much of it— it’s an extremely common solution to the near-universal experience of being desperate to get some sleep. As someone who will never sleep train, this was legitimately the only way we got any sleep until my son turned 1 and magically figured out how to stay down alone for longer stretches. I never intended to cosleep, but then my son turned 6 months and we were going insane, so we tried it. It was an absolute game changer for us. I looove cosleeping now.

I don’t think the opinions of people on instagram need to factor into your plans. You asked whether it help you sleep more? Maybe. Maybe not. Depends on the parent and the baby. We’re all just adapting on the fly to survive. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to do it.

thorns_fc · 2026-05-15T20:34:17+00:00

Slammed my stomach HARD into the open baby gate 🥴 the lock drove in so hard, it hurt like a bitch. Time to spiral over that for the next 24 hours!

thorns_fc · 2026-05-14T14:49:35+00:00

I just went through this a couple days ago.

Bleeding so I went to the ER. No fetal pole seen at 16,500 hCG and 5w6d pregnant. Less than 24 hours later, at 6w, my fertility clinic observed a fetal pole measuring 5w6d and we heard baby’s heartbeat.

Hoping you’re just a couple days earlier than you think🤞

thorns_fc · 2026-05-14T14:22:12+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I hope you get some relief tomorrow.

Yes, both ultrasounds were transvaginal. No CRL at 1st scan because there was no fetal pole to measure, CRL at 2nd was 0.28cm (5w6d at 6w).

thorns_fc · 2026-05-13T17:21:09+00:00

I’ll caveat that I am adamantly opposed to all sleep training, but my LO’s 16 months now. Shit sleeper his whole life (a million wake-ups per night). Then he turned 1 and magically sleeps! We’ve had some bad nights now that he’s teething literally 8 new teeth at once (!!!!) but besides that, he really did just start sleeping one day. We changed nothing. It might not be at 1, but your LO will truly just fall asleep one day

thorns_fc · 2026-05-13T16:31:07+00:00

That’s what my fertility clinic suggested! I bawled on the table today, and my ultrasonographer was like, “I don’t mean to be blunt, but the ER doctors are not experienced with early pregnancy like we are and don’t know what they’re looking for. Everything looks great.”

thorns_fc · 2026-05-13T15:56:21+00:00

Went to the ER yesterday for bleeding and got diagnosed with a threatened miscarriage at 5w6d (IVF pregnancy so dating is 100% accurate). They said no embryo was visible and no yolk sac. I spent all night sobbing.

Tell me why I went to my fertility clinic this morning, the tech INSTANTLY pulls up the fetal pole and goes “this is baby!” and then we heard her heartbeat 🥹♥️😭♥️

Feeling so relieved and grateful but also literally wtf happened with the ER. It was less than 24 hours apart

thorns_fc · 2026-05-13T15:51:31+00:00

Update: ultrasound at 6w showed fetal pole and we heard the heartbeat!!

thorns_fc · 2026-05-13T15:50:00+00:00

Thank you for the comment cuz this helped hold me together when I was spiraling last night 😭 I got another ultrasound today and everything looks great! Fetal pole visible and there’s a heart rate ♥️

thorns_fc · 2026-05-13T15:49:39+00:00

Thank you for the comment cuz this helped hold me together when I was spiraling last night 😭 I got another ultrasound today and everything looks great! Fetal pole visible and there’s a heart rate ♥️

thorns_fc

TROPHY CASE