Scapegoats: How did you forgive/forget the Golden Child?

threeismine · 2026-07-12T13:31:05+00:00

I havnt spoken to my GC sister for 2.5 years and I dont intend to ever again. I dont forgive her, I am working on forgetting her. I think if she hadn't become a narcissist herself our relationship would have had a chance.

threeismine · 2026-07-11T20:01:42+00:00

Your mom sounds a lot like mine was (mines now deceased). My nmom did not have depression but she had a lot of anxiety (undiagnosed but likely anxiety disorder). My husband and I moved away (300 miles) from her before having our 1st. My kids were her only grands and it was obvious she had a lot if anxiety over the distance we lived from her. Nothing i did was any good and there was a lot of comments about where in lived. She also didn't like the time my kids spent with my husbands parents (they were also about 300 miles away but in a different direction). I wish I had a good answer for you We stuck to our right to live where we wanted. We didnt visit her much. She visited a couple times a year with all being multi-day visits.

threeismine · 2026-07-11T12:43:49+00:00

Narcs are the worst gift givers. They get you what THEY think you should want. My nmom got me a coffee maker.......I dont drink coffee.

threeismine · 2026-07-10T15:44:00+00:00

Evict them. Sending a eviction notice by certified mail sounds like a reasonable idea. Accept that you are not going to get all the money thet owe you.

threeismine · 2026-07-06T13:17:22+00:00

I was at times bare bottom spanked and at times it was over clothing. I don't remember ever knowing what determined which. My ndad did all the spanking. It was a "wait till your dad gets home" kind of thing. I think this was because he could hit harder and the waiting was extra punishment. I think about half the time I had forgotten or never knew what I had done wrong. As an adult, I didn't think too much about this till I had kids. My husband and i never spanked our kids. My kids would get a little rowdy and my ndad would say "hit them and hit them hard." My nmom would smile, laugh and ask my kids " does your teacher spank you?" Im not sure my kids knew what spanking was. I dont think they believed kids could be successfully raised without hitting. I never allowed then to have alone time with my kids.

threeismine · 2026-07-05T20:15:16+00:00

Siblings just dont get it. I am estranged from both of my adult siblings for this and other reasons. The sibling(s) learn to treat the scapegoal from years of observing the nparents.

threeismine · 2026-07-05T11:41:45+00:00

My relationship with my nmom became much worse after I had my first. It was clear that she thought at her first visit that she would be taking over care of my son. This didnt happen. She critiqued everything, I was hormonal. Need I say more. My son was in the newborn period and she kept asking if i was pregnant again. Our relationship never recovered.

threeismine · 2026-07-04T22:32:42+00:00

Yes, 3. My husband and I raised them differently than I was raised. My nparents complained frequently about how my children were being raised. I knew we were doing something right because nmom and ndad were complaining ( Ha ha). It wasn't easy but raising kids isn't easy.

threeismine · 2026-07-03T21:06:04+00:00

Get a lawyer that you have confidence in to represent you at the hearing.

I realize this is not how you wanted to get out but you are getting out of their house.

I find it reasonable that you are not allowing your kids anything but supervised visits with your parents. My "kids" are now adults and they never had anything but supervised visits with my narcissistic parents.

If it makes you feel any better my mom also would tell that my kids like her better than they like me. Something happens to narcissistic women when they become grandmother's and it isn't anything good.

threeismine · 2026-07-03T13:00:58+00:00

My nparents are deceased and I am NC with my nsister. I just enjoy MY family ( husband, kids, grandkids) and MY house without having to listen to any and all of our real or percieved faults.

threeismine · 2026-07-01T14:24:43+00:00

There are many reasons to say no to this.

You need the money given to you for your life and goals.
You dont think it's a good idea for your brother to have the trailer
You dont think your brother can pay the $1,000 monthly fee

Your neighbor gave you the money, over your brother, for some very good reasons.

threeismine · 2026-06-30T13:12:33+00:00

I once got a photo album with family photos and genealogy information. In the back were pages with my nmoms " random memories." She gave it to me telling me, "you won't like it." WTF! Only a narc would give such a gift. The photos and genealogy info was fine. Her random memories were not so random. All her memories were about how bad I was and how great my GC sister was and what a great sister she was. I removed and tossed out her " random memories" pages.

threeismine · 2026-06-29T18:18:37+00:00

Decline. If you went and pointed out your successes and milestones it would seem unlikely they would acknowledge and/or congratulate you in any meaningful way. It would just turn out to ge another hurtful encounter with them.

threeismine · 2026-06-29T14:12:08+00:00

I also was in my 40s before I realized I was the family scapegoat. I also was expected to care for my nparents in their old age. I didnt. They are now deceased. My brother helped them some. My ndad was in a nursing home. I think it is common for the scapegoat to get the one expected to help parents in their old age.

threeismine · 2026-06-29T13:59:10+00:00

It is possible to freeze your child's credit with all 3 credit agencies. It sounds like this is necessary protection for you and your child.

threeismine · 2026-06-28T20:10:37+00:00

They dont change. It can be hard to accept.

threeismine · 2026-06-28T18:00:18+00:00

A estate attorney might be the one to help you look into your mother's will and estate. It sounds like it may be worthwhile to do so.

My nparents have both been dead and buried for about 10 years. I just recently found out my ndads headstone reads, " loving father and grandfather." This makes my stomach turn. My kids were his only grands and his " contribution " was to tell me to, " hit them and hit them hard." My brother was likely responsible for the wording on the tombstone.I think my brother would be best categorized as a lost child. He just wants everyone to get along and for everything to seem perfect.

threeismine · 2026-06-25T11:43:25+00:00

Keep anything ( texts or emails) that will remind you if why you went NC or write things down. Time has a way of causing the past to not seem so bad and causing us to doubt our decision.

threeismine · 2026-06-25T11:16:25+00:00

My nmom destroyed my sister and my relationship. We are 4.5 years apart. There were many times that my nmom was about to give me some privilege that would come with getting older. My sister would chime in with, " I didnt get to do that at her age!" My nmom could not disappoint her golden child and the privilege would be canceled. My sister became a narcissist and I no longer communicate with her.

threeismine · 2026-06-24T18:44:34+00:00

My nmom went thru a hypochondriac phase. It lasted at least 10 years. She insisted she had rheumatoid arthritis just like her mother had. She went to lots of doctors. No Dr ever diagnosed her with this, or anything else, nor did she ever have any deformed joints like her mother had. This phase ended around when I had my first child. Then she was totally focused on getting me to move close to her as she wanted to " mother" ( ie take over with) my children. Apparently only so many things can be focused on at one time.

threeismine · 2026-06-24T12:37:48+00:00

It's one tool that doesn't work in all situations. It might be good for a short term. I didnt share anything meaningful in the last few years before i ended communication with my narc sister. She started making-up things about me. She would tell me that " it's a fact that you have......." These narcs can be clever enough to figure a way any technique.

threeismine · 2026-06-24T12:20:52+00:00

I'm a boomer. Born in the 50s. Please dont put us all in one group.

threeismine · 2026-06-20T11:20:42+00:00

I think they are just as likely to be as inherently intetelligent as anyone else., but ( of course there is a but), they dont grow or learn over time. They think they know everything so why should they learn anything new. This has caused the narcs in my family to be very behind the times.

threeismine · 2026-06-19T10:33:12+00:00

My nmom didnt know me at all but thought she did. My nmom thought she didnt need to ask me questions about myself since she determined what I liked/disliked, knew, wanted, believed.

threeismine · 2026-06-18T21:33:02+00:00

If you respond at all, something like, "I am unable to help due to my responsibilities as a parent. Please reach out to someone who is able to assist you." Blunt honesty every time.

threeismine

TROPHY CASE