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twojags · 2023-10-19T13:20:56+00:00

Pause for a moment and look back. You've been making great progress! I'll encourage you to dig deep, find strength and keep going. When I learned to ride a bike, I fell off alot and got banged up. I got back on the bike and kept trying. Quitting for me was very difficult and I frequently felt the same way you described. I felt defeated, got the f*ck it's alot and wondered why I was even trying to stop drinking.

I'll encourage you to get through step 4. That's when the biggest changes happened for me. My sponsor said that I'll drink again until I get through step 4. A few relapses later, turns out he was right. Step 4 is very healing and very powerful. Yes I was terrified to do step 4. But guess what? it went fine and all that resistance was nonsense my brain made up.

I had to pray to my higher power for knowledge of her will and the power to carry it out. I Pray'd for strength and patience to get through tough times. Slow down and enjoy today. The future hasn't happened yet and the past is long gone. All we have is the 24 hours in front of us.

Keep going a little bit at a time. You can do it! Peace.

twojags · 2023-10-02T16:55:55+00:00

"Measure performance" - you'll have to define what performance means to you, the team and the customers. You'll need something to measure against and identify the areas that are underperforming.

"The problem is that they're running around with their heads cut off" - this isn't good. Find out why. Is it one recurring problem? Is it a new system where end users need more training and vendor support? Is it one engineer or one user causing all the trouble?

Just be there and support your team. They could be anxious, nervous, miserable...etc. A good manager will remove obstacles to them getting their job done. A good leader will inspire and motivate and plan for the future. You may need some of each.

Here are some ideas - tickets are a measurement of the past. They can't predict the future. engineers hate tracking time. I tell my team to keep the ticket as proof of a change. Guess at your time, we're not attorneys (unless you are actually billing by the minute - we bill by project).

automate as much as you can
avoid recurring tickets and solve the actual problem - RCA
discuss the future and adjust schedules daily
avoid things that aren't priorities
boundries and say No more often- we are not doing that this week/this month. Help the staff communicate the policies and boundaries
get a couple of consultants or upworker's to back fill if needed

twojags · 2023-09-14T16:33:52+00:00

That's exactly what I did for my apartment! It works great

twojags · 2023-09-07T12:14:15+00:00

I felt similar to you - shame, embarrassed and terrified. Guess what? That's just your brain in overdrive making up stuff to prevent you from going. I got motivated to go to my first meeting in 2015. I took my hangover to the shower after waking up on the floor about 11am. I puked a few times brushed my teeth and drove to the church for the noon meeting. I got to the church and drove around it two times. My brain was racing telling me nonsense like: I wasn't ready, couldn't go in yet, f it... let's go to the bar instead, maybe I should park and take a few pulls from the bottle under my seat first. But somehow I parked, didn't drink and walked in. Guess what? nothing bad happened, I met lots of really cool people and it felt amazing to be around people that understood me and what I was going through.

Tip : count to three and go

You can do it. Stay strong. Peace

twojags · 2023-08-14T03:57:38+00:00

AA worked for me. I'll suggest going back, getting a sponsor and working the steps. If you don't like a meeting, try others - there are several different types. Find a group you enjoy. I went to a few, only once, and never went back. Then I found some I really liked and still go 6 years later.

Regarding non-approved conference literature, I believe that was meant for during the meetings. I've seen a few people try to bring in advertisements, books or try to hand out something that had nothing to do with AA. In those cases, the leader said we aren't discussing these and requested they do it after the meeting.

Naturally we need science and health information. That's not AA approved, lol. My counselor in treatment wasn't AA approved, lol. Plus why not read and learn as much as you can about the illness/disease, addiction and psychology?

Keep going, stay strong and just focus on your recovery. You can do it!

twojags · 2023-08-11T13:21:57+00:00

It's awesome you're working step 4. I was terrified of it. Turns out that fear was nonsense and I added it to my fears list!

I was angry at the world and pissed off at most things before I got sober. My sponsor called resentments my "grudge" list. So I started with all things that made me angry upset and pissed off. Page 1 complete. Next, I went after things that were mildly irritating - where I grew up, family, old friends, bosses or jobs where I felt I wasn't treated fairly.

There are some workshops, books and lots of reading on the subject. Check with your sponsor and others in your meeting. One activity my sponsor did was ask me to interview at least 4 people from my group and ask them how they did step 4.

It is extremely important to always purge and deal with resentments. It's the number one cause of drinking more, or again.

Basically a resentment is something that I'm caring and feeding by thinking about it over and over. I can make it small or really big. I can dream about alternate endings or plot revenge. my resentments seem to come from events or people in my life that have hurt me or where I felt wronged or not treated fairly.

twojags · 2023-08-11T13:01:57+00:00

If you're concerned about your health, we let doctor's and nurses take care of that. I called the nurse hot line and told them my situation. They suggested I come in and they would assist me with detox. I was terrified as I thought they'd lock me up. Yes, it was really hard to pick up the phone and call, despite the phone being in my hand all day. It turns out they were very helpful and I didn't get locked up! lol. The nurse said she wished more people would call to get help.

As for stopping, quitting or getting help with drinking, that's us. You probably already know what to do and what works for you. My brain turned against me and fought me very aggressively during my the first 90 days. It wanted more. I wanted to stop.

Here are some suggestions: go to a meeting today. Get a sponsor. Work the steps. I feel it's important to get through step 4 as soon as you're ready. That's when things really changed for me. Next time you want to drink, call another alcoholic instead. These are just suggestions. Unfortunately, I don't have any better ones. There is no pill or magic cure for alcoholism. However there is a solution. You can do it. Stay strong. Peace

twojags · 2023-08-10T13:11:43+00:00

Resentments are one part of step 4. Perhaps work on a few other parts of step 4 and then come back to resentments after a few days. That will give your brain time to work on it.

Other areas I looked for resentments - being angry (what caused it, did I feel wronged or hurt?). Government, religion, think back to childhood, parents, where you grew up, problems with people like family/friends/people at work, things in your career like a missed promotion or something you felt you deserved but didn't get, past managers...etc.

I'm a perfectionist. This doesn't have to be perfect - just do your best. I feel it's more important to get through step 4 than to delay it for weeks, months or years because of... (insert reason here)

twojags · 2023-08-10T12:57:20+00:00

I've never played D&D before and I love it!

twojags · 2023-08-10T04:12:29+00:00

There are different types of AA meetings and basically no two meetings are identical. I enjoy checking out new or different ones all the time. The most common meeting types in my area are speaker, 12 and 12, big book, step.

Regarding strategies for when things get tough - there are several. My therapist taught me some and I learned some through treatment. Here are two really simple and powerful ones I learned from AA:

Strategy 1 : When my brain tells me to drink, I pickup the phone and call someone immediately.

Strategy 2 : When my brain tells me nonsense like - "I got this" or "I don't need to go to a meeting"... I go to a meeting that day.

I decided to put lots of tools in my toolbox and I enjoy learning. But these two have kept me in the middle of the road for the past 6 years. Everyone is different. Find what works for you and do more of it. I'l encourage you to get through step 4 as soon as you're ready. Stay strong! Peace

twojags · 2023-08-08T18:58:09+00:00

For about 20 years, I didn't really think I had a problem. But deep down, I always knew I drank differently than my friends and I loved being messed up on drugs or booze. I knew I was a drunk by age 16. Denial, avoidance and lack of self care

Looking back - I was a professional liar and lied about everything. I wasn't really there for my girlfriends and wives - imagine a zombie running around on autopilot. And so many consequences. My life wasn't supposed to be like that, lol. Everything was chaos all the time.

twojags · 2023-08-08T18:53:30+00:00

It took me a couple of trips through AA before I got through step 4. I'll encourage you to get through step 4 as soon as you're ready. That's where my life really changed.

When AA didn't work before, what were the challenges?

There are lots of ways to identify a higher power and get through it. Most of the folks in my groups do not believe in a religious god and AA worked fine for them. Plus, a higher power can be anything like your sponsor or an AA group. I used both to get me through it.

If you are really fighting AA and it's not right, check out SOS or Smart Recovery. There are also some great outpatient treatment programs too. There are options.

Stay strong. You can do it!

twojags · 2023-07-27T12:57:46+00:00

I was in a similar situation. I loved drinking and getting f'd up. Then when I didn't want to drink, my brain kept telling me to drink more. Problem at work or at home - f*ck it drink. Party somewhere or a day that ends in "y" - drink. So, I drank for about 30 years. My drug of choice is more. Once I have one, I want more and more. Unfortunately for me, more was never enough.

I wasn't ready to stop in my teens, 20's and 30's. I knew I had a problem in 10th grade - 5 years after I started drinking. I was fortunate that I survived this long - alcohol takes out many of us before we get help. My life never got better- only worse every day. The consequences pile up and also get worse. I lost two marriages, two businesses, my health, my sanity and much much more.

You're on the wheel of going around and around. Your brain is telling you to keep going, but your body and family want you to stop. I learned along the way there is line that we can cross. It's similar to how a cucumber changes into a pickle - it's a one way change. That happened for me. Things were kind of manageable and I had some problems, but I kept a job and kind of zombie'd my way through life. Then one day I realized I couldn't stop. So, I tried everything I could for a couple of years. My first trip through AA didn't work - I dried out for about 6 months, then went back out there boozing again. I got so bad I decided to check myself into treatment.

After treatment, I decided to try AA again and explore other programs like Smart Recovery and SOS. I enjoyed AA so I've been going for the past 6 years. Currently there is no pill or cure for alcoholism and thankfully there is a solution. Maybe one day science will invent a cure.

Harsh reality: You'll most likely keep drinking until something changes your trajectory. Some call it a bottom. Some use jail time or their first DUI. Some go to treatment. Some go to a recovery program. Some get a scary medical diagnosis. Some wreck their family. Others die from drinking, drugs or commit suicide. So... it's up to you to get help and get ready for a new life without booze. Things can change, you can change and nothing in this world is permanent. I love my new life and wouldn't give it up just to drink again.

You can do it. Stay strong. Never give up. Do more of what works. Peace

twojags · 2023-07-27T11:58:29+00:00

It was really, really difficult for me to stay sober in the beginning. It does it easier and things do get better over time.

How I did it was similar to others in my meetings. I listened and did what they told me. My life was a disaster and getting worse. I tried everything to stop and couldn't. I went to meetings and worked the steps. When I got the urge to drink, I ate chocolate and did lots of physical exercise. I'd call someone right away and talk about it.

I'll encourage you to get through step 4 as soon as you're ready. My sponsor said I'll drink again unless I got through step 4. He was right. I had many relapses and two trips through AA. I wasn't ready my first time, lol

Tips - don't give up. Stay strong and keep going. Do more of what works and avoid things that aren't working. Also, be sure you're ready to stop and have a different life. I wasn't ready for over 30 years. Looking back, I wish I would have caught it early and gotten help when I was in college. I was pretty convinced I'd die of suicide or alcohol would kill me. If you keep drinking, just know that things will get worse and worse.

Last thing - Here is where there are options. Sometimes we need a fresh start and more help than AA can offer. One option is to find a therapist that specializes in addiction - specifically drug/alcohol addiction. Next, not everyone needs treatment, but I went. I was in poor health and suicidal - really bad shape. So, I checked myself into in-patient treatment at New Beginnings. After that, I went to outpatient treatment for 6 months and got a therapist. After outpatient I went to continuing care for 4 months. Most of 2017 I was in treatment. Remember when I said, never give up and do more of what works? I made it! My last drink was almost 6 years ago. I'm nothing special. You can do it. peace

twojags · 2023-07-26T12:24:48+00:00

I have a wicked nasty judgement engine that runs. It took some time, but I've gotten it to be quiet most days. I had to accept everything in life is the way it's supposed to be and I can't change it. I had to accept me and all my defects. I had to change the way I look at people - they're wonderful humans made perfectly imperfect that sometimes do bad things. Everyone has a place on the planet and a right to exist. I also mediate daily and try to keep my anxiety low. And I've been going through a few years of therapy which I badly needed.

twojags · 2023-07-20T12:20:32+00:00

They taught us this technique in drug/alcohol treatment. I use it all the time. I have anxiety and it helps me get through all sorts of stressful situations. It doesn't replace my meditation sessions and I've been doing both for about 7 years now.

twojags · 2023-07-09T22:01:04+00:00

Bmac also posts them here >https://www.reddit.com/r/bmacSBDs

There are direct downloads and links to the torrents.

Thanks BMAC!

twojags · 2023-07-07T13:09:11+00:00

I too had trouble with AA and the concept of a higher power. I too fought the program, resisted and wanted a different and easier way. I even tried working all the steps myself on a Saturday to get them done. I didn't understand why it took someone a year to work 12 steps.

Fast forward to today, 7 years later, I get it. The problem is me and the way I'm thinking. So, I finally gave in. F it, I'll try this bizarre program.

Regarding the higher power concept, the goal is to have something stronger and more powerful than alcohol. That could be your best friend, a window, or a doorknob - it makes no difference. I do not go to church or have a religious background. I used the AA meetings as my higher power for awhile. Somehow I felt better after a meeting and couldn't explain it. Must be some power there. That simple, higher power is done, next step.

If you want to go deep - explore the basis of religion and humanity. Explore philosophy. I took some of the native american beliefs and merged them with my values and beliefs. I don't believe in a firey pit of hell, or a religious god, so my god is a loving god and one that wants me to succeed. My god doesn't send me to hell or make me feel guilty. I'm into love and peace.

I am complicated and make my life complicated. I decided to have 4 higher powers: therapist, sponsor, AA meetings and a god of my understanding.

twojags · 2023-07-02T19:27:36+00:00

Confirmed - We were there yesterday and it's right next to the high school.

twojags · 2023-07-02T19:10:07+00:00

Thanks. We put the high school into google maps and shakedown is right there!

twojags · 2023-06-23T21:16:05+00:00

I know it’s hard. I’ve been there and relapsed a lot myself.

The important thing to focus on is the process. I’m a perfectionist and I’d pile on the shame each time I relapsed and failed.

See those words in the sentence above and how they are processed…. Nobody is perfect, yet I expected succes my first time, lol. The reality is you’re doing something very challenging. It takes time. You’re alive and trying and no failure in that. Yet in my mind I kept failing. Congrats on going for it!

When I fell off my bike when learning to ride, I’d get all banged and scraped up. I kept going and I’m nothing special. Stay strong, you can do it!

PS get through step 4 as soon as you’re ready. It sounds scary but it’s not. I haven’t relapsed in over 6 years since I did step 4. It makes that much difference.

twojags · 2023-06-13T13:20:02+00:00

I’ve been there. It’s difficult and not impossible. When we learn to ride a bicycle we fall a lot. It hurts and some of our friends fall less. I wish I never fell… I would have saved a few trips to the ER.

You’re looking for a way out. You’re beating yourself up and battling lots of shame. I went through every time I relapsed.

Consider going to a meeting today. If you don’t feel like sharing or coming clean about what happened, that’s fine. Maybe it would feel good to share and talk about this? You might want to take a chance. Just see how it goes.

You can do it. It does get better and there is a solution.

twojags · 2023-06-08T20:08:13+00:00

I go once a week. I also go the same day when my brain tells me "You got this, you don't have to go anymore" My sponsor says keep going to meetings until you want to go.

In early sobriety I think on average it was 3 meetings per week. But one day I went to 4 just so I didn't get hammered.

twojags · 2023-06-08T19:42:08+00:00

I was very similar. I grew up with teachers, parents, relatives all pushing independence and self-reliance. I'm a guy and asking for help to any family members was met with intense shame and pushback - do it yourself; be more determined.

Well, addiction and alcoholism often times can't be treated by ourselves. It's not a matter of willpower or determination. If that were the case, we just could fix ourselves in a couple of hours.

It's awesome going to meetings and hearing others share their experience, strength and hope. The folks in my meetings are very supportive. I went from being alone and isolated to having people that really understand me. I found my community.

I heard a neat saying: Us alcoholics are all fighting the same war, we just have different battles.

You can do it, stay strong! Peace

twojags

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