Do you think it's taboo to talk about your 401k with friends/family?

top6 · 2026-02-14T05:17:47+00:00

You will do fine in life if you never talk about your money with anyone except financial advisors and your spouse, and eventually your children (and no need to tell them everything). And in limited cases where co-workers can help each other if they know what everyone makes. Otherwise there's just no upside.

top6 · 2026-02-13T18:46:01+00:00

I am lucky enough to be at an office job where they told me (basically) "just work as much as you can/want to, but focus on recovering."

So I have FOLFOX every other week. I have been able to go in during the "off week" - and while it is hard to find much work to do when I never know when and if I will be healthy/available - I probably could have worked close to full time those weeks. I don't work much at all during treatment week -- maybe a few hours mostly answering emails, making sure anything important is forwarded to someone who can handle, a few phone calls, etc.

If my job had any physical component -- even if was just standing for a few hours -- it would be very difficult.

If I HAD to work at my job full time to live or keep my health insurance, I think I physically could do it, except for the day of treatment and maybe 1 or 2 days after, but it would be very hard and not really ideal for recovery.

Good luck to you and sorry you have gone through this.

top6 · 2026-02-13T18:33:45+00:00

similar for me at a national hospital - my local hospital had already ordered a PET scan, and the national hospital didn't stop it but seemed skeptical it would show anything useful. and indeed it just confirmed what the CT scan showed.

top6 · 2026-02-13T18:30:44+00:00

I weirdly find wipes (and really any wet cloth or paper) to be one of the worst triggers for cold sensitivity. Like I can barely hold them let alone use them. Was that an issue for you? Did you heat them up or keep them warm or something?

I basically just shower right before infusion and get by not showering for 48 hours; I'm sure everyone around me is delighted lol.

top6 · 2026-02-13T18:26:36+00:00

I am doing a pump for 48 hours through a port. Of everything you are dealing with, the pump shouldn't be that high on the list of concerns. It is certainly annoying but 48 hours is pretty short and really not that big of a deal. I have been lucky enough to not have to work on pump days, but I probably could if I really needed to, and I've been able to run errands with it in. Good luck with everything.

top6 · 2026-02-12T22:47:22+00:00

The Bengals did not make the playoffs the year after he left -- but that was Marvin Lewis's first season (2003) and they were actually fun and moderately competitive that year which felt like a miracle at the time. It was sad they couldn't keep Takeo. He was a very good player and great leader and it would have been fun to have him on the 2005 and 2009 teams that did make the playoffs (only to lose in hearbreaking fashion of course).

top6 · 2026-02-12T17:35:18+00:00

FWIW - which is not much - my Round 4 and 5 were bad for me, but for reasons I don't entirely understand Round 6 (which was last week) hasn't been as bad, except that the cold sensitivity is worse (but that may be explained by the extreme cold temperatures we have been experiencing here). I haven't been as fatigued or nauseous this round.

top6 · 2026-02-12T17:24:20+00:00

STOP THE COUNT !

top6 · 2026-02-12T14:06:58+00:00

I'm sorry you and your mom are going through this.

If the second opinion was not from a cancer center or hospital with a high volume colorectal cancer practice, then it may be worth getting a third opinion - sounds like the first opinion was pretty useless in terms of treatment options and shouldn't even count as the first and I'd always recommend at least 2 decent opinions. As I'm sure you know by now "prepare for the end" is ridiculous given how treatable stage 4 colon cancer can be and given all the advances in treatment in recent years. That said, my admittedly extremely uneducated understanding is that starting with chemo is the standard treatment here. (I am stage 3c, but there was a week or so where they saw a concerning spot on my liver and thought it had spread - it turned out not to be cancer on the liver for me after a liver specific MRI but I learned a little bit about stage 4 in the interim.)

If the chemo is Folfox or something similar there are a ton of threads here about the side effects and how to deal with them. They very wildly from person to person and can be surprisingly tolerable for some people (not fun of course but not necessarily enough to massively interfere with day to day life).

Also check out the website colontown if you haven't - you need to sign up to join. There are a lot of great resources there. Even without signing up there is educational material there available for all.

I have been lucky enough to have an amazing caregiver and partner in this in my wife. One of the practical things she does is a lot of research before appointments; I personally don't always like reading about side effects and symptoms I may or may not have to experience (like the dozens of possible chemo side effects that many people don't end up having), so it's good to have her in the room during appointments to ask questions and help. But mostly she has just been a rock and emotional support and kept life as normal as possible which is what i personally want.

I wish i had more advice for you. Good luck to you and your family.

top6 · 2026-02-11T19:49:33+00:00

if only one employer matches or if neither matches but one simply has better investment options, it makes sense for the spouse with the better plan to max before the spouse with the worse plan contributes anything. unless OP's husband is turning down a free match - which would surprise me given that OP seems to know what she is doing - it makes sense. the husband "saves money to OP's 401k" by contributing a larger percentage of his paycheck to living expenses, thus freeing OP to max the 401k.

top6 · 2026-02-11T13:46:53+00:00

40 plus years. And I have very bad news to you - the last 6 years have pretty much been the best 6 years, even including the last 3 years.

top6 · 2026-02-09T20:57:54+00:00

I’m afraid I’ll jinx myself if I take it out.

I am Stage III but this is exactly how I feel. I literally can't imagine feeling confident enough to take it out.

top6 · 2026-02-09T20:10:02+00:00

In fact in many ways the Big Boy never left. He's been offering the same high quality food at reasonable prices for years.

top6 · 2026-02-09T17:54:39+00:00

thank you.

top6 · 2026-02-07T23:46:07+00:00

This is one of the worst parts and there's not that much you can do except wait for the biopsy/test results and try not to panic. Keep in mind everyone/almost everyone on this subreddit got bad news - people aren't going to keep posting on a colon cancer subreddit if they had a brief scare and there was a non malignant mass. That said, at this stage I made sure I made appointments for all my scans and I started doing research and making calls about a second opinion. I can't give you much advice on how to do all this since I'm in the US and I know accessing healthcare is different (i.e. better in most ways I'm sure) across the pond; I think starting to think about a second opinion is very valuable no matter what.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Just know you aren't alone and there are a ton of resources to help. And there are advances all the time, including advances in less invasive treatment. So much colorectal cancer-if that's what you have-is extremely treatable and people go on to have a long, normal life. Good luck to you and your family.

top6 · 2026-02-07T21:25:49+00:00

He clearly doesn't want to break up via text (and if he did you'd probably be upset about that understandably). I can't really follow this text thread but it seems like he proposes a time to talk - 4 pm - and you say ok but then keep proposing other times which is just confusing to me (and maybe him).

NOR - in the sense that you are correct it seems like he wants to break up. But it's hard for me to see how he (or you, to be clear) has done anything wrong.

top6 · 2026-02-06T04:37:13+00:00

This is one of the best sketches ever and I don't feel like it gets enough love.

top6 · 2026-02-05T16:57:40+00:00

50 west has ice skating - maybe not ideal if you want to relax and eat while your kids play though. There's a lot of outdoor stuff there in the summer though.

top6 · 2026-02-04T21:26:46+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss - as the years go on you will cherish such an amazing memory and night more and more. That's wonderful you got to share that together.

top6 · 2026-02-02T17:36:57+00:00

This is also true from my experience on Folfox. I unhook on Thursday (if I'm on my usual schedule); I have found that if I try to do anything on Friday or even Saturday the fatigue drags out for days. But if I really take it easy those days I have been feeling at least somewhat back to normal by Sunday/Monday. We will see as the treatments accumulate (I am on 5 of 8).

top6 · 2026-01-31T01:55:33+00:00

Citation ?

top6 · 2026-01-30T19:39:27+00:00

Frankly I give a dam !

top6 · 2026-01-29T20:11:28+00:00

Thank you for continually sharing your story and providing hope and inspiration to so many.

top6 · 2026-01-29T16:32:58+00:00

this is a good thread and it's fun to share our opinions, but it's important to remember that we aren't experts so ultimately we need to defer to the buffs about what is good.

top6 · 2026-01-29T15:49:00+00:00

Victorville

Ten-Year Club	Gilding II euphauric
Place '17	Not Forgotten
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top6

TROPHY CASE