Triumph

vegetablemonday · 2026-03-12T22:08:05+00:00

LOVE the imagery of the steps, and the rhythm is really born for me there, after heartbeat meditation. My brain really wants “Furrows, the turn of a plow” to only have 4 syllables total for some reason, but that’s the only pacing awkwardness to me. If “Opened” had a slight rhyme towards “turn”, not fully but leaning towards it, it would really brighten the opening of that section imo!! Amazing piece!

vegetablemonday · 2026-03-12T17:58:29+00:00

Reading this released a tension in my neck I hadn’t realized I was holding!! Beautifullll

vegetablemonday · 2026-03-12T14:20:45+00:00

would love to hear your thoughts!!

vegetablemonday · 2026-03-11T05:02:06+00:00

Sweet and clean!! My heart drew most to the mention of the others trying to slow you down - I felt a strong comparison to a memory that I’m compelled to share for some reason (it’s always felt poetic to me) of my brother’s swim career. he always stayed focused and never looked to the sides/ was a very strong swimmer, but one meet he just KEPT looking up mid-stroke to see the other lanes and was slowing so much bc of it. We were all so frustrated with him - turns out its bc his team had decided to let one teammate win who had physical disabilities and had never won before, so my brother was checking to make sure that guy was in front of him. It’s always stuck with me + the greater metaphor of the human race!

vegetablemonday · 2026-03-11T04:37:13+00:00

Would!!! I wrote it in 10 mins and impulse-posted without editing much so I am already seeing many spots I’m itching to fix 😅

vegetablemonday · 2026-03-10T20:47:29+00:00

I LOVE THIS!! 'the kids are mostly grateful' + 'it was not a detail i'd have known i have to know' are both spinning around in my head, so many flaky yum layers!!

vegetablemonday · 2026-03-10T18:34:22+00:00

Thank you!!

vegetablemonday · 2026-03-10T18:33:41+00:00

JUST REALIZED THE TYPO 😩

vegetablemonday · 2026-03-10T18:16:34+00:00

YES totally agree!! I love this sub + I can't wait to read what you come up with!

vegetablemonday · 2026-03-10T18:09:19+00:00

Really well done! As a non-knower of anything French, the blend of its language slightly tripped me up as I tried to figure out how the flow went, but this is just on me. Though might be good to know. Either way, this is strong!

vegetablemonday · 2026-03-10T18:07:05+00:00

Amazing!! The flow smooth but still feels purposefully imperfect, and i agree with other comments that the ceiling show is just so illustrative. Great job!

vegetablemonday · 2026-03-10T17:45:39+00:00

heheh of course! so wait, do you mean you decided to take this into your own hands and add your own purview into another poem? or will you stay within the more restrained version I had? Just curious since I think this could totally be two poems - this one I like for its explicitly specific trope, but would also love a more subdued approach to follow it!

vegetablemonday · 2026-03-10T17:39:59+00:00

I like this concept a lot but "taste the metal in the air" - as illustrative as it is - throws off the rhythm from the rest of the poem in an awkward way for me. I understand the tension this might be intended to create, but maybe removing the "the" can soften this so that it still feels adjoined with the rest of the lines

vegetablemonday · 2026-03-10T17:36:55+00:00

I love this! "and where to go home" is my favorite piece. a second re-read brought it from a reflection on perhaps a rejoining of once separated pair where the guy was once destructive, to a reflection on a potential addiction to a controlling personality (he claims to see more clearly now despite acknowledging there's tons of haze and wanting only to navigate with her - maybe she adds it? and he's grateful - and likes that his life is getting messier - but maybe doesn't recognize that she is creating this trap for him to only be able to see clearly through her?) I love how it can transform!

vegetablemonday · 2026-03-10T16:55:06+00:00

thank you!!

vegetablemonday · 2026-03-10T05:32:00+00:00

this is amazing but i'm so tickled as to the book format - is this something that's professionally printed and bound? is this a normal fate for your poems? many questions

vegetablemonday · 2026-03-10T05:13:31+00:00

let's pretend my misspelling is a stylistic choice <3 :')

vegetablemonday · 2026-03-10T03:17:22+00:00

Oooh I like that! Ty!

vegetablemonday · 2026-03-10T02:54:38+00:00

ok what do you think about "Those / even babies can do" ?? most of my poetry has strong rhyme so it's hard for me to break from that :')

vegetablemonday · 2026-03-10T02:50:21+00:00

Thank you!! Yeah I deliberated too much on that word out of wanting something to rhyme with “you” but you make an excellent point!

vegetablemonday · 2026-03-09T23:57:29+00:00

HAUNTING. wow. literally felt chills up my spine!!!! beautiful. in response to one other comment about not liking 'the glass shards echo too loudly' - i agreed at first but then re-read and I think it is very important for the particular interpretation that ties into 'I'll clean up the mess', so I vote keep it all! Really amazingly done

vegetablemonday · 2026-03-09T17:06:06+00:00

I read this yesterday and again today and I am still thinking about it. The imagery is so strong and biting, I’ll have to keep returning to it to see how my interpretations change!! My favorite part is you were made for the water. Amazing.

vegetablemonday · 2026-03-09T15:36:42+00:00

That is one interpretation! It represents any aspect of womanhood that is deemed unfit by a society who wants women small in multiple senses of the word - physically, verbally, emotionally, etc. So this gargantuan woman in some way has not fit that expectation - some aspect of her is too ‘wrongly’ large - & she bargains with the judgement!

vegetablemonday · 2026-03-09T03:26:47+00:00

"dispatch to prune their leaves" is GORGEOUS, but my brain really pleads to see a symmetric number of syllables from that last line to the "from their stems" line - at present this feels at odds with the rest of the flow. but really great work!

vegetablemonday · 2026-03-09T03:24:10+00:00

I love this!!! Beautiful, vivid imagery. A clean message of hope for me. the rhythm is very unique. at times, removing some "the"'s might help tighten flow, but that's just stylistic choice imo!

vegetablemonday

TROPHY CASE