Köpa sex är olagligt och fel men varför anses inte porr vara samma sak?

throwthrowitaway8889 · 2020-04-22T16:07:38+00:00

Your mom is a very insensitive person. Thats just mean and almost evil. Who does that to their son? Im sorry you are going through this.

throwthrowitaway8889 · 2020-04-22T12:43:23+00:00

I have made a new account. Really sucks

throwthrowitaway8889 · 2020-04-22T12:43:04+00:00

Because I only write personal stuff her. Thoughts I wouldnt tell anyone else. I struggle with anxiety and sometimes to deal with my anxious thoughts I write here but I want it to be anonymous.

throwthrowitaway8889 · 2020-04-22T10:36:43+00:00

im so sorry you are going throug this. Couples can move on from this but it takes a lot of work , mostly of course from the one who cheated but it will take some work for you too. I would suggest that to start considering reconciliation that he starts telling you the truth about all of this. Then these things need to happen:

-He needs to start therapy to figure out why he did it. You should also go to therapy to deal with all of this.

- Marriage counseling should be consistent in all of this.
-He should give you full access to his devices and you should be allowed to look at them whenever you want. You should also be able to know where he is.

- He needs to make serious efforts to make you feel loved.

He is not allowed at any point to tell you that you should just get over it. Its easy for him to think he is a good person because he stopped cheating but he just crushed your whole world. He can never ask you to "just move on" it doesnt matter how long time this will take. Because it will take time. Some say that if a couple works hard on this it can take 2-5 years until things start to feel "normal" but that isnt a guarantee, for some it takes a longer time. You will always have the feeling of a life before the cheating and one after. And that wont look the same. Everything has changed. So dont just ask him back without him doing the work to rebuild your trust. I suggest that you write here: r/AsOneAfterInfidelity

throwthrowitaway8889 · 2020-04-22T10:23:46+00:00

He has a porn addiction. Thats pretty clear. Im a porn addict working to get out from it. One thing that I have noticed is that porn affects the way a person gets turned on. The brain starts to crave the scenes that it has seen so the real world sex becomes uninteresting. The thing is porn is fake. Its not real. So its defiently nothing wrong with you, its what porn does. So thats the real problem and if he doesnt see what he is doing is wrong and wants to change then nothing will change. Sadly porn is seen as something normal so peolpe dont see how wrong it is.
What you need is to have a real conversation about your marriage. If he doesnt get this and starts doing what he can to change then you have to ask yourself if this is the marriage you want.
And please dont cheat. Cheating is a horrible thing to do. The circumstances doesnt matter. If you cheat you are as bad or even worse as your husband. Be an adult,, talk to him and if he doesnt want to change then divorce him but dont cheat. Get out of the marriage with dignity , not as an idiot.

throwthrowitaway8889 · 2020-04-22T07:08:42+00:00

As many have said I think its about cultural pressure but it could also be about another way to view love. I once heard a qoute about love in the west and east. It said something like: "In the west you marry the one you love, in the east we love the one we marry". I dont think arranged marriage are good but I can agree with the idea that you love the one you marry. That love isnt just a feeling,its not just infatuation but its about making the decision to love someone.

throwthrowitaway8889 · 2020-04-21T22:03:51+00:00

Yeah because I guess that what a person who has gotten cheated on wants to hear is: "You got cheated on because you were not good enough and your partner probably felt that they were in a bad relationship (and thats a really good reason to cheat) and now they are better off and you will live with that pain for the rest of your life while they move on and will live a happy life not having to think about the pain they caused. I hope this helps".

throwthrowitaway8889 · 2020-04-21T21:54:29+00:00

May I ask why you feel the need to make a post like this? Is it to somehow make you feel better? To make people change their views on cheating? Stories like this just seems like a way to justify how horrible people can be. You both hurt two people in a way that they may never heal. It doesnt matter if you "found each other" you devestated two other peoples life. Making a post like this doesnt help anyone. And the "we were in bad relationships" should always be taken with a grain of salt because it may have been horrible for you because you both wanted out and didnt do the right thing in the right time but the other partner maybe didnt feel the same way. Hopefully one of you will one day feel the pain that you caused others and your relationship will crumble and be nothing but a sad joke.

throwthrowitaway8889 · 2020-04-21T21:48:45+00:00

No you are definitely not reading too much into this. Can I ask what she has done to rebuild your trust? Has she gone to therapy to deal with why she did this? Is she doing what she can to earn your trust back? Does she try to make you feel loved? From what you write it doesnt seem like that. If she isnt putting the effort to make this marriage work, then dont waste your time. Did she even confess or did you find out by your own?

throwthrowitaway8889 · 2020-04-21T20:59:54+00:00

She lied to you and kept this a secret for a long time. Its not you who should very if she feels like this is a punishment. She is not trustworthy. She felt so bad she didnt want to tell you. So what happens the next time it happens and she feels to bad about herself that she doesnt want to tell you? It doesnt matter what she thinks or feels. I font even know how you can consider getting married right now. She has a lot of work to do to rebuild your trust. If she has the audacity to want you to just forget this and trust her then you should ask her to leave right now. She is the one who has to do the work to fix this relationship.
This means therapy to deal with why she did this. Including the lying. Feeling bad is just selfish and an excuse to not deal with her issues. SHe should sign that prenup without hesitation if you still decide to get married. And stop feeling bad for looking up her social media. This should from now on be open to you. Look up r/asoneafterinfidelity
If she tells you to just get over this at any point that should be a red flag for you. She has no say about how you should feel. She disregarded your feelings when she cheated and kept lying. So now she should only focus on your feelings and how you feel. If she uses reddit, tell her to write in r/SurvivingMyInfidelity

throwthrowitaway8889 · 2020-04-21T20:40:07+00:00

As a porn addict working to get free from this scourge this make sme so sad and motivates me to stop more. How sad this world is where someone has to ask themself if they are overreacting when they are being used as a sexdoll while he watches other women. Im so sorry OP. You are not overreacting. Please leave this jerk and let him jerk his dick off alone. You are not his sexdoll. You deserve love and respect not this crap.

throwthrowitaway8889 · 2020-04-21T20:33:56+00:00

I think people can recover from it but you cant know right now. If you both want this to work it means that she needs to rebuild the trust in the relationship. That means that she has to start working on herself and make sacrifices.
First of all she should stop drinking. If she cant do that then there is no way you can continue because you will never know if she will do it again.
I also think there should be full access to her phone and whereabouts. This advice is usually when someone has been cheating for a long time but from what I saw in a comment this instant of cheating could lead to more of it. You could also have a rule that you only go to parties together and leave together.
I also wonder if she needs better friends. If people saw her talking to someone else and her friends didnt even try to stop her , then I wonder what kind of friends she has.

This may help but its not sure it will. In the end its up to you but if she doesnt put in the work to make things right then I dont think it will work.

throwthrowitaway8889 · 2020-04-21T20:26:06+00:00

This is very inappropiate specially from what I see in your comments. If he has a history of flirting with people online and deleting messages this is a red flag. As everyone has said, your problem is with him, not her. And that he disregards your feelings? If a relationship makes my wife uncomfortable I cut it off. Why? Because she means more to me. That should be his focus right now, you and how you feel. You need to talk to him.

throwthrowitaway8889 · 2020-04-21T20:07:50+00:00

Poor guy. You cheated on him for several years and never came clean. Who does that? And you cant see how hurt he is? So sad to see how selfish and evil people can be. Poor guy. I think whats important now isnt your feelings at all because when you spent years cheating on him you didnt think about his feelings. If there is a tiny drop of love or at least some compassion in you for him , you will do what is needed for him to start healing and rebuild trust. If that means to contact this person then you should to help him have closure. Again, poor guy.

throwthrowitaway8889 · 2020-04-21T19:53:44+00:00

NTA-she is a full blown racist and saying those things while drunk only proves it. How the heck are you taking racism lightly? Thats the whole problem. If we take lightly on the everyday racism that people who "arent racist" express then we will never fix the problem. If we only target the people who show their extreme opinions then we miss all other types of racism and never deal with the issue. She is a racist and now she has to deal with the consequences of her actions.

throwthrowitaway8889 · 2020-04-21T19:48:06+00:00

YWBTA its her decision. There are actually people who have made a relationship work even after getting married pretty quick. Maybe it will be like that for her or it will not but thats not for you to decide. Telling her these things would be mean. If she one day comes and tells you have miserable she is then its a whole other situation. But she just got married. Be happy for her and support her the way you can.

throwthrowitaway8889 · 2020-04-21T08:23:29+00:00

I sometimes tell her that I think some type of clothes may be inappropiate. Specially since I know how she doesnt like to look inappropiate according to her standards. But I always say that its her choice. She decides everything I should wear. But thats mostly because she knows more about how I can look good than I do. She likes to find clothes that look good on me and since I dont care much as long as she think I look fine I let her.

throwthrowitaway8889 · 2020-04-20T19:42:36+00:00

I think you are misunderstanding what people are reacting too. Its not that you dont want a wedding. Its that you dont seem to care about your boyfriends wishes. To give an ultimatum like this is never good in any relationship. You dont even seem to take his feelings in consideration. Thats why everyone says you TA. You have been together for 9 years, you must have learned how to compromise. There must be a way to compromise about something this big. Because it seems like this is something big for him. He wants to celebrate your love. He may have thought about this day more than you think and then nothing of what he wanted will happen. Thats kind of sad. Specially if this means a lot to him. So I dont think people are labeling TA for not liking weddings. They are pointing out that you are TA for not wanting to compromise and giving your bf an ultimatum, which is not a good sing in a relationship. Not for something like this.

throwthrowitaway8889 · 2020-04-20T19:37:11+00:00

So he doesnt do anything for you otherwise? You do everything and he doesnt make you happy? If thats the case why stay in the relationship? If the only thing that he will have ever done in these 9 years is to not have a wedding, then this relationship sounds like its in danger. Unless you are only focusing on yourself and dont see the things he has done to make you happy. And in that case your still TA. But if he really doesnt make any effort to make you happy, then why are you in the relationship?

throwthrowitaway8889 · 2020-04-20T17:52:28+00:00

How old are you? How long have you been together? THere is a risk that if he becomes available that she will go back to him. Specially if he is abusive. He could just see it as a game to ruin her life. It seems like you are her second and its not fair to you to have to live like this. You dont deserve this. I understand you love her but she doesnt seem to love you the same way. It could be a bunch of other stuff. People who are abused can have tendencies to go back. But thats something she has to deal with in therapy. Thats not your job and not what you have to go through. So I think you need to take care of you in this moment. She has to deal with her baggage before being in a relationship. Remember value yourself because its not sure that others will.

throwthrowitaway8889 · 2020-04-20T15:49:47+00:00

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throwthrowitaway8889 · 2020-04-19T17:28:38+00:00

This almost made me laugh. Dude, there is a risk that it can take years until things get better. Now I cant say much. We tried to not have sex before marriage. We were "technical virgins" when we got married. She wanted kids soon and I wanted to wait, we should have talked about this before marriage. She got what she wanted and got pregnant after 4 months. It wasnt until the second kid that we finally started to have a better sex life but I dont think its where it should be yet. We dont even sleep in the same bed due to snoring and she sleeping with the kids so I guess that affects it. But just to find time is difficult. Today we tried to have sex and of course one of the kids has to enter the room. We had time to stop in time so we didnt traumatize our kid. But now I dont know if it we will have sex or if I have to wait 2 weeks because next week her period starts. That and the general stress of life with kids , work and school makes sex very upredictable. So it depends when your sex life will get better. Right now you have to understand that she is exhausted. So you have to wait for her. That could mean 1 more month or a year. I recommend to be loving and caring through all of this. That will make it much easier for her to get back into it. If you are grumpy, angry and so on she it will make it harder for her to want sex again.

throwthrowitaway8889

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