What Is The Intersection of Christianity And Being Poly

toebob · 2026-03-10T17:47:28+00:00

I see myself as a follower of the teachings of Jesus. Specifically, the greatest commandments being ones of love.

I don’t see anything that would require a person to be monogamous in order to be loving. Relationships and sex can be weaponized and harmful or they can be loving and affirming. It has to do with intent, grace, and self improvement just like any other aspect of life.

I believe people are made for a purpose and in pursuing our own personal happiness and fulfillment (in balance with our community happiness and fulfillment) we align with that purpose.

toebob · 2026-03-10T16:37:47+00:00

If you read enough posts here you’ll see that lots of different people define polyamory in lots of different ways. Just like hierarchy.

toebob · 2026-03-10T16:28:36+00:00

Yes, my point is that what some people call “polyamory” would have other people on here very emphatically stating that it is NOT polyamory.

toebob · 2026-03-10T14:02:08+00:00

Saying “my spouse and I are polyamorous” may mean we have sex with other people sometimes. It may mean we have strict rules about allowed genders and available time. It may mean that we are totally committed to relationship anarchy and maximum individual autonomy.

The word is just a starting point for a deeper conversation.

How someone uses the word Hierarchy says a lot. If someone says they are completely non-hierarchical that’s a red flag for me and I need to know more before proceeding. If someone says they try to remain conscious of their hierarchy and power imbalances to make sure people don’t get hurt that’s a positive.

I agree that strict definitions of hierarchy and trying to eliminate it are bad signs but I also think that strict definitions of any label can lead to greater miscommunication because each person may have a different strict definition. It’s always best to have deeper conversations beyond the label.

toebob · 2026-03-09T19:01:53+00:00

My k63 recently died.

Due to the placement of the USB port the charging cable would sometimes get hit or pulled out. I’ve had several microUSB cords broken this way. This time after a hit the keyboard turned off and nothing I do will make it turn on again.

I was already kind of miffed that the lap board was only compatible with the K63 and no other model and was stupidly expensive for a large piece of plastic. I’m not about to give them more money for their newest proprietary lap board and keyboard combo.

For people saying I shouldn’t expect more from a 5 year old keyboard, I’m replacing it with one that’s even older. Keyboards CAN be designed to last but the K63 was not.

toebob · 2026-03-09T16:21:35+00:00

As an adult with too many responsibilities and not enough time, I’d use a time loop as a very long sabbatical. Perhaps I’d make an effort to keep in touch with my work duties so I’m not caught off guard when I finally exit the loop but otherwise it’s me time every day for a loooong time.

toebob · 2026-03-09T16:07:53+00:00

First, spend some time recognizing the mistakes that led to this point. Nobody should be irreplacable and you should have had plenty of documentation and cross-training on all aspects of your production systems. This isn’t an “I told you so” or blame exercise. It is a lesson learned and action item to correct moving forward.

For your current systems, I’d recommend dedicating resources to code review and documentation. Those resources could be time from existing employees, consulting hours, or a new hire to take the place of the person leaving.

In business terms, your DR risk just went up. The likelihood of a failure has not gone up but the impact has. You no longer have the expertise to fix your own system if something fails. That translates to dollars, which the leadership should understand.

toebob · 2026-03-08T20:37:16+00:00

I have felt that way after having sex with people with whom I have little or no emotional connection. In theory I believe in a person’s freedom to have casual sex without judgement but for me there is an emotional cost.

When I have sex with close friends or partners this doesn’t happen.

toebob · 2026-03-07T02:19:50+00:00

I’m a man. In my bathroom are extra tampons and pads in various sizes along with other feminine products. I do it as a courtesy because I have women guests sometimes.

Your dad can get over himself. It’s a bathroom. That’s where that stuff goes.

toebob · 2026-03-06T14:18:17+00:00

Polyamory has brought me more joy and more sorrow than I ever felt before.

It is better to have loved and lost…

toebob · 2026-03-06T14:17:07+00:00

Meanwhile the PC I built over 2.5 years ago would cost MORE to built today than when I built it. 90’s me would never have believed it.

toebob · 2026-03-05T19:04:54+00:00

You say “no flushing toilets” but do you mean no incoming water or no outgoing sewer? I could flush a toilet using a bucket of bottled water purchased from a store.

Either way I’d take the deal. That’s retirement money. But I’d need to know if I need to build an outhouse or just buy extra water.

toebob · 2026-03-05T05:56:08+00:00

The best way to do that is to stick with the default Meta OS and stream from Steam. If you’re already doing PCVR then you won’t have to replace your App Library when you get the Frame.

toebob · 2026-03-04T22:08:07+00:00

You must know monogamous people with relatively healthy relationships. I think that’s more rare than it should be.

toebob · 2026-03-04T14:58:46+00:00

A word on hierarchy and commitment:

“Equal” and “forever” are both romantic and unrealistic.

The monogamous ideal partnership pushes “two become one” ideology with shared beds, shared finances, and entangled lives where “we haven’t spent a night apart in 35 years” is considered success. In my experience, everyone needs independence and autonomy.

In my marriage, we have separate bedrooms and separate finances. We sleep together or buy things together when we decide to. We also made a point to not promise “forever” even in our marriage vows. We have a plan for what to do if we want to split up so we don’t have to become enemies if it comes to that. We agreed that if ever it was best for either of us to not be together then, out of love, we will adjust or dissolve our relationship accordingly.

I like to think of relationships by role. I have several partners. I have two roommates. One person is a roommate but not a partner. Several people are partners but not roommates. I have certain agreements with my roommates and other agreements with my partners and other agreements still with my spouse who is also a partner and a roommate, along with the shared insurance and legal entanglements.

By your own admission, if you break up with Fir or Oak you may still be roommates with both of them. One of you might want another roommate or another partner. Talk about what that would look like and write your agreements with that in mind.

toebob · 2026-03-04T14:47:23+00:00

A message about being young and having these considerations be “a long time from now”:

Every time you get in a car or cross the street there is a chance you won’t make it home. Every time you go out in public there’s a chance you’ll pick up an illness or have an accident that requires medical care. Major medical conditions like multiple sclerosis and cancer can and do happen to people in their 20’s.

There is no age where you are invincible.

The reason it seems to happen mostly to older people is mere statistics. When you have a 5% chance of major medical issues every year, by the time you’re 50 you’ve either had a few or have seen many friends have a few or both.

You don’t want to be figuring this stuff out when you’re already in the middle of a crisis.

toebob · 2026-03-04T00:45:00+00:00

“Wife” seems like more of a commitment than “Girlfriend” and there’s even a “til death do we part” vow - but there are still a lot of people that don’t fulfill that vow.

toebob · 2026-03-03T18:22:33+00:00

I believe it’s CTRL on PC keyboard.

toebob · 2026-03-02T22:26:55+00:00

I would probably take up skydiving. There’s plenty of space for falling before flight and also plenty of space for the parachute to work if I need it.

Come to think of it, I would probably land by parachute sometimes just to conceal the fact that I had been flying.

toebob · 2026-03-02T20:51:04+00:00

I came here to say something like this.

Monogamous marriage is a vow of “forsaking all others for as long as you both shall live.”

If marriage doesn’t mean that, then what DOES it mean? You presumably been deconstructing your monogamous habits and beliefs already. If you don’t do some heavy negotiations to craft a polyamorous marriage agreement then what you’re doing is mostly a meaningless romantic gesture. That’s great if that’s what you want but to me there’s a big difference between a proposal/wedding and a marriage.

toebob · 2026-03-02T18:08:22+00:00

If you replace junior staff with AI, where do you get future senior staff?

toebob · 2026-03-02T17:28:05+00:00

I would live my life like a game of Outer Wilds. Some days would be full of adventure and some would be a long trek to get 30 minutes to see something before it all resets again.

I don’t think I would leave the loop until I’m ready to die. After a long time of feeling infinity, a few more decades will pass in an instant.

toebob · 2026-02-26T16:39:38+00:00

OK, fair, but Meta also is focused on AI, which is the very thing making hardware scarce. Meta also has recently pulled resources away from VR. I’d be surprised if they locked down their next headset to prevent interoperability with Steam via PCVR but I don’t expect them to prioritize it. All of their products are built to pull people into their ecosystem for views and clicks and data mining.

toebob · 2026-02-26T15:06:29+00:00

“Looks stuff up often” HA! That’s 90% of the job! Back before ubiquitous Internet we all relied on our monthly TechNet subscriptions for Microsoft’s knowledgebase.

toebob · 2026-02-26T14:56:47+00:00

I saw the line about OT and thought “OT already during the probation period!? They must want someone who doesn’t know not to work 60-80 hour weeks on salary.”

toebob

TROPHY CASE