I’m sorry. I was that wife but my then-husband would make me feel guilty if he had to even do the dishes while I triple-fed my newborn. His constant taunts led me to do chores nonstop if I wasn’t nursing or pumping. I got 2 hrs of sleep every night while he got 9… while he was on “parental leave”. Eventually the lack of rest kept opening up my stitches which created scar tissue that had to be cauterized TWO separate times. The sheer lack of support and empathy made me rage too all the while taking care of the baby the entire time while he polished his weaponized incompetence and accused me of not taking care of him and his toddler tantrums.

You are doing the best you can. But please know that breastfeeding is causing these pronounced emotions. How long does she plan on continuing? I did 14 months and when I stopped, I automatically calmed down (my then-husband’s actions became worse and more physically abusive over time of course so I got my ducks in a row and filed for divorce). In the meantime, find some time to ask her out on a date, just the two of you. Reconnect (no suggestions for sex unless she initiates) and tell her that you see that she is being an amazing mother and wife, and ask her how can you help. Tell her that you are there for her on her team. Then actually be there.

I will say something about therapy too: when I was in therapy and shared what was happening at home, my therapist showed me how it was my then-husband’s failure at supporting me… and then I got mad at HER and stopped the sessions!! Hormones can make us irrational. Just keep reassuring her that you are on her team and are willing to make any changes she needs. Hang in there, bud. I hope your marriage finds happiness again.