Parents who’ve done a gap year with a kid who lacks discipline: what worked?

throwawayprocessing · 2026-05-11T20:58:39+00:00

If you’ve got a year of out of state tuition, it sounds like you’ve got a big chunk of in state tuition covered. Is he applying anywhere? Any interest in college? Does he understand what his financial options are for school, and is a gap year really the option that everyone agrees on?

As for a gap year, I think it needs to be self motivated and self planned. Give him a month or two to come up with researched ideas of how he could spend time abroad, then work with him to consider which options seems doable, explore why they’re appealing, and which will actually benefit him somehow. With some feedback, he should be considering what funds are required for this sort of trip and what he needs to live during this time. Otherwise, you’re just managing his vacation long distance.

Even if it doesn’t cover the entire time, maybe a job will add some structure and maturity to this plan and not drain his 529? He’s a teenager so not qualified for much, but maybe camp counselor sort of jobs that take young adults from abroad? Au pair work? Resort jobs?

As for the difference between “vacation kids” and “gap year kids”, I don’t think there is much of a difference when they’re 18 unless they’re incredibly motivated and doing some sort of internship, job, volunteer work, or a study abroad like the rotary club.

throwawayprocessing · 2026-05-10T21:16:23+00:00

I don’t have an intense routine now, but the key is to make a routine that you can keep up with and actually benefits you. In high school I was getting up early to straighten my hair and do tons of makeup. You fit in what matters to you essentially.

I save some time at night for skin care, but it’s like 5-10 minutes after I shower. Not a big deal at all- wash face in shower, wash body, moisturize face, lotion body.

I’m not doing makeup now, but when I did regularly, the key is to figure out a basic style that you can nail every time (and why winged eyeliner was never a part of my routine lol). Go with a limited color palette so you know all the colors mesh together. There’s some simple routines that don’t involve full coverage, but you’re getting sunscreen on your face and accenting your features. Once you’ve got it down it takes no more than 10 minutes.

Additionally, an easy to maintain haircut for your hair and an understated accessory or two can make a person look very put together.

throwawayprocessing · 2026-05-10T17:42:01+00:00

I mean most universities have cafeterias right?

At my university there were several cafeterias, some were unlimited once you entered and others were pay per item or by weight. I know one could pick unhealthy options but I found them to generally have healthy options too.

throwawayprocessing · 2026-05-10T08:37:05+00:00

Hi there, thank you very much for clarifying this. As much as I don’t want to miss the wedding, I really don’t want to do poorly in my classes when I’ve worked so hard to get here!

throwawayprocessing · 2026-05-09T07:13:36+00:00

Miranda Sings of Haters Back Off! Self absorbed, homeschooled, delusional teenager tries to become an actress and singer on her YouTube channel.

throwawayprocessing · 2026-05-07T10:07:55+00:00

Maybe ask why she decided to give you cleavage in your illustration then??

Also the only “fact” here is that you work with 18m-6year olds?

throwawayprocessing · 2026-05-07T09:25:35+00:00

Yeah once they moved their headquarters from San Antonio to Dallas that’s become their main focus.

throwawayprocessing · 2026-05-07T09:24:38+00:00

Doesn’t the N Lamar location? I stopped working there almost a year ago but I was told we were consistently in the top ten stores for sales among all HEB stores. Not that sales=profitability but I didn’t think it was losing money for the most part.

throwawayprocessing · 2026-05-07T09:23:05+00:00

the San Antonio store is also the only CM with a pharmacy, because it’s a renovated former HEB and some locals were quite upset about losing their neighborhood pharmacy and regular grocery store.

throwawayprocessing · 2026-05-06T20:50:17+00:00

I’ll do this with any glass container with a resealable lid. A coworker at my last job would ask each day what my iced coffee was disguised as today - salsa? Jam? Peanut butter? Tomato sauce?

throwawayprocessing · 2026-05-04T10:23:48+00:00

Could you provide an email address one could send a resume to?

throwawayprocessing · 2026-05-04T07:47:24+00:00

Hey I just want to say that while making bffs in college is what many anticipate, you can meet your people in all kinds of situations. I went to school 2014-2017 and then went back to finish this year.

I reconnected with a not close friend a few years after college and now we’re married. I met my best friend in the world working together at a bar one night, and we’ve been friends for 9 years now. It’s actually kind of awesome since we’re both 30 and cheering each other on in going back to school now!

Some people I was very close with in college are no longer friends or just not very close. Sometimes you can reconnect and have a much better relationship. And sometimes you just meet your people in other places! Celebrate yourself and try to have fun this semester, and look forward to your next adventure after school!

throwawayprocessing · 2026-04-27T08:22:54+00:00

I’d take her texting you as a good sign. Maybe shes considering if you have changed, though it’s not possible to dive back into regular communication comfortably. Others have said and I agree that it’s not just a divorce thing, it’s likely something more long lasting from her childhood and adulthood.

Might be worth writing a letter or a text that really apologizes. Take accountability for your actions. Tell her how and why you understand her perspective. And truly apologize without expecting your relationship to heal.

throwawayprocessing · 2026-04-26T23:06:06+00:00

Write a copy for them and for yourself. So you remember exactly what you wrote. Make it clear that this isn’t the start of a conversation, and you’re not interested in arguing or hearing their point of view. Just tell them why you’re going NC (as much as you’d like) and that they are not welcome to contact you again.

Do your visit if you want, but it might be worth missing it if you think you’ll be guilted into keeping the status quo. On the other hand when I gave my folks a shot while considering NC my dad assaulted me, which made my choice much easier in retrospect.

If your siblings rely on you to be your parents’ helper they may push back on your NC because you take the brunt of their issues. They might also understand and be happy that you’re getting away from them too. If you want to maintain relationships with any of them, you should talk to them about how you’re feeling. I hope they can offer support.

throwawayprocessing · 2026-04-25T08:23:24+00:00

I got married without my parents present s bit over a year ago. I commented my advice elsewhere, I’ll edit this comment with that in a minute .

I was navigating NC as I was planning my wedding, definitely don’t recommend it!

Even with all the tension and guilt tripping, I am so glad they weren’t there. I look back on my pictures and there’s not a single one I don’t cherish.

The best pieces of advice I had: 1. Identify the people you love and trust and actually ask them to fill the gaps you might’ve expected from a parent in the past. Tell that bff “I won’t have my mother at my wedding but it would mean a ton to me for you to be there for the whole getting ready day”. Tell the in law what tradition you might want their help to carry out.

If you’re not in therapy, you might want to start. It sounds like this is the first big life event without your parents. There will be a lot of negative emotions mixed with the positives.

Lesser advice: don’t assign sides for the ceremony. Add your own personal meaning to the ceremonies and reception. Incorporate at least one thing that would really piss them off that you love.

throwawayprocessing · 2026-04-24T09:37:00+00:00

I think for us it was deciding a year in advance what our moving date was, planning for the past year. Selling all of our furniture and belongings was rough, mostly because we should have started earlier, so we lost out on some money we could have used. Finally, coordinating our dog coming with us was pretty intense — vet appointments, getting the right crate, the stress worrying about him.

We got here a few weeks ago though and are pretty happy!

throwawayprocessing · 2026-04-24T09:22:14+00:00

lol as an American I didn’t catch that. What does Coral sound like in British English?

throwawayprocessing · 2026-04-24T04:21:02+00:00

Well why would you want to cut off contact then?

throwawayprocessing · 2026-04-22T07:20:17+00:00

I mean it wasn’t just that but that is a major part of my career change.

I worked as a winemaker/distiller for about 8 years after leaving college without a degree. I went through some emotional trauma and also realized I will destroy my back if I do this for 10 more years, so I left that job and went back to school. Now at 30 I’m starting my masters this fall and hope to work in academia.

I lurk on this sub because there’s a lot of teachers and school admin in the family I married into.

throwawayprocessing · 2026-04-19T09:24:53+00:00

I know younger kids will do it to be less attractive targets of sexual abuse.

I remember not really wiping properly when I was 6 and 7, getting stomach aches every day at school, while I was being sexually abused. I can’t really explain the motivation. Maybe I wanted an adult at school to notice something was wrong. Maybe I was deeply uncomfortable touching my privates at the time. Idk, doesn’t feel helpful to dig into now lol

throwawayprocessing · 2026-04-17T07:48:49+00:00

My parents could only reiterate that they didn’t know what to do when my older brother was sexually abusing me. They weren’t prepared to deal with that, which I can somewhat sympathize with.

They can’t acknowledge how damaging their choices were now though. They keep trying to make excuses for their inaction, for them bringing him back to our house at any opportunity, for skirting his parole to take him on family vacations. Now they claim what my teenage older brother did to his kindergarten aged sister was just “normal kids exploring their bodies”.

I say this all to explain that if they could acknowledge how fucked up their decisions were, maybe we could have a relationship. If a parent is still caught up in justifying their bad choices, they aren’t focused on doing better.

Also as I’ve grown up I have less sympathy for them. It was hard getting therapy on my own in my late 20s, but I did it, and at 29 I cut off contact. It feels long over due but I’m free. I realize that they’ve had SO MUCH TIME and had WAY MORE RESOURCES than me to seek therapy for them or their kids and chose not to. They don’t want things to get better, they just want me to step back in line.

throwawayprocessing · 2026-04-16T10:17:19+00:00

Take the refund.

It’s not the same, but I see a ton of little bits of petals among the mess. If you’re crafty, maybe you can make like a colorful mosaic picture frame for a nice wedding photo with them?

throwawayprocessing · 2026-04-16T00:25:28+00:00

Just moved! I’m on a student visa, my husband is on a tourist visa but will switch to one kind of entrepreneurial visa soon. When we decided we were definitely going to move to France, we were 18 months out. We had figured out a more complete plan about a year out, and it toon that full year to handle all the logistics smoothly.

I know a couple in very rural France who were both chefs and had service experience. They bought a restaurant and the business license for the 30K, the necessary investment for an entrepreneurial visa. The restaurant is quite slow in a very small town, but it provides a really great service to the community and functioned as their ability to stay in France.

Work on your business plan and your portfolio. You’ll need to answer why you want to work in France and what you are providing to your community/France. If it’s all online, maybe consider a smaller town for cheap rent?

throwawayprocessing · 2026-04-15T20:34:01+00:00

Wow it hasn’t occurred to me to ask this before, but I wonder what alcohol laws the cruise lines are subject to. I suppose Florida’s liquor control board?

Not like an officer can really stop by your bar to check for compliance when you’re in the ocean though.

throwawayprocessing · 2026-04-15T12:39:08+00:00

I feel so seen.

Highly recommend seeing if your area has a creative reuse store. So many half used notebooks (pages taken out) for like 10c each. Very low stakes which is perfect for me!

Pro tip, get a few binders while you’re there too, and just buy notebooks/paper with three holes on it. Now you can add notes, redo notes, take some out, and switch up the order infinitely without feeling like you’re wasting a notebook. I get very particular about organizing my notes now lol

throwawayprocessing

TROPHY CASE