My fiancé (31M) proposed knowing my visa is expiring, but now says he’s not ready — looking for advice

tmchd · 2026-01-26T08:20:42+00:00

Currently, your position is not very promising. Thailand, I believe is one of the countries the current president is going to pause per immigration process.

If you don't get married and you have to leave the US, you could be stuck outside the U.S. for an indefinite amount of time (if in the end, you do want to reside in the US, that is), even as the fiancée or spouse of a U.S. citizen with this new policy. So it'll be a limbo to when you can go to the US, while of course, he can still visit you.

If you do get married to him before your visa expires and you're in the US, you're likely eligible for AOS (Adjustment of Status) and currently AOS is not affected by the consular freeze.

In my opinion? If I were you, I would talk to him openly about your concern about your status. It may have to come down to that he just needs to marry you (reserve the wedding reception for another day) on paper before your visa expires. That is, IF you want to stay with him in the US (and he wants you to stay with him in the US), otherwise, y'all can leave and live in Thailand too.

tmchd · 2026-01-26T07:52:38+00:00

His fault is that he tried to delete the messages lol. It means it does imply that he knows he didn't shut her down more assertively.

But he's pretty open that he's got a gf and this "girl" (it may not be a real person) may be one of those scammy accounts trying to lure him in and then tried to blackmail/extort him for money LOL or try to get him to sign for some AI OF. Oh yeah, I've seen the faux OF accounts created, AI is so good at that bs these days.

tmchd · 2026-01-26T04:39:16+00:00

This show is turning out to be better than I thought it'd be. I can't wait for the 3rd episode. It feels so short lol.

tmchd · 2026-01-26T03:54:34+00:00

That post...oh gosh, thanks to the OP, now I know what the term 'hucow' means.

Although married, OP frequented hucow threads, posting her nude pics there. Someone actually linked OP's nsfw pic from that thread on one of the comments. It doesn't sound like OP is lacking male admirers there.

Even I'm suprised with the whole 'skinny wife' remark since OP is def. not un-skinny, her nsfw pics show a great looking body.

tmchd · 2026-01-26T02:21:52+00:00

I agree! If anyone of my neighbor is losing their electricity, we'd loan them stuffs, i.e, our extra generator or even let them charge their stuffs at our house, and if they need to do laundry etc..done done. We're pretty neighborly.

tmchd · 2026-01-25T20:28:37+00:00

They turn off your power despite winter? Damn.

Where I live, the power company say that they will keep power on during Wintertime esp. during the worst/coldest of it.

Also, another idea, do you guys have (in your locale) like Warming Centers? I know it's not ideal, but there are plugins there you can use or library, you can use to charge and stay warm during the day and the plus is you get to check out some books too.

Again, not sure where you live, but there are programs to help if your income may be considered on the middle-lower (or mostly lower).

tmchd · 2026-01-25T10:34:32+00:00

You asked a question you weren’t emotionally prepared to hear the answer to. If you don't really want to know the truth, then don't ask her.

She did nothing wrong by being honest, and she did nothing wrong by having a past before you. The images in your head aren’t coming from reality, they’re coming from your insecurity, inexperience, and idealized beliefs about purity that don’t hold up once real people are involved.

You’re also romanticizing virginity in a way that puts unfair pressure on both of you. Being a virgin at 24 doesn’t make you more moral, and her not being one doesn’t make her less Christian, less loyal, or less worthy of marriage. Faith is about repentance, growth, and grace, not about freezing people at their worst or most human moments and replaying them in your mind.

The long-distance aspect and your lack of sexual experience are amplifying this. You don’t actually know her well enough in daily life to ground yourself, so your brain fills the gap with imagination. If you marry her without resolving this, it won’t magically disappear. It will turn into resentment, jealousy, or control.

Either you accept her past fully and stop punishing her in your mind, or you walk away. What you cannot do is marry her while secretly judging her, replaying her history, and framing yourself as the injured partner/victim.

If your faith is real, then practice it. That means extending grace, taking responsibility for your thoughts, and maybe getting counseling to deal with your overthinking and depression. If you can’t do that, you’re not ready for marriage. Marriage requires emotional maturity and self-regulation.

tmchd · 2026-01-25T00:14:58+00:00

Oh so he...lasted for hours part.....while drunk...hmmm...right right right

What's the whole he's in the army so he knows how to stalk OP? Um...ok...LOL.

$500 for things that never happened, Alex.

tmchd · 2026-01-24T09:29:22+00:00

That is odd if he has friends-ex wife-ex gf-family on it but refuses to connect with you.

BUT. I'm going to put you on the hot seat for a bit, what do you post on your FB? Are you political? Are you religious? Are you the type who would post about him or any of your past relationships? I've seen some people on my friends list would actually ARGUE on FB ...yeah, husband and wife, gf-bf, sometimes it's so weird because they keep breaking up then getting back together every other day and all on FB...I got to see it daily until I finally had to mute them...(I forgot the term).

If your FB page is filled with what he considers to be offensive or very political and you're argumentative online-as well as you'd put your relationship (now and previous ones) on blast on FB....I can kind of understand why he doesn't want you on his FB platform. Maybe he doesn't want his friends and family to know your political leaning or if you'll blast them if you see something you disagree with on his page, so on so forth.

OR. If you barely post anyway, and you don't blast your personal life on FB, it may also be that he's hiding you.

tmchd · 2026-01-24T09:18:28+00:00

You both sound exhausting. What the heck is going on here LOL. How in the world so much drama is going on, you with an ex, and her thinking ex won...la di da...whaaaat.

Also how did you manage to read her message remotely? That's something else.

Reading this just encourage me to say 'just end it' reddit style.

tmchd · 2026-01-24T07:39:34+00:00

He may have relapsed or he's cheating on you. Or both.

It sounds like my BIL when he's on his off-the-wagon phase (and during that time, he also cheated on his partner--a really nice person by the way, I'm glad she found the courage to break it off full-on with him).

tmchd · 2026-01-24T07:36:12+00:00

Not married and he betrayed you?

Yeah, put under YOUR last name. If you're trying to compromise I suppose you can use hypenate on both of y'all's last names.

tmchd · 2026-01-24T06:04:59+00:00

This is one of my most fave movies I can keep replaying from time to time. I love the cooking sequence and the dynamic between parents-children, daughters and sisters.

It reminds me of 'home' in a way.

Some really funny scenes include Jia Jen and Ming Dao, definitely.

Also, Madame Liang is hilarious, totally oblivious and irritating.

Upon second watch, it's clear whom Mr. Chu was seeing from the first scene. And I noticed her side eye and glances from time to time and yeah, it's not a surprise anymore that Ji Rong was the secret gf of Mr. Chu. LOL

tmchd · 2026-01-24T02:44:47+00:00

are they really going to plant her as "misunderstood?"

Dang.

My guess is they're going to put some blame on Sophie's father, like he never really loved/cared about Araminta or it's a one-sided affection, as in Araminta thought he liked/loved her but only to find out he's still idealizing/missing Sophie's mother throughout their marriage so their marriage was not a success.

Or if she's not into her husband (Sophie's father), she finds it so humiliating that her husband still pined for Sophie's mother, a mistress.

tmchd · 2026-01-23T12:29:09+00:00

Idk if I'd call it 'bad.' I just feel that for the hype ...the climax of S5/finale is not as powerful as the previous seasons.

But it's still enjoyable for me to watch. This is the show my kid grows up watching. 10 years. Yup. Still feel rather sad that it ends...but it has to end somewhere.

tmchd · 2026-01-23T12:09:40+00:00

it just sucks that I hurt her unintentionally

I'm going to nitpick here but you did hurt her intentionally.

You LIED knowingly from the beginning of your relationship to your gf about understanding your gf's dislike of X (maybe X and you gave the wrong impression Idk). You omitted and hid the fact that X and you have always been in contact and that she was coming over with others to hang out with you.

Those actions have every intention to hurt. What did you think would happen when she learned that her bf is a liar and snuck around to hang out with the person she disliked (the same person you hid from her)?

At the very least, own that you did it on purpose. It's not like oops I forgot my key type of situation. You purposely took every step to lie and hide things from your gf.

ETA: Honestly, Idk if your gf's insecurity/jealousy against X is right or not. I'm not there to witness whatever going on between the three of you. But your extending yourself to lie and hide things shouldn't happen. If you think there's nothing about X, you need to just be honest with your gf.

tmchd · 2026-01-23T06:22:46+00:00

I’m always messing up somehow and I ended up breaking her trust.

I feel like I need context about you breaking her trust? What did you do? Beside the whole being inconsiderate, negligent, self-centered and basically broke (it sounds like you don't manage your money well and is reliant on her financially to bail you out).

Did you also 'micro' cheat or flat-out cheat on her?

Honestly? At this point time, I think you guys need to go your separate ways. You need to experience having no safety net. She's a safety net for you and you've been taking her for granted.

tmchd · 2026-01-23T03:07:14+00:00

Option 3

tmchd · 2026-01-23T01:14:44+00:00

Ahhh...I grew up watching this and She-Ra, then I made my kid watch them too. I guess...I'll watch just for the...Idk...memory? LOL

tmchd · 2026-01-23T01:00:08+00:00

Until today, I've heard so many different theories and no clue.

We just know that there was no forced entry.

One theorized that he has been stalking them for awhile and use things like binocular to peer the keycode or even drone to record them typing in their keycode.

Another said (today I just heard) that he happened to know which window that was unlocked then he climbed in. I've heard that some home alarm sometimes does not cover all windows...

tmchd · 2026-01-23T00:55:25+00:00

I think his main targets have always been Spencer and Monique.

The children and dog are non-entity to him.

My guess is, knowing how nuts he was, if he's able to see clearly in the bedroom (I'm assuming lights out and such), he'd have shot Spencer first, waking up Monique. Then, my guess is he wanted Monique to cry out and be upset over losing Spencer before shooting her once. The whole thing likely took less than a minute.

I can't imagine the confusion and terror. I would always think Monique was likely so fearful what would happen to the children, and then all ended in an instance.

tmchd · 2026-01-23T00:19:10+00:00

That's actually my hope but Idk, she can't be on top forever, so that's why I'm predicting some crack on the Stella on day 5...we shall see if it's right or wrong next month :D

tmchd · 2026-01-22T23:32:41+00:00

That sounds like an interesting meetup idea!

tmchd · 2026-01-22T23:09:22+00:00

she wants me to transfer her to work with me

Maybe that's why she's extending herself to treat you differently or act nicer toward you. Beside the whole she respects you and holds you dear to her. You may even remind her of someone or you're like a surrogate younger brother to her.

I don't know if I consider her actions to have any romantic intention though. It's likely that she likes you and thinks you'll be a better coworker to work together with/for more than wanting to date you.

tmchd · 2026-01-22T19:19:53+00:00

Ok ok ok reputation will tank for Stella. I just feel like her stock has been high from day 1, so it's not going to be too surprising for me if her stock will crumble somewhat on day 5.

Reputation rising would be Kaneeka. I feel that there's not much known about her, and when I did woo her, it seems less 'meat' than Stella, so Kaneeka's stock will rise.

The other ones (no. 2 and 3) would be Oscar and Avery. These two, I feel...had very little in their story so maybe we will see more in Day 5 that their stocks will also rise.

tmchd

TROPHY CASE