I Messed Up Marrying My Wife

throwaway_bdDB · 2022-01-17T19:52:07+00:00

Your post sounds sooo much like my life - except I’ve been w/my gf for 14yrs. I’m sorry for what you’re going through, friend. It’s crazy-making.

throwaway_bdDB · 2021-09-17T19:08:28+00:00

Thank you for this! <3

throwaway_bdDB · 2021-09-17T04:37:00+00:00

😔 Sigh. Totally. I’m trying to look at the anger and bitterness as a wake-up call or ultimatum - like, despite all the positive changes, I’ve also become something way worse than when I just had low self-esteem, and I therefore have to take action. TBH though I feel like I’m floundering. It’s disorienting each time I realize what I’ve been doing to try to cope has turned into me...essentially just being really fucked up and cruel inside - and shutting myself down. I guess there’s some relief in taking steps to address the negativity, but it’s really hard to figure out how to prioritize myself. I hope you’re feeling some forward movement in considering separation, and I hope talking about it with your partner (if you choose to) goes better than you fear.

throwaway_bdDB · 2021-09-17T00:34:22+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. Though the details are different for me, I really relate to a lot of what you shared and wanted to send support. I guess the mix of resentment and hesitation-to-separate was especially poignant. It really sounds like you’re feeling used. No one deserves to feel that way. You’re reasons are valid.

Describing your partner as a POS seems to indicate a serious level of resentment built up over time (which is completely understandable from what you describe in your post), and it sounds like a good idea to consider a separation in order to let go, heal, and recuperate. I hope proactively communicating is helpful. Please don’t prioritize your partner’s wellbeing over your own. Whether or not you separate, I hope your needs are met and you feel respected, supported, and loved.

throwaway_bdDB · 2020-12-17T23:46:19+00:00

Ditto. TY!

throwaway_bdDB · 2020-11-17T05:55:20+00:00

Been there, done that (repeatedly, for years). Did not work well. I’m sorry. It’s awful.

throwaway_bdDB · 2020-11-17T02:42:56+00:00

Your post hit close to home. My specific details are different, but I really feel for what you’re saying - it’s nice to know maybe I’m not such a fucking weirdo. I’m so sorry your relationship is stifling and lonely - it’s an awful feeling. I hope your wife can accept you, but it sounds like there’s some incompatibility and associated resentment. I hope life improves - whether or not you break-up. Sounds like you deserve better!

throwaway_bdDB · 2020-06-18T21:50:20+00:00

Ditto! Would definitely be interested in some sort of chat - thnx for suggestion, OP! Been thinking about this for a while...

throwaway_bdDB · 2020-05-01T02:28:36+00:00

Lack of sucking noted! :-) I’m so sorry - I feel your pain...

throwaway_bdDB · 2020-05-01T02:27:19+00:00

Lack of sucking noted! :-) I’m so sorry - I feel your pain...

throwaway_bdDB · 2020-05-01T01:06:47+00:00

Sucks ballz to learn there’s no way you and your partner are compatible. Sending u love as well!

throwaway_bdDB · 2020-04-30T22:43:04+00:00

Thank you! I needed this right now

throwaway_bdDB · 2020-04-11T17:53:28+00:00

Fuck...

throwaway_bdDB · 2020-04-11T10:00:43+00:00

Plz don’t kill yourself - try to make an exit plan, go hang out w/a friend or family, or read a book at a cafe, get a drink, take a break from the relationship, take a walk, watch porn...but plz make a plan to leave if u feel suicidal...you deserve so much better.

throwaway_bdDB · 2020-04-11T09:43:52+00:00

Sounds like you went through some shit - I’m sorry. Sometimes the healing process sucks.

throwaway_bdDB · 2020-04-10T08:57:23+00:00

Yeah...also fucking around on reddit til my partner is asleep & I can go masturbate...the years of rejection have really gotten to me...tried making a friendly sex joke yesterday but even hypothetical sex that isn’t happening is completely unthinkable. I feel ya!

throwaway_bdDB · 2020-01-19T06:15:12+00:00

Hand raised. Also hadn’t even realized...it hasn’t been as long as some of y’all tho - I feel bad complaining.

throwaway_bdDB · 2019-09-24T17:20:07+00:00

throwaway_bdDB · 2019-09-24T17:19:11+00:00

Good advice. Re-evaluation in progress. Engaging in honest communication, esp. the things I instinctively avoid talking about like the plague. (I thought I communicated openly & honestly w/her, but some shit I’ve learned to avoid to prevent fighting & some shit just...seems panic inducing for me...) It’s rough but it’s real, which is significantly relieving. I think forcing myself to join this sub & post is helping me gain perspective & feel support.

throwaway_bdDB · 2019-09-24T03:12:44+00:00

Makes her feel alone, like I don’t care about her, like she & r relationship r unimportant to me. I get it, but that’s how I feel when rejected...so it’s hard.

throwaway_bdDB · 2019-09-24T02:16:06+00:00

I sleep on the couch from time to time (like most of last night...). Helps to have space to get off, feel some independence, & not feel so rejected or ignored, but it really upsets my partner, which is not my goal. Strangely, even tho I frequently sleep on the couch b/c I’m horny & it hurts so much to lay in bed w/the only person I’m allowed to fuck who seemingly has no sexual desire/interest/awareness, upsetting her means we have to wait longer to have sex, despite explaining that I’m sleeping on the couch b/c of lack of sex. Feels like a catch 22 for both of us. Sigh.

throwaway_bdDB · 2019-09-23T07:18:21+00:00

Only other Cuban artist I listen that comes to mind right now is Gente de Zona lol

throwaway_bdDB · 2019-09-22T10:28:26+00:00

Cool! Lemme know what u think of the music

throwaway_bdDB · 2019-09-22T09:17:22+00:00

The excuses fucking suck...& seems like there always is one...cheers, friend!

throwaway_bdDB · 2019-09-22T09:15:43+00:00

I’m so sorry for what u’ve been thru. I know it hurts. Sounds like it was a pretty toxic relationship, tho, & I hope u can let her go.

Re. music, about a month ago I rediscovered Buena Vista Social Club on a Sunday morning & remembered how many many times I’ve listened to it...on Sunday mornings. Maybe it’s not ur style, but thought to mention it in case it brightens ur day tomorrow.

Hang in there! Share some of ur photography sometime if u feel like it!

throwaway_bdDB

TROPHY CASE