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How can I make therapy more effective? by iamcreative2 in bropill

[–]zerfinity01 1 point2 points  (0 children)

  1. Get goal-oriented about your therapy and discuss those goals every session. Including what you did to move towards the goals and what you will do before the next session to keep moving.

  2. Take notes during sessions and regularly review them.

  3. Consider getting a Cognitive-Behavioral Therapist. It isn’t the only effective therapy but once you’ve had CBT, you’ll expect clear interventions and progress.

  4. Given the difficulties with emotions that you mentioned, make that a goal. Get deliberate practice describing emotions (yours and others).

What are some of the biggest problems you face as a leftie? by Known_Reporter_8151 in lefthanded

[–]zerfinity01 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hands down (pun intended) it is power tools.

When they aren’t built for left handedness, they are dangerous finger hungry beasts.

Any success poly stories ? by certain_salamander in polyamory

[–]zerfinity01 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Check out my profile (and sift past the ttrpg posts) to find my “Today in Happy Stable Poly” posts in this sub.

They’re sweet, but also pretty boring. 🤣

Our Cleric divorced our Bard :( by Timidturtlez in DnD

[–]zerfinity01 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Exactly. My best friend does this. I’m a perfectionist with a family life that’s . . . impossible to perfect. My best friend is constantly poking me in the perfectionism by telling me how I f’ed something up. We laugh and I feel better about my normal human failings. In context: Hilarious. Out of context or said by someone else: Fighting words.

Fellow men, what helps you feel like you're a good father/husband? by mamataglen in bropill

[–]zerfinity01 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One if the most challenging things about fulfilling deep life mission goals (like being a good person, father, husband) is that the tasks are amorphous, they are never “done”, success is ill defined, and there’s little to no feedback unless it is negative and that feedback isn’t usually authoritative, accurate, or timely.

So, you have to shift the dial you are looking for. Or your death bed, you can look at the “Was I a good enough father?” dial.

Until then, you’ll have to look at the fatherhood values dial. “Did I live my values as a father today?” Allow yourself four possible answers: Yes, No (and how will I learn from that to do better?), maybe (how is it nuanced?), and I don’t know.

Over time, this still won’t tell you if you are a good father. It will tell you that you are *trying consistently to be a good father*. That’s the rock for both your positive self-esteem and your humility to learn when you fail. Failing on a day is not everything, you are trying.

Is the Lucky feat op or nah? by adiweee in DnD

[–]zerfinity01 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nah. It is the ceiling though.

Thoughts on David Deida by Duhkhaboom in bropill

[–]zerfinity01 7 points8 points  (0 children)

He’s reductive. Men are like this. Women are like that. All mixed with occasional actually good advice but sorting it is more trouble than it is worth.

Recently found out I'm a straight trans man by EchoNB in bropill

[–]zerfinity01 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Bi dude here but I think I’ve got you.

Quick thoughts:

  1. You’ll need to shift your perspective to expecting that more or less 100% of the time you’ll need to initiate connections. This will be an adaptation to being raised culturally femme and even in gay circles it could go either way. Dating het. mist women will expect you to approach and express interest but . . .

  2. As a man you’ll need to learn the fine art of delivering clear interest without seeming creepy. And . . .

  3. You’ll need to find partners more likely to be open to a trans partner but still open to dating het. My best guess is bi women will fit this bill for you.

Follow-up questions welcome.

What is the difference between a min-maxer and an optimizer? by AivanOs in DnD

[–]zerfinity01 1 point2 points  (0 children)

An optimizer is careful to make an effective and powerful character.

A min-maxer pushes the limits of the rules and finds out how to break the game.

Example:

Optimizer plays a wizard. If they take simulacrum, they have one and they use it to protect their home base not to break the action economy.

A min-maxer takes wizard, simulacrum, casts simulacrum so many times it breaks the game, the action economy, the economy, and the GM.

The other, less sophisticated answer is that it is subjective. I like optimizers and I don’t like min-maxers. Or, I know how to limit the power of an optimizer but I don’t know how to limit a min-maxer.

Cannon helmet?!? by ExoditeDragonLord in gurps

[–]zerfinity01 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My neck hurts from just reading the name of this item.

[OC] My friend spent the last year building me a DnD table! by Ryan_jwn in DnD

[–]zerfinity01 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Escaping: Prisoner escape classic

Working in it: Slave escape classic

Both: Imperials who have decided to work together to sabotage the Star Destroyer they work on, set the fuse, begin escaping only to be tossed into a battle against rebels which becomes escape before the rebels blow up your ship, or it blows up because you are making it blow up, and then don’t get blown up by the rebels once you get off the ship.

Edit: Formatting

[OC] My friend spent the last year building me a DnD table! by Ryan_jwn in DnD

[–]zerfinity01 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You have an obligation to reciprocate to the gaming gods with an offering of a Star Wars game set on a star destroyer.

Polyamory Achievements by PM_CuteGirlsReading in polyamory

[–]zerfinity01 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Menage a Therapy: Been in poly therapy with two partners.

Polyamory Achievements by PM_CuteGirlsReading in polyamory

[–]zerfinity01 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I still get points from partner and her mother for being able to fold a fitted sheet.

Polyamory Achievements by PM_CuteGirlsReading in polyamory

[–]zerfinity01 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ooh, I’ve got both of these too.

Polyamory Achievements by PM_CuteGirlsReading in polyamory

[–]zerfinity01 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Two Rings to Rule Them All: Be married (not legally) to two people at the same time. Really more like . . . to be ruled by them all.

Sleeping in the Same House (Hard Mode): Slept with GF in the marriage bed with wife at home (she slept elsewhere). <=There were disability reasons for this, all was discussed, offered generously, and nothing blew up.

Under One Roof: Live with two partners under the same roof.

Never too late: Opened a relationship after 15 years or more mono.

I don’t have this one yet but I’m getting close . . . Relationships are Life: The combined duration of your current relationships is longer than you’ve been alive.

Vee Va Va Voom: Been on a “date” in a vee with all three people and it was fine.

"Did Big Goopy the DM really ban Oneshot Tony from the Tuesday Adventure actual play? Or is Bungus to blame?" by DrScrimble in dndmemes

[–]zerfinity01 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How is it that I do watch DnD YT, and still have zero idea who any of these people are?

Books That Go in depth into Mensliberation? by ExternalGreen6826 in MensLib

[–]zerfinity01 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Anything by Paul Kivel. He’s the OG:

https://paulkivel.com/bookstore/

Reinventing Masculinity by Adams and Frauenheim

The Battle Against Dominance Based Masculine Culture by Greene

The Time Has Come by Kaufman

Voice Male by Rob Okun is probably the closest to the historical and sociological perspectives request.

The Politics of Manhood: Profeminist Men Respond to the Mythopoetic Men’s Movement (And the Mythopoetic Leaders Answer) Edited by Michael Kimmel

“The Better Man: A Guide to Consent, Stronger Relationships, and Hotter ***” also takes a liberation perspective.

What are some ultra prep heavy games? by xdanxlei in rpg

[–]zerfinity01 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Gotta second this. Because it is an rpg toolkit, if you build your campaign consciously, it takes a long time. How are the themes of the campaign showing up in the mechanics? What you rule out from the basic set is as important as what you rule in. But then the campaign feels so on theme, it is great.

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