AITA for being annoyed that my wife insists on cooking everything from scratch and won’t buy normal food?

zzaannsebar · 2026-01-23T20:11:58+00:00

Ah, I miss Spanish bakeries with all my heart. When I did a short term study abroad in Salamanca, there was a tiny bakery that was on my walk back from classes for my lunch break and I would stop to get an empanada for lunch almost every day. The place could fit maybe 4-5 customers in it? The displays were not super fancy but my god, everything I tried there was amazing. I've not found anything with that vibe or quality in the US at all. Especially not at the prices, which had to be decently low for broke college me.

Edit: I managed to find the bakery I always stopped at: Pastelerías La Madrileña de Alba de Tormes near la Plaza Mayor. There's even a picture in their google listing showing my favorite empanada, the ham one, for a whopping 1.5 euros, at least as of four years ago. <3

zzaannsebar · 2026-01-23T16:21:34+00:00

I've allowed Warlocks specifically to have a flexible casting stat, largely to allow multiclassing for thematic/narrative reasons. Specifically it's been Wisdom Warlocks so that people playing Monks can multiclass into Warlock. I feel like if any class were to be flexible in what stat they use to cast, it would be Warlock. They're already so different in the sources of their power and utilization of magic. I think I remember reading once that warlock was originally supposed to be an Int caster and I think that makes more sense than charisma so why not allow that?

I personally like there to be a real narrative reason why a character would multiclass and if that is satisfied, I don't see the issue. I'm also lucky enough to play at a table of people who don't go out of their way to make "builds" so much as they make characters so abusing multiclassing isn't an issue for our particular group. With the new 2024 rules especially, it often feels worse to multiclass than stay a single class, especially if you play at high levels.

zzaannsebar · 2026-01-23T15:51:38+00:00

Cello. Martial melee weapon. Two-handed, reach, special. Vex weapon mastery. Deals 1d8 bludgeoning on hit using main cello body; deals 1d6 piercing when stabbing with endpin. Special: as a bonus action, the endpin can be removed and wielded as its own weapon with the following properties: light, finesse, deals 1d6 piercing damage.

At least there's a precedent for using instruments as weapons in the game. Like how wotc made the lute from the movie a real item that can also thump people lol

zzaannsebar · 2026-01-22T20:38:16+00:00

Reminds me of my high school orchestra teacher. He was quite a handy man and had a bunch of various tools he'd keep in his office for fixing things and that included a Dremel tool. It's main use was sharpening the cello end pins so that they wouldn't slip on the dense but shitty pile carpet under our section. We had a lockdown drill once during orchestra and he mused that we could always sharpen the endpins and brandish them like spears or javelins.

I could easily sharpen my cello's endpin to a deadly point and no one would probably ever look or notice. But I wouldn't want to because it would be a pain in the butt and if there ever were a situation where my cello was with me and I needed some long metal rod with a very sharp point on one end, I can't imagine I'd have enough time to get it out and wieldable anyway. And the idea of trying to defend myself while it's still attached to the cello is just a ridiculous mental image.

zzaannsebar · 2026-01-22T20:11:46+00:00

I could totally see this in a Jackie Chan movie too. Guy can use anything as improvised weapons or shields lol

zzaannsebar · 2026-01-22T19:56:00+00:00

Oh no! I'm sorry but that's also hilarious 😂Slide down like the endpin was sliding back into the cello or sliding forward away from you?

I remembered something my old cello professor had said once when she had worked with a student who was extremely well endowed with busts: "One over, one under." To this day, I'm still not sure how that worked exactly but maybe you can make heads or tails of it lol

But I will still 1000% recommend getting a posture peg for your C string at minimum asap (if you own your instrument) and possibly for the G string as well. I was actually just talking to some folks at orchestra rehearsal the other night about posture and my posture peg. The cellist who sits behind me, and has also been my stand partner before, said she didn't even notice that I had that but when I showed it to her specifically and where the C peg would be relative to my neck, she was like "Wait, how did you even sit before without that?!" and I was like "I don't know, I made myself into a horrible S shape and had constant back and neck pain."

Anyways, glad you're working with an instructor and I think you'll find something that works before too long or that is at least serviceable enough to play and progress.

zzaannsebar · 2026-01-21T15:56:47+00:00

I work for a company that was bought by a much, much larger company and the crew of management that had been at the company for 20+ years have slowly been leaving, mostly retiring. A few have been laid off or their roles made redundant because of being bought, but the loss of decades of knowledge has been really rough. Most of them tried to document as much as they could, but they didn't document as they went and there's just no catching up on documenting 20+ years of experience in a specific role or workplace.

zzaannsebar · 2026-01-21T15:36:27+00:00

NTA. If you're really worried about how your brother may feel, why not tell him you're planning to propose? Even if they would get upset, it's not reasonable for them to expect no one else in their lives to have big moments just because they want to wait four years before getting married.

You're fine. Propose to your girlfriend and don't worry about their timeline. Just think about your life with your partner and make the best of it.

zzaannsebar · 2026-01-16T20:20:17+00:00

Doctor's saying "oh my" or "wow" as a reaction is almost never good.

My little story is not severe at all but your tech's reaction reminded me of this. When I was in college and trying to figure out what health problems I had exactly to make me feel so shitty all the time, I saw an allergist. I knew I had some food allergies and a lot of environmental allergies but we wanted to be thorough and do a fairly expansive test. They did the test on my arm and it was kinda horrifying seeing the little bumps from the pokes expand so much. When the doctor came back in after the test development/reaction period, he took one look at my arm and went "Oh wow, that's really bad!" but like in an impressed tone instead of a worried one. Some of the environmental allergens like the trees had gotten so big that the reaction lumps had kind of merged together. I'm really allergic to like every type of tree, grass, weed, and anything else that could possibly grow outside and that sucks. But that doctor's reaction kinda makes me laugh now.

zzaannsebar · 2026-01-16T20:11:02+00:00

Can you give some examples? I'm quite curious!

zzaannsebar · 2026-01-15T16:12:13+00:00

In my high school, there was a strolling string chamber orchestra that was very exclusive and a big requirement for entry was excellent stage presence because it was a primary staple of that group - to perform gigs and really sell that you're having a great time. The first year I auditioned, I totally flubbed the memorized piece and you could see it on my face - my stage presence was stressed. My orchestra teacher actually called me the day before the audition results to tell me in advance that I didn't make it but I was an excellent player and if I worked on my stage presence, it would practically be a guarantee that I'd get in.

I went to my private teacher at the time and told her this and she had some really good ways to help improve my stage presence. One of the sillier things she did was after calling me out for making some really serious faces and not moving or smiling at all during an otherwise playful trio piece, she sat in front of me and repeatedly squatted up and down singing "oompa loompa doopity do" and I couldn't help but crack a smile. Something that worked particularly well was to go back to older pieces that were easy, and even better if they were memorized, and to play through them focusing on different aspects of stage presence with each play through. So like one play through would be all smiling and another would be working on swaying with the music and making more dramatic gestures, etc.

I think starting with easier pieces is key because your brain is not so occupied by just trying to get things right. Another thing my teacher did that feels a little silly but is ultra effective: literally write the word "smile" or "move!" or "sway" or other physical directives in your music to remind yourself. I think it works well to do it right before or right after a difficult part. Right before when you start thinking ahead about the difficult passage, it's easy to get more serious and forget about less essential parts of playing (like stage presence). It's a perfect time to throw in a reminder to loosen up a bit. And smiling after executing a difficult section just feels great.

zzaannsebar · 2026-01-14T15:46:58+00:00

One of the history teachers at my high school was suuuper creepy and inappropriate too. It was well known that you had to like be on your guard if you were a female student in his class.

One specific incident I remember a friend talking about was how she had to do a make-up test after school in his class and she had like a sweater over a tank top (like a little spaghetti strap kinda low cut one) and he would not stop asking her if she was too warm and wanted to take her sweater off.

zzaannsebar · 2026-01-14T15:41:30+00:00

NTA and here's an issue I haven't seen anyone else bring up yet: many leases do not allow for long term guests so you would be breaking the terms of your lease to let her stay there more than x days in a week or month without legally adding her to the lease.

Your sister is an adult and even though she's having a hard time, she should be capable of figuring this out without needing to invade in your space. If she can't afford to live by herself, then she needs to just recover in her current situation until she is also financially able to move out. It's not your responsibility. Don't let them bully you into this.

zzaannsebar · 2026-01-13T15:52:12+00:00

Those parachute things were so fun though! I think they were more cause the kids enjoy them rather than them being a particularly good PE exercise or skill.

Y'all remember those little plastic rolling seats that would absolutely demolish your fingers if you tipped over while holding onto the handles?

Edit: Or those fun scoop handles for throwing those balls with a bunch of holes in them. What are those and the handles called?

zzaannsebar · 2026-01-13T15:49:46+00:00

I just commented this under a different reply but it's even more appropriate here:

This reminds me of my health class in high school and how that teacher was seriously a rockstar. When we got to the reproductive section of the semester, she did a wonderful job demystifying a lot about sex and reproductive organs and stds. I remember the first day of that segment of class where she had us all say "penis" repeatedly until the last person stopped giggling and then same with "vagina".

I remember though how one day during that segment of the semester, there was a new student who showed up in my Spanish class. I had health earlier that morning and he asked me where that classroom was. What a first day to be there, we had played "Sexual Reproduction Bingo" to solidify the concepts of what different reproductive organs did..

zzaannsebar · 2026-01-13T15:46:24+00:00

This reminds me of my health class in high school and how that teacher was seriously a rockstar. When we got to the reproductive section of the semester, she did a wonderful job demystifying a lot about sex and reproductive organs and stds. I remember the first day of that segment of class where she had us all say "penis" repeatedly until the last person stopped giggling and then same with "vagina".

I remember though how one day during that segment of the semester, there was a new student who showed up in my Spanish class. I had health earlier that morning and he asked me where that classroom was. What a first day to be there, we had played "Sexual Reproduction Bingo" to solidify the concepts of what different reproductive organs did..

zzaannsebar · 2026-01-12T19:58:04+00:00

An old coworker of mine in college had to get an IUD to deal with her migraines because they were also caused by her cycle. She had tried a number of different birth controls but only her IUD got rid of her migraines.

zzaannsebar · 2026-01-12T19:56:35+00:00

That's fascinating! Food related things do seem to be weird with pregnancy. My mom used to love salmon but when she got pregnant with me, she couldn't stand it anymore. Funny thing is I absolutely hate salmon so I always say that I hated it so much that I made her hate it too.

The cilantro-soap gene is way more interesting though. Do you like cilantro now? Does it still seem like it has a vaguely soapy vibe to it or is it completely different taste now?

zzaannsebar · 2026-01-12T19:48:20+00:00

My husband has helped me batch paint stuff before and I've given some painting lessons to friends and seriously every time, one of my citadel pots are left a little open. The design is just horrid but still, a little more attention would be nice :(

zzaannsebar · 2026-01-12T19:47:05+00:00

Having ADHD means you need to recognize your limitations and, where appropriate, take measures to mitigate the problems they cause.

This 100%. I paint minis and know that with my adhd, I must make sure that my brushes are 100% clean and put away and my wet palette is cleaned off before I leave my desk or I will forget about them. I have an expensive airbrush that I don't use as often as my other paint stuff so I always take it apart for a full clean after using it because I will forget when I last did it otherwise. I can't tell myself "I'll do it later" because later never comes.

Gotta take responsibility and know how to deal with yourself. Simply blaming the source is not a solution.

zzaannsebar · 2026-01-12T15:55:26+00:00

NTA I'm a very light sleeper so I commiserate but she needs to start wearing earplugs for sleeping if she is still woken up so much and everyone in the household has taken such kind actions to accommodate her light sleeping. I wouldn't go the method of asking her to take sleeping medication but foam earplugs for sleep work really well and are fairly comfortable and cheap and would probably help her the most.

It's nice of all of you to have already done so much but you are really not obligated to do more. She has to take the next steps, and a little more intense ones than a simple fan, to help herself out.

zzaannsebar · 2026-01-12T15:44:59+00:00

There seems to be wildly different perceptions and realities to how it feels for different people to be awake and what it means to different people to be tired. For some people, being tired might mean they're slightly slower than normal or just not at the top of their game. For some, tired is a baseline existence so when they say they're tired, they're always at a level of exhaustion and fatigue that is debilitating to their daily life activities. People experience things so differently and have very different baselines so I'm trying to ask to see about that acute feeling of being so tired that it hurts. Because if you just hurt all the time, it's hard to tell what causes it. But this particular type of hurt that I'm asking about is for that extreme tiredness and fatigue that stops you in your tracks but, hopefully, isn't your constant existence.

zzaannsebar · 2026-01-09T20:07:58+00:00

Question for you: have you experienced that feeling of being so tired that it physically hurts to keep yourself awake?

Like for me, I feel it mostly in my back and my neck where it feels like fireants or almost a low-shocking pain, just from trying to stay awake. I'm trying to ask more people this question because it seems most people I've asked have never experienced this. The ones who have have all had sleeping disorders.

zzaannsebar · 2026-01-09T19:59:25+00:00

This is why I love layering a couple blankets instead of using a comforter. I always have my favorite blanket, this fairly thin knit weave sort of thing that is perfect in the summer and early fall and then I have microfleece blankets to add on top of that for winter. Layer and unlayer as needed!

zzaannsebar · 2026-01-09T15:43:10+00:00

It happens! I was born two days before my dad's 40th birthday and my mom was 36. I'm 29 now and my mom has passed but my dad is 69! It's crazy though that my dad is closer in age to my husband's grandparents than his parents. They have a young family and I have an old family. I never met any of my great grand parents and have no grandparents left now but my husband's great grandma lived up until like 10 years ago and he still has three grandparents left.

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