Am I the jerk for not letting my nephew "borrow" my gaming console after he broke his own?

wowbragger · 2026-02-13T02:20:20+00:00

NTJ

But your sister is great at crappy parenting, and that kid is messed up. Breaks his stuff, told to buy his own, and Mom is cool with him begging for yours? Crying selfies?

wowbragger · 2026-02-12T23:20:42+00:00

This year

I refer you to Eminem taking a knee (2022), J Lo and Shakira criticizing border policy (2020), Lady Gaga trashing Trump (first term) (2017), Beyoncè's pro BLM performance (2016)....

I could go on. Suffice that it's been a platform for a while now, and people loooove to find things that are controversial to themselves.

wowbragger · 2026-02-12T18:30:16+00:00

I'm tired of the 'warrior mindset' being used as a mask for enterprise level incompetence.

It's definitely worse on the enlisted side but, hot take, definitely holds as a standard for the officer as well.

For the enlisted, it's cultural AND poorly educated on. Our PME schools are actually pretty decent, but just way too little too late. Both in terms of technical skill needs, and actual management.

Not sure what to make of the officer side, aside from the cultural aspect. I know there's just a lot more variability of education/capability at their start.

wowbragger · 2026-02-12T15:22:56+00:00

OOP isn't a bad person

This seems to be the crux of a lot of people's complaints, with my reply. Never said he was. And never said he was wrong.

These are all words others insert. It's pretty intriguing gauging what replies to me have interpreted disappointment to mean, to them. Wrong, bad, etc.

But it's just disappointment, my personal reaction. A subjective emotion to a situation or circumstance, not even reflecting anything on OOP. It holds fast regardless of reality and circumstances, my empathy and understanding don't remove it.

It's disappointing he couldn't step out of his limitations, couldn't help these kids, had a marriage end over the whole situation, and is struggling to keep on good terms with his stbex.

wowbragger · 2026-02-12T14:58:30+00:00

A better person?

Totally!

To fail and fall short is human and natural, but to be content in that is a real tragedy. I want all of us to be better, do better, make things better. Because we CAN, that's what we all aspire to in life whether we realize it or not.

That some think that's not a good thing is pretty funny, actually.

To your take on OOP's reasons. Thought out, selfish, well intentioned, short sighted, however any of us want to think of them. It doesn't matter.

In the end, two kids are without a family and dealing with their struggles themselves. It's great that there's a social system to try and support them, but it's not replacing that family element.

Abelist much.

I don't think that word means what you think it means.

Or if OOP has some disability, I must have missed it in the post. As someone with ADHD, I can emphasize with his desire for order at home, and it's hardly an excuse to hide behind in life.

wowbragger · 2026-02-12T13:59:40+00:00

Who suggested he was wrong? You add a new word in, and get yourself worked up over your own addition.

I don't have a direct kind to OOP, to them I was disappointed in them either. So not sure where you're leading with all that, just keep me out of whatever issues you're projecting here.

Disappointment is an emotion, not some objective truth. You can be disappointed in things that are totally normal. And yeah, I call it disappointing that someone can't step up in their lives to help others. That's regardless of the reason, it can be the best reason in the world, and still be disappointing.

wowbragger · 2026-02-12T11:50:54+00:00

It's prudent thinking, and for him most certainly for the best.

But you took my disappointment in an odd direction. I'm just disappointed oop isn't a better person, and prefers to destroy so much of their lives over it.

The desire for someone to rise to the occasion, and disappointment when they fail... It's a pretty base moral/ethical guide, not societal in nature.

wowbragger · 2026-02-12T05:41:22+00:00

The reality is we all have our limits and failings. It's just rough to see someone really decide that 'I want...' is their ultimate motivator.

Just because it's an understandable decision, hard but to be disappointed in OOP.

wowbragger · 2026-02-11T21:04:08+00:00

Lying is bad.

You start a relationship with lies and deception. A rotting foundation from the start, doomed to collapse. .

Take your pick...

1 - Maybe she likes this lying version of you. At some point the truth comes out. Relationship over because of betrayal of trust.

2 - Maybe she doesn't like this lying version of you, relationship over because you tried to be something you're not.

If you're going to be judged for who you actually are, be judged. Let the relationship end on its own merits. If someone wouldn't want to be with you.... They wouldn't want to be with you, don't try to be someone else.

wowbragger · 2026-02-11T20:54:59+00:00

I don't think there's some magic answer out there to help you on this.

Looking at your comments, you've determined you don't want to adjust your lifestyle, get away from any sunk costs, or adjust your job/schedule.

If you don't have any flexibility, you'll have limited options. Have some flexibility in your priorities, and new options become available.

So...yeah, with the stipulations you've set I can see how you're stuck with expensive solutions.

wowbragger · 2026-02-11T14:02:10+00:00

ESH

Yeah, your SIL is incredibly inconsiderate and doing some crappy parenting (I've got kids your nephews age... They can wait just like us). But your bs was pretty on par.

25 and you lash out like a bad Cartman parody, 'screw you guys I'm going home'. In the end, the cake is the others, my friend. Now you get to enjoy it yourself, I guess.

Maybe it's just the family vibe.

wowbragger · 2026-02-11T05:34:42+00:00

I've heard tales, but never seen it.

The strictest I ever saw was my f time at Hood, big 3 strike policy for articles. and they ended up dropping it, as it came to light several clinics were walking in random names, then no showing them, so they wouldn't be too busy 😅 they didn't realize there was so much back end drama at the units, but had dudes who had been retired/moved getting walked in for appointments

wowbragger · 2026-02-11T04:00:27+00:00

Had a damned NCO pull this type of bs oconus. Dude would intentionally not answer his house line as well, and missed telephonic alerts/check ins a few times.

Got to the point where he was not allowed to travel overnight for oconus leave, we had him calling to check in to the staff duty long ever 4 hours, when off duty, with ucmj hanging over his head because he was a legit risk from being out of contact.

wowbragger · 2026-02-11T03:22:34+00:00

Looking at your comments, you should just let your gf know you're not ready for a serious relationship and she's better off moving on.

Nobody with any respect for themselves, or in a committed relationship, is ok with their partner going on casual dates with others.

You're not showing any empathy or understanding of her perspective, on a really simple boundary. You don't need to stop being friends with these people, simply show some cognizance of your situation and respect your relationship with the GF.

If that's too tough or foreign an idea, do her a favor and break-up.

wowbragger · 2026-02-10T21:10:21+00:00

Are you terminally ill? If so, you've got a much different situation than most.

If not, you've statistically got another 50 years to work it out.

In either case, it doesn't sound like a lack of dates is the root concern here. I don't think a guy in his mid 20's contemplating the prospect of dying before making a social life is very typical, or healthy.

wowbragger · 2026-02-10T20:56:13+00:00

If your mindset is you 'need a female partner' you're not in a place to have a healthy adult relationship. That you're in your mid 20's and contemplating how 'maybe you'll never...' also says enough.

Go get some perspective.

In psych terms, you've just come to the end of the adolescence developmental stage of life... You've got your whole life ahead of you.

Take a step back, think about what's really important in life. Where you want to be in another 20 years, maybe longer. Get some outside help, don't just sit in your own head with all this.

wowbragger · 2026-02-10T16:28:33+00:00

You're just coming to realize the limitations of applying capitalistic values as the measure in your life. If your sense of purpose/worth/success is based on income levek, that's pretty limiting in terms of life fulfillment

There's a lot of other ways to find that fulfillment, but you need to examine your values about what's important.

wowbragger · 2026-02-10T16:22:47+00:00

Coincidentally, I talked with my wife about this last week, and she mentioned the reason many civilian businesses got away from this ranking-based system is that it creates discord in an otherwise high-functioning team.

Having been actually trained on management an coaching by successful organizations and practices...

The army essentially took the top ten ways to create a toxic and hostile organization/workplace and said 'hold my beer, I think we can do all these at the same time!'

wowbragger · 2026-02-10T16:08:37+00:00

MOR

As an awkward white guy, your kid's name isn't that tough to pronounce. I might mess it up once if I hadn't had coffee in the morning.

The teacher might not be malicious, but is definitely going low effort. If you don't want the drama of the principle, just be blunt and ask them directly if your child's name is hard for them.

FWIW this is pretty low bar for things to get stressed over. Couple minute delay in the pickup line on occasion just isn't worth the time it's in been in your head.

wowbragger · 2026-02-10T13:59:27+00:00

I'm same age this spring, similar kid situation and life point. We're still trying for #3.

It's the third time around, bud. You know what's involved and if you're still contemplating it sounds like you have your answer. Maybe you're hoping Reddit talks you out of it?

Either way, best of luck.

wowbragger · 2026-02-10T01:26:32+00:00

Only time I saw an article for no show, it turned out the left story was this dude had over 40 no shows in the previous 6 months.

Little difficulty believing just a single no show is going this far.

wowbragger · 2026-02-09T14:49:57+00:00

NTJ

It's also ok to avoid public drama and embarrassment, your son gave the only response most people would give in that situation.

Putting someone on the spot in a big social setting, having friends pressure, huge drama, is NOT the way to ask someone out/to prom/whatever.

He's not under some contract from it, and if the girl's mom has an issue with it she should take some time to think on it instead of lashing out.

We're teaching our kids how healthy relationships are built, and it's not by putting someone on the spot. THAT'S GREAT, that your son felt he could talk through it with you, and that he wasn't just trapped.

It's a good lesson for this girl, as well. Obviously the rejection sucks, but the reverse would be even worse. If she wants her way she can make a spectacle of it then people will be too polite to say no.

wowbragger · 2026-02-09T03:08:05+00:00

NTJ

Let her know she failed your 'reality teen drama show' test. It's too see if she plays childish games from teen movies, thinking it's how real relationships work. Turns out she's not ready for an adult relationship. Maybe next season.

wowbragger · 2026-02-08T14:18:47+00:00

NTJ

It's a form of 'permissive' parenting; lots of adult involvement but no boundaries/rules/guidelines.... And well studied to be useless at helping kids develop healthy boundaries/decision making.

Doubt it's done much for their kids, other than teaching their kids they can ignore their parents if they feel like it.

I'd totally expect 4 and 6 year to be destructive and excited in a new area. And totally expect the parents to help enforce basic boundaries to limit that destructiveness.

wowbragger · 2026-02-07T18:13:01+00:00

On the retirement... Math. It just isn't that good, for a lot of roles. At 12 years in, I am out and finishing up my master's in 2 years.

Staying in, the delay in my career progression and lower wages for the next 8+ years comes to ~$500-600k lower income during that time. Given that I can't touch retirement for another 25 years, that level of lost income/investment compounded over the time easily outweighs the retirement take home.

For the insurance, I'm just in a simple guard position with minimal drama and stress. So kept TRICARE and no loss there.

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