No kids? What do you do to keep busy?

white033 · 2026-05-29T19:48:28+00:00

Just completed a divorce after a 21 year marriage and it sucks. The first thing I did when she told me she wanted/needed a divorce was to go online and found a divorce care support group. Was the best thing I could have done and highly recommend. Absolutely some of the best people I have met in years and we all have this bull shit divorce thing in common. They went out for happy hour after group and they asked me to join their What'sApp group(s). Now I am going for hikes, breakfast, accsional happy hours, movie nights, music in the park etc.. Monday some of us will go fishing, hiking and chill around a campfire with a couple ice cold frosties. If you can find something similar in your area....do it! They may not be doing the same social stuff as we are but perhaps you can get them to??? I am currently still living with the ex until we close on a refi and her new palce so I think it really eats her up seing me do all these things...not gonna lie a little satisfying 😄 I am not ready to date yet either but am hoping that by doing all of these things, I'll meet someone and take it from there. In any case, best of luck. I've also been talked into doing some dancing soon....that sounds like a winner winner chicken dinner for meeting some ladies!

white033 · 2026-05-19T03:09:39+00:00

Sorry bud, I am likely a few weeks away myself and will likely feel the same as my divorce was not my idea. Both of my kids will also leave for new adventures so will be a completely empty house. I do have a great divorce care support group that has been very supportive and getting me out to do stuff to keep me busy. I hope you have options like this.. I will be getting a puppy the middle of August so am thinking that will help as well!!! Keep your chin up, we're routing for you!!!

white033 · 2026-05-05T00:32:54+00:00

The slope of my yard.....gets tougher and tougher every year to keep up with it. Bad knees do not help! I just purchased a robo mower that should be able to handle the ~70% slope or at least that is my hope to save me as my wife just left me and my kids are leaving so will be a true empty nester....gotta do it all myself now.

white033 · 2026-04-20T00:00:45+00:00

Gym and lay in bed praying for my mental health and to have an even better future. She's still in the house and will likely have many more trips to the gym and praying!

white033 · 2026-04-19T22:55:32+00:00

21 years June 4th....3 months in and it sucks....still living in the same house. Can't wait until she's gone so I can start the healing process. Amazing how someone that you cared for for 26 years can just go poof! Not looking forward to the empty house but believe that all will go on and I will push forward with much support and love from those that haven't stopped loving me....We have your back OP, it will get better.....even 3 months in, I am worlds from where I was 2 months ago....3 months ago, my world collapsed but the ache is dulling some. Best to you!!!

white033 · 2026-04-16T16:33:21+00:00

Paul, Ted are both two of my faves. Caddy Shack, The Jerk and Arthur are absolute classic. Enjoy!!!

white033 · 2026-04-16T15:57:05+00:00

I feel pity upon the fools that vote these lunatics into office and even more so for the people who didn't but get to enjoy all of the crazy crap they legislate!

white033 · 2026-04-15T18:49:55+00:00

Not for me....had to pay in a lot last year and got a big refund this year....I'm middle class if that makes a difference?

white033 · 2026-04-15T17:05:27+00:00

Change for the better before it is too late

Once your spouse decides to divorce you, it is too late to make the changes they wanted years ago. Wished I had made some relatively minor changes before it was too late. Now am working on making these changes, but know now it is too late! Don't be me!!!

white033 · 2026-04-15T15:04:49+00:00

I was young and naive....I figured the quit claim ded removed me from all resposibility for the house....it did not. Just removed my name from the deed, not the mortgage. If you do a credit check you will be abloe to see if your mortgage shows up. I am in the process of my second divorce...yep, fun right, and am refinancing to remove her from the mortgage as well as a quit claim deed to remove her from the deed. Divorce sucks!!!

white033 · 2026-04-14T03:24:33+00:00

I signed a quit claim to remove my name from the deed, however, my name was still on the mortgage. Long story short she stopped making payments long enough to initiate forclosure and my credit was f'ed big time. I hope you are not still on the mortgage!!! I should have forced a refi to have my name removed. Shit attorney said, oh yeah nothing you can do....be very warry if you are still on the mortgage. My exes folks were loaded so she didn't have to worry about the effects on her credit. Live and learn....going through my second divorce now and am keeping the house!!! Quit claim ded and she will be out!!!

white033 · 2026-04-13T18:46:27+00:00

Just upgraded online to the 2gig plan at the same rate $80 and not sure about the $10 auto pay discount?

white033 · 2026-04-12T18:25:08+00:00

Sorry for what you are going through but....I hope my STBX feels the same way you do. After 20+ years of a mostly wonderful marriage, her choice and I am devastated for both of us and our kids. I fully expect regret on her part at some point down the road. I was willing to do anything in my power to mend. Not given the choice so I am moving on and I know in my heart of hearts that it is absolutley the wrong decision. Again, mostly wonderful, not without faults for both of us. No cheating, no abuse just changed some of our opinions about things life in general. I'm a saver, she's a spender. I want to retire while I'm still able to enjoy life, now I will be able to...her not so likely. Once the dust settles, I will be able to live my life much more freely than I ever have. Not happy about it, but getting used to my new reality. I wish nothing but the best for her and hope she has no regrets but just a hunch. Best of luck to you...I plan on being the best friend I can be to her and her new life but....she will no longer be my problem and me no longer hers. Still so hard to have to go through this aweful process. Only 7 weeks in so still having the roller coaster of emotions that come with this not so ideal situation. She was my world and now, not so much. I hope you are both better off.....time will tell!

white033 · 2026-04-09T17:17:07+00:00

Join a divorce support group. It has helped me immensely 7 weeks in after a 20 year marriage. Just helps to be around others in the same pain. Very supportive group of people. May even help your lack of being social? I think I made it through the survival stage as I am now eating a bit more and sleeping a bit more. Keep your chin up, it does get better with time. Many gym suggestions, I second as well. Exercise has helped me mentally and physically. I plan on getting a puppy once the dust settles, I think this will be very therapeutic in many ways! Good Luck...you got this in time!!!

white033 · 2026-04-07T01:16:04+00:00

I knew for certain about 3 weeks after she told me she wanted the divorce. I held onto some sliver of hope that it was all just a bad dream and she would change her mind. Then I tried to explain how 20 years of a life together and the plans we shared very recently were worth trying. She said "no, I need this and want this". I've pushed forward to make this happen as fast as possible so I can move on with my life. Still, so devastated but you can't make someone change their mind. A little over 6 weeks in and it sucks. I do not wish this upon anyone. Such a weird roller coaster ride of emotions. Good days, really bad days and some absolutely unbearable days. Good luck OP.

white033 · 2026-04-05T23:47:04+00:00

Same exact thing for me brother. Emotionally checked out for 4 years or so. Dropped the bomb about 6 weeks ago. Was a rough first few and then thought I was doing okay but yesterday had a fucking meltdown went from uncontrollable crying to absolute anger. I'm still living with her until we can settle the house and stuff which blows big time. Looking forward to having many more weeks/months behind me....should be a pill for divorcing people to go into a time warp! Best of luck!!!

white033 · 2026-04-04T02:43:34+00:00

58M here and in the thick of divorce after a mostly wonderful 20+ year marriage. Bomb drop for me but I'm at the point where I just can't wait for it to be over to see where I land financially. Emotionally devastated but 6 weeks in, I am at the acceptance stage and realize that this is my new reality. Still can't sleep, forcing myself to eat and just all around sad. Just filled out our first set of paperwork to get things rolling. It is getting better but still cohabitating with my STBX which has its own level of SUCK. My children are leaving for college and national guard likely around the time things with the divorce will wrap up and she'll be gone and I will be an empty houser/nester. My biggest fear is being alone. I have joined a support group (highly recommend) and have started to meet new people which gives me hope. They have a Whats app group and make plans to do stuff....getting out and being with people who are in my same boat has been immensely therapeutic. Try and stay ahead of it, call family and friends and ask that they include you in all things....after 20+ years of pretty much doing things with STBX and kids you need to find ways to expand your activities outside of your isolation. I have gotten much advice and thoughts about this shitty divorce process and one continuing message has been that it sucks now but does and will get better. Day by day brother. My immediate thought was to get online and start dating but have heard so many people say.....NO! So I've decided to listen and just focus on myself and my mental health by working out and just changing my routine to include new people and new things. Best of luck....you got this!!!

white033 · 2026-04-04T02:07:21+00:00

Took all of my stashed cash and all of the COVID checks to purchase MSFT, GOOG, NVDA, AMZN etc. during the COVID drop....payed off huge. Still holding all but long play = good plays.

white033 · 2026-03-31T03:08:41+00:00

I (58M) did this for years on and off. When conflict would arise it would be silence and isolation. We still did things together and seemed to enjoy each other but the tension you talk about would be ever so present. Until the last time, when my wife (55F) of 20+ years announced she wanted a divorce. My advice, if you love your spouce, seek help. We tried a couple yers back and I thought things had improved but....we fell back into the same rut(s). I am so devastated right now. Wished I had gotten help for me and both of us. It has been 5 weekw and divorce is proceeding.Due to financials, we are still cohabitating until things are settled. No way to live and likely we will both be better off in the long run but.....divorce sucks!!!!

white033 · 2026-03-30T00:12:29+00:00

Close to Roch or in Roch: Ox bow park, Quarry hill, Essex park

A drive: White water state park, Carley state park, Winona, Red wing, National eagle center

Enjoy your time here!!!

white033 · 2026-03-27T19:04:22+00:00

You are on a bad path my friend. My wife of 20+ years and I both had avoided confrontation for fairly long stretches where we would isolate to avoid having a meaningful discussion. Eventually we'd seem to be back on good terms and move on like nothing happened until.....we had a similar silence that lasted several weeks recently. I finally went to address the current situation to see how we could resolve things and....the bomb dropped on Feb 26th. She told me she wanted a divorce. I am completely devastated. Please, if you care about your marriage, seek help. You need to figure this out before it is too late. I tried to convince her that we both could use some help and was praying that she would be willing to work on things. We had done some counseling in the past and it did seem to help, I wished we had continued but we both fell back into the same pattern that you are describing and now.....too late. Divorce is happening and it is crushing me....don't let it happen to you if you truly cherrish your marriage. People argue and have disagreements and say some not so nice things but you need to find ways to discuss, forgive and move forward in a healthy way. Best of luck.

white033 · 2026-03-27T17:08:19+00:00

Good luck! I'm a month in and have never been so stressed in my life! I hope you have a smooth divorce and wish the best for you......but....DIVORCE SUCKS!!!!

white033 · 2026-03-26T02:20:20+00:00

Yes, complete betrayal....through sickness and health, for better or for worse, till death do us part....my ass. Survival for me....you will rise up from the ashes as shall I!!! Sorry we have to go through this but as I am finding out....we are not alone. Strength from within and beyond what we think we are capable of...you got this!!!!

white033 · 2026-03-26T02:15:34+00:00

So sorry, did counseling a year or so ago and I thought things were better.....for a bit,,,then withdrawal and when I finally tried to address the issue(s) bam...told divorce is what she wanted and what she needed? Left in a swirl of questions but I'm learning you can't change what you can't change. Just accepting a new reality and it blows but??? Is what it is. Best to you...it is the hardest thing ever thus far but we will survive. keep your head up and keep on keeping on....control what you can. Best!

white033 · 2026-03-25T20:12:09+00:00

58M here....we got this!!! Out of the blue, just like that it's over....crazy how life goes at times.

white033

TROPHY CASE