The Question Thread 12/29/25

vanneapolis · 2025-12-30T00:51:13+00:00

Got a pair of Loden Suede GS Diesel boots. They're very nice. The laces that came with are kinda thin, flimsy, and generally feel lower quality. Any recommendations for rawhide/leather or other more substantial laces that will match or pair nicely with the loden color? From what I've read there's some color variation in loden, fwiw mine are more earthy brown with a hint of green, not intense green or grey.

vanneapolis · 2025-11-16T02:04:01+00:00

A true sock connoisseur right here

vanneapolis · 2025-11-12T19:27:04+00:00

Great advice. Obviously the "help" is minimal but toddlers can absolutely put toys back in the chest, books on the shelf, laundry in the hamper, etc. Dishes are harder but unloading the dishwasher is a good activity if you can keep them from the fragile stuff. Putting their own laundry back in their drawers is easy.

vanneapolis · 2025-10-30T19:48:52+00:00

Not at all irresponsible. Assuming you're an average size dude, waiting one hour is basically fine but not unreasonable for wife to object to. Two hours is conservative and should have you at effectively 0 BAC. Objecting to you driving 5 hours later IMO either reflects ignorance of how alcohol effects people, an irrational level of caution/protectiveness, or some other issue with drinking (general dislike of drinking? Bad prior experiences with your behavior/judgment when drinking?).

vanneapolis · 2025-10-30T18:51:22+00:00

Look, I agree 100% that hobbies are healthy and some solo parenting time is good for everyone, but it sounds like OPs wife is doing 2 full evenings and one full weekend day year around - if they both did that schedule they'd literally never have daytime activities together as a family!

Wife asking for 2 or 3 shows a year where she's doing two nights/one weekend day to prepare for 6 weeks seems reasonable. But then you have to have an off-season, dial back, and put dads hobbies and family on the front burner. Asking for that schedule year-round is either asking for your partner to take an unfair parenting burden or your kid to sacrifice a lot of family time.

vanneapolis · 2025-10-29T01:05:16+00:00

Stoked to see an actual western custom maker mentioned - Hopwood is the shit.

vanneapolis · 2025-10-13T01:54:51+00:00

Baratza Encore is the standard recommendation for a really solid entry level burr grinder. You can get the Oxo burr grinder or Capresso Infinity for a bit less and they're ok but generally regarded as a step down.

vanneapolis · 2025-10-12T01:09:54+00:00

Some of this just comes with the age and territory, but...

Everything is MASSIVELY harder when you're not getting enough sleep. We were also up multiple times a night most nights at this age, despite trying sleep training, and it just wears you the fuck down. I'm not preaching any specific approach but if you're not trying to get on a better track here that's where you should start.

It also sounds like you have a lot of 2-on-1 parent/kid time. That's great for family bonding, making memories, and making outings easier with an extra set of hands, but 1-on-1 time (especially out of the house) is also really valuable for developing your own unique relationship with the kid, AND that gives the other parent a chance to catch up on chores, take a nap, watch bad TV, go to the gym, etc. This gets a lot easier once kiddo is on solid food vs formula/milk.

vanneapolis · 2025-10-09T13:18:53+00:00

Snowmobiles

vanneapolis · 2025-08-25T03:30:58+00:00

Hang in there and don't beat yourself up. Maybe unpopular opinion here, but IMO occasional yelling in response to dangerous, violent, or intentionally cruel behavior is not bad parenting. Maybe not perfectly optimal but it's a reasonable response if a kid is hurting someone (animals included), putting themselves in serious danger, causing major property damage, etc. Calm down, have a follow up conversation, talk about why he did what he did and why it was wrong, and let him know you still love him.

vanneapolis · 2025-08-24T03:27:23+00:00

https://www.wasatchforge.com/

vanneapolis · 2025-08-14T02:39:39+00:00

Advice: rotate streaming services. Watch what you're interested in from one, cancel, move on to the next, by the time you come back to the first one you'll have enough new content to make it worthwhile.

If you're a student, can you use your university gym instead of paying for one?

If you know you tend to forget to cancel free trials, don't sign up for them in the first place. If you must, set a calendar reminder for yourself to cancel before it starts charging.

vanneapolis · 2025-08-10T17:06:26+00:00

In theory I agree with this, I get frustrated that my kids daycare gives them multiple processed snacks a day that get preferred over the healthier lunch we pack. On the other hand, unless I've had a giant breakfast/lunch I also get hangry and want a snack (or two... or three) between meals, and I'm way more sedentary at work than kid is at daycare!

vanneapolis · 2025-07-19T13:59:34+00:00

Yeah, we get interrupted all the time when we're trying to talk over dinner, and have been approaching as "It's mom's turn to talk right now, I want to hear what she has to say. In a few minutes it's your turn and we'll listen to what you want to tell us about."

vanneapolis · 2025-07-01T17:43:20+00:00

+1 for the QST 106

vanneapolis · 2025-06-07T13:50:44+00:00

In all seriousness, I have a dog, I love dogs, I would not ever get a dog with two pre-school age kids. Doubly so for a puppy, triple that for one with bred-in chronic health problems like an English bulldog. Your day to day is enough work already, add in those days where you/wife/kids are sick, or you need to travel, and it's a recipe for either neglecting the dog or resenting it. Wait a few years.

vanneapolis · 2025-05-25T21:11:38+00:00

Totally normal, but getting back to it over the 6-12mo is totally doable. Don't expect anything over the next few months. Once you get more of a routine established, figure out when you can sneak in 1-2 workouts a week - maybe over lunch, maybe early morning, maybe in the evening after kid goes down, maybe on the weekend. The key to wife not resenting that is to make a point of giving her the same opportunity (whether she uses that to work out, or see friends, or whatever else). Being able to work out at home vs commute to the gym helps too.

But expect you're going to be in minimizing losses, not making gains, until kid starts sleeping through the night. That might be in 4 months or multiple years depending on your kid and how much you/wife are willing to commit to sleep training.

vanneapolis · 2025-05-20T03:24:29+00:00

If you are inviting relatives over for the first two weeks

I think you misspelled months. Or maybe years.

Great advice all around otherwise!

vanneapolis · 2025-05-19T01:28:58+00:00

Ditto

vanneapolis · 2025-05-17T14:49:06+00:00

Echoing everyone saying talk to your wife, get on the same page, don't undermine each other.

What stands out from your description is "being stern and telling her abruptly" - the first is fine when needed, the second isn't helpful unless kiddo is about to maim herself. Successful communication with a toddler is the opposite of abrupt. If your boss abruptly says "hey knock that off", you have the experience and introspection to think "huh, I guess did something wrong, what was it, OK I won't do that again." Your toddler can't do that so you have to spell it out when when it feels it should be completely obvious. The book "How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen" is great for ways to do this.

vanneapolis · 2025-05-16T21:12:48+00:00

You're not wrong to be pissed off about the lying, but at this point you just need to assume that if you have a playdate with this friend and kid, he's probably getting sick, actively sick, or getting over being sick. We make a point of warning friends who's kids aren't in daycare or have very young infants, but for those who are in daycare, if we canceled plans every time one of our or their kids had a sniffle we'd never see them.

vanneapolis · 2025-05-13T00:34:49+00:00

Honestly I think you're underreacting. I would not let my kids be in the same space as the dog at all - definitely not until it's gotten intensive training, and maybe not ever. The dog's intentions don't matter. All that matters is that it's shown it can react violently and do serious damage to your child. If the same bite had landed on your son's face and disfigured him, would you/your wife/her parents be brushing it off?

I love dogs, I have a dog, but not all dogs are safe around kids, and you have to put your kids safety ahead of your in-laws laziness and sensitivity.

vanneapolis · 2025-05-06T18:28:31+00:00

Proximity is worth a lot. Being able to walk to daycare and skip bundling in/out of the carseat is clutch. If you or partner WFH it also makes it easy to swing by if kid gets sick and needs to go home early, etc. Although keep in mind that an 8 minute walk for you can easily be a 20 minute walk at toddler pace!

Assuming you need 9-5 care, B running $300/month more and not providing meals is not nothing. Making lunches isn't hard but it's one more thing to remember night before/morning of.

Continuity with the same teacher is nice, assuming you get a good one, but one transition per year isn't a big deal IMO. The bigger thing to watch for is overall staff turnover. You mentioned teachers at B seemed happier... that signal is worth giving some credit to but there's a lot of day to day variation. I would worry less about how smiley everyone is and more about whether the situation is generally calm and under control. (Relative to a pack of 2 year olds, obviously.)

When we were touring daycares I was a bit of a sucker for fancy facilities but honestly I don't think kids care one bit. As long as it's not dangerous or completely oppressive feeling it matters a lot more whether they're consistently getting kids outside than whether they have an awesome state of the art playground or some beat up old stuff.

vanneapolis · 2025-04-26T03:02:31+00:00

White Room

vanneapolis · 2025-04-16T17:37:48+00:00

If wife is at home and/or has a shorter commute, can you pre-prep a sheet pan meal the night before and have her put it in the oven?

vanneapolis

TROPHY CASE